As I type this, it is exactly 2 months, to the minute that I last held Artie.
Sometimes, the time elapsed feels so much longer...
I wanted to give an update to anyone who is interested, about what has been happening...and to mostly kind of get some things out.
Artie's leaving really hit me hard. I knew it would. In many ways, it felt worse than when my parents died. Artie was like my friend/companion/love/clown.
It seems that I am ok, until I mention or type his name. I am doing better. This is a kind of emotional week for me: Sunday, my mom's anniversary, Today is 2 months for Artie and 6 years since I broke my arm, Friday is my parents wedding anniversary... lots of memories being stirred up this week.
Please indulge me...my own self-pity party.
I am doing much better. I really am.
There was a time where I was finding Artie's sponge balls, appearing out of nowhere.. just coming out from hidden places, as I was cleaning.. places I had previous cleaned, several times.. they just came out..
I am saving them. I do not know if you believe in signs-- but I do..
Many tears have been shed. Helplessness, guilt kicked in.. This is all normal grieving. I realize it...
Feelings of loneliness, tons of time on my hands--- feelings of, "What do I do now?"
I made several trips to PetSmart. The employees still remember me from when I was volunteering. They opened up the adoption area for me. I just needed some Kitty-love, scratches, etc..
Did it make me feel better or worse?? I do not know.. But after finding Artie's hot pink, large terrycloth sponge ball, I knew signs were around.
I had to stop feeling this despair.. stop crying every time I said or heard his name, or finding a piece of litter or some fur....
My printer which is older, had suddenly stopped working just before Artie's last episode.
I could not print anything. I desperately wanted to print some pictures. I even bought some picture paper, and was looking into buying a new printer.
Suddenly, "Something" told me to try printing; low and behold, the printer was suddenly fixed!!
What happened to it, I will never know.. but it was suddenly working.. Was this another Artie sign??
I have a picture of Artie in every room, except the kitchen, and bathrooms.
I also decided, that I have too much free time on my hands. The logical solution: Go back to Volunteering at the Humane Society. I was told by the President and an adoption person that perhaps it was too early... but, NO-- I wanted to go back and be around kitties--- yes, smelling poop, and pee...crazy me..
I did a couple of 'pick-up' shifts... Then I was asked if I wanted a permanent shift, every other Sunday, last shift, afternoon, feeding, cleaning, and of course, allowing people to see the cats and fill out applications. Again, they felt it may be a bit early, but it was completely up to me..
I thought about it for a day.. was this Artie's work, also????
Of course, I took it. Yesterday, (Sunday) was my first official permanent shift.
I still automatically wash my clothes when I step inside the door to my apartment, and jump in the shower... but, I am there...
It seems as if every week, I am falling in love with another kitty... I have to hold myself back.. there is always something nagging at me, not to take that one home; one reason or another.. but I do fall in love with one per week.
People keep telling me it is too soon to think about another cat..
Around 10 days ago, I decided, very strongly, in my heart, that I WILL adopt again..It was very strange how this feeling came to me.. I deeply & completely felt it in my heart and soul. It was a very bizarre way of having this feeling happen to me.
I just have to find the 'right' kitty.. I do not know how or when that will be, but people tell me I will know..
All I know is that I am really missing kitty-love... even at the shelter. I do get emotionally carried away, forgetting that I am not dealing with Artie.. I pet them too much, do not take their warning signs. I have been scratched, and nipped. I am just over anxious for kitty-love.
Whenever I re-adopt, I will be starting from scratch. I have given away all of Artie's things. Financially, it was not a wise decision, but emotionally, I felt it was the best. I could not deal with seeing Artie's things all around.
So I have to be certain about the kitty.
I was asked if I wanted to foster. I will not. I will be a foster-fail. I cannot even deal with another "known" sick cat.. no... and kittens may be a bit much for me..
Thinking about 2-3 or up to 5 years old. and no know issues....
I feel so bad for the seniors, yet, financially, I cannot afford their care. After Artie, I know how expensive it is.. volunteering is a way of kind of helping them.. giving them love.
A week ago, when I walked into PetSmart, I almost hit the floor. There was a cat, almost a carbon copy of Artie.. my heart dropped.. talking up a storm to me.. He is a cream version of Artie's coloring, only 2 years old... but, he has a heart murmur. No, I cannot go that route. Yet, he was so loving.. he allowed me to pick him up, put him on my shoulder and kiss him.. from the street to that.. such a loving cat.., very tempted.., but a know pretty severe heart murmur...
sigh...
Well, he has a ton of interest in him.. He started to get a bit cranky with me... and bit me..I think he was telling me he/ARtie did not want to come home with me....He had an echo the other day: do not have the results, but heard he has a severe murmur and cardiomyopathy (enlarged heart)... My heart dropped..
I seriously thought no one would adopt him, with all these issues. My heart was going in the direction of me fostering him, IF I could get some help, financially with his medical care...
But, There is one couple who do not care. They love him. They want him, cardiac history and all.. He is going home today... I think that is a really nice testament to how it was not to be, for me... He may not have a long life, but he will have a family, a sister cat, and a mom and dad....
See, I keep looking and yet, good things happen...I have to keep my spirits up...
The good thing about volunteering, is that, if/when Myself & ARTIE decide on a new kitty for me, I can just take them home.. no screening, no adoption fee... just waiting for someone to share my love with...
I have friends who do who say I should wait longer.. that it took too much of a toll on me, that I cannot afford it financially.. because I am really hurting right now... and do need to move, next year. That it will make things harder for me... but, in my heart, I know having another kitty is what I need.
Anyway, I wanted to let anyone who was interested know what I have been up to.
I read this website at least once if not 2-3 times a day. I am refraining from reading a ton of sick kitty threads.. especially IBD and Megacolon. I cannot relive... but I am starting to re-post a bit.. I feel rusty, and as if my mind is blocking a lot out... but..it is a defense mechanism..
I just have to work things out...
I am seriously doing ok.. hanging around the apartment a lot... reading a lot of books.
cleaning a lot.. slowly purging some things. I miss Artie, because he would be right there with me, helping.. but, I am surviving.. I am ok.. really..
thank you so much, if you have gotten through this novel of self-pity...
I will leave you with a picture of my Lovebug:
Sometimes, the time elapsed feels so much longer...
I wanted to give an update to anyone who is interested, about what has been happening...and to mostly kind of get some things out.
Artie's leaving really hit me hard. I knew it would. In many ways, it felt worse than when my parents died. Artie was like my friend/companion/love/clown.
It seems that I am ok, until I mention or type his name. I am doing better. This is a kind of emotional week for me: Sunday, my mom's anniversary, Today is 2 months for Artie and 6 years since I broke my arm, Friday is my parents wedding anniversary... lots of memories being stirred up this week.
Please indulge me...my own self-pity party.
I am doing much better. I really am.
There was a time where I was finding Artie's sponge balls, appearing out of nowhere.. just coming out from hidden places, as I was cleaning.. places I had previous cleaned, several times.. they just came out..
I am saving them. I do not know if you believe in signs-- but I do..
Many tears have been shed. Helplessness, guilt kicked in.. This is all normal grieving. I realize it...
Feelings of loneliness, tons of time on my hands--- feelings of, "What do I do now?"
I made several trips to PetSmart. The employees still remember me from when I was volunteering. They opened up the adoption area for me. I just needed some Kitty-love, scratches, etc..
Did it make me feel better or worse?? I do not know.. But after finding Artie's hot pink, large terrycloth sponge ball, I knew signs were around.
I had to stop feeling this despair.. stop crying every time I said or heard his name, or finding a piece of litter or some fur....
My printer which is older, had suddenly stopped working just before Artie's last episode.
I could not print anything. I desperately wanted to print some pictures. I even bought some picture paper, and was looking into buying a new printer.
Suddenly, "Something" told me to try printing; low and behold, the printer was suddenly fixed!!
What happened to it, I will never know.. but it was suddenly working.. Was this another Artie sign??
I have a picture of Artie in every room, except the kitchen, and bathrooms.
I also decided, that I have too much free time on my hands. The logical solution: Go back to Volunteering at the Humane Society. I was told by the President and an adoption person that perhaps it was too early... but, NO-- I wanted to go back and be around kitties--- yes, smelling poop, and pee...crazy me..
I did a couple of 'pick-up' shifts... Then I was asked if I wanted a permanent shift, every other Sunday, last shift, afternoon, feeding, cleaning, and of course, allowing people to see the cats and fill out applications. Again, they felt it may be a bit early, but it was completely up to me..
I thought about it for a day.. was this Artie's work, also????
Of course, I took it. Yesterday, (Sunday) was my first official permanent shift.
I still automatically wash my clothes when I step inside the door to my apartment, and jump in the shower... but, I am there...
It seems as if every week, I am falling in love with another kitty... I have to hold myself back.. there is always something nagging at me, not to take that one home; one reason or another.. but I do fall in love with one per week.
People keep telling me it is too soon to think about another cat..
Around 10 days ago, I decided, very strongly, in my heart, that I WILL adopt again..It was very strange how this feeling came to me.. I deeply & completely felt it in my heart and soul. It was a very bizarre way of having this feeling happen to me.
I just have to find the 'right' kitty.. I do not know how or when that will be, but people tell me I will know..
All I know is that I am really missing kitty-love... even at the shelter. I do get emotionally carried away, forgetting that I am not dealing with Artie.. I pet them too much, do not take their warning signs. I have been scratched, and nipped. I am just over anxious for kitty-love.
Whenever I re-adopt, I will be starting from scratch. I have given away all of Artie's things. Financially, it was not a wise decision, but emotionally, I felt it was the best. I could not deal with seeing Artie's things all around.
So I have to be certain about the kitty.
I was asked if I wanted to foster. I will not. I will be a foster-fail. I cannot even deal with another "known" sick cat.. no... and kittens may be a bit much for me..
Thinking about 2-3 or up to 5 years old. and no know issues....
I feel so bad for the seniors, yet, financially, I cannot afford their care. After Artie, I know how expensive it is.. volunteering is a way of kind of helping them.. giving them love.
A week ago, when I walked into PetSmart, I almost hit the floor. There was a cat, almost a carbon copy of Artie.. my heart dropped.. talking up a storm to me.. He is a cream version of Artie's coloring, only 2 years old... but, he has a heart murmur. No, I cannot go that route. Yet, he was so loving.. he allowed me to pick him up, put him on my shoulder and kiss him.. from the street to that.. such a loving cat.., very tempted.., but a know pretty severe heart murmur...
sigh...
Well, he has a ton of interest in him.. He started to get a bit cranky with me... and bit me..I think he was telling me he/ARtie did not want to come home with me....He had an echo the other day: do not have the results, but heard he has a severe murmur and cardiomyopathy (enlarged heart)... My heart dropped..
I seriously thought no one would adopt him, with all these issues. My heart was going in the direction of me fostering him, IF I could get some help, financially with his medical care...
But, There is one couple who do not care. They love him. They want him, cardiac history and all.. He is going home today... I think that is a really nice testament to how it was not to be, for me... He may not have a long life, but he will have a family, a sister cat, and a mom and dad....
See, I keep looking and yet, good things happen...I have to keep my spirits up...
The good thing about volunteering, is that, if/when Myself & ARTIE decide on a new kitty for me, I can just take them home.. no screening, no adoption fee... just waiting for someone to share my love with...
I have friends who do who say I should wait longer.. that it took too much of a toll on me, that I cannot afford it financially.. because I am really hurting right now... and do need to move, next year. That it will make things harder for me... but, in my heart, I know having another kitty is what I need.
Anyway, I wanted to let anyone who was interested know what I have been up to.
I read this website at least once if not 2-3 times a day. I am refraining from reading a ton of sick kitty threads.. especially IBD and Megacolon. I cannot relive... but I am starting to re-post a bit.. I feel rusty, and as if my mind is blocking a lot out... but..it is a defense mechanism..
I just have to work things out...
I am seriously doing ok.. hanging around the apartment a lot... reading a lot of books.
cleaning a lot.. slowly purging some things. I miss Artie, because he would be right there with me, helping.. but, I am surviving.. I am ok.. really..
thank you so much, if you have gotten through this novel of self-pity...
I will leave you with a picture of my Lovebug: