Anyone Else Have Nobody

[arouetta]

I disagree with volunteering for the holidays. It's great if you want to do it. Its horrible if you are lonely and looking to fill the void. Because it's not going to take away the loneliness and it's also going to make you feel guilty about feeling bad that you are alone.

 

[daisyd]

sabian thank you for sharing that . It sounds like a tough time . The rest of my family (mother and 2 evil sisters - I used to dream I was Cinderella growing up - with 2 ugly sisters lol ), did a very sick, unimaginable thing to me a few years back too Hence why they are not in my life . I remember many years ago a friend of mine told me her dad always said to her growing up: ‘ remember nobody gives a ‘dam’ about you in life, but you yourself’. I always thought they was very harsh: especially coming from a dad to a daughter - however I spent many years putting others before me - even gave up A guy once because my friend liked him too and thought you should always put first before men - wouldn’t mind but not heard from her for 20 years and she didn’t even end up with the guy! So yes maybe better off with friends i make.. and I can’t thank people enough on this site . I mean it - you all have been awesome and got me through a tough time. Happy Christmas all. Just fed Gracie off to watch films. X

 

[foxxycat]

Just catching up on threads. I totally agree with kick him out. I do struggle with lonely moments...i recently bought myself a new blanket....I suggest you find a blanket to wrap yourself up in. I got it king sized and it comforts me when I'm not feeling so good.


And the one who said no one gives a dam about you but you is 100% correct...and yes time. How I wish we could buy time...it may take weeks or months..but I will say you never know what the future holds. I'm glad you came on here to let us see a part of you. The other thing that makes me feel good is something yummy to eat...

Hope your day is relaxing today. Merry Christmas to you and your kitty!

 

[angels mommy]

I agree with everyone here. You've gotten some good advice. Yes, Good riddance to that guy! He's obviously isn't the one for you, & you are still young enough to find the right one & have the future you want. Better to know now, so you can move on & let the right one come along. I am 48 & still single. Never been married. I was engaged once for 6 & 1/2 yrs, but when that didn't work out, I could later see that it was not the right man for me.( We are good friends still today),
but that was 20 yrs ago! Timing has unfortunately been the issue w/ a couple that were close since then. It's tougher being older around my age, because a lot have already been married & aren't looking to do it again. I also have a hard time meeting my type here, & it just doesn't feel organic to do the online thing to me. Maybe I'm just "Old school."

I'm so sorry for your losses. I know it can't be easy. If you are able to talk to a therapist, I think it could help. Maybe help you process it all, so you can deal with it better. You definitely have all the great people her too! Maybe when spring comes, plant some flowers or trees in their memories. I bought a blue hydrangea when I lost Angel, and it's still healthy & blooming almost 2 yrs later. I bring it inside every winter.
Then you can look at the flowers or trees & remember them with love. Their spirits are with you. I do believe that.
If you still have it in your heart, Pray. Pour your heart out to God. He is there for you always, & loves you unconditionally.
I know it's hard at times, but I think it can help bring you comfort as well. Ask for his guidance & help through all of this.
I believe you have not found this community of wonderful people by mistake.

 

[cassiopea]

Massive hugs all around


This time of the year is understandably tricky in more ways than one. You are definitely not alone in that regard! In any case, we are all here for you. And the one good thing for your case, is that there is an excellent chance of things getting better in the future.

You are valued and loved! From lot's of people around you and your precious little furball

Along with what other folks brought up, you can plan ahead some positive things for 2018. Attend a performance, convention or festival you haven't been before, take a trip somewhere, look forward to a new favourite TV show or event coming up on the tely (If you like sports, the Winter Olympics and FIFA are coming in 2018, for example. Or if you like Science or famous weddings, big things are happening there too) etc etc Get yourself something to look forward to next year. You deserve it!



And yes, get rid of that poophead of a guy

 

[dustydiamond1]

I'm sorry for what your going through daisyd I can relate to your situation. I don't have a lot of family left and family isn't always a positive thing! After my Dad passed in 98 with cancer I didn't speak to my brother for 10 yrs for the way he treated Dad. Me and my mother didn't have much to do with each other for 7 years after he passed. She had another man living in the house within 6 months after he passed. I had moved in and was working odd jobs so I could help take care of my Dad and was still living there trying to get back on my feet. A very awkward situation to say the least.

Fast forward 7 years me and my mother reconcile and she has kicked out her boyfriend figuring out he wasn't all he cracked up to be. I find out that my brother, that owns his own business, has been borrowing money from her for his business that is supposedly doing SO WELL! That makes sense! I don't mean a few hundred here and there, I mean like $40,000 here, $6000 there, etc!

Fast forward 3 years. I get a call from Mom that big brothers business is failing and he's about to lose everything. Of course Mom hasn't figured out big brother yet like I did so many years ago. It's her son and she wants to see the best in him. Understandable. In a round about way she ask if I can come and help. I figure...maybe after 10 yrs he's changed and I'll give it one last try. I drop everything and run to the aid of "my family"! Moms working for free and I'm working a wage that is well below what I was use to. Of course all for the cause! His wife by the way is a "GOLD DIGGER". When she finds out how bad things she moves out!

Fast forward 2 years! Mom walks out on him! He's treated her like a doormat and complains about everything she does. How do you complain about free labor!? On the bright side she finally figured him out! I'm not the bad guy anymore! On the downside she left and I'm stuck there with him by myself! Gee! Thanks Mom! I can't walk away like that! I'm not retired and have a wad of cash in the bank like you do!

Fast forward 8 years. His business has tripled since I came in. Not to toot my own horn but a lot of the business has been brought in by me. I have customers call me and complain about him. I can't do anything about him, he owns the company. So, they don't want to deal with anyone but me. I can't be everywhere and do everything and at one point I could keep up but there's no way now. I literally work 14 months a year when you figure over time hours and as many as 75 hours a week. The last 4 yrs $10,000 of my pay has been overtime pay. I've never asked him for anything. I want to see what he'll do on his own. I still make no where close to what I should but, complete strangers that he has hired that have been there half as long or less than me are making the same thing as me. Just recently found this out. They sit around in the office half the day and hardly ever have to work over time and they are the best thing since sliced bread. All I get is why can't I keep up! I run a territory that spans 300 miles from one end to the other by myself and none of my customers complain. He runs the rest of it. He has five techs and they can't keep up, constantly have customers complaining and the customer base of what he runs is the same as what I run by myself. In his tiny mind he doesn't think he should have to pay me more because I work so much overtime.

To add to all that. The last 4 yrs the money has been rolling in. His GOLG DIGGING wife has moved back in. He has spent a fortune on MERCEDES BENZ service vehicles, has 2 Mercedes sitting in his driveway. One he paid close to $130,000 and the other $70,000 and a Kia Optima turbo all that the company is paying for. His wife cant' even drive and she draws disability. He's in the process of moving into a $700,000 house. He's over a million in debt.

I drive a 90 geo prizm, a 2001 Expedition and have my Dads 81 Ford F-100 which I would like to restore if I had more time. They are all paid for as well as my house, boat and land. I have plenty of money in the bank. I can afford a new car but I work on my own stuff so I don't see the point. All my vehicles have well over 200,000 miles on them.

2 years ago I came to the conclusion it's time to move on. I've made it quiet clear to him I've had enough of him and his business. I didn't plan on making a career out of it. My intentions were to help him out and when he was back on his feet to move on. Had he treated me right it would be different....maybe. I've even tried to get him to fire me. Then I would have an income with unemployment and time to look for a job. Since I'm on the road and at work from basically sun up to sun down, I can't get any help so, if I take time off I have to work that much harder to get caught back up, I'm kind of in a pickle as far as searching for other employment. Then there's the fact that if I leave his business will most likely go back in decline and when he needs money where do you think he'll turn. He'll show up on my moms doorstep even though they haven't spoken since she walked out 8 yrs ago. Or he'll have the nerve to show up on my doorstep.

I'm trying to figure a way out and hopefully never have to deal with him again the rest of my life. I could care less what becomes of him but I'm tired of supporting him and the Gold diggers life style while I dedicate my life to his business and he acts like he has done me a favor by letting me work for him.

So to rap this up! Do you really want family? Not all family is like this I know but people are drama. They'll drag you into their crap quick as lightening. Kick that bum out and think about yourself. You have Gracie. Do like the others have suggested. Find hobbies, volunteer at a shelter, do something that is fulfilling and brings meaning to your life. Cherish and shower Gracie with love. Who knows maybe you'll meet someone like minded through volunteer work.

That's what I intend to do. Make things better for me and not someone else. I would love to do some volunteer work, get back into playing music, fix up my old truck and just hang out with Manny. The best part of my day is when I get home and Manny comes running down the stairs to meet me at the door. Especially since when I first got him I had to lure him out from under the bed when I got home. He always make me smile.

We're all here and care about your well being and I'm sure you could email anyone that has posted here and they would be there for you. Your not by yourself as you can see from the other post. We all have our issues and hurdles in life to overcome. You'll get through this in time. Hope this helps! Try and have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Manny sends his love to you and Gracie!

Good Grief, you poor kid, seems the world walks all over the ones who are trying to be the kindest person that they can be, family sometimes the worst. How are things now?

 

[misty8723]

I disagree with volunteering for the holidays. It's great if you want to do it. Its horrible if you are lonely and looking to fill the void. Because it's not going to take away the loneliness and it's also going to make you feel guilty about feeling bad that you are alone.

I don't really agree. When I'm at the shelter doing a volunteer shift, no matter what is going on in my life, nothing else matters but the cats. I think that would apply to whatever kind of volunteer work you do - lets you forget about yourself for awhile.

 

[arouetta]

I don't really agree. When I'm at the shelter doing a volunteer shift, no matter what is going on in my life, nothing else matters but the cats. I think that would apply to whatever kind of volunteer work you do - lets you forget about yourself for awhile.

But eventually you do have to remember yourself. And then you'll have the "They have it worse, I'm such a baby to feel bad for myself, I should be ashamed of myself." And that is the last thing someone needs during a time when there's such pressure to be overflowing with joy and surrounding yourself with loved ones. That's why I believe that volunteering is great if you are wanting to do it, but the worst thing to do if you are just trying to get away from your own loneliness and think that will get you around other people.

 

[daisyd]

I used to volunteer for Crisis over Xmas (homeless charity ) and I work volunteering at an assisted housing project . I agree it’s great to keep busy and help others however I also need to feel well in myself when I do this.

 

[angels mommy]

Greatest picture ever!!!


Massive hugs all around

 

[misty8723]

But eventually you do have to remember yourself. And then you'll have the "They have it worse, I'm such a baby to feel bad for myself, I should be ashamed of myself." And that is the last thing someone needs during a time when there's such pressure to be overflowing with joy and surrounding yourself with loved ones. That's why I believe that volunteering is great if you are wanting to do it, but the worst thing to do if you are just trying to get away from your own loneliness and think that will get you around other people.

I see your point, but sometimes helping someone (or in my case, the kitties) can actually help you feel better about yourself. If you are just doing it because you think it's a quick fix for feeling bad about yourself, then definitely not a great idea because there is no quick fix. But if you're doing it because you genuinely want to be doing some good in the world, then you should go for it. Just pick something that truly means something to you - like me taking care of the cats at the shelter. I never did anything much or gave back anything until I got involved with this shelter, and I have never regretted it.

 

[arouetta]

You're right, helping others can and often does feel good. But certain holidays, especially Christmas, have so much power over the mind with the expectations of what it should be like (happy family that gets along and food that would put Thanksgiving to shame and love, love, love) that not having that is very, very hard. This is a time that is very dangerous to those with mental illnesses because of how big the gulf is between expectations and reality, even a great reality (uncle Fred is still going to get drunk and insult cousin Beth). But even being mentally healthy can make it a super tough time and could trigger bad depression in someone not prone to having mental health problems.

Shelter pets aren't going to get the date significance and won't mind if you wait to start until Jan 2nd. Dropping off groceries or old clothes/bedding in decent shape to a shelter is good enough until you can donate sweat on Jan 2nd. Making Life (capitalization intended) as gentle and easy on yourself as possible through the holidays is essential if your life is rough and/or socially isolated. Helping those who also have it tough can wait a week until the emotional whammy of not having a Perfect Life is gone and life is back to normal with no major expectations and emotional pitfalls.

 

[raysmyheart]

Hi, daisyd , just want to let you know I am thinking of you and sending a hug. Please be extra gentle on yourself and know that you are being warmly thought of today. Marianne.

 

[daisyd]

Thank you , Xmas is over so back to normality !

 

[sabian]

Good Grief, you poor kid, seems the world walks all over the ones who are trying to be the kindest person that they can be, family sometimes the worst. How are things now?

Me and my Mom are great! I'm still working for my brother at the moment unfortunately. I have doctors appointments scheduled for the first of the year. I'm going to have a good check up while I'm on his insurance just in case. The summer is our busy time so I hope to be out of there before summer hits. Looking into shelter jobs. With my background finding something else should be easy but I'll have to take time off which I have about a month and a half vacation built up. Would like to volunteer at a shelter at the very least.

Family can be the worst!

 

[daisyd]

Me and my Mom are great! I'm still working for my brother at the moment unfortunately. I have doctors appointments scheduled for the first of the year. I'm going to have a good check up while I'm on his insurance just in case. The summer is our busy time so I hope to be out of there before summer hits. Looking into shelter jobs. With my background finding something else should be easy but I'll have to take time off which I have about a month and a half vacation built up. Would like to volunteer at a shelter at the very least.

Family can be the worst!

It’s good you Have your mum

 

[dustydiamond1]

Me . my Mom are great! I'm still working for my brother at the moment unfortunately. I have doctors appointments scheduled for the first of the year. I'm going to have a good check up while I'm on his insurance just in case. The summer is our busy time so I hope to be out of there before summer hits. Looking into shelter jobs. With my background finding something else should be easy but I'll have to take time off which I have about a month and a half vacation built up. Would like to volunteer at a shelter at the very least.

Family can be the worst!

Yes! What makes it the worst is that family should have your back, not stick a knife in it. No one should put up with toxic people just because they are related to you. Glad you are doing better. Keep us updated.

 

[dustydiamond1]

Hi daisyd , how ya doin? Is your cold better? Did you give the toxic dumb@ss the boot yet?

 

[Mashkasheli]

I’m unwell with a cold and pretty down . Sometimes only feel I have my cat Gracie which is sad I know . Friends have come and gone, I have no family and a partner who says he’s only with me as he feels guilty. He’s staying with me over Xmas And then he’s going . I’m bearly 40 years old and can’t stand being this lonely . I always wanted my own family, one I could have a great Xmas and you know that great life it others seem to have grasped easily . Had my chance 3 years ago however lost my son at birth. So yeah life feels like it sucks at the moment . Sorry , just want xmas over with I suppose

Hi lovely! Can totally relate. I live in a different country to my family, am divorced and have no children unfortunately. I lost my Sheleg, my best friend a month ago and even though I have 2 other cats it just isn't the same. Not the same bond as I had with Sheleg. On the weekends he was with me all the time. After work at home always with me. At least I always had him. So right now I feel very lonely too. I am still recovering from a horrible illness I had in October-I was bitten by a mosquito which had the West Nile Virus and I was found in my apartment unconscious only after 3 days. That in itself was traumatic because I realized then how lonely I actually am, and only when I didn't show up for work did people come and check where I was and why my phone was not being answered. Anyway getting way off track now, but I think I can relate as to how you are feeling. If you ever want to chat I am around! I do hope your cold has passed and I wish you and your Gracie a much better, happier and healthy 2018! Maybe this year will be our year! You take care! x

 

[dustydiamond1]

Hi lovely! Can totally relate. I live in a different country to my family, am divorced and have no children unfortunately. I lost my Sheleg, my best friend a month ago and even though I have 2 other cats it just isn't the same. Not the same bond as I had with Sheleg. On the weekends he was with me all the time. After work at home always with me. At least I always had him. So right now I feel very lonely too. I am still recovering from a horrible illness I had in October-I was bitten by a mosquito which had the West Nile Virus and I was found in my apartment unconscious only after 3 days. That in itself was traumatic because I realized then how lonely I actually am, and only when I didn't show up for work did people come and check where I was and why my phone was not being answered. Anyway getting way off track now, but I think I can relate as to how you are feeling. If you ever want to chat I am around! I do hope your cold has passed and I wish you and your Gracie a much better, happier and healthy 2018! Maybe this year will be our year! You take care! x