Anxious and worried about my cat after sibling cat died.

drelocks

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Our little boy Cashew (4.5 yrs old) died this Monday night after battling lymphoma for a few months.

My own grief is actually painful. Losing him so young, I don't know how to get over this. I've lost pets before, even a dog who was my heart, but this pain is something different. We were supposed to have so much more time and now it's all over.

But we still have his beautiful litter-mate brother Walnut.

How can I tell if Walnut is grieving? It's been two days. I did find him sleeping in Cashew's old bed, but honestly Cashew hasn't been in that bed in months. He is up and about today, which isn't normal (he's a lazy boy), and wandering a bit.
He still sleeps with us at night and he's so far eating normally (he loves to eat).
We are giving him a lot of attention - I think even annoying him!

Anything we should look out for?
 

ArtNJ

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Cats react to losing a buddy in all different sorts of ways, from a lot to a little. So no, nothing specific to look for. If you see a behavior change, it is probably related to the loss, although whether it is grief, boredom or something else is perhaps open to interpretation. It is not always something one can figure out imho. For example, I had a pair, when the attached sibling died, the didn't-seem-to-care-about-his-sibling cat suddenly became much more affectionate. Why? I have no idea. If it had been the other way around, it would have made sense to me, but the cat whose behavior changed barely seemed to notice his sibling. Just another cat-mystery. Conversely, I recently had another cat pass; a senior girl that didn't interact with the 3 year old. The 3 year old didn't really react, which kind of made sense to me since the deceased cat always ignored him.
 
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drelocks

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Cats react to losing a buddy in all different sorts of ways, from a lot to a little. So no, nothing specific to look for. If you see a behavior change, it is probably related to the loss, although whether it is grief, boredom or something else is perhaps open to interpretation. It is not always something one can figure out imho. For example, I had a pair, when the attached sibling died, the didn't-seem-to-care-about-his-sibling cat suddenly became much more affectionate. Why? I have no idea. If it had been the other way around, it would have made sense to me, but the cat whose behavior changed barely seemed to notice his sibling. Just another cat-mystery.
Thanks! While Cashew was sick, I could tell they weren't as close as they used to be (still would sleep by each other, but not much else). I actually think Walnut was afraid of him.
And right now I think Walnut is reacting to our grief more than anything. So I'm keeping that hidden at this point.

He's sleeping in the closet where they did cuddle from time to time, but Walnut liked to sleep there anyways.

Cats are a mystery, you are so right. I'm assuming Walnut knows Cashew is gone, I wonder if he knew Cashew was dying...
 

ArtNJ

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Re: do they know, I'm not sure, but they can clearly tell the cat smells different at least. In a very sad turn, our 13 year old indoor/outdoor managed to will her way home to say goodbye, dying within a half hour of getting back. The other cat was reacting VERY strongly to her being back and seemed afraid. That is the first time we've seen that despite having a few cats die, but it had never been sudden before.
 

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First let me tell you how deeply sorry I am that you have kissed Cashew!
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Well my advice may be weird but I hope it works! I suggest you tell Walnut all about loosing his brother & how much you miss his brother ...... while petting Walnut. I think cats understand the general idea of what we are saying & it will help you in your grief.

If your heart can take it & if you are ready, I would suggesting a kitten with the same temperament as Walnut. If your heart can not take adopting a new cat yet, I suggest you foster a litter (or a couple of litters) of kittens. That way you get to cuddle sweet baby kittens, plus it will be providing baby kittens for Walnut to hang out with (once
the kittens have been cleared to play with other kittens.) Who knows, one of those kittens may sneak into yours & Walnut’s heart. Adopting a kitten does not replace Cashew in any way.

D18909D1-D6DC-471B-A0CA-2EF49F3D123C.jpeg


96F8C384-F29B-4058-9220-DF73135F035B.png
 
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drelocks

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thank you danteshuman danteshuman !

I actually did hold Walnut and talk to him about how Cashew isn't coming home, petting him, saying how much we will miss him...

Walnut will be 5 in March. I'm not sure how he would take to another cat, but he does love to play and is quite social. I don't want him to be lonely.

Myself though, right now I can say for certain I don't ever want to go through this again. I've never lost a pet at a young age like this.
Our last cat lived to 18 and our (large) dog 14!!!
This pain is real. I can't even open my own closet yet because his basket is in there.
We'd known for months and I had the anticipatory grief, but this is worse than I could have imagined.
I know it's only been 2 days and I'm raw, so I'll never say never to a new cat.

But I miss my baby boy.
 

danteshuman

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Walnut is young & at a good age to introduce a new kitty. Plus a baby kitten is less threatening. I hear you about loosing them to soon. Dante was just 13 years old & I considered him to be middle age. No matter if it is a month, 5 years or 20 years they leave to soon because they left ahead of us! Still I strongly suggest you not adopt until you are ready. In my case Jackie snuck in my heart before Dante died ..... and I still tell him he has huge paw prints to fill. It was why I suggested fostering.

I just thought of it but sticking to your daily routine may help. My cat Dante died and I moved all in a month. Needless to say my senior kitty Salem who is 15 yrs old was miserable at my apartment so I asked my mom if she could let him retire at her home (where we used to live.) It worked! He grieved for his friendemy for a couple of months but was happier in the home he knew. (I was never his person. My x-hubby was.)

Anyhow sticking to your routine & extra cuddles should help Walnut. Plus admitting your grief will help you (since cats sense our emotions this will help Walnut.)
 

weebeasties

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I am so very sorry for the loss of Cashew. As others have said, different cats grieve in different ways. I think giving yourself as well as Walnut time to deal with the loss is important.
That being said, we had one instance where we brought in a kitten soon after losing one, and it turned out to be a really good decision.
We had adopted two kittens at the same time and they were inseparable. Then when they were two years old, Isabelle passed away unexpectedly. Sam was miserable without her. We hadn't planned on getting another cat. Our grief was too overwhelming. But then 3 months later we met Buddy. He turned out to be a perfect companion for Sam and a joy for our hearts as well.
We almost didn't get Buddy because we thought it was too soon after Isabelle's passing. Now I wonder since he is such a perfect fit, maybe Isabelle had a paw in bringing him into our lives.
I'm not advocating running out and getting another cat. I just wanted to say that in the future if you meet a special kitty that you click with, don't dismiss that feeling out of hand. Sometimes the universe gives you a gift and helps heal your heart.
 

FeebysOwner

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Hi. I am so sorry about Cashew. I think cats do grieve the loss of a 'buddy'. The better they got a long, likely the worse/longer the grieving. I think the things you are doing with Walnut - extra attention/play/etc. are the right things to do.

If Cashew died from something that Walnut could have contracted, make sure you get him thoroughly checked out. Otherwise, as you suggested, keep an eye out on his eating, etc. and love on him as much as he will tolerate!
 

Mamanyt1953

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Yes, cats grieve. And sometimes it takes a day or two for them to really feel their loss, to know that their sibling is NOT coming back. This is almost certainly what is happening here. Although I agree with FeebysOwner FeebysOwner , if you lost Cashew to something communicable, have Walnut checked, for safety's sake.

This article has some helpful suggestions for getting Walnut through this: Do Cats Mourn?

I am so sorry for your loss. Rest you gentle, Cashew, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.
 
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drelocks

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Thanks all.

My poor little boy Cashew died of lymphoma in his colon. It spread to his eye causing uveitis. Dry FIP was low on the list of (many) possibilities, but vets now state it was lymphoma of intestine that spread. Unfortunately he also had EPI - exocrine pancreatic insufficiency. His pancreas didn't work and he did not process food for nutrients. He was basically starving to death even though he was eating. They think the inflammation going on in colon/intestines wreaked havoc on his pancreas.
He'd been showing subtle symptoms for almost a year. He was almost 5. He saw so many specialists, but in the end it was just too much for his little body.
I tell myself he was only meant to live this short life and I was lucky and he was lucky that we found each other to love for most of it.

Walnut isn't showing any symptoms that Cashew had, but if he starts with anything not normal, I will bring him in. Even if Cashew had FIP (which they keep telling me he didn't, but...), it doesn't mean Walnut would get it (although they are siblings).
FIP the virus itself isn't contagious, it's the coranovirus that's contagious. For Cashew to had developed FIP at the age of 5 is quite rare and obviously he had some kind of gene mutation that could be unique to him.

I do plan to get Walnut tested eventually to see if he was ever exposed to the Coranovirus (which can mutate to FIP) just in case it was FIP with Cashew. Problem is most cats are exposed to it. If he's positive, we can test his feces to see if he still sheds it. If he does shed, unfortunately we won't be able to adopt anymore cats. If he doesn't, then we can adopt. But I'll be happy just to have a healthy Walnut for a long, long time.
He was cuddling on the couch all day (never does that), but ended up cleaning his plate at dinner. Now he's sleeping where Cashew used to sleep. I go in the other room and cry so he doesn't see.

This is so hard.
 
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Katie M

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I'm so sorry about Cashew :alright:

Do keep an eye on Walnut's health. My last pair were littermates-when Belle died, Beau fell apart. He stopped grooming, made messes outside of the litter box, and lost weight. This started within a few days of Belle's death. He never got over it.

Cats definitely grieve, but I think each cat experiences it in their own way, just like people.
 
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drelocks

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I'm so sorry about Cashew :alright:

Do keep an eye on Walnut's health. My last pair were littermates-when Belle died, Beau fell apart. He stopped grooming, made messes outside of the litter box, and lost weight. This started within a few days of Belle's death. He never got over it.

Cats definitely grieve, but I think each cat experiences it in their own way, just like people.
Gosh I hope that doesn't happen!!! He never recovered? Did he pass from it?

4th night without Cashew over.
Walnut snuggled on the couch all night, came slept in bed with us (normal) and was up meowing and yelling for food this morning per the norm. He ate, cleaned himself and is now in the closet they used to sleep in.
 

Katie M

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Gosh I hope that doesn't happen!!! He never recovered? Did he pass from it?

4th night without Cashew over.
Walnut snuggled on the couch all night, came slept in bed with us (normal) and was up meowing and yelling for food this morning per the norm. He ate, cleaned himself and is now in the closet they used to sleep in.
The vet couldn't find anything physically wrong. Beau lived for another two years, but he was like that to the end. It's so painful to think about.

I really hope I didn't scare you. It sounds like Walnut is already handling it better than Beau did. I think he'll be okay.
 
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drelocks

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The vet couldn't find anything physically wrong. Beau lived for another two years, but he was like that to the end. It's so painful to think about.

I really hope I didn't scare you. It sounds like Walnut is already handling it better than Beau did. I think he'll be okay.
Very sad. How old were they? Walnut will be 5 in March.
 
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