Anxious about new cat - any advice??

[nuit]

Make sure he gallery of water. Anesthesia causes diarrhea too. I'm sure it's stress. Poor little boy!. He'll come around, he just needs to get over all this and he'll be fine. It just takes time....

Ok thanks! Yes he has access to lots of fresh water and seems to be drinking quite a bit. And his appetite is good.

I forgot to mention he had to have liquid pain medication for a few days after the surgery too - yesterday was his last dose. So maybe that messed up his system as well.

Hopefully it will resolve soon... he is a challenging case but you are giving me hope!

 

[nuit]

Update - it turns out the diarrhea was from the food not stress. My vet put him on a probiotic powder and some digestive care food and he has been pooping normally ever since!

Now I think his gastro issues must be why he was surrendered by the previous owner. His pooping outside the box when he got to my house was probably just a cry for help!

Anyway lucky me We are doing MUCH better now. He is all settled in and is the happiest little guy!

 

[Meatspace]

wow I feel like such a cliche by saying: I’m so glad I found this thread. I just adopted a cat earlier this week and I am so ashamed to say that I regret it. I’d been wanting a cat for a while and finally felt ready at this point. But now I’m wondering if maybe I wasn’t ready after all. I feel so stressed and guilty about the situation. She’s a 1-2 yr old cat, affectionate, for the most part keeps out of trouble. But I can’t help but look at her and feel resentment. I’m worried she’ll ruin my apartment, I’m worried she’ll do something to hurt herself, I’m worried she doesn’t like me. Part of me is also realizing that she is limiting my freedom (I think I saw someone else post about that). I can’t no longer leave on a whim. When I walk around she’ll bite my ankles so I have to tip toe around my own apartment. I have to put sticky tape on the side of my counters so she won’t jump on and I can’t cook the way I’m used to. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading. I’ve been seeing a lot of stories about people coming around after a month or two…I guess I’m wondering if anyone has had an experience where they ended up returning the cat? I feel so incredibly guilty asking that question.

 

[di and bob]

You have only been with her for a week, it takes much longer than that to start to build a relationship. I know it's hard, but you have to just let things take their course. in my old age, I have found that 99% of what we worry about DOES NOT COME TRUE! as for some of the things you have posted about, cats are VERY independent. you can leave on a whim much easier with a cat then a dog. Leave extra dry food out, an extra litter box and two bowls of water, she will be fine. if it is longer than a couple of days, have a neighbor or hire someone to come in and feed her and check on her. Give her a place to sit when you are cooking. I let my cats on my island and they don't even try to get on the counter. Give her a stool and encourage her to use it, saying NO and placing her on it if she jumps. she is biting at your ankles because she is scared of the new situation and wants your attention. She is beginning to love you and wants you near, that will lessen in time, if not we have ways to stop it and can help. Get a kickeroo on Amazon or a pet site and throw it for her to chase if she comes at you. Get her a cardboard corrugated scratcher, they have them at pet stores and Walmart and she will learn to scratch there.
You are really having second thoughts just like any new parent does, it is perfectly natural and normal. Most of all, just try to enjoy her company! She will become a beloved companion for you, but theses things take time, one day at a time.....

 

[BeignettheCat]

Hi- I just wanted to give this thread an update and hopefully help others who went through something similar. It took me a good month to shake any negative feelings and truly embrace our big, happy boy. I originally posted that my horrible anxiety was making me regret getting our big boy. I was triggered by contamination fears, and scratching and leaving him alone while traveling. Well as always, it’s never as bad as we dread.

Benny has calmed down exponentially and really settled into his new home. He doesn’t meow anymore during the night, and if he does, it’s very rare. He’s taken to laying on me while we sleep or at the end of our bed. He hasn’t tried to scratch the furniture since getting him a couple of cardboard scratchers, which is great! We also traveled for the first time since getting him, and we had a friend stay with him (which was a blessing in disguise because we ended up having some water leakage in our house that would have caused significant damage if she didn’t discover it while watching the cat). He was great for her, albeit he did miss us some. With my contamination fears, he’s had some messy bowels due to a diet change, and my worst fears came to life when it got on the bed. But you know what? It wasn’t that bad. Yes it was gross but everything can be cleaned!

Overall, yes things do take more planning with him involved but he is also fine being alone.
Right now the battle is figuring out the best diet for our little fur baby, as he has gained some weight since settling down. But you can still live the life you had previously but just with a tad more consideration. I read my old post and it’s honestly a night and day difference. This big old cat has so much love for me and my husband, and we love him so dang much.

 

[di and bob]

Thank you so much for your update, you don't know how many people it will help! Yes, those little ones creep into your heart and change your whole life for the better. It's exactly what that old saying says....."cats are not my whole life, but they make my life whole".

 

[Kelsey Cat]

Hello, I have been reading these posts all day. It has given me some hope my anxiety may calm down with time. We have a resident 4.5 year old, and just adopted a 1.5 year old a week ago. We have been slowly letting them spend more time together, and all things considered is going pretty well. My old guy is a little confused (not being around cats most of his life) about who this is. However, our new guy, is very curious and interested (we were told he does get attached to other cats). But I too, like so many others, am feeling extremely anxious about our decision, and regretful. The new guy is talkative (we were told about this, but personally thought our other guy was talkative) nothing compared to these loud yowls. He's been staying in safe room overnight (and very clearly wants to get out) we have litter, food, toys and a cat tower in there, but he's clearly curious and social. But we can't let them do unsupervised visits yet. He's ripped up the carpet, trying to get out of the room (as i'm sure he doesn't understand why he's allowed out, and the suddenly confided again.) I'm so worried his meowing is because he require so so much attention compared to our current guy. You really have no way of knowing when a rescue says "Lots of attention, but then becomes the perfect cat". Anyways, rambling my anxious thoughts. I'm hoping for some reassurance, this isn't going to crazy change our world forever. Didn't help, day 2 I discovered his ear wasn't happy, and had to take him to the vet, turns out, bad ear infection. So my husband has been helping deal with that, as 1) i'm just too anxious, 2) he agreed to step up more with this cat. I'm definitely feeling the pangs of why did I make this choice, our other guy was fine on his own, not as cuddly as we would've liked...but still perfectly fine. I know we have to take some time to get used to each other, but also whether its better for my mental health/the cats life to be surrendered back to the rescue. I know we were up against the people that fostered him (as he was so perfect, they wanted to keep him), we just happened to have our application in first. Anyways...thank you for all the stories of everyone else having similar anxious feelings, and what not. I just feel in this limbo stage, where I could get attached and detrimentally affect both of us if I wait too long, and then ultimately feel we need to give him up. I see this thread has been going for quite some time, so thank you for reading!

 

[di and bob]

A week isn't long enough to make a decision such as you are contemplating, I have dust older than that! Take a deep breathe and try to think of something else. I, myself, have a big problem with fixtating on things, and the anxiety it brings is all consuming. Try to get away for a bit, do something like take a long walk. Or go shopping.
That new little one you have is anxious and scared, 'talking' and being that loud WILL subside when he is integrated into the household. Your other boy will enjoy having a brother in the long run, and they will have each other when they are left alone. Be glad I you didn't get a little girl, them your poor resident cat would be bossed and slapped around, they are little tyrants. These things just take time and patience, and believe it or not you do have both. Or you can learn. You can never change the past and there is no way to see the future,so live as cats and all animals do, right now in the present. Its us humans that make life so darn complicated!

 

[Kelsey Cat]

Thank you so much, this anxiety makes it so hard to see clearly. My husband said he’s going to take the cats tonight and watch them and play to hopefully show me, our world hasn’t actually turned upside down.

 

[vickienblaze]

Hi everyone, so I adopted a cat Sunday afternoon and it’s now Thursday where I live! I know that this thread is old but I found this thread when looking up “anxiety about my new cat.” He had gotten neutered about 5 days before I adopted him, but on Sunday night noticed blood on my comforter and started freaking out. I’ve always grown up with cats but after living away from home for 2 1/2 years decided to get my own cat. After seeing the blood, my mind just started spiraling and all that I could think about was “Am I capable of being a good cat mom?” “Am I good enough for him?”
So I checked his neuter site and noticed a tiny drop of blood so I stayed up all night making sure that he wasn’t licking at it (I was also an anxious mess and had a terrible panic attack). But I called the vet the next morning and got him a cone collar. All day, I just kept spiraling and was in tears because I just didn’t think that I could do it. Sorry for the long winded post but I was having almost all of these exact feelings that everyone was having! This thread has made me feel so validated about all these feelings that I’m having about my new cat! I have anxiety too, so big changes always leave me incredibly anxious for a couple days/weeks, but everytime that I started to have these terrible thoughts about not being able to care for him and not being good enough for him then I would just immediately read all the responses on this thread and would immediately calm down! I also finally left him alone today for about two hours to go to dinner and was super nervous about it but he did perfectly fine! I also just kept reading di and bob posts about taking it one day at a time and that I need to give both of us time to adjust to each other. I already love him so much so I think I’m always gonna be a little worried about him to an extent.

 

[di and bob]

vickienblaze .....Of course you will be worried, that is what caring for another little being brings on. The secret is, just don't let it spiral out of control. Just take every situation and go through it step by step, making lists or writing it down if you need to. Of course you are 'good' enough for him! You are giving him what every cat dreams of, a home and someone to love him.
One thing I always think of when I start to worry so much, or feel anxiety starting in, is that 99% of what we worry about DOES NOT COME TRUE! Think back on all your anxious thoughts and moments, i would bet almost all of them did not happen. You said you were so anxious because you couldn't think of what to do, that comes with age and experience. Just like a first baby is SO all time-consuming, so anxiety-ridden, by the time the third one comes along it is all old hat. You have to make time to enjoy your little boy, to play with him, to get to know him. Love takes time to grow.
You will calm down as time goes by, if you are ever in doubt about something, call your vet! We are here too, everyone here would be happy to help you. We all love cats so much no question is too small, too unimportant. It is important to you! I have over 60 years of experience with cats, many on her have too or close. Come on any time!
One important thing I have learned over the years, if a cat is eating, not hiding, and is using the litter box OK, everything is fine. Mistakes will be made because none of us are perfect. But we learn from mistakes. So for now, like I said above, ONE DAY AT A TIME. Your little boy is neutered now, you gave ahim the best chance to grow up healthy and happy. Young cats, like toddlers, are so full of energy and get into everything, you will definitely be kept busy. Make sure there are no medications out where he can get them, try to hide electrical cords, just check around for dangerous things, like dangling cords from blinds, etc. he could get into. When you leave him alone, he most likely sleeps. Just feed and water him, have a clean litterbox, and provide him with toys (pick them up in a week or so and interchange them with others to keep them 'fresh' and interesting) get one of those large corrugated cardboard 'scratchers' at Walmart to provide him a place to scratch, and all you need to add is love! You will find that a cat's affection and trust is earned, they do not give trust and love blindly like dogs do to an alpha, and one of the greatest treasures on this earth is a cat's love! Bless you for giving him a home, now enjoy him!

 

[vickienblaze]

Hi everyone so tomorrow will be a week since I got Blaze! I’m starting work and school back this week and I’m anxious about leaving him alone. He’s starting to meow more and will “hopefully” get his cone off on Wednesday! Is it normal for me to be nervous about him being alone? He won’t be alone for more than 7 hours a day(and that’s only on Mondays), and I do have roommates. I turn 21 on Tuesday, so I had friends over this weekend and was nervous about Blaze meeting people. But he literally loves every single one of them and started playing with them. I’m just a little worried about leaving him during the day, but I clean the litter box once/twice a day, he has an automatic feeder for his dry food in the morning at 7:30 and 8:30 am and I feed him wet food at 6 pm. He has toys and of course a comfy bed. Will the anxiety wear off once I leave him a couple times?

 

[iPappy]

Hi everyone so tomorrow will be a week since I got Blaze! I’m starting work and school back this week and I’m anxious about leaving him alone. He’s starting to meow more and will “hopefully” get his cone off on Wednesday! Is it normal for me to be nervous about him being alone? He won’t be alone for more than 7 hours a day(and that’s only on Mondays), and I do have roommates. I turn 21 on Tuesday, so I had friends over this weekend and was nervous about Blaze meeting people. But he literally loves every single one of them and started playing with them. I’m just a little worried about leaving him during the day, but I clean the litter box once/twice a day, he has an automatic feeder for his dry food in the morning at 7:30 and 8:30 am and I feed him wet food at 6 pm. He has toys and of course a comfy bed. Will the anxiety wear off once I leave him a couple times?

Blaze sounds like he is such a great cat! So confident and happy. I'm glad you have found one another.
I'm 40 years old, have had pets and worked with pets my whole life, and I still get anxious if I leave the house when no one else is around. As di and bob said, that type of anxiety is making up scenarios of "what if's" in our heads that don't happen. Many times, I'll be driving into town and have this crazy scenario of injury play out in my head. When I get home, guess what? Everyone is sacked out, sound asleep.
For me, the antidote to anxiety is preparedness. It might help if you make a small check list that you can go over before you leave. Make sure the box is clean, feeders are full, toys are available, and the usual things (stove/oven off, doors locked before you leave, windows closed or screens strongly secured, etc.) I have done this in the past and it helps a lot because the key points are hit and I don't get 20 minutes away and wonder if I forgot to check something I consider important.
Another idea that might help is installing some sort of camera that you can check up on him during the day via your phone. I haven't gone this route yet, but I think at some point I will.
If you have a TV with a roku, you could play some of the 8-10 hour calming cat music videos available while you are all away. My cats like the ones that have harp music and purring sounds.

 

[di and bob]

Of course, you are anxious! But I can guarantee you, cats sleep almost all day when their owners are gone. It may take him a while to stop meowing for you, but cats live on routine and he will learn yours in time, probably a couple of weeks. Just check your house to make sure he doesn't have anything to get into, give him a couple of soft blankets to lay on in different places, he will be fine! Leave some new toys lying around, I keep them in a bag of catnip to freshen them up and interchange them every few days or so, so he doesn't get bored. Get that scratcher, and maybe a kickeroo on Amazon, a long catnip toy that every cat I have had absolutely loves. This will just take time like anything new. Get into a routine and it will be fine!

 

[sg613]

I will try to keep my experience as brief as I can. I adopted two 13-year old littermates 3 months ago. Unfortunately I had to have one of them put down less than a month in when he stopped eating and drinking (if I had had a different vet, they might have figured out what was wrong with him). The surviving cat, Maxwell, had health issues when I first got him and now he finally seems to be recovering from a long bout of ringworm. Basically, it's been a near constant 3 months of worrying about various cat health problems.

I had dogs growing up with my family but this is my first time having a pet on my own. Between the health issues, vet issues, and the anxiety disorder I already had, my anxiety has been just through the roof. Anxiety meds and CBD help ease it, but they don't stop the worrying.

One of the biggest things I worry about is making sure he's mentally stimulated enough. Some days he doesn't want to look out the window, and I'm on the first floor so I only feel comfortable having the blinds open when it's daylight. I feel guilty when am too tired to play with him or can't get him to play. I am constantly worried whenever he seems bored. He's an old cat, sure, but he does like to play. He sleeps a lot, but has energy when he's not sleeping.

The other big issue is the meowing. He sleeps with me at night, but he always makes sure to get up 1-3 hours before me, walk around the apartment, and eventually start meowing, basically yowling. It sounds like if he was in pain, but when I check on him, he's just sitting there. I've read multiple blogs that say meowing at night is normal and you have to ignore them to train them to stop. Based on what I know about him, I think he just wants my attention. I feel so bad just ignoring him though, and the meowing feels so abrasive to my ears, even with earplugs (I have autism so that could be why).

I feel guilty whenever I want to go out of the apartment and do stuff, because my free time is so limited that I feel guilty not spending it on him. Having a cat has made it hard to get much done for myself. I basically have to push a lot of to-do list items to the side indefinitely, in favor of using my free time and energy to take care of him instead.

I constantly flip flop between feeling like I can do this, to feeling like I can't handle it. I feel guilty because I spend a lot of time daydreaming about what life would be like without a cat. He is very sweet, he likes me, and I haven't had that many other issues with him behavior-wise. The good parts of being a cat parent are good, but the bad parts are terrible. The anxiety feels like too much to deal with at times. A lot of it is irrational, feeling like I'm not good enough, but some of it is rational, worrying that my apartment and my needs might not be a good fit for him.

If I didn't have to work, I could devote more energy and time into taking care of him and playing with him. I think he would do better with another cat in the apartment, but after all the health issues, I am terrified of getting another cat, and I think my anxiety would make introducing a new cat impossible. He would at least do better with another person in the apartment, but it's just me.

I think my current plan is to try to get him better. He's been wearing a cone for two months now because of the ringworm. Once he gets out of the cone, his behavior may change. I also would like to switch him to timed feeding after he is out of the cone, which I have read may help with the meowing at night.

My therapist noticed I tend to give up on things quickly due to anxiety, and recommended I try to stick with new things for 6 months before deciding if I still want to give up. So that's my goal. Get him better, get through the first 6 months, reassess then, and in the meantime, just try to get enough sleep and deal with the anxiety. After that, if I still feel like I can't handle a cat, I will adopt him out.

I will feel terrible if I have to get rid of him, like a failure. I've always wanted cats, and it sucks that I am starting to feel like I just might not have the physical or mental ability to handle living with them. And I'm embarrassed about the few thousand dollars I have spent buying cat supplies, some of which he doesn't even use. I just keep buying things hoping that they will make him happier. And I will feel financially guilty getting rid of all those supplies if I DO adopt him out. But I know for certain I don't want any more cats after him, after having so much trouble with vets and the cats' health.

That was about as brief as I could make it. If I remember, I will post an update later. Wish me luck getting through the next few months.

 

[BoaztheAdventureCat]

Hi everyone,

I adopted a cat from a local rescue organization on Saturday (today is Thursday) - her name is Jane and she's a gorgeous 1 year and three months old white kitty with brown markings. Adopting a cat is something I've been thinking about quite a bit for the past few months, as I started graduate school for library science this fall. I'm moving into my own place in a little under two weeks, and I thought that a good way to help combat potential loneliness would be to adopt a cat.

So far she has been a sweetheart - she was very scared when I picked her up from the shelter, but she's adjusted to my bedroom remarkably well (one of my roommates is allergic, so I'm keeping her in my room for now, which I feel a little bad about). She loves to cuddle and be petted, and she's been very playful so far - she zooms around the room quite a bit at night. She hasn't scratched any of my furniture, just the rug (instead of the scratcher I got her, so I might exchange that and try some different options in the hopes she'll like those better), and she's been using the litter box without any accidents. Overall a really sweet cat!

Here's where I want some advice, though. Logically I knew that adopting a cat is a big responsibility and I was mentally prepared for that upon adopting her - but I'm not sure I was prepared for anxiety I would feel after adopting her. Is this a normal experience? I had cats when I was a kid and I've always had dogs, but this is the first time I've ever owned a pet by myself. I'm so embarrassed about this, but on Sunday and Tuesday nights I had mini anxiety/panic attacks thinking about it and couldn't stop crying - I kept thinking, "I should have gotten an older cat, maybe I should have gotten a cat that was declawed" (I'm definitely not going to declaw her though!!), "maybe this was a mistake." She's been so good and I've really enjoyed playing with her and cuddling with her, but I'm starting to feel cooped up with her in my bedroom and her zooming around at night has really cut down on my ability to sleep, so maybe that's part of it? Even though I knew adopting a younger cat would be a really large commitment (potentially 15-20 years), I don't think it hit me how real that is until I adopted her.

I don't know, I'm feeling unreasonably stressed about it and about if she's okay when I'm gone, etc. I'm just worried that I'll come to regret adopting her, which I'd feel terrible about because she's been pretty sweet so far. I haven't been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder or seen a therapist or anything but I've been pretty stressed this semester (broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years, started grad school, moved to a new city, etc.) and I didn't expect that I would react this way at all to adopting a cat.

I feel very embarrassed about how I'm reacting given she's been great so far, but can anyone give me any advice or insight? I'm afraid that maybe I am not actually ready for this large of a commitment and that I won't be able to handle these kinds of commitments in the future!!

Thanks, everyone, for helping a newbie cat owner out.

Karlyn

Karlyn, you sound like a very sweet, well-meaning animal lover. I had a bit of anxiety for a while as well shortly after I brought home my cat when he was a kitten during the summer of 2019. It is a big responsibility, but you can do this with our Creator's help. He made you and me and the animals we love so much, so don't be afraid to pray for His help. We're here for you, too, although we may not have it right on every point.

Your cat spends nearly all day in your bedroom, is that correct? My cat is in a similar boat, LOL, although not because my family members are allergic to him. It's because he's a very mischievous little boy who will create a lot of destruction and chaos if he interacts with our other cats or he's not supervised as he goes around the rest of the house.

What kind of a place do you live in? An apartment? Campus housing? I think you'd do well to harness and leash train your cat. Get her used to riding in her carrier in the car. Get her used to riding in a cat backpack. You can train her to go on adventures with you away from home. If you can drive with her to wilderness locations and take her for leashed walks out there, you'll be providing her with a lot more physical and mental stimulation than what she can attain just from spending the majority of her time in your room.

You'd probably go a little stir crazy if the majority of your time was spent in your bedroom, right? No judgment here; we all have busy lives and you can't take your cat everywhere, but whatever amount of time you can allot to taking her out on adventures is better than nothing.

Also, try giving her a food puzzle or two to work on while you're not around. Other ideas include wall-mounted cat shelves, a cat wheel (yes, for running on like how a hamster would on his wheel), or a small window-box catio. If you're in an apartment or campus housing, you likely don't have a yard in which you could put a large catio. Do you have a balcony? You might be able to buy a smaller catio for out there. Check to see if your apartments allow you to add a cat net over the top of your balcony.

This YouTube channel has been a lot of help to me in learning how to adventure train cats: https://www.youtube.com/@TravelersGarden_dgdr/playlists

 

[iPappy]

I will try to keep my experience as brief as I can. I adopted two 13-year old littermates 3 months ago. Unfortunately I had to have one of them put down less than a month in when he stopped eating and drinking (if I had had a different vet, they might have figured out what was wrong with him). The surviving cat, Maxwell, had health issues when I first got him and now he finally seems to be recovering from a long bout of ringworm. Basically, it's been a near constant 3 months of worrying about various cat health problems.

I had dogs growing up with my family but this is my first time having a pet on my own. Between the health issues, vet issues, and the anxiety disorder I already had, my anxiety has been just through the roof. Anxiety meds and CBD help ease it, but they don't stop the worrying.

One of the biggest things I worry about is making sure he's mentally stimulated enough. Some days he doesn't want to look out the window, and I'm on the first floor so I only feel comfortable having the blinds open when it's daylight. I feel guilty when am too tired to play with him or can't get him to play. I am constantly worried whenever he seems bored. He's an old cat, sure, but he does like to play. He sleeps a lot, but has energy when he's not sleeping.

The other big issue is the meowing. He sleeps with me at night, but he always makes sure to get up 1-3 hours before me, walk around the apartment, and eventually start meowing, basically yowling. It sounds like if he was in pain, but when I check on him, he's just sitting there. I've read multiple blogs that say meowing at night is normal and you have to ignore them to train them to stop. Based on what I know about him, I think he just wants my attention. I feel so bad just ignoring him though, and the meowing feels so abrasive to my ears, even with earplugs (I have autism so that could be why).

I feel guilty whenever I want to go out of the apartment and do stuff, because my free time is so limited that I feel guilty not spending it on him. Having a cat has made it hard to get much done for myself. I basically have to push a lot of to-do list items to the side indefinitely, in favor of using my free time and energy to take care of him instead.

I constantly flip flop between feeling like I can do this, to feeling like I can't handle it. I feel guilty because I spend a lot of time daydreaming about what life would be like without a cat. He is very sweet, he likes me, and I haven't had that many other issues with him behavior-wise. The good parts of being a cat parent are good, but the bad parts are terrible. The anxiety feels like too much to deal with at times. A lot of it is irrational, feeling like I'm not good enough, but some of it is rational, worrying that my apartment and my needs might not be a good fit for him.

If I didn't have to work, I could devote more energy and time into taking care of him and playing with him. I think he would do better with another cat in the apartment, but after all the health issues, I am terrified of getting another cat, and I think my anxiety would make introducing a new cat impossible. He would at least do better with another person in the apartment, but it's just me.

I think my current plan is to try to get him better. He's been wearing a cone for two months now because of the ringworm. Once he gets out of the cone, his behavior may change. I also would like to switch him to timed feeding after he is out of the cone, which I have read may help with the meowing at night.

My therapist noticed I tend to give up on things quickly due to anxiety, and recommended I try to stick with new things for 6 months before deciding if I still want to give up. So that's my goal. Get him better, get through the first 6 months, reassess then, and in the meantime, just try to get enough sleep and deal with the anxiety. After that, if I still feel like I can't handle a cat, I will adopt him out.

I will feel terrible if I have to get rid of him, like a failure. I've always wanted cats, and it sucks that I am starting to feel like I just might not have the physical or mental ability to handle living with them. And I'm embarrassed about the few thousand dollars I have spent buying cat supplies, some of which he doesn't even use. I just keep buying things hoping that they will make him happier. And I will feel financially guilty getting rid of all those supplies if I DO adopt him out. But I know for certain I don't want any more cats after him, after having so much trouble with vets and the cats' health.

That was about as brief as I could make it. If I remember, I will post an update later. Wish me luck getting through the next few months.

It is absolutely normal to go through a period of the "blues" when bringing a new pet home.
I lost my 15 1/2 year old cat a few weeks ago. I have his litter mate sister. They were together for their entire lives, and I have noticed a bit of a change in her after his loss. I think she is mourning, and I wonder if your cat is mourning the loss of his litter mate as well.
Most of my cats are older now. I have a 9 year old who is going on 6 months, and if she wants to play, she does. She finds anything she can find and turns it into a toy--a pen, a hair tie, etc. The other morning she found a pretzel rod I had left out overnight and was batting it all over the floor, smashing it into pieces. While she loves it when I interact with her, if I am busy or can't play with her right then and there, she makes her own games. I'm sure your cat will too.
If you don't think having another cat is in your future, but you enjoy their company, have you thought about fostering for a rescue?
I sincerely hope things improve for you. To me, it sounds like you're doing a great job but we can be our own worst critics. It's upsetting when someone does such a sweet deed, such as adopting a pair of 13 year old cats that would probably get overlooked by everyone else, only to fall into problems. I'm sure your cat is incredibly grateful to you for opening your home to him.