Anxiety related to new cat

PotatoCatto

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I've seen a few posts here related to anxiety related to new cat, and I'm here to share mine hoping to get some help. tldr: I'm not sure if I should keep this kitty, I love him but I'm being negatively affected by my own thoughts I think I'm overly anxious about **potential** difficulties and behavioural problems I'm going to face and I'm not sure what to do.

So I got a new cat about 10 days ago. He's about 3 months old. I now understand that it's better to have 2 kittens, but unfortunately I am unable to get a second due to various reasons. I've been contemplating about getting a cat for a while before getting one and at one point I convinced myself that I am stable enough to get one - I was ready to cover his medical bills (partially through insurance), other related costs, and I can dedicate an hour playing with him everyday. I thought about many things before his arrival - what if I travel in the future, what if I move in the future, and how I can cover his medical bills if he gets sick etc. In hindsight I do regret not thinking about some other things through which I will explain further in this post, but I feel like the reality only hit me hard after I got him.

So before his arrival I got him plenty of toys. Space is limited but I tried hard to adapt. I got him an insurance to make sure I can cover his medical bill if I need to spend thousands of dollars on a surgery. I thought I was pretty well prepared before his arrival. Then he arrived and he hid and cried for 2 days straight under the couch. He did eat and use his litterbox during that period so I wasn't too too worried about his health, but it was super stressful for me. Because of how loudly he cried I couldn't sleep at all for the first 2 days. I was super scared that he would never become social with humans, so on the third day I decided to put him in a playpen and I sat on the floor with him for 3 days straight feeding him meals and treats and playing with him for at least 1.5 hour a day hoping for him to get used to me. I thought maybe he didn't have enough interactions with people in his past so I played TV shows and audio books for him. I sometimes slept beside him on the floor. I didn't get any of my work done and I was crying everyday during that time.

Eventually he came out of his shell. Now he's still a little scared when I suddenly moves, but I would say overall he's quite nice and affectionate. We now play for about an hour a day in total, but sadly I don't feel all that better.

I know the following part will make me sound like a horrible person, and I feel like I do deserve being judged - I should have thought this through before getting him... And I feel terrible. While I don't cry everyday anymore I wake up thinking about him and I feel an immense amount of pressure on me. I've always been the super worrying type, and I feel like the fact that he behaved in a way that I was not expecting for the first few days really really added onto that stress. I heard cats that are raised as single kittens often develop behavioural issues, and I'm extremely scared of it. Overall he doesn't have a lot of problems right now but the thought of him potentially having in the future scares me. I never thought about behavioural issues before because none of the other cats that I took care of (all adult cats) had behavioural issues. However, I'm now super worried that he will develop them. I wrapped most of the cords that he has easy access to with cord protectors and sprayed bitter apple on all of them that I don't want to wrap (because they do get quite bulky). I used those double sided tape on my couch and got him 2 scratching posts. He has plenty of toys to play with and I play with him for about an hour a day. However, I'm just SO SO scared that he would develop behavioural issues. He sometimes bites my blinds and I get extremely anxious. While he is using the litterbox properly now, I'm super worried that one day I would wake up and finding that he did his business outside of his litterbox. In addition, I'm worried that once he gets old he's gonna rake havoc on my countertop (he cannot jump onto it yet) and my desk with my important stuff. I'm worried that he's going to get sick to a point that he needs round-the-clock care and while finance isn't an issue (due to the insurance) I certainly do not have the ability to care for him 24/7. I don't allow him into my bedroom because I have a bunch of crafting stuff in there and I want a good night sleep but every time I sit in my bedroom I feel uneasy and it's hard to describe why but I feel like shutting the door to him feels wrong, even though he has plenty of toys, food and water. I've not been cooking because I'm scared that he'd be stealing the food. Doing anything now feels super hard because I either feel like he's going to do something problematic or it's going to scare him. I don't know what the chances of these issues developing are but my sad irrational mind seem to feel like the chances of these things occurring is 100%. Similar things happen when I'm using the bathroom, since I don't really want him to go in there. Since I got him I got no work done because I've been focusing all of my energy trying to socialize with him and that is not sustainable for me in the long run.

I know, maybe I shouldn't have gotten a cat in the first place, but I really really thought that I was ready for him. I've been debating if I should rehome him. If I do he has a safe place to go and I know he will be loved. However, I'm really starting to bond with this little guy and I just don't know what to do. On one hand I really do love him and knowing how sad he was for the first two days I don't really want to make him go through that again, but on the other hand I constantly worry about potential problems and my thoughts have been affecting my life so much that I don't know if I can do it anymore. Just to be clear, he is not the problem, I am. I wonder what are the chances that they do have behavioural issues growing up as single kittens and I appreciate any suggestions you have for me.
 

Furballsmom

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Hi
Some things beyond all the terrific things you have already done could be to get storage tubs to contain your crafting things.

Have two or three litterboxes for him.

When you cook, clean up after yourself.

My 17 year old boy was with other cats for his first three years and he literally hated it to the point that his first owner, who loves him to pieces, made the heart wrenching decision to re-home him to an only cat household and he's been a perfect cat ever since. Cats are only colony animals when it is a benefit to them in the wild.

If in the future he requires intense care, you will deal with it and figure out what to do as you have with things for him already. You are quite a capable person. Make sure you are working at your job.

One thing to note, he is like a little sponge for your emotions so do what you can to find a way to relax. It will be better for you both I promise:)
 

ArtNJ

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Ok, your a worrier. There are worse things.

I know right now, with the initial troubles the cat had, it seems like added stress. However, I think now that the cat has settled in, if you give yourself a little time to settle in, you'll realize that having an affectionate kitten to cuddle with will help relieve your stress not cause it.

Yes, there will be some issues that can cause some stress. But the problems that a kitten is most likely to cause aren't the super serious ones your worried about. Its more having to train the cat not to scratch your furniture kind of thing. If that is an overwhelming prospect, then maybe you should return the kitten. But I agree with Furballsmom Furballsmom you already stepped up huge. In comparison, stuff like training a kitten not to scratch the furniture is ordinarily a much lesser issue. So your going to do fine!
 

danteshuman

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I agree about the clicker training and trying to destress yourself because the cat reads your emotions!

So a few more things:

1) he is a baby right now and will be less needy/hyper when he hits 6-12 months.

2) start taking tons of pictures & short videos. You will regret not taking them in 6 months! They grow up so fast!!!

3) start clicker training him. It will help him & you bond! I started training my cat when he was 8 weeks old (mainly to try to get his brother who was black adopted.) Jackie knows sit, meow back, spin, up or high 10 & to get on the foot stool to take on/off his harness. At this point I’m out of things to train him on. Cats are completely trainable!

4) every time your kitten gets on your lap try to give them at least a half hour. My cats have always known if I put a blanket over my lap they get an hour! They come running when they see me do this.

5) sleep with a loud fan on at night to help drown out kitten noises as you sleep.

6) once he is vaccinated you can start harness training him if you want to take him for walks.

7) you can easily get a second kitten when he is 2 or 6 years old. You may be in a different place then.

8) interactive toys you rotate & bird feeders are a must when dealing with kitten hyper craziness.

9) starting now toys not hands must be a hard rule. Do a high pitch ow or hiss at the kitten at the slightest hint of fang or claw. Teach your kitten you are a furless wuss from the get go.
 

game misconduct

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. I heard cats that are raised as single kittens often develop behavioural issues
its true they get extremely spoiled by their human :biggrin:. you will have to be the one to teach him no claws no biting during.play as well as when he tries to initiate the playing it takes time but it can be done. its so worth it once they learnnothing makes me laugh harder than graycie attacking me in play paws wrapped around me no claws and smashing her nose with mouth open in a pretend bite. i do highly recommend getting a cord protection type wrap from a home depot or lowes those work great against sharp lil kitten teeth bitter apple didnt work with graycie.all that aside i think your doing a great job with the lil guy your anxiety will pass. you can also camp out a night or to on your couch he will find you and probably sleep with you then
 

Neko-chan's mama

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Single kittens aren't doomed! Neko-chan was a single kitten, now she's a well adjusted 3 year old who's only issue is yelling at her humans when we come home after being out. Play time helps massively, and if you're really concerned about counters and desks, get some cardboard, cut it to size, and cover it with double sided tape. When kitty jumps up, the sticky will make her jump right back down. Or get air cans. Can you store your craft items in a closet or tote when you're not using them? I have noticed that single cats tend to like sleeping with their humans.
 

di and bob

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He would be much less fretful at night if he could sleep with you. People with new human babies go through the same thing you are going through. Well, maybe not the scratching of the furniture and jumping on the counter! You are not alone. We ALL stress out at some time or another. Mine was when I have to trap cats for spaying. The trick is not to dwell on it and get your mind somewhere else. Try not to think of all the things that can go wrong, they truly don't! There has always been something I heard many years ago and it certainly is true, "99% of what you worry about DOES NOT come true!"
Kittens are stressful, period. They are a bundle of neverending curiosity and energy. As yours gets older you will see him settle down a lot, and become the cat you want. I am here to reassure you that I have had cats in my life for 60 years and the vast majority of them have been happy and healthy right to the end. It's not until we can relax and not bring them in for every imagined thing that we can enjoy them and life and not spend so much money. The majority of my cats, (literally 100 or more) just went in for yearly checkups and booster shots. If he is kept indoors, or only left out with supervision he should not contract any of the diseases or injuries a cat can get. I did learn the hard way, the ONLY way to keep them safe is to keep them indoors.
You are so lucky to have the internet. Though it can give wrong advice too, sometimes it always seems to give the worst scenarios, so depending on your vet's advice, they have been there, saw a lot, and have first-hand knowledge, is truly the best way to handle any illnesses or injuries. Cats are tough. I have seen them recover from horrific injuries and illnesses with no vet help because I cared for ferals and still do.
It's going to be hard, but try to relax and enjoy the cuteness of a kitten while it lasts. He will become a couch potrato before you know it. WE are here any time you need help. There are hundreds of years of experience here and no question is too dumb or too repetative. We are always happy to help. I solved my counter problem by giving them a small table to jump up on and watch. Scolded them when they got on the counter and lifted them down a hundred times and to the table. They never get on the counter now. We have so many tricks and ways to cope. We will be here for you.......
 

Alldara

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Take a deeeeep breath and remind yourself: There's no such thing as a perfect cat owner. We are all people. People make mistakes.

1. Single kitten syndrome happens yes. It's not the end of the world. It's usually that they are too rough and some other minor issues like less vocal range and harder to get a second cat later (harder because you don't know your cat's inter-cat personality so harder to personality match). Many cats are quite happy this way. Nobel has this and he's amazing with people and just a little tough when he plays. Outcome: the younger boys walk away when he's too rough.

2. To prevent it a bit you can do things like use a brightly coloured oven mitt (not the same colour as your cooking ones), and wrestle with him. Make a "brr" sound to initiate play and make an "eeep!" Sound if he gets too rough. Make the eeep sound if he goes after bare hands, feet or socked feet.

3. Take another deep breath! You have had less sleep. Less sleep increases anxiety. (Though consider a few sessions of therapy or a walk in counseling if you haven't already. Owner anxiety can be improved)The kitten just arrived. He is separated from mom and littermates for the first time. That's scary and now you're saying he's showing signs of settling in. Play, over time, will increase your kitten's confidence. (Don't feel bad, Cal got a grey spot from moving to our home at 5 months! He's my bff.)

4. You've done great getting him insurance and making sure he'll be taken care of.

5. Don't feed him human food and he won't be likely to go after yours. I'm going to go out on a limb and say most of us cook, and eat that food around our cats, even leave it out to cool on the counter. Don't let your cat on the counter. Give him other high spaces. If he wants to "see" what you're doing, consider getting a tall tree for the kitchen so he can do that. Even a tiny peice of something he shouldnt have isn't the end of the world like a tiny bit of garlic or onion will only cause stomach upset. We feed our cats at the same time we eat, so they are distracted.

6. Whether the cat lives with you or someone else, the cat will develop at least one thing that annoys the owner. You can train your cat or deter the behaviour.

7. Whether the cat lives with you or someone else there is over a 50% chance that it will one day, at least once, poo or pee outside the litter. It's a sign of a health issue and is usually resolved with a vet visit finding the underlying issue and treating it, adding more litter boxes or puppy pee pads. It can also be on accident. Nobel peed on the floor the first time he used the corner box because he didn't realize his butt was sticking out. He also pee-d on clothing when he got FLUTD, we got that fixed and it hasn't happened in over a decade. He pooed on the floor this year while we learned to manage old-man constipation. It's managed, now it's fixed.

8.As mentioned above, Get some bins for your craft stuff, then if you want to let him sleep with you he can.

9. He might break a few things or mess some stuff up. It's not the end of the world. (You can grab some museum putty online to tack down anything really important to you). Don't tack down everything. Learning that if he's not careful stuff will fall is important.

10. At some point in his life he will get sick. Watch for warning signs and go to the vet. He'll get sick one day whether with you or not. You can only control what YOU will do if he's sick.
Rehoming again would be a lot of stress for both of you. He's bonding with you. You've got "new cat-parent" anxiety. It happens to the lots of us! :) You're doing great, but remember to keep reaching out for support if you're feeling anxious and just remember:

You can't control everything. Life will happen for your kitten, you can choose how to respond. You can prepare and prevent to some extend and it sounds like you've done a GREAT job at it.
 

danteshuman

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I wanted to add that I gave Jackie a cat bed next to my pillows and it worked great! In a month you can start training him to let you sleep. (I think he is yo young to get it atm.) Hide your craft stuff in bins and let him sleep with you..... it will help him calm down so much!


That single kitten syndrome applied more to singletons who are bottle raised so they never got to develop how hard to bite/claw when playing..... by playing with their siblings. Stuff that looks like the pictures I included (of the 3 kittens I raised & adopted 1.) Your kitten is past that age & probably had siblings to play with. So with some training & redirection to things like a kickeroo toy will prevent your kitten from developing the bad habit of attacking uou in rough play.

Your baby kitten is stressed because they lost mom & their siblings & they are in a new scary unknown environment..... give it time & your kitten extra TLC. At that age I would just put the kitten in my chest and love on them/play with them. I think the heartbeat calms them. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Get your kitten used to being picked up & put down a second later. Start getting your kitten used to being brushed and the paws touched (to clip their claws later.) Always always give a big bribe of treats after you groom them.
 

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PotatoCatto

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We’re you anxious and did you worry about anything before you got him? If so, what?
So this is my fault. I think I didn't do enough research on kittens and assumed that he would behave more or less like an adult cat. I did worry about stuff before getting him. Specifically my place is quite small and I was scared that he would do his business outside of the litterbox, so I got A LOT OF cleaning product before I got him. I was worried that he doesn't get enough enrichment so I got him a lot of toys. I was worried that I cannot cover tens of thousands of dollars of medical bill so I got him an insurance. I think my current fear mostly stems from the fact that he behaved in a way that I wasn't really expecting (in retrospect, that was just a dumb thing on my side). I think I extrapolated from the behaviour of all other cats that I knew and thought he'd behave more or less similar to them and only worried about problems that they had.
 

danteshuman

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Yes at 4-16 weeks if is “OMG how did you do that?!?!? How did you get under there? How did you get up there? OMG what are you trying to eat?!?!?!?” They are adorable furry toddlers with ninja skills & zero sense of self preservation!!!

At 4 months it is “you are adorable, no don’t do that, come here sweetie! What are you chewing on?!?!? Here have a jumbo straw or silvervine stick while you are teething. No don’t chew on my new phone cord..... again!!!”

Around 5-6 months they start testing boundaries but behave like adult cats though they are still growing until 2-2.5 years old! They still are more energetic, they generally know the rules & are teenagers/young adults.

You just need to get him through the next month or two! You might try putting 1/2 his toys in a closet or bin. Then you can switch out a few toys every week and hide them for 6-12 weeks...... then bring out the new toy & it will be new again. I have special I’m sick/it is rainy days for my hyper cat who wants to go outside every day for a few hours in his harness & long leash. A kicker you/kickeroo/old sock stuffed with other socks is great for letting your kitten bite/bunny kick something that isn’t you. Their favorite toy by far is the rabbit fur weasel but the kickeroo (& the smaller one) comes in handy to redirect them. (Kong sells a catnip spray that you can refresh kickers or cat toy with.)
 

silent meowlook

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There is a saying "What you fear is what you find" Or maybe it was from a Bush song, I don't know. But anyway, in my experience you can worry so much about things that you create what it is you are worried about. At least I have found that to be true in my life.

If the kitten is causing your quality of life to be poor because all you do is worry about him, and if you have a good safe home for him, then by all means rehome him. But if you do that, you are giving up all control over what happens to him in the future. You may find yourself worrying about that all the time then.

The way I see it is that you are giving him a good safe home (and you are). If you get any pleasure out of this kitten and like him even a little, then you should be able to hopefully find some peace in knowing that he is healthy and happy under your care.
 

Alldara

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I mean 4-6 months are pretty fun. They develop this "putting things under things" schema at that age and you can have tons of fun with wheel tracks and putting toys under cardboard scratchers and blankets.
Then at 6 to 11 months they "become invincible" and do a teenager stage. Less cuddly sometimes.
Then around 12 months they usually realize they aren't invincible and can become less fearless and a little more timid if they are encountering something new.
 

noani

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It sounds like a bit of a bad case of post adoption anxiety. Boy did I have that too!

I'm also a chronic worrier. It sounds like you're providing for him very well and I see no reason to believe he will develop issues.

I had an only cat for a year and a half. He was only four weeks when I picked him up from the street. He was rough, he tried to bite all my cords, the usual kitten antics. I cat proofed my flat so hard it was ridiculous for a bit but... Basically.. he grew out of it. With wand toys, clicker and gentle training and just growing up a bit he's learned to control himself even without being taught by his momma or littermates.
He also grew up during COVID times so he didn't really meet many people because well I didn't have anyone over much. So he was a bit more "problematic" (rough) at first, he had a bit of a crazy kitten phase where he would play rough and scratch me accidentally or get over stimulated and bite but we basically grew and figured it out together. He doesn't bite or scratch at all anymore. So he grew out of it, but he was already exhibiting what you're worrying about at the age yours is now.

After a year and a half I found another cat injured outside who was already a year and a few months and I thought it was never gonna work. Granted first cat still gets a bit rougher than I would like but he doesn't do any harm and doesn't want to hurt anyone.

So long story short they are now besties who also wrestle all the time.
I've had the post adoption doubt with both of them, hard, because they both brought their challenges with them but now they are more mellow (2/2and a half years old now) and very loving well adjusted cats.

It takes time and patience and baby steps. I feel you about not wanting to cook because what if.. just do it one at a time. If he then does something problematic gently redirect and be consistent about it and you can train him.

I didn't use my hair dryer for ages but then I just started using it. He was scared at first but after a few weeks he didn't care anymore because nothing bad happened to him despite the sound.

Just slowly reintegrate 'normal' life things and deal with whatever his response may be. We are all here to help if issues should arise.

But so far I don't see anything that indicates he will turn problematic. :)
 
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