Anxiety after adopting a new kitten - any advice?

[LalaLois]

I've been scouring through "kitten blues" posts, but could truly use some kind words or reassurance.

My husband and I have a 6 year old cat that we've had for 2 years. She is fairly independent, but does love us and follows her own routine. She likes to be near us, but not always cuddling unless it's at night - she sleeps on my legs every single night.

We have been toying with the idea of adopting a kitten and were looking at it as a friend for our current girl. She doesn't show extreme signs of separation anxiety, but we do think she lays by the door waiting for us when we leave occasionally (there are definitely been times when she's a diva lounging somewhere). We also notice that she hates when we get our suitcases or don't follow our routine. We thought another cat might be nice, whether they became besties, or simply just as another living thing in the house so she didn't feel lonely.

We thought about it for a year and finally decided to adopt a 4 month old kitten. We decided on a kitten since our girl can be a bit sassy. I'm not sure where the disconnect happened for me, but the second we picked him up I instantly felt dread and fear. It has only been 4 days, but I have cried each day filled with anxiety about making the wrong decision.

We haven't done introductions yet (new guy is finishing up antibiotics for ringworm) and our cat isn't showing severe signs of stress. We have the kitten in our master bathroom, so she does avoid our bedroom and laundry room since they're adjoining. I had to move her litter box out of the laundry room to encourage her to use it.

I know it seems dramatic, but I'm feeling such extreme angst over this kitten. He is sweet as can be, but I'm feeling like I misjudged the undertaking and I'm scared of everything that could go wrong. I love my gal and her sassy personality and would hate to have done anything that jeopardizes her happiness.

My husband wants to keep the kitten and is (rightly) saying we haven't tried to see how things go yet. The angel on my shoulder wants to listen, the giant knot of anxiety on my other thinks we would be better off reaching back out to the shelter before he bonds to us. I'm so unsure of what to do and am tearing myself up into pieces trying to decide.

Any words of wisdom or reassurance?
I have owned pets from childhood to independently as an adult and this is the first time I've felt any type of regret. I can logically tell myself that things get better with time, but I also wind myself up thinking about a destroyed home from the wake of a kitten or an upset resident cat who doesn't feel comfortable in her own home.

Any kind words are greatly appreciated!

 

[maggie101]

My guess is things will change when the kitten gets older because she is smaller assuming you mean it's her that's afraid of the 6 yr old?

 

[LalaLois]

My guess is things will change when the kitten gets older because she is smaller assuming you mean it's her that's afraid of the 6 yr old?

I’m more afraid of our older cat feeling upset or uncomfortable with the new kitten being in her home. She used to greet us at the door and has been pretty much glued to one spot in the living room the past few days. I’m sure time will make things better, I’m just nervous that it might not

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi and welcome to TCS! If at all possible, try to identify the angst. Is it because of your resident cat, and being afraid they won't get along? Is it because you are un-nerved by the effort to introduce them and integrate them? Are you concerned you might lose your closeness to your resident cat if they end up getting along very well with the kitten? Trying to figure out the source of your anxiety might help lead to what to do next. If it is worrying about your resident cat's overall demeanor/behavior, that may likely change multiple times over the course of an introduction process.

There is no guarantee about how your resident cat might react overall. She may like the idea of a friend (maybe not initially) or she may hate it and never be-friend the kitten. Solo cats tend to have a rougher time with adapting to a new kitten/cat, but that is not always the case. An introduction process could take months, or perhaps just a few weeks. Those are the gambles that anyone takes who brings home a new pet to existing pets.

I don't know if these articles will help, but they can't hurt.
How To Successfully Introduce Cats [The Ultimate Guide] - TheCatSite
How To Introduce A Kitten To An Older Cat [A Guide] - TheCatSite
How To Help A New Cat Adjust To Your Home - TheCatSite

 

[maggie101]

Ok,misunderstood. How long have you had her? When I rescued Coco 3 yrs old, Josie was 10, she didn't like her at first. But 3 months later when Coco switched from hiding under my couch to my bedroom Josie would clean her for half hour.

 

[maggie101]

Also, give your older cat lots of attention. And be cheery around her! Some cats notice how your feeling

 

[LalaLois]

Hi and welcome to TCS! If at all possible, try to identify the angst. Is it because of your resident cat, and being afraid they won't get along? Is it because you are un-nerved by the effort to introduce them and integrate them? Are you concerned you might lose your closeness to your resident cat if they end up getting along very well with the kitten? Trying to figure out the source of your anxiety might help lead to what to do next. If it is worrying about your resident cat's overall demeanor/behavior, that may likely change multiple times over the course of an introduction process.

There is no guarantee about how your resident cat might react overall. She may like the idea of a friend (maybe not initially) or she may hate it and never be-friend the kitten. Solo cats tend to have a rougher time with adapting to a new kitten/cat, but that is not always the case. An introduction process could take months, or perhaps just a few weeks. Those are the gambles that anyone takes who brings home a new pet to existing pets.

I don't know if these articles will help, but they can't hurt.
How To Successfully Introduce Cats [The Ultimate Guide] - TheCatSite
How To Introduce A Kitten To An Older Cat [A Guide] - TheCatSite
How To Help A New Cat Adjust To Your Home - TheCatSite

Thank you! I have researched cat introductions, but these extra articles are helpful as well.

 

[Kris107]

I got this once with a puppy. It was very real and hard. Try to take it a day at a time. It can feel very big to feel like you've changed your family, but it can evolve and be okay. Not all changes are good or bad, some are just changes. And be easy with yourself. Part of why you feel this way is because you love your girl kitty. Rightly so that your allegiance should be with her. If you didn't care, you'd have gotten any ol' cat right off the bat. Give it time. Take it slow. Keep us posted!

 

[LalaLois]

I got this once with a puppy. It was very real and hard. Try to take it a day at a time. It can feel very big to feel like you've changed your family, but it can evolve and be okay. Not all changes are good or bad, some are just changes. And be easy with yourself. Part of why you feel this way is because you love your girl kitty. Rightly so that your allegiance should be with her. If you didn't care, you'd have gotten any ol' cat right off the bat. Give it time. Take it slow. Keep us posted!

Thanks for the kind words!

 

[iPappy]

I adopted a kitten when my oldest was 6. At first, she was not crazy about the new addition but in no time they became friends. Now, they play, sleep next to one another, etc. The first few weeks are difficult but I'm sure in time, they will be friends.
I made sure to get the kitten used to confinement so that the older cats could catch a break from her antics. Just make sure to spend time with your adult cat and tell her how much she is going to love having another cat around to keep her company!

 

[LalaLois]

Thanks for the encouragement! As someone else mentioned, it’s tough when you’ve got such love for your first kitty, but I’m definitely trying to be optimistic!

 

[guarua]

I felt the same with my youngest two. Sometimes I still feel like it was a bad idea. But it goes away when I see them get along with my older cats.
It really can feel like a betrayal. I've heard so much about owners who get kittens or puppies and neglect their existing pets. But you're not doing that and you will never do that. It's a big change right now but things will settle, your resident cat will get used to the smell of the kitten, and as long as you go slow with your introductions, eventually they'll coexist happily or even become buddies.
The first few months are the worst and I think that's to be expected. But you're doing everything right and you've got nothing to be guilty about. Keep giving both cats love, let them have space, take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is manageable.

 

[Cat McCannon]

Relax and stop over thinking. Yes, there may drama and there’ll be moments, but you got this. Let go the anxiety. When you’re anxious, it makes your cat anxious. She’ll start wondering what danger has you so wound up, putting her on edge. Be calm. Kittens are blessings that grow up to be cats.

 

[Meowmee]

As everyone said these situations can be very stressful, but they nearly all always work out in the end. I remember when I got Angie and Byron was so horrified. He was hissing and growling at us, scratching at me when I tried to pet him. I was sure it I would never work out. But after 2 weeks he calmed down and it was fine. She was a little monster who jumped on him non stop, but he did a great job disciplining her and she calmed down a lot at around 6 months. She was only 6 weeks old from a shelter, her mom had been euthanized due to aggression etc. sadly . She had a tortie sister and I wish I had taken them both many times. They were living with younger kittens of another mom and the mom was caring for all of them.

He used to wack her over the head loudly when she jumped on him, she would lay down submissively, but he never hurt her, then 2 minutes later she was jumping on him all over again

After that he would promptly go to each new cat, sniff them on the nose to tell them they are accepted but let them know he was the alpha cat and they had better follow his rules

 

[arby]

I am uncertain about getting a 3rd cat and, while wondering if i could find help on the Internet, i found your post.
My roommate left last year with her 2 cats, leaving me and my 5 year old tabby home alone. Not long after, i got a second cat (about 4 mos) to keep my tabby company. Its took 14 months before my resident cat would allow the newbie in the bed with us! Its only been a week or two and its really a blessing. On the downside, i am concerned the resident cat still feels rejection, as 50% of the nights since the weather has cooled, she won't return home until very much after dark (the change of weather paralleled my youngest sleeping in bed so i am not positive of the cause of the late arrivals). So for me, i learned my older cat is very possessive and not at all interested in a pal. (I on the other hand love my new kitty to pieces and am now contemplating getting a third so she might have a buddy).

 

[di and bob]

These thingts ALWAYS take time and patience. Everything will work out, sometimes it takes a fe months fro peace to come back, or longer as you (and I) have found out. Females are the worst in accepting new cast, they are VERY territorial. Especially if teh newbie is a female too. Boys seem to be much more laid back and friendly. I have always said the perfect cat family is two boys to be friends and have someone to play with, and an older female to teach them manners.

 

[neely]

When you’re anxious, it makes your cat anxious. She’ll start wondering what danger has you so wound up, putting her on edge. Be calm. Kittens are blessings that grow up to be cats.

Ditto! I couldn't agree more.

Cats as well as kittens pick up on our feelings. I know it's easier said than done but try to relax as much as possible. Give it time, as the saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day. Be observant and watch both your cat and kitten's body language. There may be good and not so good days but that's true of any new situation. All the best of luck and please keep us posted on their progress.

 

[Shawna87]

This sounds like exactly what I went through. Maybe my story can give you some reassurance. My sweet girl Lucy was an only cat for two years. I thought maybe she was lonely and I also had more room in my house to save another cat so I decided to adopt a kitten we now call Beau. When we went to pick him up and were driving home I felt instant regret. I felt I made a big mistake and Lucy would feel betrayed. I kept telling my husband her personalty would change and I loved her just how she was. He encouraged me to give it a try with them even though I told him I wanted to give Beau back. When I brought him home Lucy would hiss at him. We slowly introduced them and I will say her personality changed at first because there was a new cat she was getting use to. She was unsure how to act and what to do with him. The first week I had him I hardly have any pictures of him because I didn’t feel connected to him. I didn’t feel a fraction of the love I felt for Lucy with him. Within a week or so I started to leave them together unsupervised. Within a month or so she was grooming him, playing with him, and loving on him. Her personality went back to herself but instead of just her doing her quirky things there was a kitten sitting by her side doing the same things. We’ve now had Beau for over a year. I absolutely adore Beau. I couldn’t imagine him not being apart of our family. He is so sweet and loving and I couldn’t love him more then I do now. Lucy loves him so much too. When we left for vacation when it was just her she would have diarrhea because she was so anxious about being alone. She no longer has that issue. She loves Beau and he loves her too. Now we added another unexpected addition to our family. Almost the same thing happened except Lucy would have nothing to do with the new kitten we now call Carlos. She wouldn’t even go near him for the first month. I started to worry I wouldn’t be able to keep him but I gave it another month and she warmed up to him. She now grooms him and has taught him her ways. Now most days where there’s one there’s all three. They sleep in the bed together, play together, groom each other, and love each other so much. Lucy is still the crazy sweet girl she always was but now she has buddies that follow her. I couldn’t be happier that I got my other two boys. I KNOW how hard it is when you love your first cat so much. I know it feels like you’ll never love this kitten as much and that your other cat will not be happy (and she will be a little mad and unsure as she adjusts). But give it time, give her time. I see you got a male kitten which is the best gender and age to get so your resident girl can adjust. She’ll show him she’s the boss and this is her home but I bet in time she’ll be happy to have him!

Picture of my three now (Lucy the white one, Beau the black cat, and Carlos the tabby)