Am I Nutty? (put my cat down yesterday)

[ya catman]

OK, I feel a little wacky posting this.

I had to put my cat Bitty down yesterday.  She was over 16, had gotten quite frail.  She had the hyper-thyroid condition, and I gave her the pills as required without fail.  She seemed to be doing ok.

Yesterday I got home from work, she did her regular thing- came to the door and greeted me with her meews, tail in the air.  I picked her up, gave her the obligatory patting and scratches, put her down, all as normal.

I went into the kitchen to get her afternoon pill dose ready, and hear her yelling in the hallway- I run to see what is up, she is lying on her side, breathing heavy and rapid.  She tries to come to me but her back legs don't work, she drags herself by her front legs.  I immediately pick her up and take her to the vet.

The vet checks her out, her heart is racing.  Bitty has no feeling or control of her back-end.  The vet says she likely has a clot that cut off circulation, or a spinal disk ruptured, severing the spinal cord.  They could try checking her out with surgery, but the prognosis is very slim.  My cat is obviously scared, and frantic, trying to pull herself onto me with her front legs, seems to be very uncomfortable.  So I had her put down, stayed with her to the end, and dug a grave last night in the 20 degree cold....

I don't know why I am writing this on a public forum, or why I am so pathetically sad, but I am.  I'm a grown man for criminy, with kids, a good career, family, friends, what the heck?  She was a rescue cat and had about as spoiled a life as any cat could have, living in a house in the woods on a lot of land- in and out as she pleased, with family to give her attention at her whim. 

She made it through Christmas.  I got her from the SPCA at Christmas 16 years ago when she was so small that she fit in the cup of my hands.  She loved the tree in the house each Christmas, and spent the last couple of weeks sleeping right under it for hours every day.  My kids, now 10 and 12, loved her being around, and have not known a day without her.  Sad... but at the same time blessed for having the luxury of such a fine friend. 

If you read this pitiful whining, then you are a nutty cat person like myself, I guess.  Here's to us wacky cat people, and their good little buddies.

 

[AbbysMom]

Oh I'm so sorry about your cat.

You are on a board of cat lovers, do you really think that we are going to say you are nutty? :lol3: Of course, you are not. These animals find their way into our hearts and become part of the family. She wasn't "just a cat", she was part of your family for 16 years. Of course you are sad and you are going to grieve. We have a while part of the forum here,Crossing the Bridge, where members write memorials to pets they have lost.

It sounds like you gave her a wonderful life and I am sure she appreciated it.

 

[jcat]

I've moved your thread to our Crossing The Bridge forum. If you look at the other threads here, you'll see that nobody at TCS is going to think you're nutty for grieving for your cat. She was a part of your life for 16 years, so of course you're going to feel her loss, no matter where you got her from. My condolences.

RIP, Bitty, you were very obviously loved and will be missed.

 

[calico2222]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry for your loss 

 but you found the right place to find healing and love. Most people here think of our cats (and dogs) as part of our family, or kids even, so we understand how much you are hurting. Some of us lost our kitties recently so we know how you are feeling (We lost our Monster on Christmas Eve.)

It sounds like your Bitty had a wonderful like with you and your family. At that point, you couldn't do anything else but end her suffering. She knew you loved her up until the end which is why she tried to get to you. You didn't fail her, you gave her an amazing life and eased her passing. Pills everyday is not something a lot of people would bother to do, and the fact that you took the time and effort to do that shows me how much you loved Bitty.

Take comfort in the fact that Bitty spent one last Christmas with you and that she enjoyed the tree so much. She is now pain free and playing around Rainbow Bridge, waiting for the day you will see her again. 

 

[mrblanche]

I'm a guy, too, and I have been in your shoes many times. It never gets easier. Only time (and possibly a new little furry love) will help at all.

 

[jennyr]

I am so sorry for you and your family that you are going through this. So many of us have had the same experience and it never gets any easier, however old you are. Our cats are part of our family, and we grieve for them accordingly. Your Bitty was much loved and had a wonderful life, and you were able to give her the last gift of sending her to the Bridge at the right time.

 

[otto]

I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved little Bitty. 16 years is a testament to the loving care she received in her Forever Home with you and your family. Your grieving shows how much you loved her, and what a special human you are.

You did the right thing, letting her go. Saving her from suffering is often the most difficult thing we have to do for them, but it's not called the "Final Kindness" for nothing. It is a tremendous Act of Love.

I know how much it hurts, and you and your family have my deepest sympathy. Bitty is in good company, at the Bridge. :heart3: :heart3:

 

[kookycats]

We all feel what you are going thru --- definitely not "nutty".   More like being loving, compassionate and a good friend.     Yes we've all been thru your experience and can relate to it.   I've  been thru it 3 times and it never gets easier.      I always found that after losing one beloved kitty there is no greater tribute to that love than to rescue another one.    Sometimes you can do it immediately, sometimes it takes time.   But the right one always seems to come along.

 

[ya catman]

Thanks for the kind words everyone.  I would attach a picture of her under the Christmas Tree just a few days ago, but the site says I don't have permission.  Oh Well.

I appreciate the suggestions on getting another cat, and I probably will.  It might be a while though.  Spent a good bit of the day teary-eyed at my desk, with the door closed.  Folks would come into my office for work stuff, and I would have to pretend I dropped something under my desk and compose myself.  In the grand scheme of things, it seems kinda silly. 
Somehow it seems more accepted for people to be attached to their dogs than cats.  Not sure why.  I've had both, and they are both great to have around.

 

[my4llma]

Bitty

 

[xocats]

I am so glad that you found TheCatSite Community where grieving for a beloved cat who has crossed the Bridge, is understood and supported.
Bitty was a beloved member of your family. The tears you shed are real...
here we understand you pain.

If you continue to have trouble posting Bitty's photos, send a message about it to my username. We will get this figured out so you can share your pictures with us.

Rest in peace precious Bitty.

 

[nebula]

It's normal, you're not crazy or nutty- She was your daughter, simple.

Sorry for your loss and hugs

Also , Welcome!

 

[miss mew]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and no...you are not nuts.  I'm a woman, but I'm definitely not the sensitive, cry easy type.  But when I've lost my cats (or furry children) it's devastating.  Praying that you find peace during this painful time.

 

[caramelblond]

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are now feeling.

You have found a wonderfully supportive group of amazing people who all feel about each and every one of their cats the way you feel about yours.  Here you will find that you are not a minority but a part of a majority of folks who believe that cats, animals, are not just possessions but truly important members of our closest families, for many the only family they have.  Your Bitty loved and trusted you, a gift to you and a tribute to your love for her.  As many have said, and you already know, this was the most difficult decision you have to make for a beloved pet, the decision to give them peace...you must let go even when your heart is breaking and the desire to hold on is overwhelming.  You have shown great courage and insurmountable love and your sweet little Bitty knew this, even in her last breaths, it comforted her.  She will always be a part of your life so don't feel silly or weird or nutty for feeling the grief of the loss of a loved one, you are quite normal and you will experience all the stages of grief that you would for a human loss.  It makes no difference whether you are a male or female, it simply doesn't.  The depth of your pain and grief reflect the depth of your love for her.  Honer her by allowing yourself to feel the grief and remember her life and the joy she gave to you.  One day you will find that your pain has lessened and your heart will know when, or if, you are ready to rescue another and give them the life, the love, the happiness you gave to Bitty.  A very kind vet told me when I lost my golden retriever that he would not want me to keep my love from another because of the pain I felt at the end of his life but would want me to give another the chance to experience the caring and loving home he had had.  Allow others to help you move through your sorrow with the kind words of understanding, support and caring that you will find here.  Then when, and if, you find you are ready to love another little furry bundle of purring sunshine come back and let us know. 

Wishing you peace of mind and heart,

Janice and Buddy

 

[ya catman]

Here's an observation-  I have another cat, Bosun, who we've had for 15 years, a year younger than Bitty.  When I brought Bitty's remains home, I let him sniff (sounds kind of grim, Bitty was in a little box that the vet put her in for the trip home), he sniffed all around Bitty for quite a while.  Bosun seems out of sorts, he's been kind of lackluster, and wanders around seemingly looking for something.  I wonder what is going on in his little cat brain, if there is some level of understanding- I guess we can only speculate.  The two kitties have been with each other for 15 years.  Bosun has spent almost all of his time outside, and Bitty inside, but they would sit and look at each other through the glass door at my house each morning and afternoon; just sit there for a while each day. 

 

[rosiemac]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here understands what your going through so your not alone

If you need a picture uploaded just let one of us know

Have fun at the Bridge 

 Bitty 

 

[ya catman]

OK- so how do I post a picture?

 

[rosiemac]

Here is the link to the tutorial on how to upload a picture. Any problems let me know

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/image-and-video-tutorial

 

[ya catman]

Ah, thanks to Rosiemac, who helped me figure out how to post a picture.

Here's Bitty by the Christmas tree a few days ago, her favorite spot on the windowsill, ruling her "domain".  She would watch the world for hours there every day each Christmas, and then nap on the carpet under the tree when she was tired out from her hard days of observation.

 

[rosiemac]

Awwww bless her little heart, she's so pretty as well