Am I being cruel?

[DebbieLamb]

My kitty won't eat anything on her own at all, so I've been assisted feeding her. That doesn't look like it will change. I know she's ill and her time is limited (possible cancer). I'm at a point where I don't know if I'm being cruel forcing her to eat or not. I know if I stop, she won't eat at all. She is starting to hide more, but at the same time, she will still come on the couch with me and cuddle and she was playing a bit last night.

I just don't know anymore. I'm not getting a clear "I'm done" from her but it's getting harder to get food in her. She doesn't fight me, but she's definitely not as cooperative as she was even a few days ago.

 

[Joelle and the kittens]

The signs I look for in ailing cats are overall listlessness (not just lethargy, but utter lack of response to anything) and when they no longer look AT you but rather THROUGH you. It will feel like you've lost that special two-way connection; not the one where love exists -- that connection will never break -- but the one through which the nonverbal, intangible communication travels. It'll almost be like you've lost the ability to apply theory of mind to her. I use that sense in cats that don't seem to be in any pain but still need to pass. I think you will know when it happens. My thoughts are with you

 

[fionasmom]

I am sorry that you are facing this with your cat.

The Good Death | Dr. Mel Newton

This is a discussion of end of life issues; at the end there are four links to scales which can be used to evaluate your pet.

Are you being cruel? Absolutely not. You are doing assisted feeding and caring for her in every way. The fact that she still cuddles shows that she knows you are there for her and that those parts of her life are still worth living.

Many time here on TCS members will say "not on their worst day" meaning that, on the other hand, waiting for a crisis to emerge is not the right path either. Is there any food that might tempt her for a few days...Gerber's stage 2 meats, Hartz toppers, etc?

You are the only one who can make this judgment for your baby. Take every day and evaluate what you see. From reading your post, I think that you are completely sensitive to her condition and will help her when it is needed.

 

[DebbieLamb]

Thank you everyone. I let my sweet girl go today, she told me this morning that she was done with the assisted feeding. I wouldn't let her starve, so I took her to the vet and let her go.

 

[fionasmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. You did the hardest and kindest thing that you could have done for her. She told you that she could not go on and you honored her wishes. I hope that you will be comforted in time by memories of her as you shared your lives together.

 

[Zuni Monster]

So hard to do, but I knew it was the end for my Zuni cat when she turned her nose up to hand feeding her salmon. You were a good mother to her right through to the end, and wouldn't let her suffer. My heart goes out to you for your loss.

 

[KK300]

You absolutely were not cruel, you did the right thing for her.

Thinking of you, at what is such a difficult time.

 

[Antonio65]

I'm late here, but in your words I saw all my last days with my sweet Lola. I had to assist feeding her for weeks, because she couldn't eat on her own anymore. I, too, would ask myself when the time to say stop to this was going to come and how I could tell it.
Was I torturing her, or was I just doing what I had to do? Was I dragging her life through pain, rather than just giving her more days to live?

I'm happy you got the message from her, so that you did what it was right for her at the due time. She asked you to do something, and you did it when she asked you for it. It couldn't be any more perfect.
This means there was a strong communication between you two, and this means your love for each other was immense.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope you can recover from this pain and come out form this dark hole soon.