All 3 Cats Hate The New Kitten

[kikilove]

I know this isn't an unusual situation but I could use my own dose of encouragement. Or straight talk!
I have a 9 yr old male (jack), a 3 yr old female tortie (Jaz) and a 2 yr old female orange tabby (Rose). Jack and rose have been together since rose was a kitten and we added Jaz a year later. We've had feline domestic harmony. Until... 2
mos ago... I helped rescue an 8 mo old kitten who was living under someone's porch- Bunny. Semi feral at first but has come such a long way- totally social. Loves the other cats!
But they all absolutely hate her. We did slow introduction (3 weeks), have Feliway on full blast, use the de-stress tincture in their water... give them tons of love and treats (though treats only when separated from Bunny... I won't feed them near each other until things calm down), no negative feedback when they hiss. Jack tolerates her and will sit near her to be near me, but hisses when she tries to play. Rose is weird- hangs out near her but then freaks when bunny tries to play. Bunny does the stalk and lunge, Rose runs and turns and hisses and growls, but won't leave the room. I can't figure it out. Jaz truly hates her and has taken to staying upstairs by herself. Has never not hissed when face to face w B.
I'm at my wit's end. The constant hissing is stressing me out so bad! I'm open to any and all feedback!!

 

[di and bob]

First, take a deep breathe and think, "this too, will pass" because it will. Everything sounds perfectly normal here. It will take MONTHS (definitely more than two) for everyone to settle down, mine did not blend until almost a year had gone by. Because you have three others they are reinforcing their fears when they hear the others hiss, so it will take a little longer. Space is very valuable to cats, so having to share some is irritating too, but it will happen. Hissing is perfectly normal, so is batting at the newcomer if she comes too close. All cats hate change and they have a defined personal space that must not be breached unless they feel comfortable. As long as there is no outright attacking, drawing blood and bites, you are doing fine. I would play with Bunny in front of the others, allow them their space, but having them see her more and get used to her quick movements. Definitely feed them in the same room, Bunny's food may have to be far from theirs for now, but slowly move it closer until they are all eating together. Food(and treats) give a 'feel good' feeling that allows them to accept her easier. Make sure you bring Bunny's blanket (or give her one to lay on) and let the other cats get very used to her smell. If she hasn't been spayed yet, when she does, make sure she is separated from the others because now she will smell different and be a stranger again. You might keep one of the other's blankets to rub on her. It seems almost impossible right now, but in a year you will have one big happy family, well almost, because what family is ever perfect! You will be blessed fro giving so many your time and love!

 

[kikilove]

First, take a deep breathe and think, "this too, will pass" because it will. Everything sounds perfectly normal here. It will take MONTHS (definitely more than two) for everyone to settle down, mine did not blend until almost a year had gone by. Because you have three others they are reinforcing their fears when they hear the others hiss, so it will take a little longer. Space is very valuable to cats, so having to share some is irritating too, but it will happen. Hissing is perfectly normal, so is batting at the newcomer if she comes too close. All cats hate change and they have a defined personal space that must not be breached unless they feel comfortable. As long as there is no outright attacking, drawing blood and bites, you are doing fine. I would play with Bunny in front of the others, allow them their space, but having them see her more and get used to her quick movements. Definitely feed them in the same room, Bunny's food may have to be far from theirs for now, but slowly move it closer until they are all eating together. Food(and treats) give a 'feel good' feeling that allows them to accept her easier. Make sure you bring Bunny's blanket (or give her one to lay on) and let the other cats get very used to her smell. If she hasn't been spayed yet, when she does, make sure she is separated from the others because now she will smell different and be a stranger again. You might keep one of the other's blankets to rub on her. It seems almost impossible right now, but in a year you will have one big happy family, well almost, because what family is ever perfect! You will be blessed fro giving so many your time and love!

 

[kikilove]

Is it Di? I don't know you but I love you. Your response gave me great comfort and some much needed encouragement. It's been so confusing! Like, right now, Bunny is on a chair, Rose is curled up underneath it and Jack is lying on the floor about 4 feet away. All is calm. But then Bunny wants to play and will either charge at Rose or whap Jack on the head (always hilarious)- and then it's the hissing. I do forget that 2 months to cats is nothing.
I've done or am doing most of what you've suggested- Bunny was spayed immediately and chipped etc etc. We did the mutual sniffing. As of now, they all have full run of the house and know each other's smells well. Maybe, in regard to your comment about space and territoriality, a couple of new cat trees are warranted. In the meantime, Bunny is now chasing a ball all over the living room while Rose and Jack sit and watch. Cats are so freaking weird!!!!!

 

[kikilove]

I've been sitting in the living room just watching the lunacy. I guess maybe I just don't know what progress looks like, since I've apparently equated success with "no hissing." Which apparently isn't an accurate measure. Bunny was under Jack's chair, whapping at his tail and he was like "m'eh" (he's 9). Bunny did a lot of Rose chasing and Rose did a lot of hissing but never left the scene... she's now calmly watching B as B settles on the couch. So what the heck guys?!?!

 

[di and bob]

Everything DOES sound perfectly normal. Older cats will hiss, swat at, and maybe even hold down a young 'upstart' to teach them some manners. Young cats need discipline and to be taught where they stand in the household. So everything is good. I am encouraged that the older cats are observing B without running and hiding, great! Bunny will provide them with new entertainment. Time is all you need, just be observant and make sure Bunny is not hurt, and that she doesn't corner her new family or bug them too much! All the luck!

 

[kikilove]

Everything DOES sound perfectly normal. Older cats will hiss, swat at, and maybe even hold down a young 'upstart' to teach them some manners. Young cats need discipline and to be taught where they stand in the household. So everything is good. I am encouraged that the older cats are observing B without running and hiding, great! Bunny will provide them with new entertainment. Time is all you need, just be observant and make sure Bunny is not hurt, and that she doesn't corner her new family or bug them too much! All the luck!

Even better this morning... so crazy how they turn a corner!

 

[David1953]

Older cats get very frustrated with kittens because they are so active and little pests. Most likely, your adult cats just want to be left alone, so be sure to have a place where they can get away from little kitty to rest and be alone. Also, when introducing a new cat to ones already there, it is best to isolate the new cat in a small room so both the adults cats and the new kitty can get used to the new odors. Believe me, they will come sniffing around the new cat's room and check it out. SLOWLY introduce the new kitty to the others and SUPERVISE it closely to keep them safe. I am sure there will be some positioning, hissing, spitting, growling which is normal, but keep close eyes out for anything more aggressive. Slowly extend the time they are exposed together and usually after a few days or so, things will settle down. The 'alpha' cat will establish his authority and a feline pecking order will eventually be established. Just be patient and give all the cats some extra love and attention to help reassure them. Good luck!

 

[kikilove]

Older cats get very frustrated with kittens because they are so active and little pests. Most likely, your adult cats just want to be left alone, so be sure to have a place where they can get away from little kitty to rest and be alone. Also, when introducing a new cat to ones already there, it is best to isolate the new cat in a small room so both the adults cats and the new kitty can get used to the new odors. Believe me, they will come sniffing around the new cat's room and check it out. SLOWLY introduce the new kitty to the others and SUPERVISE it closely to keep them safe. I am sure there will be some positioning, hissing, spitting, growling which is normal, but keep close eyes out for anything more aggressive. Slowly extend the time they are exposed together and usually after a few days or so, things will settle down. The 'alpha' cat will establish his authority and a feline pecking order will eventually be established. Just be patient and give all the cats some extra love and attention to help reassure them. Good luck!

Thanks so much for your sweet response... I'm sure you and I would get along great! Bunny has actually been with us for 2 months; we've done the whole separate room dance. You ready for the story? Two mos ago I saw a post on Nextdoor (it's a neighborhood social media service... much like a special interest forum... know any of those?!?) from a woman asking for help re a kitten living under her porch. I responded "you trap her, I'll take it from there." Had Bunny spayed, chipped, etc. Then she came home w me where I was going to work w her (she was feral or semi feral) and find her a home. The woman who adopted her brought her back after two weeks saying "too wild." Within 5 mins of being back "home," Bunny let me pet her for the first time and then BAM... the purring and the bunting and the love nibbles. My heart! For the past month we've been doing the separate room into letting her expand into bigger "territory." She's turned out to be the most social little bug. She blows our minds (and, did I mention our hearts?) We're trying to find a home for her, but we're not trying very hard. It's highly likely she'll be another foster fail.

 

[kikilove]

So what I've noticed is that, like The Purge, the cat madness only happens at night. When Bunny goes batsh** crazy. In the mornings she's fairly lethargic in her playing, but at night she's a demon seed. Which clearly affects how Rose reacts to her. For the past four nights I've had to separate B from the others. Hopefully in time...
Poor Rose. She seems so defeated. I'm sure I'm anthropomorphizing, but still. Sad face.

 

[David1953]

Thank you for the kind words and the story! All cat lovers would get along great together for we have very strong feelings and interests in our feline furballs! We should start our own country! LOL

Feral cats are a huge challenge, that is a certainty, and anyone that tries to socialize them, etc. sure has their work cut out for them, but am thankful people actually do this needed service. As you most likely know, feral cats are very distrustful of anything, especially being taken out of a 'known' environment, no matter if it is really bad and suddenly put in a new one even though it is a thousand times better. New smells, new sounds, and new people, etc. are very upsetting and frightening and being a small kitten, well, that just makes it more of an issue. It appears that Bunny learned to trust and relax around you though she may not have shown it while in your care, but when adopted, that fear and distrust returned and she went into survival mode like she did before you rescued her. This 'too wild' statement by the new adopter was Bunny's way of coping, with again, being thrust into a totally unfamiliar environment with new smells, etc. Two weeks is way too short of time for a cat to adjust to a totally new home and the person that adopted Bunny didn't have the patience or maybe the time to connect and bond with her. Even a cat with previous owners and not feral have a time of adjustment phase and two weeks is too short for any cat, feral or not to adjust and learn to trust a complete stranger. What a shame, for that person clearly missed a golden opportunity to really bond with Bunny and provide her with a stable, loving home. BUT, in the end, you got the benefit of Bunny's love. As soon as she returned to a familiar place with you, she knew she was in a good place and felt safe, secure, and wanted. Cats are not stupid and can sense our moods and feelings, have memories of the past, and clearly the actions that Bunny showed you so quickly showed she trusts you and wants to bond with you. A feral cat displaying those signs of affection is not something that is easily given...you did the right things, obviously by turning a wild kitten into a loving, affectionate life long companion. I know you feel blessed to have this cat connect with you! Congratulations!

 

[kikilove]

I'm not crying... you are! Seriously, that choked me up. After the morning I've had (cleaned out B's litterbox only to have her redistribute her fresh, clean litter all over the dining room [that's her private space for now, because it has closing doors and windows to release lb smell], B chased Jaz up onto the counter where there was a great smashing into many items, culminating in a broken plate... etc.); but honestly, I don't care. That said, it's lovely to be reminded that earning their trust is a precious victory.
And YES re our own country. Lots of compassion and no mice!
Yeah, the woman who adopted B surprised me. I was very careful about who she went to and when the woman said "foster to adopt," I said "sure, but let's talk expectations... are you talking a weekend or 4-6 weeks to work w her?" "Oh, of course 4-6 weeks!" Then I got the text saying "can't handle her... going to release her to my friend's backyard," I about lost my mind. I'm sure she was well intended, just didn't realize what was truly involved. And she moved too fast. When she told me B was "got out" of her safe space after a day... I had a baaaaaaad feeling. Just happy she's with us again.
I'm currently watching our latest rescue, Greyjoy, wander around on the ledge on our front porch... drinking his water. He's put on so much weight since he first showed up in our yard 3 weeks ago, starving and defeated. I trapped him and took him to our heros at Fix Our Ferals for neutering and then released him to my yard, hoping he'd stick around (after all I'd done to him!) He has. And again, like you said, it means the world to me that he's getting fatter and becoming more comfortable with us. He doesn't run away anymore when we come out the front door, etc. Pure joy.

 

[David1953]

Well, I tip my hat to you, well, would tip it if I wore one, which I rarely do...LOL I think that woman you gave Bunny too had no clue as to what she was getting into, went into panic mode and just reacted. At least Bunny didn't get set free to fend for herself and get into a lot of dangerous situations. People are just so convincing and sometimes you just don't know what they will do. I have never fostered a cat. I would like to do that, but know if I started to care for one, I would get too attached and not want to let them go! At least I know myself in that respect. If I were to ever let someone foster a cat I had, I would definitely do a long, home visit and check it out. At least then you can get some idea of what the poor cat will be in when placed there. Lots can be learned by keeping your eyes open and even get a little nosy. Lots of times, people slip up and contradict themselves when doing a home visit since they feel they are in complete control. Glad you are happy and most of all, glad those kitties are getting a secure, safe, and good environment. Keep up the good work! ;p