Afraid of me

[Greenmyrtle]

My 18 mo old is scared of me since I trapped her in cat box for her first annual vet appt

She got out first time and I was under stress from my spouse to not cancel the visit
After escaping the box the first time cat was stressed and suspicious and sat where I couldn’t get her so I lured her with treats and finally caught her and she realized she’d been tricked and was distressed

She had her rabies etc and was then really unwell for 2 days. Really unwell- didn’t eat or purr at all and just moped in her bed

Since then she’s been terrified of the sound of treat bag or anything else that crinkle that way
If she hears it she leapS out of bed and runs and hides

she is fine with me as long as SHE comes to ME , Eg jumps on my lap on the chair or sleep with me on the bed. She even seems to love me the same- purrs etc

but Eg if she’s on her window sill bed and I walk- even very carefully- in her direction she gets a scared look on her face, jumps off and hides under the bed

i really think I broke trust and now she thinks I’m unpredictable and could be trying to catch her randomly

Until now my cats have always known I was totally safe and could be trusted to come to also if they were sick or injured

i don’t know what to do to retrain her that I am safe and predictable

I also need to retrain her that treats are good- she was trained to come to the sound of treats not run away from them

help!

 

[ArtNJ]

She might have had a reaction to the shots? Dont know, but this is really unusual and you shouldn't blame yourself at all. A well bonded cat will typically forgive much more than this much more quickly. Well, all cats are different, and you can only deal with the cat & situation before you. So yeah, your on the right track with the idea of retraining. Back up and go slow, dont do things that stress her out, only do things she is willing to accept and gradually re-expand from there.

I hope this doesn't become a recurring problem for you. Because sooner or later, you'll step on the cat's tail, the cat will need to go to the vet again, or *something* or other will happen. It always does, eventually.

I guess you best use the old trick of leaving the carrier out several days before any future vet visit and put treats (when they start working again) or food in there (or get it gradually closer if you cant put it inside right away). Probably wouldn't hurt to leave the carrier out *now* just to remove the stigma. After all, you wont always have several days before a vet visit to use the gradual route.

 

[Cat McCannon]

Just be relaxed and go about your business as usual with confidence. Cats are good at reading body language. Don't chase her. Constantly speak to her softly and make it a habit to offer her a finger to sniff. When she sniffs it, do nothing else. Don't scritch her ears or touch her in anyway. Do the same with the occasional small treat. She'll soon get over it.

To prepare for future vet visits, feed your cat in the carrier. At the very least, it will greatly reduce drama when it comes time for visits. Take her outside in her carrier. That way the carrier becomes associated with more than the dreaded visit to the vet.

We usually feed Belle one of her meals in her carrier. Some months before her annual check up, I'd zip it closed behind her and let her out after she finished eating. During warm weather, I'd take her outside on the porch to watch the world go by. I also started putting her in her harness. I don't take her for walks in her harness yet because she gets anxious. Last time I took her outside for a walk in her harness, she panicked, bolted, spun when she hit the end of her leash and slipped free of her harness and ran. She didn't come back until the following morning when it was time for her breakfast.

Because we got Belle used to eating in her carrier while wearing her harness, her last visit to the vet went much smoother than her previous visit. Also, I stay with Belle during the whole time and help handle her.

 

[Greenmyrtle]

Thanks all the carrier training thoughts but I’m literally so far from the carrier thing! and yes Suki definitely had a bad reaction to the shot. Next rabies is 3yrs out, and I’ve decided no more annuals for her in the meantime, and might have vet come out in 3y for rabies shot

Since COVID the vets take animals to the back without owner, so there’s no chance to reassure, so between the aweful carrier scene this time, whatever happened at the vet and how sick she was afterwards, she has a PTSD-like trauma response to treats AND doesn’t trust me to come toward her in good faith.

So the issue is how to retrain her to ME and to treats.

on the ME front, yes I always put out a finger to sniff as greeting, but for example yesterday, I was going about my business in the bedroom. She looked relaxed on the window sill so I thought, “good time to approach her and say hi in a non threatenening positive manner”

so from about 6’ away I put out my hand and also didn’t hold eye contact to be non threatening, and talked to her. She quickly went into hi alert and.by the time i made a very slow move in her direction she bolted under the bed.

Same day my partner and I were in bedroom getting changed to go out, totally ignoring her. Same behavior when I went in her direction, even though attention wasn’t on her. Just “uh-oh not sure it’s safe”

TREATS : She used to LOVE treats, and run TO me for them. it’s a way I’d “call” her in from outdoors; shake a treat bag. Now it’s like a PTSD response: if she hears treats, she looks startled and scared, then if sound persists, she runs away.

I’ve considered keeping treats in my pocket no bag, and giving them to her often without the bag noise; like “Jenny is a source of unscary treats” or something. But now I’m scared of doing something that confuses her even more.

yes usually cats and dogs forgive you but Suki has totally remembered these associations. And attached the trauma to treats and me

She has forgiven me in as far as she readily comes TO ME me for pets and lap time, but she has not forgotten that I can suddenly turn “evil vet catcher” without warning, and now it’s like she is hyper vigilant for any signs of my evil twin

 

[OopsyDaisy]

I don't like how the vets are taking the cats into the back now either. That alone causes them stress. Could you take the treats out of the bag and maybe put them in a tupperware container or something so that she doesn't hear the sound of the bag? I think I would start with that.

We had a cat once that my daughter caught, just in time, trying to jump out of the upstairs window. Somehow, she had gotten the screen loose. My daughter grabbed her by the rear end just as she was jumping and it scared her so much that she was always on guard after that. She never liked anyone touching her back from that day on. Never forgot. She didn't run away but she made it known that she wasn't happy about it.

Maybe it will just take some time for her to trust you again. She's young. I wouldn't force it. She does come to you for pets on her own terms. You could feed her the treats out of the container when she comes to you and leave her to do her own thing without approaching her for a while. You have other cats right? Has it changed her interaction with them too?

Sorry this has happened.

 

[Greenmyrtle]

Thanks, yes sounds similar to the window thing. I’ll start a new treat container and keep some in my pocket for when she comes to me

And it just happened again. it is making me sad. And I just don’t think she’ll get over it by herself.

Her hangout at that window is right next to my side of the bed, and my glasses were there. She looked so comfy and relaxed, but instead Of walking around towards her I tried crawling onto the bed and snuggling with other cat there, then reached out for my glasses, which worked, but she looked worried, but ddt run til I stupidly made eye contact. Then BAM.

I’d petted her just fine outside this am when she came to me super friendly. but It was the bedroom where I got her into the crate. I don’t think she’s gonna get over it by herself.

 

[OopsyDaisy]

Awe, it is sad. You probably feel so guilty about it too.

She needs to be desensitized and it will take a little time. I'd still do as the other members suggested and leave the carrier out in your bedroom. As long as she understands that there is nothing unpleasant associated with it, she may come around slowly. I know you want it to happen right now. Try to be patient and give her some space. She thinks you're going to grab and trap her. If it doesn't get better with these ideas, you could talk to the vet about some anxiety medication. At some point in the future, she is going to have to go to the vet again.

How long ago did this happen? Do your other cats go into the carrier without any issues?

 

[Cat McCannon]

Be patient. Give your cat time.

If the vet won’t let you stay with your cat, find a vet that will.

 

[nurseangel]

Rabies shots are very painful. I am a total advocate of them, of course, but yeah. I am sorry about the situation with your cat. I can't add any advice as so much good has been given. Be patient. I think letting her come to you would be best, even if it takes her a bit. The reason cats sometimes want to jump on the lap of the cat hater in the room is because they show no interest. My cats are all afraid of the carrier and I don't think that will change. DH brings it in the door, everybody bolts, and then you see this sense of relief like, "Thank goodness it's Bree and not me!" It sounds like your girl may be taking a little longer to trust again. I hope things get better soon. Bless you for being a good cat parent.

 

[Greenmyrtle]

Awe, it is sad. You probably feel so guilty about it too.

She needs to be desensitized and it will take a little time. I'd still do as the other members suggested and leave the carrier out in your bedroom. As long as she understands that there is nothing unpleasant associated with it, she may come around slowly. I know you want it to happen right now. Try to be patient and give her some space. She thinks you're going to grab and trap her. If it doesn't get better with these ideas, you could talk to the vet about some anxiety medication. At some point in the future, she is going to have to go to the vet again.

How long ago did this happen? Do your other cats go into the carrier without any issues?

Visit was about 6 weeks ago.

what I don’t understand about the carrier advice is how having the carrier in the house will make her less afraid of ME or TREATS.

We have limited space, I could have it permanently in a corner for the years to come, but how does that stop her running away from me and treats? (And shes only scared of treats if I have them - not if they are just sitting on the floor ready to eat - because I was throwing them to her before I caught her)

 

[OopsyDaisy]

It may not. Its just that the carrier was part of the scenario. Can anyone else in the house pick her up and put her in it? If so, it might not be a problem at all. It's just good to have them so accustomed to it that they don't freak out when you need to take them to the vet. If it is only you and the treats, try the container suggestion and see if that helps. Then, just give her time. Six weeks is quite a while ago. Maybe you could call the vet, tell them what's going on and see if they suggest an anti-anxiety med for her.

 

[Greenmyrtle]

… Be patient. I think letting her come to you would be best, even if it takes her a bit. The reason cats sometimes want to jump on the lap of the cat hater in the room is because they show no interest.

she has no problem coming to me. It’s only if I go towards where she’s at. And I think thats as stuck a fear response as the carrier.

Like you say the carrier fear is likely permanent. But I can’t deal with the fear of me being permanent too!

Right now I think the minor downside for her running every single time I approach (nap inconvenience) is outweighed by the major downside of a potential capture/vet situation, however rare.

 

[ArtNJ]

Why would fear of you be permanent? Remember, cats that are new to you commonly go through a phase where they trust you in certain places and situations, but not others. Your cat has been sent back to that, but just like a cat that is new to you, with patience you'll move forward. Just do what the cat will accept, and don't push anything. Gradually take what the cat will accept and expand on it if you can find ways to do that. But mostly just be patient, like you would be with a new and somewhat skittish cat.

 

[Greenmyrtle]

Makes sense!

any ideas on building trust without the food reward system available?

 

[ArtNJ]

Some people say playing with toys helps. I think that mostly just falls into the interact with the cat in ways that it likes and dont push it category though. Overly vigorous play with a wand toy might be offputting to a cat in this mind space, but you could probably use a laser pointer, throw wadded up paper or whatnot. And if you can think of ways to gradually expand on what the cat likes, work to do that. For example, I had one that would crawl on my chest when I was in bed. So I would use a call noise on the bed, and after that I started laying down on the living room couch and calling her.

 

[OopsyDaisy]

I think getting down to her level is a great idea too. Go down on the floor and see if she will come to you. Make yourself "smaller" to her.

 

[Furballsmom]

She had her rabies etc and was then really unwell for 2 days. Really unwell- didn’t eat or purr at all and just moped in her bed

Hi, I'm sorry if I missed it above, but did you talk to the vet about this?

 

[tarasgirl06]

Makes sense!

any ideas on building trust without the food reward system available?

You might try looking at some of "The Cat Daddy"Jackson Galaxy's YouTube videos on the subject. He is a cat behaviorist, and has had a great show on Animal Planet called, "My Cat From Hell" all about behavior issues usually rooted in the people, which he helps to solve. He's amazingly good with people and even better with cats.

 

[Greenmyrtle]

I think getting down to her level is a great idea too. Go down on the floor and see if she will come to you. Make yourself "smaller" to her.

She comes to me. Just runs if I move to her…. Or sometimes if I look in her direction.

 

[Greenmyrtle]

Hi, I'm sorry if I missed it above, but did you talk to the vet about this?

Yes, and the usual advice, give it a couple of days and call back if she doesn’t improve. She did get better. Just think she had a really rough time.