Advice For Increasing Confidence?

stephmnichols

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We're on month 7 of introductions, and while we have come a long way there's still so far to go. Wondering if anyone has advice on how to increase our resident cat's confidence, so that she doesn't act so much like "prey" when the new cat is around which thus leads to chasing and even less confidence?
She has her little perch on top of the dresser that she feels the best on, but if the other one is out she rarely comes down (and if she does, most of the time she gets chased back up there which leads to her not wanting to come down again) :(
I also give her solitary play time with her favourite toy.
Does anyone have any experience with putting the more confident cat in a carrier and letting the less confident one out around it?
We just took a step back and have our new cat back in her solitary room at night again (and still separated from resident when no one is home) it's just unfortunate because the boyfriend and I have such long days that I feel like we are now at a stand-still progression-wise since they aren't getting much time together.
Resident kitty is skittish and on edge and overall just not really herself when new cat is out, but she is perfectly happy and back to normal immediately as soon as she is alone. New cat is confident, arguably TOO confident, and is almost bullying resident kitty. I say almost because if resident cat is calm and acting normal she couldn't care less, but as soon as she shows that she is scared or tries to run away is when she turns into the bully.
Any advice or stories would be hugely appreciated.

:(
 

Furballsmom

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HI!
You're on the right track to build confidence - maybe over the weekends you can do more? Try music for your less confident cat, and also as much individual playtime and love as you can just for her.

I don't know about the carrier - you could certainly try it. Also, have you utilized any calming products?

For example, Only Natural Pet has a spray product called Just Relax Calming spray with essential oil (catnip oil).

There are also treats, collars, and diffusers made by many companies.

There's this one, be sure and scroll all the way down the page;
Bach Flower Remedies - Rescue Remedy Pets Dogs Cats Horses Birds

Music can be useful in helping a cat to relax (not 24 hours a day, just now and then for a couple hours or so).
Low volume classical harp music, there is an app called Relax My Cat, and there's MusicForCats . com as some sources.

You could try one of these, only a small selection of a fast-growing section of pet products;
Richard's Organics Pet Calm-this one is drops that you put on the tip of the tongue. Also, Quiet Moments Cat treats, there is Calming Care, Calm-o-mile, Sentry, Natures Miracle calming spray, Vetri-Science's Composure is another item to look at, Pet Remedy (it has valerian) is yet another, as is Essential Pet Pet-ease, Only Natural Pet (brand and website) has calming products, Pet Naturals also has one I believe.

Also Thunderease has diffusers as does Sentry, Comfort Zone and feliway although diffusers are expensive and not always the answer.
If it's legal where you are, you might want to check with your vet but some people have good results with CBD oil, plus there are vet-prescribed calming products too.
Lambert Vet Supply is a website to look at, and of course chewy, also there's Petwishpros, animaleo, Petco and PetSmart, and other pet stores.

There is also a product called a lickimat which could be helpful, as cats can be calmed by the process of licking. The LickiMat - Food Puzzles for Cats

This discussion's post talks about some other products;
Calming Treats For A Very Picky Cat
 
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stephmnichols

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Thanks for responding!

Yes, I have tried some calming products but I find that diffusers don't do much for them (either because they aren't affected or because our ceilings are so high that the product is wasted - not sure which) and we tried some calming products in her food when we first got her, that I may try revisiting. She is currently on Gabapentin (slowly working her dosage up to the recommended amount as per the vet's instructions) so hoping that that helps her as well.
I will also be installing an extra shelf even higher than her perch, next to it, so that she has some more room to roam and feel good but where the new cat can't get to.

Weirdly enough, the new cat does not try to jump up onto her perch; it's like she knows that it is off limits. She does, however, do that rude thing where she rubs her face all over the bottom of it or sits and stares until we shoo her away.
Unfortunately the resident cat is not very food-motivated, so while they are comfortable enough to eat their meals in the same room at the same time (resident on perch, new on floor) I don't know that it is a hugely "positive" experience for her - I do however make a point of brushing her (which she absolutely LOVES) when the new cat is around.

The thing is, she does seem happy up on the perch. She has her food station, water fountain, comfy bed, and a hanging toy, and when I install the new shelf I'm going to put a cardboard scratcher up there as well. When I pet her she purrs super loud (which she always does, but it is reassuring that she doesn't NOT purr when the new cat is around if that makes sense) and she gets excited about the brush and somewhat excited about treats (the normal amount she usually is). I just feel bad that she isn't roaming or looking out the window as much as normal or getting the exercise she likes with her wand toy.

We were crate training the new cat for a little while as well because she had some urinary issues when we first got her. After she graduated from crate-at-night to free roaming the bathroom at night, she got very vocal being in the room alone - and she was quiet as soon as we put her in the crate again, almost like she was more comfortable in the more confined space (a large dog kennel). So I'm wondering if, since we have taken the step back to her sleeping alone again, maybe we should bring the carrier out... and have her sleep in it? That way it's like a half-step forward, but the resident cat may find some confidence in this and the new cat will at least get to be near us? Just an idea. Might be risky but I'm also running out of options here... Let me know what you think...

I will also try putting some music on for a couple of hours too. Do you think I should do it when they are both out, or when she is alone?
 

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Do you think I should do it when they are both out, or when she is alone?
Try when they're together - see if it might help your resident kitty to relax a bit.

maybe we should bring the carrier out... and have her sleep in it?
I think this is a good idea to try - you're sensitive to your kitties so if something does seem wonky you'll be able to react to it :)

On reading your second post, although I didn't realize she's already on gabapentin, it sounds as though you're not that badly off. I know it's month seven, but if you can continue to work with your resident cat, including eventually playing with both of them if possible, you should see some improvement.

Can either of you or both together find some time in your packed days to play with your new cat, to really try and wear her out so she has less energy left over?
 
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stephmnichols

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We only just started her on the Gabapentin last week - she had a flare up of her FIC (her first episode since the initial diagnosis over a year ago) so we were doing pain meds for the symptoms (finished now) and gaba to decrease her stress and likeliness of another flare up. :) This is also a big reason why we took the step back in their process!
I know we have come a long way since in these last 7 months, and they are both female young adult cats so I was expecting it to take a long time anyways, but sometimes it is just hard not to get discouraged. It's hard seeing Coffee seem so deflated sometimes!
But I do need to look at the positives, because in the last little while, despite taking the step back, they have had a couple big moments (including one today where she held her ground and defended a different space than the perch!)

We do play with the new cat but I will definitely make more of an effort to tucker her out! I would LOVE to get them playing together eventually, especially because when we play with Maui, Coffee always looks down from the perch in what I can only imagine is jealousy... it always looks like she *wants* to play too, she just is too nervous. This is where the confidence needs to kick in!
 

danteshuman

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Have you tried switching territories? Coffee gets run of your place for one day and Mauii gets coffee’s room. Then the next day switch so everyone gets run of the place. Then after a week or two, let them interact together when you are home? (And play? There are two people so each person can play with one cat in different parts of the room.)
If I had that issue with my cats I would also try brushing them with the same brush to get their scents to mingle quicker. I have heard people recomend socks to (clean washed without scented stuff) .... be sure to brush/rub their cheeks to get maximum scent exchange. You can also try switching their collars every week .... because hey it couldn’t hurt.
 
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stephmnichols

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danteshuman danteshuman they are actually both allowed out during the day, when we are home anyways, so they already interact/have their scents mixed!
 

danteshuman

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But when you are not home she only owns her room. You said you are gone most of the day. If you switched it up it might be more her place. After 7 months why not try it?
 
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stephmnichols

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Oh I see what you mean! Yes, we were trying that for a while, alternating between letting each one have free run of the house while we were gone. Maui actually had more time out than Coffee probably, because she spends most of her day in our bedroom anyways so it only seemed fair to let Maui roam the house. We did alternate them sometimes too, putting Maui in the bedroom and Coffee in the house in the evenings or just switching them every once in a while for the day, so their scents were everywhere. But that is no longer an option (at least for a while) because it turns out, after MANY theories and tests and attempts at pinpointing, that Maui's inappropriate urination stems from being left alone for too long. I don't know if it's separation anxiety, or her just being a brat, but when we leave her to roam the house for several hours at a time is when she pees on the landing or in front of the doors to outside. When she's in her own room for those long days or when we are home I would say she has about a 90-95% litter box success rate. But being left alone almost ALWAYS ends in her peeing on something she shouldn't.
 
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