Hi everyone,
This isn't an easy post to write publicly. I recently adopted a 3 year old after months of being so sure I wanted a cat.
I decked my home out with all the necessary equipment and did a ton of research on setting up/settling in.
She arrived 3 weeks ago, and she is a dream cat. Immediately wanted to explore my home, rubbing herself on everything. She’s very friendly, affectionate, playful, gentle, endearingly vocal, no eating issues, no litter box issues, and honestly the cutest cat I’ve ever seen. She is the definition of a lap cat, she falls asleep on my chest and loves kisses. She coos when she’s touched (although I think it's a startled coo). Her play ability is adorable and happy. She will chase balls and run around on her own at times. She gently paws me to get up, and will fall asleep near me if I don't. Will come and sit on my chest any chance she gets. She is very needy and can't get enough attention.
She's also very confident, meaning she has no problem hissing and motioning to bite if she doesn't like something. The second day I had her here, I was putting away her carrier and she lunged at my hands which really scared me. I know she most likely won't hurt me, but I am new to cats and I can't help that my body is experiencing an intense fear response around this. My apartment is also really small so there is no separation between us when I'm doing work. I allowed her to lay on my lap and when I needed to adjust my leg position because it was falling asleep, again she hissed and motioned to bite. I try to keep her away from going behind the washing machine, and when I do she will hiss and spit at me. Once she lunged at me to attack when I tried to get clumped litter off her paw.
All this to say, she is a pretty normal, well-rounded cat. I know these feelings I'm having are about where I'm at with this, and it hit me very unexpectedly.
5 days after she arrived, I was cleaning and suddenly got overwhelmed with intense anxiety about her being there. I started to feel claustrophobic and hyper-focusing on the changes, coupled with fear that I can't manage her well because of my own fears about handling her. I'm pretty sure she picks up on my automatic freeze response when she has her anger/fear reactions. I'm also constantly distracted by her because my home is so small and we're around each other constantly (even have to leave the bathroom door open because it's the only place I could put her litter box separate). My novice cat brain thought if she got sufficient play before work/during breaks, she'd be okay to chill out. But given that it's an open space, it's an open invitation all day long to ask for attention.
I've been going back and forth between two minds it feels like. On the one hand she is such a sweetheart, on the other hand my body is not able to adjust to this well. I've spoken to many friends (unfortunately also receiving unhelpful shaming about even considering re-homing) and the ones that really trust and know me feel it's not healthy for me. I've just come into my new home and on my own for the first time in a significant way, and ever since her arrival I haven't been able to feel at home. I also went back to therapy for this, and took away that I may need not be in the right place for this, and that it is the best decision for both of us to reach back out to the adoption agency (they rescue cats from kill shelters and do extensive interviewing to find suitable homes). My anxiety is not helpful or fair to her.
That being said, I'm having trouble pressing the sent button. My mind has been 60% sure it's not the right time and fit, and 40% trying to tell myself that it'll get better/criticizing and judging myself for being weak/fear of regret.
Sorry this post is so long- I'm just so conflicted and have been constantly tense for weeks.
Obviously I can't stop people from judging me but I hope anyone who is able to understand what I've expressed her can offer some words of wisdom.
Thank you so much
This isn't an easy post to write publicly. I recently adopted a 3 year old after months of being so sure I wanted a cat.
I decked my home out with all the necessary equipment and did a ton of research on setting up/settling in.
She arrived 3 weeks ago, and she is a dream cat. Immediately wanted to explore my home, rubbing herself on everything. She’s very friendly, affectionate, playful, gentle, endearingly vocal, no eating issues, no litter box issues, and honestly the cutest cat I’ve ever seen. She is the definition of a lap cat, she falls asleep on my chest and loves kisses. She coos when she’s touched (although I think it's a startled coo). Her play ability is adorable and happy. She will chase balls and run around on her own at times. She gently paws me to get up, and will fall asleep near me if I don't. Will come and sit on my chest any chance she gets. She is very needy and can't get enough attention.
She's also very confident, meaning she has no problem hissing and motioning to bite if she doesn't like something. The second day I had her here, I was putting away her carrier and she lunged at my hands which really scared me. I know she most likely won't hurt me, but I am new to cats and I can't help that my body is experiencing an intense fear response around this. My apartment is also really small so there is no separation between us when I'm doing work. I allowed her to lay on my lap and when I needed to adjust my leg position because it was falling asleep, again she hissed and motioned to bite. I try to keep her away from going behind the washing machine, and when I do she will hiss and spit at me. Once she lunged at me to attack when I tried to get clumped litter off her paw.
All this to say, she is a pretty normal, well-rounded cat. I know these feelings I'm having are about where I'm at with this, and it hit me very unexpectedly.
5 days after she arrived, I was cleaning and suddenly got overwhelmed with intense anxiety about her being there. I started to feel claustrophobic and hyper-focusing on the changes, coupled with fear that I can't manage her well because of my own fears about handling her. I'm pretty sure she picks up on my automatic freeze response when she has her anger/fear reactions. I'm also constantly distracted by her because my home is so small and we're around each other constantly (even have to leave the bathroom door open because it's the only place I could put her litter box separate). My novice cat brain thought if she got sufficient play before work/during breaks, she'd be okay to chill out. But given that it's an open space, it's an open invitation all day long to ask for attention.
I've been going back and forth between two minds it feels like. On the one hand she is such a sweetheart, on the other hand my body is not able to adjust to this well. I've spoken to many friends (unfortunately also receiving unhelpful shaming about even considering re-homing) and the ones that really trust and know me feel it's not healthy for me. I've just come into my new home and on my own for the first time in a significant way, and ever since her arrival I haven't been able to feel at home. I also went back to therapy for this, and took away that I may need not be in the right place for this, and that it is the best decision for both of us to reach back out to the adoption agency (they rescue cats from kill shelters and do extensive interviewing to find suitable homes). My anxiety is not helpful or fair to her.
That being said, I'm having trouble pressing the sent button. My mind has been 60% sure it's not the right time and fit, and 40% trying to tell myself that it'll get better/criticizing and judging myself for being weak/fear of regret.
Sorry this post is so long- I'm just so conflicted and have been constantly tense for weeks.
Obviously I can't stop people from judging me but I hope anyone who is able to understand what I've expressed her can offer some words of wisdom.
Thank you so much