Adopting Question/Share your story

Razum'dar

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Aug 8, 2020
Messages
37
Purraise
131
Location
Midwest USA
To those who have adopted/rescued from a shelter, etc. how do you choose? I lost my 2 boys this summer, and I'm not ready yet ( I don't know when/if I will be) but I couldn't imagine how you'd pick. So many faces, so many need homes, how do you choose which you take and know that you're leaving the others in the shelter? I think I'd feel so guilty. If I ever had another cat I'd hope the right one just came into my life organically. Has anyone had that happen? I'd love to hear your stories.
 

Purr-fect

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 20, 2017
Messages
1,679
Purraise
5,114
Dont wait for it to happen organically.

There are too many cats that desperately need a home.......now.

When our little motu passed, we wanted two cats (or 3) that:

Were adults ........as most people want kittens
Where not desired by others......old, health issues
Had lost their owners and/or had come across hardship
Had little hope of happiness in their lives

We did not go to a shelter, instead we adopted from kijiji.....looking for cats that had sat on the website and not been adopted.

Every day I looked....several times.........for that cat that desperately needed a home and no one was taking.....not newly listed on page one of the website but on page 10 or more.........the ones where the owners had given up.

That cat (s) was going to win the lottery. To be loved, protected, have medical treatment, a stimulating environment, eat the best food, be spoilt, have toys, windows, a fenced yard.

We cant save them all, but we can save some.....the sooner the better.
 

fionasmom

TCS Member
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jun 21, 2014
Messages
5,036
Purraise
7,354
Location
Los Angeles
I remember your story about those two boys you loved so much.

Ask yourself how you will be most comfortable adopting, especially if you still feel very raw from the loss. Walking into a shelter might not be a good idea but shelters do have most of their cats available online and that gives you some distance.

Decide what you want as Purr-fect Purr-fect said; unfortunately, it will be available because of so many homeless cats of all ages and breeds. My GSD, now 14, was spotted on a back page of a high kill shelter in the Midwest by a friend of mine who had never looked at that site before. All of his siblings had already been euthanized.

Rescues might be able to tell you something about background and personality of the cat; some shelters might as well depending on how much they have worked with their animals.

Because I only work with ferals and strays, all my cats have come to me organically, and a few dogs at that. But I am not recommending that you wait for that when so many animals are looking for homes.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #4

Razum'dar

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Aug 8, 2020
Messages
37
Purraise
131
Location
Midwest USA
I just don't feel ready yet. It's still raw and I feel like I'd be trying to replace them or betraying their memory. They were so special with such special personalities, I worry about bonding with a new cat too. Especially an adult cat. Like will it feel like my cat or just a strange cat living at my house? I was thinking one day if I'm ready, how do you pick from the many, many faces? How do you pick one and skip the others? How do you leave the others behind without guilt?
 

Kat0121

Advisor
Staff Member
Advisor
Joined
Feb 23, 2014
Messages
13,462
Purraise
15,587
Location
Sunny Florida
I just don't feel ready yet. It's still raw and I feel like I'd be trying to replace them or betraying their memory. They were so special with such special personalities, I worry about bonding with a new cat too. Especially an adult cat. Like will it feel like my cat or just a strange cat living at my house? I was thinking one day if I'm ready, how do you pick from the many, many faces? How do you pick one and skip the others? How do you leave the others behind without guilt?
I understand how you feel. Losing them is so hard. Ask yourself what they would want you to do. They had a wonderful life with you and they know that their places in your heart are forever as your place is in theirs. They know that the time that you are apart from each other is temporary and when the time is right, you will be reunited. They would want another cat or cats to be able to experience the same wonderful life that they had. Go to a shelter just to look around. Take a bag of treats with you and ask the staff if you can just visit with the adoptable cats. If the right cat for you is there, he or she will choose you. It will not be the other way around. Go with an open mind and an open heart. You may not find one right away but you'll be able to help socialize the cats that are there and that can help them find their forever home with someone else. Win win situation either way. I'm so sorry for your loss. We never get enough time with them, do we? :hugs:
 

CatladyJan

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Sep 20, 2020
Messages
1,150
Purraise
2,573
I just don't feel ready yet. It's still raw and I feel like I'd be trying to replace them or betraying their memory. They were so special with such special personalities, I worry about bonding with a new cat too. Especially an adult cat. Like will it feel like my cat or just a strange cat living at my house? I was thinking one day if I'm ready, how do you pick from the many, many faces? How do you pick one and skip the others? How do you leave the others behind without guilt?
So sorry for your loss, it never gets easier. I have never had to adopt from a shelter because God always sends them to me. I think you will just know you spend time with them at the shelter and you will know. As far as betraying their memory, you won't be. Call me the crazy cat lady but I always talk to my new kitties about the previous ones. I'll say, "Let me tell you a story about..." Every cat is so unique. The only thing I wouldn't recommend is getting a kitty that reminds you of your other ones.
 

Purr-fect

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 20, 2017
Messages
1,679
Purraise
5,114
I just don't feel ready yet. It's still raw and I feel like I'd be trying to replace them or betraying their memory. They were so special with such special personalities, I worry about bonding with a new cat too. Especially an adult cat. Like will it feel like my cat or just a strange cat living at my house? I was thinking one day if I'm ready, how do you pick from the many, many faces? How do you pick one and skip the others? How do you leave the others behind without guilt?
When my little motu passed the hole that was left in my life was so big I had to try and fill it FAST. I dont know how well I would have handled a prolonged mourning.

We gave motu a funeral ceremony in the yard. She is under a japanese crimson maple tree with a stone marker in her favorite sunny spot. She is in my heart, my screen savers and never to be forgotten.

Then we adopted greg and arnold. I havent betrayed motu or her memory. Heres how I see it....

When motu "left" she gave me a final gift.........she opened the door for me to adopt and continue loving another. If I had adopted another cat when she was sick and elderly...that would have been a betrayal.

Motu would not have wanted me to be sad and lost any more than your boys would want you to be. Or anymore than you would, had you passed and left them.

Accept the final gift from your boys to you....their permission to love another cat.

And as had been said so eloquently on this site.........dont let the loss of your boys be greater than their lives.

As for the guilt of leaving the others behind at the shelter and only picking one.......well, start by picking two. Thats what we did. (And if you go by body weight, it was really 4 as our boys are over 20lbs each.) And dont dwell on the fact that you cant take them all. Of course you cant....no one can.

Most importantly, dont let the fact that you cant save them all, stop you from saving any!!

A picture of my little motu near the end. Thank you sweetie for the wonderful gift you left me. Your love lives on.
 

Attachments

Last edited:

Silver Crazy

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
1,873
Purraise
7,248
Location
Melbourne Australia
To those who have adopted/rescued from a shelter, etc. how do you choose? I lost my 2 boys this summer, and I'm not ready yet ( I don't know when/if I will be)
I adopted a cat 2 days after my previous cat of 9 years (Chewbie) was put down. For over a week earlier a friend of mine had been asking me to go see a cat and to see whether I could rescue it or buy it from its owners. Yes I felt guilt and betrayal to my previous cat for even considering it and didn't think I was ready but when I saw the way this incredibly beautiful cat was being treated compassion instead of guilt come to the fore. As well as that this cat and I instantly bonded. Yes I had mixed feelings but when I told my vet I already had a new cat and told her of the circumstances she said Chewbie was watching out for me and didn't want me to be alone. Might sound mushy but those words held great weight with me at that time and took away the feelings of guilt and the whole process hugely helped with the grief of losing my buddy of 9 years.
Go to a shelter..sit on the floor and let the cats climb on you, play with you and you will find you are more than ready to have cats again and will be chosen by a cat or cats, not the other way around..
 
Last edited:
Top