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I would break up with my partner over that. I don't do well with someone trying to control my life.
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Abondoned my orange tabby and now I want her back
- Thread starter ajju711
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Was she able to get out of the box? With just a slit for air, it doesn't sound like she could. If that's true, she is still where you left her - but dead.
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Why couldnt you have taken the cat to a shelter or sold her to someone instead of dumping her?
If you do want the cat back and have a safe place for her to go, go to the area and look for her. Night is better, as lost cats are more likely to come out of hiding when its dark and quiet. Bring food. Ask people in the local area if they have seen her and put some posters up. However, she might not be in the area, as cats are good at finding their way home. She's unlikely to stick around, and will probably try and make it home again.
if you do not find the cat, do not get a new one until you have sorted your relationship out. She sounds controlling, to be so jealous of a cat that she demanded you dump it out in the middle of nowhere. That level of jealousy is not normal.
If you do want the cat back and have a safe place for her to go, go to the area and look for her. Night is better, as lost cats are more likely to come out of hiding when its dark and quiet. Bring food. Ask people in the local area if they have seen her and put some posters up. However, she might not be in the area, as cats are good at finding their way home. She's unlikely to stick around, and will probably try and make it home again.
if you do not find the cat, do not get a new one until you have sorted your relationship out. She sounds controlling, to be so jealous of a cat that she demanded you dump it out in the middle of nowhere. That level of jealousy is not normal.
I wasn't yelling at you. I was upset with HER.
I know what it's like to have a strained relationship.
She takes small issues and makes federal cases out of them.
If you drop a glass in the kitchen, it's three days of hell... "We can't have nice dishes because you break them all the time!"
You end up walking on eggshells 24/7.
You got one little cat. It lived outside and slept in your garage. Maybe it would come inside for an occasional visit. Big, furry deal! She has to make your life hell because of a cat? It's just a cat!
So... Now you're going to get the cat back and keep it at your friend's place.
You are tiptoeing around issues, here.
Your wife has basically issued an ultimatum, here, even if not in so many words... "It's me or that damned cat."
You've already made your decision... You've already chosen the cat.
Yeah, I know what it's like... Been there... Done that... Bought the tee shirt.
Hmm, there's an unpleasant thought. I read it as the cat was released from the box at the final location, and was only kept in the box while in the car. But, yes, if she was dumped in the box she very likely isn't alive
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I don't think your going to be able to undo this one even if you find the poor girl. I'm glad your friend is willing to take her if you find her. Please don't do anything like this again even if suggested by you wife, to keep the peace you have a mind of your own. It's not fair on the animal. If my hubby said this to me I would get rid of him not listen to him. 
Everyone - at this juncture, telling the OP what he did or did not do right, won't resolve a thing. I know everyone is frustrated, upset, and certainly very concerned. At this point all we can do is encourage him to look for her, help him to find ways to do that, and allow him to continue to post here as he does - I want to hear that he makes an effort, and with any small amount of luck, he will report back some wonderful news for us.
BTW... If the cat was feral and already had a litter of kittens, outdoors, she knows how to fend for herself and find food.
Yes, it's dangerous for cats to live outdoors like that but all is not lost. I'd say you've got a 50/50 chance.
I'd say that the problem is that she befriended you but got summarily carted off and dumped. A cat that has an experience like that is going to have a difficult time learning to trust humans again.
It is worth trying to find the cat again, IMO. Like I said, you've got an even shot of finding her. But she might not come to you like she did before. If you want to bring her home, you're probably going to have to trap her.
Yes, it's dangerous for cats to live outdoors like that but all is not lost. I'd say you've got a 50/50 chance.
I'd say that the problem is that she befriended you but got summarily carted off and dumped. A cat that has an experience like that is going to have a difficult time learning to trust humans again.
It is worth trying to find the cat again, IMO. Like I said, you've got an even shot of finding her. But she might not come to you like she did before. If you want to bring her home, you're probably going to have to trap her.
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I just hope he learns to grow a back bone from this fiasco.
He already did. Otherwise, he wouldn't have made the forum post.
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I would seriously consider getting therapy. It might help you understand your situation and be better able to deal with it. If you don't have the money, there are government programs and free programs that can help.
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OK, just a reminder to all of you about the forum rules. One of them is to treat each other with respect. If you have nothing useful or helpful to say, move on. While I do not agree with what has been done, there is no point in piling on right now.
I'm deleting some of these posts.
I'm deleting some of these posts.
I was saying that I understand how it feels to live in a house like that.
There is a certain order to the way things should be. It's hard to explain because the rules that determine what "order" means keep changing. But... If something upsets that order, no matter how small, life in the house becomes difficult. It can often take days or even a week for things to calm down again.
As I said above, something as insignificant as dropping a glass can cause big blow-ups.
In most households, dropping a glass might get a response like, "Clumsy! Be more careful, next time!" Then you clean up the mess and continue on.
In other households, a small thing becomes a storm of negative emotion that leads to yelling, put-downs and days of emotional upset.
People end up walking on eggshells around each other. When things do go bad, instead of acting rationally and thinking things through, they end up being reactive. They take the quickest response to calm things down as fast as possible. They don't have the chance to think things through and make good decisions. They just, plain, react.
That's what happened here when OP got rid of the cat.
The wife was pitching a fit and he did the first thing he could think of to calm the situation down as fast as possible.
It wasn't a good decision but it was what had to be done at that particular time and place.
If a person finds himself in a relationship like this and he finds himself reacting to things just to keep the peace and not thinking things through, it's time to do some serious soul searching to decide where to go from here.
I don't like the idea when people say, bluntly, "You should find a therapist," but I do think that having somebody to talk to would help. Maybe you could start with clergy... Minister/Priest/Rabbi.
There is a certain order to the way things should be. It's hard to explain because the rules that determine what "order" means keep changing. But... If something upsets that order, no matter how small, life in the house becomes difficult. It can often take days or even a week for things to calm down again.
As I said above, something as insignificant as dropping a glass can cause big blow-ups.
In most households, dropping a glass might get a response like, "Clumsy! Be more careful, next time!" Then you clean up the mess and continue on.
In other households, a small thing becomes a storm of negative emotion that leads to yelling, put-downs and days of emotional upset.
People end up walking on eggshells around each other. When things do go bad, instead of acting rationally and thinking things through, they end up being reactive. They take the quickest response to calm things down as fast as possible. They don't have the chance to think things through and make good decisions. They just, plain, react.
That's what happened here when OP got rid of the cat.
The wife was pitching a fit and he did the first thing he could think of to calm the situation down as fast as possible.
It wasn't a good decision but it was what had to be done at that particular time and place.
If a person finds himself in a relationship like this and he finds himself reacting to things just to keep the peace and not thinking things through, it's time to do some serious soul searching to decide where to go from here.
I don't like the idea when people say, bluntly, "You should find a therapist," but I do think that having somebody to talk to would help. Maybe you could start with clergy... Minister/Priest/Rabbi.
Now that the moderators are watching this I think I can give my 2 cents, I really don't think an animal of any kind is a good idea at the moment. Sort out your personal relationship first please.
The reality is if you dumped her at the side of the road so far from home she probably was either struck by a car or attacked by wildlife. In the very off chance you find her again please give her to a shelter or a friend or family member.
The reality is if you dumped her at the side of the road so far from home she probably was either struck by a car or attacked by wildlife. In the very off chance you find her again please give her to a shelter or a friend or family member.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #35
Nope. How could I do that? I released her at the spot.
So, have you had a chance to go looking for her?
If she lived outside your home all this time there is a chance she might make her way back eventually. While I had a similar reaction as others, you do seem very remorseful about this whole situation and I am sure it is keeping you up at night wondering what happened to her.
Think it through about financial responsibilities with owning a pet. No matter whose home she stays at, there is food, litter, vaccines, spaying (This is not optional!! Very important!) plus what if infections, injuries, illnesses come up.... Consider all that before acquiring a new cat. Also please PLEASE consider this wife of yours. I mean seriously. Put your foot down. That is terrible that she made you resort to doing this. You are better than that.
Think it through about financial responsibilities with owning a pet. No matter whose home she stays at, there is food, litter, vaccines, spaying (This is not optional!! Very important!) plus what if infections, injuries, illnesses come up.... Consider all that before acquiring a new cat. Also please PLEASE consider this wife of yours. I mean seriously. Put your foot down. That is terrible that she made you resort to doing this. You are better than that.
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She might manage to make her way back to you, or she might not. If you do find her again, please do her a favor and find her a proper home, with owners that can commit to keeping her and caring for her. It's clearly not a good idea for you to own any kind of pet at this time, given your family situation.
You might want to consider volunteering at an animal shelter or other organization that helps cats. It's a good way to get some time interacting with cats even though you can't have one in your home. Helping other abandoned cats can also be a positive way to move through your grief and guilt at abandoning this cat.
You might want to consider volunteering at an animal shelter or other organization that helps cats. It's a good way to get some time interacting with cats even though you can't have one in your home. Helping other abandoned cats can also be a positive way to move through your grief and guilt at abandoning this cat.
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- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #40
Hello friends. Did go there twice for a few hours. Talked with a few locals.
One of them said he did see a similar cat loitering there abouts.A guy was ready to look for her and update me if he sees something (he took my number). As expected he wanted some money. So I told him I’m struggling myself but still gave him some along with some cat food
.
I’m hoping he’s genuine and comes up with something. Thank you for your concern everyone. And do pray for a miracle
One of them said he did see a similar cat loitering there abouts.A guy was ready to look for her and update me if he sees something (he took my number). As expected he wanted some money. So I told him I’m struggling myself but still gave him some along with some cat food
.I’m hoping he’s genuine and comes up with something. Thank you for your concern everyone. And do pray for a miracle
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