A stray got euthanasia and I'm feeling so guilty.

[TeaMatcha]

Hi all,

I need some opinion on this situation. There's this feral cat that I was feeding since March 2023. He doesn't allowed anyone to get close to him at all, I noticed that his constantly drooling and I know it's a dental issues even though he's still eating well. He's not neutered at that time too. So, I took the time to feed him daily and talk to him. I arranged a trapper to trap him on early May to bring him to a community clinic for dental treatment and sterilisation. He got released back one week later in mid May. He got some teeth extraction at there and got neutered as well. No blood test done while he's there.

He's eating well as per usual and no more drooling. I continued feeding him twice a day but one day, around 21st May, I noticed that his appetite seems to not be so great. He can take up to one hour to eat just half a canned of food and off he go. He's not as energetic as usual too. On some days, his appetite will be good, on some days, his appetite wouldn't be good. He still finishes his kibbles tho. So it's abit hard to determine if he's sick.

Therefore I asked for help from a shelter organisation to see if they'll be able to help with the medical bills if I bring him to the vet as he's really too skinny. Fortunately, they're able to help with the bills but on the T&C of if the bills is gonna be too huge or that they think the cat's quality of life isn't good, they have the right to PTS the cat. On the 26th May, after his breakfast, which he unexpectedly ate a lot, I managed to get him into a carrier and brought him over to the vet. But he's too aggressive at the vet hence they're unable to get close to him. He had his breakfast so he can't be sedated. Vet asked me the release him back to the community first and feed him gabapentin one day before the next appt, and on the day of next visit, before they can do sedation on him for a blood test.

The organisation suggested me to foster him as it might be hard to catch him again if we release him back to the community.

But I'm unable to foster him since I'm not too sure if he's Felv or fiv negative as I've a pet cat at home. So the organisation suggested that I can bring him over to another clinic for boarding for a day and I can come and collect him on 29th May and bring him back to the original clinic for checkup and blood test.

On 29th May, I went to the place that he was boarded at and brought him over to the original clinic. On the way to the clinic, I was scratching his head and him purring away in the carrier. He's still alert and all. Dropped him at the clinic and I went home waiting for news.

Around 11.30am, I received a call from the organisation that the cat's blood test results is very very bad that they suggested for the cat to be euthanasia. I told them to wait for me as I want to say my last goodbye.

I was crying the whole day, seeing him under sedation and the vet explained to me that his red blood cells is extremely low indicating anemia. His WBC is high indication there's some infection going on. The vet could feel that the cat's kidney is enlarged as well but she need to do ultrasound in order to make sure. She told me I shouldn't prolong the suffering of the cat even tho blood transfusion is one of the option but it'll be costly and hard to find a blood donor immediately. Vet said that she suspected that he had end stage kidney failure. I couldn't say anything since I handed the cat over to the organisation in order for a complimentary checkup.

So, he was put to sleep on that day. Till now, I'm feeling the guilt. What if I didn't bring him for a checkup? Perhaps, he could have escaped the euthanasia and might be able to pass on naturally with me by his side. And me feeling guilty again that a normal checkup turns out to be his last day on earth. I promised him that I will bring him back home if he's Felv and Fiv negative.

Till now, I don't get why he should be put to sleep. I've attached a copy of his blood test, can anyone enlightened me on what could be the reason? I can't get over the grief at all. I feel so guilty as he is still alert and he is still eating (even tho not much). I miss him so much.

I wish more test could be done on him to figure out the underlying issues that cause the anemia. But vet mentioned that the RBC is alrd low so they didn't wanna do more blood test.

 

[Kflowers]

He did not die alone and in pain. You did a very kind thing by letting him go before things got worse.

This is what you saved him from going through.


In cats with acute renal failure, clinical signs include:

• Sudden onset of decreased appetite
• Lethargy or listlessness
• Vomit, sometimes tinged with blood
• Diarrhea or bloody diarrhea
• Ammonia-like odor to the breath (due to uremic toxins building up in the blood)
• Changes in urination (large amounts or cessation)
• Abdominal pain due to swollen kidneys (seen in cases of acute renal failure)
• Seizures

In cats with end stage renal failure associated with chronic kidney disease, clinical signs include:

• Anorexia/refusal to eat
• Vomiting
• Lethargy/excessive sleepiness
• Dehydration
• Confusion (possibly pacing and restlessness)
• Changes in behavior (withdrawn, irritability)
• Uncontrolled urination or defecation
• Ammonia-like odor to the breath
• Seizures
• Decreasing body temperature
• Greasy, unkempt, thin hair coat

Kidney Failure In Cats | PetMD

 

[epona]

No no please do not feel bad, you did the exact right thing for the cat.
It is natural to feel guilt in these situations, we all do, it's part of our compassion to wonder whether we did the right thing.

But please trust me you did right by your feral friend, it sounds like he was extremely unwell and you were right not to let him suffer.

(Edit just to add: I have had a pet cat, my beloved Sonic (in my avatar) who was in end stage renal failure and I had to have him euthanised - there really isn't a huge amount that can be done at that stage - trust me if I'd have been able to do anything to save him I would have done so, but it just wasn't possible. Your feral one sounds like he was at a similar stage).

 

[fionasmom]

I am sorry for your loss. First of all, you took care of this cat. He knew that someone was feeding him and you provided medical care for him when you saw that he had dental issues. You did not simply hand him over to some organization to be euthanized.

If there can be humane intervention in the lives of suffering or very ill animals, I believe that it should be taken. Letting an animal "die peacefully at home" is usually the exact opposite of what happens. Serious anemia is very difficult to treat, let alone figuring out what caused it which has to be part of the treatment plan. Anemia and kidney disease can be connected, which means that this cat had two very serious conditions facing him.

It is very possible that he would have gone off to hide as he became weaker and passed away in some place that you were not aware of.

You did the bravest thing that you could do for him, even if it does not feel that way right now.

 

[di and bob]

It's perfectly natural to feel guilt and remorse after what happened, you had invested a lot of time, money, and most importantly your heart into him. It's easier for someone on the outside to look at what he had going on and say it was the kindest thing for him not to wake up, now you have to convince your heart that is so. with everything he had going on, including the kidney problems, the anemia, and the white blood cell count, his suffering would have gotten worse. You prevented that. You stepped in to help him and do whatever you could, no one else did. You were an angel to him, giving him a few weeks of happiness, food, and caring. please concentrate on that, not his end. It does nothing but bring pain and changes nothing.
His little soul is at rest because someone cared, and that someone is you. This is something that you will never get over, you work through it. Time is the only thing that helps to put things into perspective and heal a broken heart. Give your poor heart time to fill that hole that was created with his passing.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. you really tried and you have to rely on the vet's expertise now. They have seen so much suffering.....
RIP beautiful boy. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[gilmargl]

I was looking at the blood test results when the head of our local shelter looked over my shoulder and took in a sharp intake of breath. She thought it was one of our cats with "no red blood" as she put it. Although we try to save as many cats as possible, she would have not hesitated to have had such a sick, cat euthanised. So don't feel guilty.

Cats don't always die peacefully in their sleep. They often suffer intensive pain and have violent seizures. You saved him from such an experience. As fionasmom pointed out, he would probably have taken himself off and hidden somewhere to die alone. You may have heard him scream - but that wouldn't have been of any comfort to you. You petted and comforted him on the way to the clinic. You were thinking positvely at the time and no doubt conveyed to him the fact that you loved him and wanted only the best for him. Take comfort in the fact that you were there, that you were on his side, that he had nothing to fear and that now he has found peace.

 

[TeaMatcha]

I was looking at the blood test results when the head of our local shelter looked over my shoulder and took in a sharp intake of breath. She thought it was one of our cats with "no red blood" as she put it. Although we try to save as many cats as possible, she would have not hesitated to have had such a sick, cat euthanised. So don't feel guilty.

Cats don't always die peacefully in their sleep. They often suffer intensive pain and have violent seizures. You saved him from such an experience. As fionasmom pointed out, he would probably have taken himself off and hidden somewhere to die alone. You may have heard him scream - but that wouldn't have been of any comfort to you. You petted and comforted him on the way to the clinic. You were thinking positvely at the time and no doubt conveyed to him the fact that you loved him and wanted only the best for him. Take comfort in the fact that you were there, that you were on his side, that he had nothing to fear and that now he has found peace.

Thank you for your kind words. I feel so much better now I wonder how he managed to hang on for so long with such low RBC too. The vet wondered too. I guess I just feel a little puzzled as to why he still managed to eat kibbles when he's so sick. Perhaps, he knows that his time is coming up soon, maybe that could be the reason why he's eating a lot more than usual on the day I took him to the clinic for the first time.

I guess I just couldn't really accept it as I don't get the reason why is his RBC so low. But I understand that the vet didn't wanna take more blood from him for further testing of his organs as he left with so little blood. For days, I'm comforting myself that he died of end stage kidney failure due to CKD as vet mentioned that his kidney felt enlarged.

I'm getting better as the days goes by, I miss petting him and sitting by his side, if only his owner didn't abandoned him when he need them the most. But I know I need to let him go, for his soul to leave peacefully. I'm looking forward to meeting him in the afterlife in the future

 

[TeaMatcha]

It's perfectly natural to feel guilt and remorse after what happened, you had invested a lot of time, money, and most importantly your heart into him. It's easier for someone on the outside to look at what he had going on and say it was the kindest thing for him not to wake up, now you have to convince your heart that is so. with everything he had going on, including the kidney problems, the anemia, and the white blood cell count, his suffering would have gotten worse. You prevented that. You stepped in to help him and do whatever you could, no one else did. You were an angel to him, giving him a few weeks of happiness, food, and caring. please concentrate on that, not his end. It does nothing but bring pain and changes nothing.
His little soul is at rest because someone cared, and that someone is you. This is something that you will never get over, you work through it. Time is the only thing that helps to put things into perspective and heal a broken heart. Give your poor heart time to fill that hole that was created with his passing.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. you really tried and you have to rely on the vet's expertise now. They have seen so much suffering.....
RIP beautiful boy. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

Thank you for your comfort, really appreciate it I'll always keep him in my heart, my first rescue case and he'll always be special

 

[TeaMatcha]

I am sorry for your loss. First of all, you took care of this cat. He knew that someone was feeding him and you provided medical care for him when you saw that he had dental issues. You did not simply hand him over to some organization to be euthanized.

If there can be humane intervention in the lives of suffering or very ill animals, I believe that it should be taken. Letting an animal "die peacefully at home" is usually the exact opposite of what happens. Serious anemia is very difficult to treat, let alone figuring out what caused it which has to be part of the treatment plan. Anemia and kidney disease can be connected, which means that this cat had two very serious conditions facing him.

It is very possible that he would have gone off to hide as he became weaker and passed away in some place that you were not aware of.

You did the bravest thing that you could do for him, even if it does not feel that way right now.

This is my first rescue case and my first loss ever since I started caring for the strays. I'll continue to be brave and continue to care for the others with him in my heart

Thank you for your advice and kind words I hope that he'll be happier at the other end.

 

[TeaMatcha]

No no please do not feel bad, you did the exact right thing for the cat.
It is natural to feel guilt in these situations, we all do, it's part of our compassion to wonder whether we did the right thing.

But please trust me you did right by your feral friend, it sounds like he was extremely unwell and you were right not to let him suffer.

(Edit just to add: I have had a pet cat, my beloved Sonic (in my avatar) who was in end stage renal failure and I had to have him euthanised - there really isn't a huge amount that can be done at that stage - trust me if I'd have been able to do anything to save him I would have done so, but it just wasn't possible. Your feral one sounds like he was at a similar stage).

Vet suggested blood transfusion but it's too costly and risky hence they're not gonna do it. At first, I couldn't understand why they're not gonna at least try to do a blood transfusion, and I was kinda of feeling guilty, because maybe if I didn't hand his case over to an organisation, I could have opt for blood transfusion, even if I couldn't afford it, I would have find ways to get the money. But right now, thinking logically, even if a blood transfusion managed to prolong his life, one day, the anemia is gonna return due to if him suffering from end stage kidney failure. As the root cause of CKD is unable to be get rid off. I can't be sure if he really had CKD but vet did mentioned that she can feel that his kidney are enlarged.

I wish I met him earlier, I wish I helped him earlier. The month of May, I finally decided that I should TNR him and get his dental treatment done, cared for him for two weeks when he's back from sterilization and dental, brought him to clinic again for a blood test due to lack of appetite and the next moment, he's gone. Too much things happened in the month of May, there's too little times for me to spends with him. I thought that I could cared for him longer but life is so unpredictable.

I can't imagine how much pain his little body is handling all this while without anyone helping till I came along. How cruel people are as they've have been calling him names such as - the rubbish chute cat, as he used to be covered with drools, brown discharge, yellowish fur and dirty paws. He don't deserved all that at all. He's just a fearful cat that's defending himself by appearing to be aggressive towards humans. I'm glad that I named him before he left this world. At least, he's leaving this world with a name, rather than being called as the rubbish chute cat.

I'm so sorry for your loss about Sonic too how long has it been since Sonic left this world? Are you coping well with the loss?

 

[di and bob]

As one who has lost so many strays and ferals, there is only one thing to do, just keep going.......I keep saying NO MORE, I CAN'T DO IT, until the next skinny little face shows up......

 

[fionasmom]

Animals live in the present much more than humans do. Your cat knew that he had finally found someone who cared for him and that took away a lot of the bad memories of other people and their unkindness to him.

The first rescue and first loss are very hard and I don't mean to suggest that this all gets easier or that you become calloused to it. But over time you will start to gain perspective and see how much good you have done, even if was only for a short amount of time.

I rescued a young boy once who desperately wanted help. He had been on the street for a while from what I could tell and passed away in less than a year from cryptococcus. I was happy that I was able to do what little I did for him. Like your cat, he went from bad to worse and there was no way back, even if a lot of money had been spent.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Friend, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

You did your very best for him. You gave him love, and in you, he found a home, if not a house. You walked him to the Gate between This Adventure and his Next Great Adventure, and sent him on his was with your love beside him. Now, from That Place Where All Things Are Known, he blesses you, he knows all you wanted for him, and he sends his love, translated and purified into Love, back to walk with you down through all of your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

 

[nurseangel]

I understand why you feel this way, because we probably all would (here) in the same situation. In reality, you did the kindest thing by letting him go. You kept him from suffering. You loved him and you still do. Please don't feel guilty. You did right by him. You made the unselfish decision, which is often the most difficult one.

 

[Antonio65]

I'm sorry for your loss.
From what I can see in the blood work report, the cat was very anemic and had an infection going. Anyway he was regenerating his red blood cells, so it is possible that in the long term things could have gone better.

We don't have the chemistry for this cat, so we can't tell if there was anything else going on.

I had two feral cats in the same condition in my colony. They appeared lethargic, they would drool, their body was slowly wasting, their coat was unkempt, etc.
They were all diagnosed with a severe anemia, non regenerating. The vets said it was an immuno-mediated hemolytic anemia.
They were all put on prednisolone, only one made it. The other two cats were proposed for a transfusion. They both died hours away from the transfusion.

All the cats were proposed for euthanasia, and I always said no, I wanted to try just everything.
I don't regret my decision. At least one is still alive and is doing very well three years later.

What I have noticed in the last few years at the vets is their excessive use of euthanasia to fix any issue they face with, especially when it comes to ferals and strays!

 

[emocatowner]

That is a crazy low HCT. I don't know how that kitty was even conscious. My dude dropped to 17 a couple times and he was so weak, struggling with appetite etc. we were seriously starting to discuss putting him to sleep. At 15, it's "urgently needs blood transfusion, else organ damage starts happening". Under 10, it's "how is this cat still alive" territory.

Blood transfusions are not only expensive and hard to get for cats, they're also risky. So even in the most ideal circumstances, if you were a multi-billionaire taking this kitty to the best hospitals in the world, it's likely he wouldn't have survived.

 

[Antonio65]

Blood transfusions are not only expensive and hard to get for cats, they're also risky. So even in the most ideal circumstances, if you were a multi-billionaire taking this kitty to the best hospitals in the world, it's likely he wouldn't have survived.

I was told that there weren't many risks involved in a blood transfusion, every time the vets proposed it to one of the cats that I take care of.
The donor has no risks at all.
The recipient cat might have some risks. The only time we were able to perform it, the cat survived.
In my country it isn't even expensive, it's about €250, not the cheapest thing you can come across, but anyway it's still affordable for most pet owners.

 

[emocatowner]

I was told that there weren't many risks involved in a blood transfusion, every time the vets proposed it to one of the cats that I take care of.
The donor has no risks at all.
The recipient cat might have some risks. The only time we were able to perform it, the cat survived.
In my country it isn't even expensive, it's about €250, not the cheapest thing you can come across, but anyway it's still affordable for most pet owners.

Don't get me wrong, if anyone is in a position to do it, they definitely should.
I'm just saying, if they can't make it happen, they shouldn't beat themselves up over it.

 

[TeaMatcha]

I was told that there weren't many risks involved in a blood transfusion, every time the vets proposed it to one of the cats that I take care of.
The donor has no risks at all.
The recipient cat might have some risks. The only time we were able to perform it, the cat survived.
In my country it isn't even expensive, it's about €250, not the cheapest thing you can come across, but anyway it's still affordable for most pet owners.

Per blood transfusion cost about €2714.43 in Singapore. It's crazy expensive for anything here If I could afford it, I would have go ahead with it but it's really too much for me to afford