A question about Animal Rescue/TNR groups blacklists?

Whenallhellbreakslose

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Hello, I wasn't going to put up another thread for so soon, but this question has been bothering me for a while and I think because of this blowout with my neighbor (via email), I may be put on a blacklist. What leads me to believe this is:

1) How the TNR group did not want to hear my concerns for the cats on my block no matter how legit my points were. Also, didn't want to hear that I believed my neighbor was hoarding and how I was only looking for help because we have a large post tnr colony and she may be adding cats to that number. Also, it was her husband who was crying about get the cats out of his yard. The tnr group also thought the fight with my neighbor was more and less my fault, even though this lady wrote a vicious email to me and I gave it right back to her highlighting her lies and bs behavior.
2) The people from other rescues who previously said they would help me are not returning my calls. These are other local groups who know this tnr group very well. So I guess that's that for seeking any help locally.
3) I just heard some mean gossip near my block talking about this crazy perdictment between me and that neighbor that happened last week ending with "yeah, and they said that she is mentally ill and that is why they won't help her. They cut her off when she was talking to them." It is true that the tnr group shut me down and didn't want to hear what I had to say and this is via email. I talked to them like I talk to people here. What is this crazy label about? I was nicely trying to show them we have a problem on my block, but was given no consideration. Someone is badmouthing me unfairly because people are given me dirty looks on top of what I heard earlier.

To wrap this up, I feel I am on the blacklist(Do Not Help list). While I understand a reason for blacklists because of bad people who have bad motives (like the DNA list), I do not like people who act like the "lionesses at the gate", if they don't like you, they will make sure no one likes you. I was working at putting this situation behind me, but I am really pissed off at how I am being treated. Not fair.😡😡😡
 
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Whenallhellbreakslose

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There is a saying that really stands out in my mind right now. "Never waste your time with people committed to misunderstanding you." I would love to add to that also committed to misjuding and and mislabeling you. Everyone should give everyone a fair chance. If more people did this the world would be a much better place.❤❤❤
 

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Oh dear. Many here understand the frustrations you describe. Labels are unkind. You really do need to just ignore the humans who are being cruel with their gossip and just focus on taking care of the cats as best you can. Rise above the others, take the high road and continue to be gracious, smiling and friendly. Pretend you don’t even recognize those unkind words. Arguing your point will not help you or the cats. I have found that cruel gossiping people are very confused by repeated kindness towards them. They expect venom to be stirred up. Surprise them! If you are the “ better person”, so to speak, then those speaking harshly will end up looking like tactless and cruel people. Show the rest of the world the empathetic and sweet person who is kind and patient with helpless animals and polite and happy towards others. Instigators are trying to push you into looking bad. Don’t play that game. It may take time but the final impression will be that you withstood the storm, remained a wonderful human and continued your good work while others behaved badly. The word will spread. Let the others show their true colors and you can bet that eventually, others will notice. What goes around, comes around. I would suggest that you just stay away from any remarks, discussion or interactions that are not pleasant until this situation settles or even shifts. I am so sorry you experienced this. Turn to the cats. Their love is unconditional. If seeking outside help, put your focus only on helping the cats you are seeing and don’t bring up other humans until you are established as a trusted rescue human with those you get to know. Network outside those locals just for the cats that you personally help. In the meantime, turn to TCS. This is a place filled with loving and kind cat people whose focus is on what is best for all cats.
 

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Oh dear. Many here understand the frustrations you describe. Labels are unkind. You really do need to just ignore the humans who are being cruel with their gossip and just focus on taking care of the cats as best you can. Rise above the others, take the high road and continue to be gracious, smiling and friendly. Pretend you don’t even recognize those unkind words. Arguing your point will not help you or the cats. I have found that cruel gossiping people are very confused by repeated kindness towards them. They expect venom to be stirred up. Surprise them! If you are the “ better person”, so to speak, then those speaking harshly will end up looking like tactless and cruel people. Show the rest of the world the empathetic and sweet person who is kind and patient with helpless animals and polite and happy towards others. Instigators are trying to push you into looking bad. Don’t play that game. It may take time but the final impression will be that you withstood the storm, remained a wonderful human and continued your good work while others behaved badly. The word will spread. Let the others show their true colors and you can bet that eventually, others will notice. What goes around, comes around. I would suggest that you just stay away from any remarks, discussion or interactions that are not pleasant until this situation settles or even shifts. I am so sorry you experienced this. Turn to the cats. Their love is unconditional. If seeking outside help, put your focus only on helping the cats you are seeing and don’t bring up other humans until you are established as a trusted rescue human with those you get to know. Network outside those locals just for the cats that you personally help. In the meantime, turn to TCS. This is a place filled with loving and kind cat people whose focus is on what is best for all cats.
Not truer words were spoken....very well stated and can also apply to a lot of other situations with ignorant people....there are always two sides to every story..
“Whenallhellbreakslose” my thoughts are with you and I hope things will take a turn for the best for you and the poor cats...if more people could be a little more thoughtful and kind this would be a better world...Good luck! 😻😻
 
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Whenallhellbreakslose

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Oh dear. Many here understand the frustrations you describe. Labels are unkind. You really do need to just ignore the humans who are being cruel with their gossip and just focus on taking care of the cats as best you can. Rise above the others, take the high road and continue to be gracious, smiling and friendly. Pretend you don’t even recognize those unkind words. Arguing your point will not help you or the cats. I have found that cruel gossiping people are very confused by repeated kindness towards them. They expect venom to be stirred up. Surprise them! If you are the “ better person”, so to speak, then those speaking harshly will end up looking like tactless and cruel people. Show the rest of the world the empathetic and sweet person who is kind and patient with helpless animals and polite and happy towards others. Instigators are trying to push you into looking bad. Don’t play that game. It may take time but the final impression will be that you withstood the storm, remained a wonderful human and continued your good work while others behaved badly. The word will spread. Let the others show their true colors and you can bet that eventually, others will notice. What goes around, comes around. I would suggest that you just stay away from any remarks, discussion or interactions that are not pleasant until this situation settles or even shifts. I am so sorry you experienced this. Turn to the cats. Their love is unconditional. If seeking outside help, put your focus only on helping the cats you are seeing and don’t bring up other humans until you are established as a trusted rescue human with those you get to know. Network outside those locals just for the cats that you personally help. In the meantime, turn to TCS. This is a place filled with loving and kind cat people whose focus is on what is best for all cats.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. This negativity does annoy me because they don't know how I struggle everyday to get these cats feed. I am financially limited and I constantly get yelled by the owner of the house who puts limitations on what I could do. I have gotten a lot of aggravation over feeding cats from all ends on top of this falling out with my neighbor and how unfairly the tnr group treated me, hence my very first post on this site started with the words in the title, "At my Wit's End." Everything is working against me taking care of the outdoor cats, but I do what I do everyday out of love and compassion for the cats. What ticks me off and this happens pretty much everywhere is people trying to discredit you and any good work you have done by constantly thrown shade on you. Well, as you said what goes around comes around. I will keep my focus on the cats. I am still going to have to figure out the winter shelter situation because if these cats are coming to me starving, that's not a good sign. I am so glad I found this forum, everyone is very nice here. I did join other such groups elsewhere, but there was too much drama and I couldn't stomach it. Well, I hope you are having a good day. Sending good thoughts your way.🤗

P.S. You have very cute kitties. Reminds me of some I feed. 😺😸😺
 
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Whenallhellbreakslose

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Not truer words were spoken....very well stated and can also apply to a lot of other situations with ignorant people....there are always two sides to every story..
“Whenallhellbreakslose” my thoughts are with you and I hope things will take a turn for the best for you and the poor cats...if more people could be a little more thoughtful and kind this would be a better world...Good luck! 😻😻
Thank you. My grannie always use to say "Be kind to everyone, you don't know what they are going through." I wish people, instead of making snap shot judgements about other people, heed those words. Also, as you mention there are two sides to the story. People who play fair, never rush to judgment or rush to someone's side without hearing the other person's side as well. Well, one day they may be on the receiving end of this behavior, and then maybe they will finally learn a lesson or two. Thanks for your reply. Have a great day.😊
 

moxiewild

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Is it possible they’ve blacklisted her, as well?

I ask because I have known some rescues to “blacklist” both parties in a situation simply because they aren’t certain who’s telling the truth or not, which makes being a productive force in the situation difficult.
 

moxiewild

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It's really a shame that this is going on. It is not helping the kitties at all. IF she is hoarding isn't there a task force in your county or state that can do a check?
Not if they are community cats.

Caretakers are not bound to community cats like owners are to pets. You can’t physically abuse them, but it’s not neglect if you abandon them or don’t feed them adequately.

If anything, contacting the city would simply result in removal of the cats, which virtually never ends well for the cats.
 
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Whenallhellbreakslose

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Is it possible they’ve blacklisted her, as well?

I ask because I have known some rescues to “blacklist” both parties in a situation simply because they aren’t certain who’s telling the truth or not, which makes being a productive force in the situation difficult.
Maybe they eventually did that, but they defended her at the time they emailed me and were dismissive of anything I had to say, so right now I think it is just me. Meanwhile, I heard the neighbors complaining again. I am worried they may trap soon. Right now the small group of cats I feed in the backyard are missing a whole bunch of feedings at a time. They may be going where my female cat(who was sick some weeks back) is going. She came to me yesterday and ate well enough and looks okay. If they are going to another feeder I am fine with that, but I am always worried the cats will be trapped and brought to Animal Control. The other feeder, better wake up soon or one day this will happen. I am sure she will blame me, saying I took them off the streets.🙄

The cats I feed on my front stoop are getting hungrier and hungrier. I am thinking of how I will get them through winter(Extra food, more high calorie food, some kind of discreet winter shelter out front, etc) I brought these concerns up to the tnr group, they totally said the other feeder has got everything under control and to just feed my backyard kitties. If I got blacklisted for showing concern over the welfare of those cats, I think this group is very bias against me. I mean two weeks went by from my original email telling this of this situation with the cats and asking if they knew anyone who could help the situation.(this was before the blowout with the neighbor) they had no intentions of answering it and than gave me a short, generic reply with no interest in at least of directing me to someone who could be helpful. Then they sent me an email regarding my falling out with the other feeder, totally defending the other feeder and being dismissive of what I had to say. They were very unfair from the getgo. Also, another that bothers me. A few years back, I bought $100 worth of stuff from there wishlist (Kitten food and supplies) and had sent to there address. I know it was delivered to them, however; they did not acknowledge or thank me. My info was there in the card attached. They didn't even mention anything on their FB page. I always thought that to be rude and shrugged it off, bit now I know it was because someone in that group didn't like me. Don't know what I did to deserve this shoddy treatment. Totally unfair.
 
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Whenallhellbreakslose

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It's really a shame that this is going on. It is not helping the kitties at all. IF she is hoarding isn't there a task force in your county or state that can do a check?
In my state, there are laws against neglecting or abusing feral cats and wildlife.
However as Moxiewild mentioned, the last thing you want to do is get Animal Control or ASPCA involved. It may mean certain death for the kitties. If the other cat feeder doesn't wake up soon, these cats may end up trapped and taken to Animal Control. However, with animal hoarders they never see the problem and the cats suffer. I will keep looking for help outside my area. I hope this tnr group sees the whopper of a mistake they made backing this woman. If ASPCA is called in, it is going to be a major embarrassment to them.
 
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