A Hard decision

CarmiesMom

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I'm making a difficult decision today, to give my Beloved Carmie up. Caramel Delight was born to two feral parents about 5 years ago, and untill recently was the sweetest most affectionate girl, she would sleep on my chest and purr while making biscutts but since the boys Precious and Houdini passed shes been acting off wont hardly leave the kitchen where she watches the back door for mice we get one now and then as wrre only a block from the tracks, shy's away from my hand when i try to pet her now and then though i can still pet her when shes in the mood and has thinning hair on her back half and has chewed the center of her tail which was damaged years ago when she was a kitten and never grew much hair, and has lost weight she couldnt afford to loose tonight she tried to jump over my grandfathers recliner he sleeps in now and then and scratched his head and face twice in one night 3 Am & 5 am i had an appointment with her at the new vet coming up on Thursday but affter two scratching incidents in one night i'm affraid she has to find a new home. i hate it but i cant have her hurting him again.
 

rubysmama

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I'm so sorry you're dealing with this difficult situation, but I'm not sure re-homing Carmie right now is the best idea. Not until you can figure out what's causing her new unwanted behaviour. I'm just afraid that any new owners will also be unhappy with her behaviour, and they might not care about her as much as you do, and might do something drastic like just dump her out in the country to fend for herself.

I totally understand your worrying about your grandfather, but can Carmie be confined to one room till her vet appointment on Thursday. She may have an ailment that is causing her to behave this way, which medication could quickly clear up. She might also be depressed from the passing of Precious and Houdini, as cats can mourn after a loss.

Here's a few TCS articles that might be helpful. Good luck. I hope things work out for you and Carmie.

Do Cats Mourn? – TheCatSite Articles
Bored Cat? What Cat Owners Need To Know (including 10 Actionable Tips) – TheCatSite Articles

Stress in Cats – The Ultimate Guide – TheCatSite Articles

35 Signs That Your Cat May Be In Pain – TheCatSite Articles
 

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Definitely sounds like it could easily be a medical issue.

Even the scratching could have a medical cause, if its only what you've described. Cats like to go on the top of recliners, resting behind your head. And that is certainly something a cat would do at night when your grandfather is sleeping even if the cat is skittish during the day. But if there is a medical issue causing difficulty with vision or balance, accidentally scratching your grandfather could just flow from that.

If you can afford vet care - and who knows what the issue is at this point or how whether its big or small $ - then the solution proposed by rubysmama rubysmama above seems like common sense. If you can't afford vet care, thats an issue of course, but right now, it could be something simple, and you might get your loving cat back.
 
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IndyJones

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Please don't rehome her if possible . Cats with behavior problems often are deemed "Unadoptable" and are euthanized. Age isn't on her side either as most people want kittens.

If scratching is a problem try claw caps. They are advertised as a declawing alternative but could also protect your family from being scratched. They basically go on like acrylic nails but for cats.
 
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CarmiesMom

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Please don't rehome her if possible . Cats with behavior problems often are deemed "Unadoptable" and are euthanized. Age isn't on her side either as most people want kittens.

If scratching is a problem try claw caps. They are advertised as a declawing alternative but could also protect your family from being scratched. They basically go on like acrylic nails but for cats.
I dont want to rehome her but its not just my choice as i've said before i'm a live-in caregiver for my 92 year old grandfather and as he is on blood thinners ths could be dangerous for him. even though I dont always enjoy the lack of pivacy and putting up with the constant chatter and fussing(sorry i rarely get a out of the house longer than a trip to hy-vee and my nerves are a bit raw) i do so (going on 6 years now) because no one else in the family will and we dont want him in a home as he's in good shape for his age and still active.

so for now Carmie's not happy but shes confined to my bedroom untill thursday another aunts husband died saturday and the funeral is wednesday i'm hoping between his hat and the first aid (alcohol and tripple antibiotic ointment and band aids) i applied that it will be healed enough no one will notice or ask him then thursday is caramels vet appointment i'm half affraid shes eaten a bad mouse and the vet will say the kindest thing is to let her go, as i found half of one in the kitchen floor shortly affter the boys passed. another thing is our local shelter is a promise shelter they only euthanize if theirs no choice or no hope. if the vet says its greif or stress we'll get claw caps and a pet carrier to put her in at night as we used too her children as kittens to keep them out from under the recliner while he slept to ensure no kitty squish he likes the cats but is understandably upset over her scratching him that way twice in one night. if its serious well w'll have to try and rehome as i dont have a lot of money this job dosent pay squat to ammount to anything enough to keep the bills up along woth his check and a few extras as well as kitty food but if its anythig thats gong to require multiple tests and overnight stas well i'll have to surrender her and the shelter has had several cats with Felv and FIV they successfully addopted out.
 
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CarmiesMom

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I wote that yesterday but didnt get it posted an update this evening we added a kitten from the feral colony to the house and let them meet she seemed to perk up i guess she didnt shy from my hand and she purred for the frst time in two weks i also fed her some f the kitten food and smeered Nutri-Cal on her face will be doing the same to Butter(New kitten) tomorrow and will post pics of him when i get a chance ..anyway i think he might be good for her but still shes going to the vet thursday to be safe.
 

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...i rarely get a out of the house longer than a trip to hy-vee and my nerves are a bit raw...
I think that's a big part of your problem, right there. You need a day off! Not just a single day off. You need at least one or two days a week you can call your own. For cryin' out loud! I work in a busy factory and we get weekends off, despite working up to ten hours of overtime each week. It's not fair for your family to leave you in charge of your grandfather's care 24/7!

Is there any way you can get a home health care company or a visiting nurse to come and sit with your grandfather for an afternoon?
If you call your County Assistance department, maybe they can help you get Medicare to pay for some of the cost.
At least one of your other family members could come and give you a Saturday off, once in a while!

If you can manage that problem I'm willing to bet a lot of your cat problems will become more manageable.
If for no other reason than to give you a little bit of time to yourself to think about things and come up with a good solution.
 

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On re-reading your original post, I'm a little confused about the layout and the "tries to jump over the reclyner" comment. It sounds like a cat error in judgment or ability, and not something done to be mean. That could be because of a medical reason -- cat's often don't realize their ability is less when they have a medical issue, or it could be that its just a manuever the cat shouldn't be doing in the first place. If its the latter, something that the cat just shouldn't be attempting, you can potentially solve that part of it just by moving stuff around. With the other issues you've seen, the vet is a good first step, but do think about whether the furniture needs to be moved a tad! The injuries stink, but cats do accidentally injure their humans now and then when they misjudge things. Usually its not such a big deal, but with your grandfather being vulnerable and the layout of where the reclyner is, its a problem. Just saying, I think its either a layout problem, or a medical issue, not a behavioral problem.

I am not sure a kitten was the right move. With your grandfather's situation, a friendly laid back adult might be better. Kittens need to be trained out of doing stuff like climbing up your pants leg, which can hurt a bit! They play bite, and need to be trained out of that too. Stuff that is harmless to most, but might be a problem with you so stressed and your grandfather so vulnerable. Well, the ship is sailed I guess, but you need to be mentally prepared to have some training to do as the kitten causes trouble!
 
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CarmiesMom

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On re-reading your original post, I'm a little confused about the layout and the "tries to jump over the reclyner" comment. It sounds like a cat error in judgment or ability, and not something done to be mean. That could be because of a medical reason -- cat's often don't realize their ability is less when they have a medical issue, or it could be that its just a manuever the cat shouldn't be doing in the first place. If its the latter, something that the cat just shouldn't be attempting, you can potentially solve that part of it just by moving stuff around. With the other issues you've seen, the vet is a good first step, but do think about whether the furniture needs to be moved a tad! The injuries stink, but cats do accidentally injure their humans now and then when they misjudge things. Usually its not such a big deal, but with your grandfather being vulnerable and the layout of where the reclyner is, its a problem. Just saying, I think its either a layout problem, or a medical issue, not a behavioral problem.

I am not sure a kitten was the right move. With your grandfather's situation, a friendly laid back adult might be better. Kittens need to be trained out of doing stuff like climbing up your pants leg, which can hurt a bit! They play bite, and need to be trained out of that too. Stuff that is harmless to most, but might be a problem with you so stressed and your grandfather so vulnerable. Well, the ship is sailed I guess, but you need to be mentally prepared to have some training to do as the kitten causes trouble!
the kitten wasn't really a choice it was either bring him in or let him get run over as he was playing in the road and refusing to stay out of it we live on a busy street and though for the previous 13 months theirs been no traffic to speek of durring the bridge replacement now we have more than ever s Semis can go over the new concrete bridge where they couldnt the wooden one that was thier before. so the ne year old cats in my colony have had to adjust most of them are leaving two the farmer has backed out on and butter was to go to waiyside waifs with the other 3 kittens and the Mama who was still supplementing wth milk but he refused to stay out of the road and we recently lost 2 of our indoor kitties (Caramels sons and turns out Precious passing wasnt nessicarily caused by fleas theirs something at our former vet he's just the first of four cats(Tat I'm aware of) that have passed affter being at that vet overnight yes they were all pretty severe when they wnet in but always the prognoisis was good for recovery my aunt cat is one of them she went in calcium diffecent and was sent home two days later the next daay she suddenly develloped breathing issues and died,, other was one of them who went in due to an issue with a mass which was found to be benineg (non cancerous) but the cat passed two days later again sudden resperitory distress. so... i'm gratefull we switched vets) so i went out and bought a new litter box and set it up in my sitting room/spare bedroom ad for now he's under a laundry basket i have a pack and play im buying off swap shop for when he's a bit bigger he will be confined at night ad when i'm not home untll he's too big to fit under or is out of the age to hide under my grandfathers electric recliner the two who passed had some close calls with the works when they were bigger than Butter is now. so i ge maybe brining him in wasnt the best for grampa and scratches but he agree we couldnt let the little yellow puff ball be kitty squish either and he's liked butter fr a while as he sees all the ferals on his way to the grage and butter was always taggig along behind the colony adult male Baby (he's Bambino but i called him baby ) were keeping him out of the 10 we currently have in the colony for rodent control in my grampas garage where he works on bicycles.(he's male and the city agreed if hes nutered and vaccinated i have 90 days to do so, so that works.

my grandfathers recliner is set next to a coffee table he uses as a side table then at the end of said coffee table which one end is even with the front of his chair is a short cat tree which is even in height with the coffee table Carmie lke to tae a flying leap from on top of the dogs pet carrier which she sleeps in at night(Shes a four legged garbage disposal LOL eat anything not nailed dwon) over to Grampas recliner and then of or she'll get on the foot feed of it and try to jump onto the back behind his head our house isnt the biggest but its what we have but its looking like confining her to my room at lest at night is going to work we have 5 cats besides Butter(Kitten) and most are laid back Caramel is our lil accrobat but dosent try anything like that in the day time its only at nightbut yeah my mom talked me out of making any firm deisions till affter thursdayIN the pic below the foldng table is tucked behind the coffee table height cat tree (IT was taller before Caramel cme in its getting old but its one of the few places we can put it we have a new one back by my computer desk and MIgnon is slowly getting used to it my gial is to get the old one out of the house by the end of next week. the chair back in the for ground is where i was sleeping on the sofa that night as he wasnt feeling well i pull my computer chir up to the sof and sleep sitting up when that happens but next to that chair is the dog pet carrier too the right of it tht is and its about knee high and yeap only place i can put the pet carrier the house is laid out really weird it was built in staages the first of it by a cole miner in the 1890's my bedroom and the back half was added on in 1906 the kitchen and out of order half bath were added in 1899-1900 from what we can find in the 20's it was cut into appartments and was turned back into a single family home in the 80's so we have a big living dinning media rom at the frnt of the house then off that is my grandftehrs bedroom the kitchen and the halway at the verry end of the hall way iss my bedroom to the right is my sitting room/spare bedroom and utility room i used a day bed s a sof and have a tv and coffee table set up and oppisit that is our full bathroom my sitting room /spare bedroom dosent have a door to it so e cant snfine her in their or i would and shed be fine but it hasnt had true door in years as the thermostat is located in the room that controls the furnace that heats the house in the winter it has a curtain
IMG_20210612_210158.jpg
 
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CarmiesMom

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I think that's a big part of your problem, right there. You need a day off! Not just a single day off. You need at least one or two days a week you can call your own. For cryin' out loud! I work in a busy factory and we get weekends off, despite working up to ten hours of overtime each week. It's not fair for your family to leave you in charge of your grandfather's care 24/7!

Is there any way you can get a home health care company or a visiting nurse to come and sit with your grandfather for an afternoon?
If you call your County Assistance department, maybe they can help you get Medicare to pay for some of the cost.
At least one of your other family members could come and give you a Saturday off, once in a while!

If you can manage that problem I'm willing to bet a lot of your cat problems will become more manageable.
If for no other reason than to give you a little bit of time to yourself to think about things and come up with a good solution.
My mom helps when she can but shes not too much better off than he is she has epilepsy and severe arthritis from a car accident where she broke her back years ago, my sisters (cousins mom raised because their parents suck) live 1 1/2 and 5 hours away and the younger whos 5 hours away wont come back to town due too her addiction issues their are too many temptations in the way of old friends and the other has 2 childern under the age of 5 and her wife is an OTR driver, my aunts two are unable to help much due to health issues the other two are always working my uncles th eldest is i a long term care facility he has early onset althzimers (sp) and has for the last ten years but two years ago became violent with his caregiver and threatened to kill his son. and the other uncle is too busy he has his own trucking company along with a fertilizer spray company for farmers and is trying to get a water sprayer machine to rent out so hes never around..my cousins most wont even consider it they have "lives and Families" direct from my cousin when i asked her to invite him over for the day one of my cousins helps when he can because the OTR company he worked for fired him affter he had a heart attack in the truck yard but claim they fired him the day before and thus werent liable for his medical costs as his insurance was vided with his termination yet the day of his heart attack that morning he had gotten his next route load order which was for that evening...anyway he helps when hes not out doing hadiman work untill his lawsuit is finished and also cas for his mom who has emphazema as for brning in outside help he wont have it he insists they steal stuff and he really dosent like anyone but family being in his house (my name is also on the deed which is one of the reasons cousins wont help they see me as taking advantage because he chose to gve me the house (not that its much needs a roof and foundaion repairs) so now and then i can get him to go to my aunts for poker and that will get me 6-7 hours and if i mke arrangements a week or two in advance my cousin will come and sit with him for the day while i take a trip to ST Joe which is an hour and a half away. so i do get time away itsjust with the pandemic things got a lil worse.
 
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CarmiesMom

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i was able to have a day out today as thanks to your urging i had a heart tio heart with my cousin and he came over mowed the lawn helped Grampa with his bike and just generally kept him happy ad safe for the hours between 12:30 and 5pm and it was awsome i'm getting a shorter break thursday delivering two of the feral colony kittens (older than butter by nearly 3 weeks) to a new home 45 min away bt tomorrow isnt going to be easy as my sunt Grampas eldest daughter whos on a walker and oxygen at 72, (referance her mother my Grandma passed at 73 from emphyzema and heart failure complicated with diabetis) anyway My aunts husband passed and the funeral is tomorrow at 2 but we have togo to a family lunchen before hand i hate those everyones so critical of me and my care of Grampa, though they have no desire to help or do so themselves so tomorrow is going to be high stress for me but the brght side is caramel seems to be a little better but still shying away she;ll cpntinue to be confined a nigt asthat seems to be keeping any more incidents from occuring and the table height cat tree is out with the trash this evening it was 4 years nearly s years old and lost the top 2 levals over a year ago.the new tree has been liberally coated in Nip with a few fav treats in the crows nest. as its on the other side of the room in the corber farthest from the recliner next to the computer cabinet it should end the jumping and scratching. :)
 

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i was able to have a day out today...

...everyones so critical of me and my care of Grampa...
I am absolutely delighted to hear that! :)

People don't understand that a person can't spend their every waking hour with their ears and eyes peeled 24/7 in case any little problem might pop up. You just CAN'T! It'll send a person to an early grave!

I hope you will be able to get a regular day off. If you could have just one or two afternoons off each week it'll make a big difference!

If other people don't like the way you take care of Grandpa, tell them that they can either come over and help or else they can go fly a kite.

You're doing yeoman's work. You deserve a break!
 

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I was a long term caregiver to three people and it takes a heavy toll. I hope you can get a break. Another suggestion to the scratching would be letting the vet trim her claws a bit. There are solutions to be had but you need rest and relaxation to even think about how to handle the daily issues that come along from all sorts of things. Keep talking to that cousin that helped and look for moments during each day when you can just take a deep breath and find some small pleasure for yourself. I often just went outside to look at how beautiful the sky is or take a walk around the house. Anything that gives you small pleasures could be good. Our thoughts and hopes are with you, your family and all the kitties.
 

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if the vet says its greif or stress we'll get claw caps and a pet carrier to put her in at night
If you're going to keep her confined at night, something bigger than a pet carrier, like a dog kennel, would be better. That way you could put her food, water and litter box in there with her. Otherwise, she would feel stressed, I think.
 
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CarmiesMom

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seems the vet belives it is stress and sold me a calming collar for her as well as trimmed her nails, he suggested we try claw caps as well and said he will put them on for us at $10 per pair of paws so we're going to go that route, we also we're able to purchase a pet taxi for a huge dog said it should hold dogs up to 150 lbs from FB swap someone had ordered online only to find it didnt work for their needs got it for half the price they paid. anyway its bog enough for a small dish pf fppd and has a water bowl that wires to the door and just enough room in the back for a small dollartree litter box about half normal size, but it seems to work last night though i was just exhausted my grandfather had had insomnia for three nights running and where as he can nap in his chair durring the day i usually dont have that luxuary so i was wiped out and forgot to confine Carmie but this morning i woke up to find her on my chest like before purring contentedly while making biscutts on my blanket and shirt which was nice , she wants Butter out where she can play with him but his appointments is tomorrow to be given a once over untilll then he stays pretty seperate Royal may need to go in again soon as he has been digging at his ears the last couple days but the vet's receptionist said give it a day or two to see if its perhaps an allergy if it dosent clear up by tuesday make an appointment... thank you all fir your advice and thoughts i'm glad i didnt make any hastey decusions below are pictures of Butter and Caramel

Butter
229874174_365395918494769_9014031785150259445_n.jpg


Caramel
IMG_20201224_123012.jpg
 

rubysmama

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Hopefully the calming collar works, and everything gets back to the way it was before. :crossfingers:

Since you woke to find her sleeping on your chest like before, can you keep your bedroom door closed at night, so she can't accidentally scratch your grandfather while he's sleeping? Or do you keep your door open, in case your grandfather needs you. And if not, the large pet taxi sounds like it could work.

Thanks for being your grandfather's caregiver, btw. I know it's a difficult job. 🤗

Beautiful kitties. :redheartpump:
 
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CarmiesMom

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i cant close my door for two reasons 1 Grandpa might need me and 2 the only Airconditioner is a window unit in the main living room i put a large round fan in my doorway at night to draw in the cool ar and use a smalller bi fan when i have to cnfine one of the kitties in their paired with black out drapes.
 

rubysmama

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Figured something like that was the case.
 
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CarmiesMom

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Sorry uy forgot to update every one on Butter and Caramel Caramel dosent mind the claw caps and is only confined at night if i catch her on Grampas Recliner before bedtime Shes learning slowly its off limits , Butter had Herpes infection in his eyes and the vet thinks he's about a week and a half two weeks younger than i do as he only weighed in at 1.1 lbs but he eats like a horse and poopslike one as well and the vet said that was a good sign and as long as he ws eating and drinking with the eey drops i was given it should clear quickly (Well we're still fighting it as apparently it came back) anyway he's still confined for the msot part thpugh everyone else has come up andd given him a sniff with the herpes we try to keep them apaprt s much as possible vet says if this eye drop oent work he will go to oral antibiotics Caramel is back to her old self and everythings normal :)
 

rubysmama

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Thanks for the update. Glad Caramel is doing ok with the claw clips. Fingers crossed Butter's eye gets better soon.
 
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