4 Years Ago Tonight We Put Simon Down

[les26]

May 15th 2014 we put Simon down, he got stomach cancer and it was very fast and catastrophic how he went downhill, we tried everything we could but he was too far gone, cats are masters at hiding illnesses until it is too late and this was the case with him. He was a Tuxedo and had the personality of one, a "nix nux" as Debbie would call him, he'd roll on the floor kicking himself in the stomach playing, he'd be the only one on our bed upstairs and roll around when you came in the room, he'd whap the others while waiting for us to feed them, he could care less about any of them but loved Deb and I. He was about 12, was losing weight and we took him to the vet about 1 year before, they really didn't think much of anything and just thought he was getting older and losing weight as they can do, his bloodwork was great but I don't take stock in that much because we've had ones with great bloodwork pass, but he got very sick very fast, I remember him vomiting green liquid all over the kitchen floor one day and we took him and and they said there was no hope, so as hard as it was I held him as they put him down, and can still feel how his little body went limp in my arms, how I kept asking the vet "are you SURE this is the right thing to do, he still looks so good?", asking the vet "are you sure he's gone (dead)?" as for some weird reason I didn't want them to think he was but wasn't (the grief was talking), remember him as sick as he was a few days before with a bandage on his leg from bloodwork trying to run up the steps to see me when I called him, how I had panic attacks that night after he passed, felt like I was suffocating in the unusual hot weather, walking outside at 2:00 a.m. trying to escape it, how for awhile I could not be in the enclosed shower or in the dark with having panic attacks, but I just let it flow, let it out and rolled with it, and eventually I came to terms with it but every May 15th it hits me again and probably always will. But as I type this I look to my right and Sylvester is in the window, and he looks like Simon the tux part and Sebastian the long haired part although now he has short hair since he got shaved a month ago so he resembles Simon more now, and he is going to get a great big hug from me and it will feel like I am hugging Simon again, like I am hugging all 3 of them together, that is why he is so so special to me and always will be, he is a living tribute to them and a great boy in his own right and I am so glad that I rescued him and he rescued me over 2 years ago.

I know you are just fine Simon, relieved to be free of your pain riddled body, you are rolling and kicking yourself and eating and playing and sleeping and we will see you someday down the line and it will be grand, you, me and Mommy who used to call you her "precious diamond boy, Simon the diamond", we love you buddy.....

 

[solomonar]

Imagine the world around you 5 times bigger, populated by giants and metal objects running to hit you. Imagine big animals with big jaws attempting to break your neck.

Imagine it goes cold and you get no water. And rarely can find food.

Imagine one day you start feeling pain and cant help yourself.

++++

Now, imagine you are in a big, warm tent. You can find food anytime you want and some lovely giants pet you and kiss you and play with you.

Imagine every day is a joy, and giants love you and care you and make everything they can to keep you in health and good shape.

And one day, this place starts to fade, and the giants kiss you and pet you and you start seeing many colors and a warm blanket on you, no pain and nice songs around you.

+++

I believe there is a Realm of Love that has no beginning and no end, which is for us to feel but not to know. I believe every Creature has a Soul. For Souls love each other and not our bodies, for Souls are for ever and we never cease to love because our Souls last for ever.

We remember because of love and love wipe out the grief, in time, to make room for joy and smiles, that could not exist without a beautiful past. With joy we will carry on.

Simon, there is you guardian remembering you! Wave your tail, say "Miaw!" and encourage him to keep loving!

 

[di and bob]

There is no way you could have left Simon to suffer. And suffer he would, cancer a terrible disease. I only pray that an angel will save me from that pain if I need it, Simon found his angel in you.
We always relive the days leading up to the end, and for some reason all the bad events before. It's such a traumatic time it replays itself over and over, like an unending nightmare. Doing this sucks the joy out of living and the very heart from our souls. I had to purposely turn my thoughts away from delving too deep into these kinds of thoughts for a long time. I turned these dark thoughts into a learning tool so I wouldn't be doomed to repeat the same mistakes in the future. We are all only human, so failure was imminent, but as time went by, bit by bit the heart does heal, and living begins again. It has to. When I catch myself yelling at one of my babies now, I always stop and think, this could be the last day I love them, is this what I want to remember? Is this what I want THEM to take with them?
Simon will always love you, he will always be near you. Love knows no end, it is more than the pheromones and the chemical reactions that take place in the body like some claim. It may start out that way. But physical reactions are not sustainable forever. Because there is no way to explain how love can last an eternity. How even after the physical presence is gone from our own lives, we keep on loving, and we can feel the love that they keep sending. Because love is more than physical, it is spiritual , so eternal.
When we choose to delve into that darkness that is our pain, we bring darkness to the love that was our light for so long. We bring a shadow into that beautiful place that was our happiness. And I know our little ones wouldn't want that for someone they loved with the pure, simple, passion they possesed for every part of living. Whether it was napping in a beam of sunshine or intently watching a bird outside the window, they threw their whole being into what they were engrossed in at the moment, they knew how to live. They knew how to love.
Your precious Simon is beyond hurt now, beyond the pain. He is so grateful for the life and the love you gave him, he is so happy for the honor given to his name by passing a bit of his love onto another. By allowing it to grow, to see sunshine once more. His love is secure. The place it holds is immortal through your remembrance and through the love you will always share with him. Rejoice in that love, and know you are so very blessed to have received it. Allow sunshine back into your heart because that is where he resides now, and you want him to know the warmth of your love, not the coldness of your pain.....my heart goes out to you my friend, I know how much it takes to get through a loss so great. Smile through your tears because though the pain of loss is great, the joy of knowing and loving that sweet boy is greater!

 

[Antonio65]

How strange it is that the day I remember Lola's birthday is the same day that Simon left this earth.
We both remember that day for different reasons and with different feelings.
In the future I will remember Lola's birthday while remebering Simon's leap to the Rainbow Bridge.
And now that they are both at the Bridge, they will say that they have something in common and this will make them great friends.

Simon, where you are now is a wonderful place, it'll be even better when we'll be all together again.

 

[di and bob]

AMEN!

 

[les26]

Thank you all for the kind words, and I know that he is just fine now, but this time it hit me hard, I have not been feeling too good these last few days and I am blaming it on this lousy weather we have here in Eastern Pennsylvania as the mold and other pollens are just horrible and when I feel a bit under the weather things bother me more which I'm sure we all can say, but I know he is just fine where he is and am happy that he is happy.

I remember when the woman who lived in an older folks home called us to tell us about him she said he hides in the bushes by the door and if you talk to him he comes out, and that someone was feeding him popcorn and he would try to enter the building, so one day after work I went over to see this cat and there was a couple there who were trying to trap some kittens as it was October and they said "he's usually around here, I don't know where he is.....oh there he is!" and he was standing right next to me and we didn't know it! I asked if I could pick him up and they said "you can do anything you want to him" as he was a calmer cat, and I asked several times "are you sure he doesn't have anything to do with these kittens?" as that would be horrible to take him away, and they said "no, he doesn't deal with them" and they were right, he wasn't fazed when he saw them. At the time we had two female cats, and I remember thinking "is this a good idea getting a third cat?" which makes me laugh as we now have 9, and remember seeing him standing by himself and it was getting cold out and thinking "ah, let's go, this is your lucky day fella" but it was also our lucky day as he turned out to be a WONDERFUL cat and provided us with lots of laughs. I had a box with me but he didn't even need that, he just stayed in the passenger seat of my Bronco, and at one time stood up and looked out the passenger window and cried, and I thought "I wonder if he doesn't want to leave there?" but kept driving as I knew his life would not be good unless someone there took him in so we went to the vet, I carried him right in and told them "this is my new cat. please check him out" and they were amazed that I could just walk in with him in my arms! The rest is history.

Thank you for the great responses, I am okay, it just hit me hard yesterday, harder than some years but that just shows the strength of the love meant so much to us both.

Thank you.....

 

[les26]

And also I almost called him "Sylvester" but settled on Simon and that fit wonderfully, and now Sylvester is the perfect name for this current guy so that all worked out!

 

[les26]

And I also recalled that last year this anniversary hit me hard and I was trying to figure out why and I remembered today that this time last year and this year Sylvester got shaved down in April because of his matted hair and he is short haired now like Simon was so he resembles him a lot more than he does Sebastian when he has long hair like Sebastian did! I know it might sound crazy, but visually when his hair is short I think of Simon more now, two years in a row now!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Simon, dream you deep. Truly you walk in someone's heart forever.

Those sweet, sweet memories are the best memorial our loved ones (no matter how many feet they have) can ever ask.

 

[Timmer]

It's a privilege to be a part of their lives, isn't it? I love hearing stories of how people met their kitties. Thanks for sharing with us. I always told my cats "Now remember the day we met?" and I talk to them about it. They always sit and listen to me, fascinated.

You have some really great memories of Simon. He was very very lucky to have you. It's not fair when they go so young. I currently have a tuxedo and she's getting up there but rarely sick. Timmer was my boy and I lost him in January to IBD and possible GI lymphoma. Sometimes certain ones affect you more than others and he was the love of my life. I've had many cats and it sounds like you have too, but Timmer and Simon were extra extra special to us. I only had Timmer 8 years and he was 10-11 when he passed. It's not even been six months yet for me since he's been gone, I still cry almost every day, sometimes just a tear and sometimes on my knees telling God, this really hurts and I miss him so much!

I kind of think my only real hope for some kind of lovin is getting another cat from the shelter. My Lupita is sweet but doesn't like to be held at all and won't cuddle except in bed. She's more of an independent kitty. But I don't think I'm ready to adopt, and she and Timmer never got along, so I kind of want her to have a peaceful life for as long as she has. But I know somewhere out there, if not now, later, is a kitty for me to love.
And you have 9?! Wow!

 

[les26]

It's a privilege to be a part of their lives, isn't it? I love hearing stories of how people met their kitties. Thanks for sharing with us. I always told my cats "Now remember the day we met?" and I talk to them about it. They always sit and listen to me, fascinated.

You have some really great memories of Simon. He was very very lucky to have you. It's not fair when they go so young. I currently have a tuxedo and she's getting up there but rarely sick. Timmer was my boy and I lost him in January to IBD and possible GI lymphoma. Sometimes certain ones affect you more than others and he was the love of my life. I've had many cats and it sounds like you have too, but Timmer and Simon were extra extra special to us. I only had Timmer 8 years and he was 10-11 when he passed. It's not even been six months yet for me since he's been gone, I still cry almost every day, sometimes just a tear and sometimes on my knees telling God, this really hurts and I miss him so much!

I kind of think my only real hope for some kind of lovin is getting another cat from the shelter. My Lupita is sweet but doesn't like to be held at all and won't cuddle except in bed. She's more of an independent kitty. But I don't think I'm ready to adopt, and she and Timmer never got along, so I kind of want her to have a peaceful life for as long as she has. But I know somewhere out there, if not now, later, is a kitty for me to love.
And you have 9?! Wow!

This was a wonderful post, thank you! And yes we have 9, used to hover at 10 but it is 9 and we often talk about how we have to try to let the number dwindle as we are in our mid 50's now and I often say "the way they are going they'll outlive us!" as one good thing that comes from losing some is you learn about things like cat vitamins and fish oils that I give them all, things we wished we had done when Simon and others were here but you learn as you go.

And your heart will lead you the right way to go, whether to get another kitty and when, I think you will figure it out just fine, your heart will lead you there.

 

[Plumeria]

Wow, Simon crossed on May 15!? He really has so many similarities with Leroy, though my baby made the journey on the 18th. And you're in PA! I am too lol. I love that you have so many cats. Your house sounds like a cat lover's dream. I'm sorry you went through all those panic attacks and more when you lost your baby. It really is mentally and physically taxing. Exhausting. Simon sounds like a hoot. I'm glad you still have Sylvester and the other kitties on this side of the bridge. I do think it helps with healing if you have other kids around you. I'm used to having multiple cats too, but at this time, Leroy was my only boy. He came into my life soon after I moved here and has truly been my rock. Losing him so suddenly and painfully has shaken me. I think he will forever be my special baby boy for sure.

I agree with you about having to learn as you go. Even after growing up with cats and living with quite a few over the years, I have just now learned about feline supplements, oral electrolytes, how canned food like Fancy Feast Gravy Lovers have a lot of starch that's bad for cancer, and I assume IBD. I really wish I knew about this when Leroy was still healthy, and I would have fed him a different diet.

I will be following in your footsteps and getting another cat. Hopefully more than one. There are many babies that need homes and I am a mommy in need of babies.

 

[les26]

Wow, Simon crossed on May 15!? He really has so many similarities with Leroy, though my baby made the journey on the 18th. And you're in PA! I am too lol. I love that you have so many cats. Your house sounds like a cat lover's dream. I'm sorry you went through all those panic attacks and more when you lost your baby. It really is mentally and physically taxing. Exhausting. Simon sounds like a hoot. I'm glad you still have Sylvester and the other kitties on this side of the bridge. I do think it helps with healing if you have other kids around you. I'm used to having multiple cats too, but at this time, Leroy was my only boy. He came into my life soon after I moved here and has truly been my rock. Losing him so suddenly and painfully has shaken me. I think he will forever be my special baby boy for sure.

I agree with you about having to learn as you go. Even after growing up with cats and living with quite a few over the years, I have just now learned about feline supplements, oral electrolytes, how canned food like Fancy Feast Gravy Lovers have a lot of starch that's bad for cancer, and I assume IBD. I really wish I knew about this when Leroy was still healthy, and I would have fed him a different diet.

I will be following in your footsteps and getting another cat. Hopefully more than one. There are many babies that need homes and I am a mommy in need of babies.

Yes when the time is right you will get one again, you have too much love to give not to share it with one in need!

We have lost 5 kitties since we started getting them back in 1995, and all of them hurt badly, but for me some reason Simon and Sebastian the two boys who Sylvester looks like combined, they hit especially hard and I had anxiety after they passed for some reason; it is funny how you deal with things both physically and mentally, and that is how it came out in me after they both passed. And when Sylvester's time comes to join them I will truly be a wreck, he helped me after Sebastian died in my arms at home and I helped him out of a bad situation so we truly have a tight bond, but he is only about 6 so I hope that he stays with me for many more years, but we never know, we can just take care of them the best that we can and hope for the best!