3rd Month into introduction, help moving to the next step

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lurealC

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He loves catnip, but only sometimes. Hes not phased by lasers and has been very fussy by when he wants to play. Today was the first time I had seem him actively seek out play with us.
 

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A wee update, i’ve dialled stuff right back. Maggie is back in her room for the most part, ive set up a little cat tent with all her bedding and am clicker training her to pop in there. While Maggie hasn’t been around Clancey has returned to his former self, hes scratching ALL his scratch posts and sleeping on his favourite donut next to the couch (he avoided this while Maggie was out and about) he has been playing, and playing with himself which I havent seen him do in so long.
i’m trying toas frequently as i can, pop into Maggies room for plays and pets, but she is meowling at the door a lot.
i’ve done very short site swaps about 15 mins 2 x today which has been fine.
That's great. You are doing right by Clancy then. ❣ It's hard to scale back but it's the cats comfort level and not anything you've done.
 

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A wee update, i’ve dialled stuff right back. Maggie is back in her room for the most part, ive set up a little cat tent with all her bedding and am clicker training her to pop in there. While Maggie hasn’t been around Clancey has returned to his former self, hes scratching ALL his scratch posts and sleeping on his favourite donut next to the couch (he avoided this while Maggie was out and about) he has been playing, and playing with himself which I havent seen him do in so long.
i’m trying toas frequently as i can, pop into Maggies room for plays and pets, but she is meowling at the door a lot.
i’ve done very short site swaps about 15 mins 2 x today which has been fine.
I also did the clicker training in my bedroom then let her out. My Maggie is very emotional and gets jealous over Coco so I give her lots of tlc. She no longer needs the clicker
 
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lurealC

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Another update: things have been odd. Its hard to know if things are different. Ill pop Maggie in her tent and let Clancey in, hes become braver in that aspect. Likes to come and watch but i can tell hes still nervy and sometimes if he comes up to the door of her tent she will whack him. They’ve sniffed through a crack in the door but this always ends up in more whacking. I let Clancey come into the room today briefly while Maggie was playing, but he hid and she bum wiggled and jumped on him. Someone squaked and he ran out a bit scared, but lingered by the door. Need to scale back again im guessing, it still feels like she is more territorial of our living space. Should i completely stop any interaction between them both and see if that makes a difference? I’ve also been leaving one of Clanceys blankets in her room during the day and he then sleeps on it at night.
 

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Leave as is I would think. He learned nothing awful happens.

If someone squeeked and then there was a back off, that's a good thing. It's communication. He didn't go to far. And she didn't pursue.

There's going to be a level of discomfort to get to the next step. You want to ensure that after the interaction that the stress level comes back down and Clancy is able to play. This might be a few hours later.
 

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I agree with @Alldara,as she's mentioned it's about the cats comfort level and you are describing "communications "now- prior to your "scaling back" there wasn't ant communication,it was just triggered response,explosive-so there is progress being made
Continuing on seems appropriate,no need to stop and scale back again as Alldara said-now they must get past this step,here's where things just take time for cooling off
You mentioned"Coco".... this is one I don't recall in the mix-is Coco a canine?Forgive me but I must've missed that part somehow
 
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lurealC

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Hi guys, i feel like things are progressing potentially. i’m doing lots of clicker training!

Clancey will very nervously approach her room and come in if I am in there, his confidence waxes and wanes but he’s not hiding like he used to.

She has only jumped on him once and it was like a big slap and then jumped off and away pretty quickly.
I’ve had her in her tent in the room with Clancey playing quite close. She doesn’t seem too phased by this.
I’ve worked on having her in the tent in our shared space but if Clancey is wandering around she will still fixate on him, but this is only in the living area and not really in her room.
I’ll give them a couple of greeting times during the day and he will let her sniff his face (shes very pushy when she does this) and she sniffs his bum, he hasn’t sniffed hers yet. There has been lots of through door batting, but some has been soft. Some batting in person but it doesn’t go any further then a few whacks and a walk off.
I’ve been trying to spend plenty of time with Pepa in her room but lately she has started meowing the house down in the evenings, and when she is in the living space alone she has started smearing her little face all ober the place (is this a kind of marking?)

I guess my questions is, keep going as is? And is it ok to just ignore the howling? She has so muchstuff to keep her entertained in her room, lots of things to jump on, scratch, toys to play with, and play with her when
 

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Hi guys, i feel like things are progressing potentially. i’m doing lots of clicker training!

Clancey will very nervously approach her room and come in if I am in there, his confidence waxes and wanes but he’s not hiding like he used to.

She has only jumped on him once and it was like a big slap and then jumped off and away pretty quickly.
I’ve had her in her tent in the room with Clancey playing quite close. She doesn’t seem too phased by this.
I’ve worked on having her in the tent in our shared space but if Clancey is wandering around she will still fixate on him, but this is only in the living area and not really in her room.
I’ll give them a couple of greeting times during the day and he will let her sniff his face (shes very pushy when she does this) and she sniffs his bum, he hasn’t sniffed hers yet. There has been lots of through door batting, but some has been soft. Some batting in person but it doesn’t go any further then a few whacks and a walk off.
I’ve been trying to spend plenty of time with Pepa in her room but lately she has started meowing the house down in the evenings, and when she is in the living space alone she has started smearing her little face all ober the place (is this a kind of marking?)

I guess my questions is, keep going as is? And is it ok to just ignore the howling? She has so muchstuff to keep her entertained in her room, lots of things to jump on, scratch, toys to play with, and play with her when
Indeed,cats have scent glands around their heads ,& face and she's depositing pheromones when she rubs her face on things,it's is to say"Mine,mind,mine-its all mine"lol
It's quite normal and that's how cats communicate and claim their territory -:they'll even do it to you!!!"She's mine,mine, mine"❤
I think you're doing splendidly and it sounds like there's been much progress. Pepa being vocal might be best ignored at this point,although your giving her lots of attention during the day it seems she'd like it round the clock,let's see what others think about that....she's meowing in her room,I'm a little confused about where she is when she's howling down the house( lol) ?Why is Pepa not out n about at night may I ask?
So who's Coco?
 
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lurealC

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Thanks for your response!
We are keeping her in her room most of the time while we do the reintroduction process (as we cant keep her out in the main living space with clancey) so we give her little bouts to run through the house. Or we have her in the main living space in her tent while we are there, which is what was suggested? To scale things back quite a bit.
Coco is another posters cat. I have Clancey & Pepa (formerly known as Maggie).
 

Kwik

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Thanks for your response!
We are keeping her in her room most of the time while we do the reintroduction process (as we cant keep her out in the main living space with clancey) so we give her little bouts to run through the house. Or we have her in the main living space in her tent while we are there, which is what was suggested? To scale things back quite a bit.
Coco is another posters cat. I have Clancey & Pepa (formerly known as Maggie).
Oh my goodness,sorry I had no idea who "Pepa" was!
Yes,that is what was suggested with Pepa( formerly known as Maggie)lol
And thanks for clarifying,I got confused there for a minute 😀
Love the new name,puuurfect fit!
 
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lurealC

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Oh my goodness,sorry I had no idea who "Pepa" was!
Yes,that is what was suggested with Pepa( formerly known as Maggie)lol
And thanks for clarifying,I got confused there for a minute 😀
Love the new name,puuurfect fit!
Haha! Yes we decided against Maggie, cause she looks like Salt & Pepper so we decided to rename her with Pepa. ♥
 
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lurealC

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Things have regressed :-( Clancey is back to hiding more and Pepa is lurching from the tent. They’ve had a few tiffs but Pepa will back off now. Feels like we are treading water 😩
 

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Hi L lurealC
I wish I could SEE their body language,when Pepa goes for Clancy is her body in a forward or backed up position,this is quite telling- it's the difference between wanting to play roughhouse( mock fighting, hunting,ambush) or actual aggression..... try to notice how her body is positioned
Hiding is not necessarily a bad thing, Clancy is putting space between himself and Pepa in avoidance,he's simply not ready to engage,share territory or space .. of course some cats personalities simply do not mesh and nobody wants a cat that is going to hide all the time to live that kind of existence so it has to be sorted for them to co- habitate peacefully
Many people simply leave cats to work it out themselves,this only excalates,cats don't resolve their issues through fighting,unlike dogs who live in packs and establish heirarchy- cats prefer to avoid rather,they don't have pecking order
Firstly,I'm going to go back to the shared feeding practice,in the overall situation here I do believe it is best to have multiple feeding spaces( same bowls,different individual spaces far apart and the same with beds & perches for vertical space.....now here's an idea to have better control,see what you think...
How about working individually to leash train the kitties,every single domestic cat I've ever had or work with I leash train- this gives me control and is not difficult at all..... l walk my 4 outside,they walk together,sometimes single file or side by side but it helps them to engage without conflict,you can easily correct and separate BEFORE a squabble and reward them for good behavior( like sitting nicely together)... It's an idea,left to their own devices cats will find many ways to release those spurts of energy they have and it's not easy getting a cats undivided attention but with a leash it's easily attainable..they are both young,immature and are at the perfect age to get their focus on doing fun stuff with you and each other.....
It's a process right now and it's 5steos forward,3 back,5 forward,2 back,3 forward ,1 back- if you get what I'm saying - your continual regimen is good,Pepa must be distracted from her fixating on Clancy and he needs the separation,it can be a long or short process but you shouldn't get discouraged ,just stick to your routine until she figures out her behavior is unacceptable and he realizes he is safe and has space enough not to hide.....Competition for ANYTHING must be eliminated,as I said that includes food,water,litter,beds and perches....I do hope you are encouraged and you find this helpful information because it can be quite discouraging when it seems too be taking Sooooo long,setting the dos & don'ts now will pale compared to a lifetime of a peaceful environment ❤
 
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lurealC

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Yeah, i’m feeling very disheartened as I can see clancey looks quite un-confident again. And its been a strain on all parties in the household as this has been going on for months on end now. I’m really trying the best I can.
I’d say her body language is more forward when shes approaching him. He will often lift a paw and whack her away. I think she is getting better at listening to him.
Today she lunged at a toy that was near Clancey and he belted so fast, and since then he has been so onedge.
This morning he was resting on the windowsil in his bed. She had approached him a few, sniffed and walked away. She later came back and softly put her paw on his bum, gently tried to lick him but his ears aeroplaned out to the side, then she jumped on him after he made a little noise. and then ran off, looking quite scared.
Later today she lunged at a toy that was near Clancey and he belted so fast, and since then he has been so onedge.
Even if i move he has been jolting, and just generally looks sad.
My heart is breaking cause it feels like its not working out and we can’t afford to get a behaviouralist to come in and help us.
 
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lurealC

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Should I get a free feeder for them? Pepa is quite a greedy guts. I’ll see if i can get some footage of their next interactions
 

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Yeah, i’m feeling very disheartened as I can see clancey looks quite un-confident again. And its been a strain on all parties in the household as this has been going on for months on end now. I’m really trying the best I can.
I’d say her body language is more forward when shes approaching him. He will often lift a paw and whack her away. I think she is getting better at listening to him.
Today she lunged at a toy that was near Clancey and he belted so fast, and since then he has been so onedge.
This morning he was resting on the windowsil in his bed. She had approached him a few, sniffed and walked away. She later came back and softly put her paw on his bum, gently tried to lick him but his ears aeroplaned out to the side, then she jumped on him after he made a little noise. and then ran off, looking quite scared.
Later today she lunged at a toy that was near Clancey and he belted so fast, and since then he has been so onedge.
Even if i move he has been jolting, and just generally looks sad.
My heart is breaking cause it feels like its not working out and we can’t afford to get a behaviouralist to come in and help us.
Okay,a ",forward" body stance is GOOD,that's not aggressive-so that's a positive tell..... don't be disheartened,I know it's really difficult to witness the odd man out type of avoidance from Clancey,it just breaks your heart....I have a little bit of a hectic day today and I do need to get started right away and there's a couple of things to talk about -so I wanted to tell you I am listening and I will be back later ,I've actually contacted a friend of mind at the ASPCA because she'd mentioned to me about some help you might be able to get( possibly free?) from certified behaviorist who retired and do some volunteer work( maybe you can pm me the area and I'll look into that for you?)-It's worth a try?
So,I'll be back sometime later and we'll talk more,okay? Footage would help tremendously- Stay encouraged,love conquers ALL!And lots of patience ❤👍
 
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