2 yr old siblings cats (neutered male and spayed female) cannot get along

__Dina__

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ive had them since they were like 5 or 6 months old and they've always been together. the main problem is that my boy cat bothers my girl cat. she will be doing her own thing and then he will just calmly walk up to her and "attack" her from behind. she ALWAYS runs away and never engages with his "playing". he will attack her with biting (not sure how hard, no blood though) and swatting and wrestling where she will snarl and vocalized her distress/(pain?) and will run away. she isnt good about holding her ground (though yesterday i saw her do it which was amazing!) and she tends to just run away to avoid conflict. he will chase her and pounce on her and pin her down though unless i get in between them. theyve never shown aggression to me, just to each other. they are both affectionate with me. they mostly get along (like 80% of the time) where they will watch the birds outside together, they eat perfectly nicely together, they use the litter boxes just fine, and they even groom each other (every few days for a couple min). they sleep together too sometimes (though less frequently recently, i think its because its gotten warmer).

they behave the best and friendliest during the day (12pm-4pm). they are also mostly sleeping during this time. when things get rough is mostly in the evenings (7-9pm) and sometimes in the morning (8-11am). he will just go for her and just bother her like its no big deal and no amount of me saying NO or anything has ever even deterred him in the slightest. i recently bought a tall pet gate which gives me a few hours of sanity, but i dont want to use a gate for forever.

ive read about mega-males and potentially hidden testicles and maybe he has some of that "male-ness" left in him, but i kinda doubt it. ive been emailing my vet and shes given me suggestions but nothing has worked. THIS INCLUDES PLAYING WITH HIM FOR HOURS/DAY. literally, in the past two weeks, ive played with him for 1+ hours per day with the wand toy where he chases it full speed like theres nothing else that matters, and at the end he lays on his side exhausted. but it doesnt do anything to curb his drive to attack her. my vet says theyre both physically healthy. he is just very high energy i guess and doesnt get that she isnt playing when she shouts and runs away.


just looking for general advice from people in similar situations. ive also tried feliway (didnt help). i think they would both be happier if they had a cat enclosure outside (but as i live in an apartment, i cannot give them that for another few years...)
 

FeebysOwner

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Hi. How old are they now? I can only offer a couple of ideas. 1.) use distraction when he starts to bother her, and that generally means more play time. Or, see if a kicker toy might work - toss it at him when he goes for her and see if he will go for the toy instead. 2.) if distraction doesn't work, pick him up tell him "no" or hiss at him and then place him in a time-out room for a couple of minutes. When you let him out again, just ignore him and go on about your business. This technique will only work if you do the same thing each and every time he attacks her - and, it could take weeks for him to 'get it'.

If they are relatively young, some of his behavior will subside as they age, and she actually might stand her ground more too!
 

gilmargl

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This is not unusual. Just because they are siblings, doesn't mean they'll enjoy living together. Usually, 2 males or 2 females get on with each other quite well, but with a male and a female, the male is usually larger, heavier and sometimes likes to be boss cat. Apart from trying to tire him out by playing with him, I can only suggest you ensure that she has a few places where she can hide to get away from him.
My brother had this problem with 2 lovely cats. I always felt sorry for the female, who was accused of being a scaredy cat, a stupid cat, a nuisance - just because she was bullied by her brother and wanted to hide from him.

Good luck!
 
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__Dina__

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Hi. How old are they now? I can only offer a couple of ideas. 1.) use distraction when he starts to bother her, and that generally means more play time. Or, see if a kicker toy might work - toss it at him when he goes for her and see if he will go for the toy instead. 2.) if distraction doesn't work, pick him up tell him "no" or hiss at him and then place him in a time-out room for a couple of minutes. When you let him out again, just ignore him and go on about your business. This technique will only work if you do the same thing each and every time he attacks her - and, it could take weeks for him to 'get it'.

If they are relatively young, some of his behavior will subside as they age, and she actually might stand her ground more too!
they are 2 years old. he does like kickers. i have two but they are not that long. i was also considering getting him a longer one. his behavior has not changed since we've gotten him and its certainly be the worst since the past 3 months. i will add that my boyfriend had to move out for his job in jan so that was a big change.
 

maggie101

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For some cats, including mine, age does not matter. One problem iis that Maggie is bigger than my other cats and wants to play when they dont. As soon as my cat Peaches jumps higher,she will stop. I have clicker trained Maggie to come when called incase Peaches is trapped
 
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