1 year on

KK300

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 3, 2021
Messages
87
Purraise
154
We lost our beautiful Sammy a year ago. It hasn't got any easier, I miss him so much, he was such a special little guy. I feel quite traumatised, and keep questioning whether we should have put him through the interventions that we did. We honestly believed we could save him, we were wrong. I miss him every day, he was my best friend. We still have his medication dossette box in the cupboard, because we can't bear to throw away his meds.

I miss him so much
 

WMM201

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Jan 1, 2019
Messages
231
Purraise
417
Location
Michigan
K KK300 how heartrending to read your post. Your Sammy sounds like he was a wonderful boy. I believe truly that you must have acted in his best interests and that Sammy understood that you were doing your best to help him feel better. He must have crossed the bridge feeling enveloped in your love. ❤
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

KK300

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 3, 2021
Messages
87
Purraise
154
Thank you so much.
He was my best friend, and I miss him every day.
I truly believe that he was my catty soulmate, and there is a huge gap in my life after losing him.
Looking back, we did every medical intervention available, but I feel so guilty, because maybe we caused him pain / discomfort, when we should have admitted defeat.
I have his ashes in an urn in a cat bed in our bedroom.I talk to him every day.
I miss him so much.
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
15,062
Purraise
19,599
Location
Nebraska, USA
The first anniversary is a hard one, it brings up all the old memories and feelings. They do get easier as the years go by, please try to concentrate on the happiness he brought you and the time he spent in your life.
You did everything you could to save that precious boy and still have the guilt. Because there will ALWAYS be guilt with grieving, not one of us is perfect. Please take comfort in knowing you did try everything you could, and that he is at peace because he knows he is loved. You will never get over the pain of losing him, but you will get through it. As time goes by you learn ways to manage your feelings, you will come to terms with your pain and know in your heart he would never want you to feel so bad because of him. He loved life, and you, too much to ever want to bring an ounce of pain into your own life. Just as you would not want that for him if you were the first to go......"Do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened."
 

Maria Bayote

Mama of 4 Cats, 4 Dogs , 2 Budgies & 2 Humans
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 15, 2018
Messages
3,996
Purraise
11,699
We still have his medication dossette box in the cupboard, because we can't bear to throw away his meds.
This hit me right in the heart. I can almost feel your sadness.

One of our cats, Pepsi, passed away last February while I was working overseas. Last April I finally came home for a short vacation in my country and still hoped that Pepsi would be right there waiting for me as usual. When he was alive and I was at home I'd usually carry him around the house like a baby, and he loved the attention. When I got home recently his cat food, meds, syringes etc were still in a cabinet. His collar was placed in an altar, beside the urn of my Mom who also passed away. It took me a very difficult time to donate his cat food, but I kept the rest of his stuff including his food bowl and water fountain.

I am vey sorry that you are going through this, but you are not alone. If you need anyone to talk to, we are here for you.
Hang in there.
 

Mighty Orange

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Apr 9, 2022
Messages
113
Purraise
187
You have had the good fortune to be loved by a cat. They touch your heart. It is normal to still miss them. A cat's love is a pure love, they do not stay just to get food. They stay because they have a connection with a human.
 

Mamanyt1953

Rules my home with an iron paw
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Oct 16, 2015
Messages
28,513
Purraise
56,507
Location
North Carolina
Rest you gentle, Sammy, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Sammy lived, breathed, and had his being wrapped in your love, in your very soul. Together, you fought a hard battle. And you did not lose, because Sammy passed through the Gate between this Adventure and his Next Great Adventure, still wrapped in your love. Now, from his home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, he blesses you daily for your care, and he has sent his own love, translated and purified into Love, back to walk with you down through all of your days. He is with you still.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10

KK300

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 3, 2021
Messages
87
Purraise
154
The vet gave us his paw prints, and a cutting of his fur. These have become our most treasured possessions, which we keep in our safe. He really was my soul mate.
 

danteshuman

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 27, 2017
Messages
4,660
Purraise
5,384
Location
California
Dante was my soul kitty. I miss him still. Jackie (foster fail) helped me through my grief. In fact it was because of my loss of Dante that I try to celebrate every holiday with the 3 “kittens.” (My mom adopted the other two.) I take pictures and everything. Even though Jackie is not my soul kitty, I love him (& his 2 siblings) to pieces.

Might I suggest fostering a pregnant mana cat or two? That way you still have furry ones in your house but you are not committing to adoption until you are ready.

I would also suggest a memorial service and when you are ready, symbolically letting him go ..... to meet him on the other side.

It is weird but what helped me was petting a cat while I talked out loud to my dead cat. Over time that morphed into me telling Jackie about how I miss his Uncle Dante.

AB838529-A642-48A3-8213-0826CADF8E90.jpeg
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13

KK300

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 3, 2021
Messages
87
Purraise
154
We're having a memorial for him tomorrow, a year after we lost him. He was so intelligent, funny and loving, but would occasionally sulk at me for some unknown slight!

He was part of me, and I miss him every day.

I miss him so much.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #14

KK300

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 3, 2021
Messages
87
Purraise
154
As much as I would like to adopt another cat, I just can't move past it being disloyal to Sammy, who was so special to me.
 

danteshuman

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 27, 2017
Messages
4,660
Purraise
5,384
Location
California
That was why I brought up fostering. (If you aren’t ready to foster, don’t.) Lots of mama cats just need a safe place to raise their babies. You get kitten cuteness, cuddles & playful insanity. The kittens get socialized & adopted out. The mom gets a safe place to give birth/raise her young, then gets spayed/adopted out. Win, win, win. If a cat in your home is to much for your heart you could foster a dog who needs a safe place to raise some pups.

I hear you about not being ready to adopt yet. If I hadn’t fostered and fallen in love with Nick & Jackie before Dante’s sudden untimely death; I would not have been able to open my heart to another cat. Some cats you have such a deep bond with and others you love but they are not your soul kitties. You don’t have to love all the cats the same way. Even though I don’t love Jackie the same way, I still love him to pieces & give him a good home (that knows how to handle hyper kitties.)

There is no set timeline for grief.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #16

KK300

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 3, 2021
Messages
87
Purraise
154
I have two other cats, who I love, but I don't have the relationship with either that I had with Sammy. He was so intelligent, and just my best friend. I miss him every day.
 

epona

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 24, 2006
Messages
4,637
Purraise
855
Location
London, England
In the last few days I have been through 2.5y anniversary of Radar and 6 month anniversary of Sonic - Radar's loss is like scar tissue now, it will always be there but it isn't an open wound any more. Sonic's loss is still very much a fresh wound.

All this is normal.

You don't really go back to how you were before a big bereavement, you just kind of grow around it and incorporate it into you and somehow keep on moving.
 

Nemo

TCS Member
Kitten
Joined
Jul 9, 2019
Messages
18
Purraise
60
I understand your pain. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of our saying goodbye to Nemo, my previous soul cat. Twenty days ago we said goodbye to Gizmo, who had become (or was becoming) my next soul cat. The pain does lessen over time, but how much time it takes for the memories to become less heart-rending--well that is an individual thing and should not be judged by others. The good news is, it is possible to have more than one "soul cat" in one's life. In the almost 20 years my wife and I have been married, we have been guardians to 7 cats. Three of these cats were "soul cats" for me. And each time we lost one of my "soul cats", I grieved terribly--moreso than I have grieved for some humans in my life who have passed away. But, this I know: I would rather have whatever time I can with a "soul cat" who fills my heart with joy and risk the grief at their eventual departure than to never have known them at all. The pain is real and the pain is deep, but the pain is worth it. (for me, anyway).
 

aurorabee

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Jun 6, 2020
Messages
39
Purraise
100
We lost our beautiful Sammy a year ago. It hasn't got any easier, I miss him so much, he was such a special little guy. I feel quite traumatised, and keep questioning whether we should have put him through the interventions that we did. We honestly believed we could save him, we were wrong. I miss him every day, he was my best friend. We still have his medication dossette box in the cupboard, because we can't bear to throw away his meds.

I miss him so much
So, I have been lucky to have been blessed with two soul mate cats. My first was a beautiful grey Russian Blue-type lady who lived to be 20-22 years. I was so young when I got her I can't remember exactly. Towards the last years she abruptly went blind and then had to go on blood pressure medications. She had regular check-ups and I don't remember ever having the talk with the vets. So sometimes I wonder if I kept things going too long. With that in the back of my mind, when my 12-year old cat (other soul cat) started showing some vague symptoms I emphasized her comfort. But then afterwards I agonized that maybe my emphasizing her comfort they interpreted as not doing more investigations.

I also haven't been able to throw out the medications (and it's been over 2 years since she passed). I think I am doing some sort of penance by that, I'm not sure.

I recently went to a grief workshop and it was really validating to hear the counsellor talk about that it takes closer to 2 years to process grief. The counsellor quoted a lot from this book: The Wild Edge of Sorrow: The Sacred Work of Grief
I know I had a major set-back around 1.5 years after. I would go on walks and it was all I could think about. And sometimes the strangest things can catch you off guard. I'll give you an example. My well-meaning husband put my spider plant outside but forgot to bring it in overnight and the plant died. I burst into tears seeing the lifeless plant. In my mind's eye I could perfectly see my beautiful orange girl chewing on one of the leaves as she used to enjoy. It was a connection to her. But...I cut off the dead leaves and watered that plant and would you know a few weeks past and one beautiful bright-green blade poked through the dirt and has since grown to a fully beautiful plant again.

“Grief and love are sisters, woven together from the beginning. Their kinship reminds us that there is no love that does not contain loss and no loss that is not a reminder of the love we carry for what we once held close.”
― Francis Weller
 

CaseysMom

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 7, 2022
Messages
71
Purraise
160
I never knew a cat could be a soulmate until I met Casey and lived with her for two precious (too short) years. She was definitely my soul cat.

I am so sorry for your pain you are still feeing for Sammy. I can feel it in your posts and tell how much you love him. :hugs::rbheart:
 
Top