Little Peanut

tnrmakessense

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Please send your thoughts to Peanut, a tiny feral kitten that I tried desperately to trap and bring inside. She left this world before I could save her. I didn't get to touch her until I buried her, but I loved her from the first moment I saw her. I was so close to getting her so many times. I wanted so much to bring her in and make her part of our large family, many of whom are former ferals. I'm blaming myself and would gladly take the pain I imagine she suffered at the end, if I could. I've been through this so many times before, but it never gets easier. I blame myself. I feel as though I deserve to be punished. What redemption is there for someone who fails a tiny kitten ? I know that's the grief talking, but the voice is loud and comes out of nowhere. I'm going to see a counselor tomorrow for help. FYI, many pet loss 800 numbers including the ASPCA's are no longer in service which makes me doubly grateful for this forum.
 

di and bob

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I am so sorry that you will never experience all that might have been. You tried so hard, but it was not meant to be......
I'm sure Peanut knew you loved her, and wanted to help. But living wild brings a sense of survivorship, an instinct, that makes them so very leary, so hard to get to trust. She knew nothing but kindness from you, I'm sure it filled her little heart with joy to have a friend like you. And though she died as a wild creature, she will take a part of yor heart with her for comfort, and leaves you a part of her own. To be remembered and thought of when we pass is an honor, and I'm sure she will remain a part of your very being for eternity. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and your love for that tiny girl will thrive forever in your heart.
My heart breaks for your pain. I have buried so many ferals, so many tiny ones that never got to live to adulthood. Each and every one of them is remembered and cried over, each new one like the first. Though there will always be others to fill that empty space they leave behind, each and every one is unique and loved and their memories are seared into my soul.
There are many who need your loving heart. Just like the many who have aleady felt your love. Caring for God's creatures can bring great pain and dispair, but it can also bring one of life's greatest treasures.... a cat's love. Thank you for caring, thank you for letting us know of this special little girl. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, take care my friend.....RIP sweet Peanut. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

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You are right, it is the grief talking, you have a HUGE HEART :rbheart: and want to save all of them as we do too, but it sometimes is just not meant to be. Deb & I also have failed to get some and bring them in, and we too felt bad and wondered what became of them, but it isn't always meant to be, and we feel like we "failed" them because we didn't get them and give them the good life inside with us, but sometimes it just isn't part of the plan. You did your best and tried, but most importantly you CARED, and that makes God happy. It is easy to blame yourself and beat yourself up but you did no wrong, with time these feelings will pass and you will realize that for some reason this is how it was meant to be.

I learned awhile ago that the homeopathic remedy Ignatia Amara helps with grief, shock and acute trauma, perhaps it could help you too.

You tried and that is an act of love, and Peanut knows that and thanks you for it.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless you......:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 

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You did the best you could. One can not do any better than that! Don't dwell on the one that was lost, but think of all those left that need your help.

Peanut belongs to the Angles now, and he is likely having a big time in his new home. I believe all of the kittens that have passed through my life are there to play with him.

There are countless numbers of kittens and cats in this old world that need your attention. I'm almost sure that you will have plenty of chances in the future to help some of them. Live for those cats and kittens. They are especially waiting... waiting just for YOU!
 
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tnrmakessense

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I am so sorry that you will never experience all that might have been. You tried so hard, but it was not meant to be......
I'm sure Peanut knew you loved her, and wanted to help. But living wild brings a sense of survivorship, an instinct, that makes them so very leary, so hard to get to trust. She knew nothing but kindness from you, I'm sure it filled her little heart with joy to have a friend like you. And though she died as a wild creature, she will take a part of yor heart with her for comfort, and leaves you a part of her own. To be remembered and thought of when we pass is an honor, and I'm sure she will remain a part of your very being for eternity. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and your love for that tiny girl will thrive forever in your heart.
My heart breaks for your pain. I have buried so many ferals, so many tiny ones that never got to live to adulthood. Each and every one of them is remembered and cried over, each new one like the first. Though there will always be others to fill that empty space they leave behind, each and every one is unique and loved and their memories are seared into my soul.
There are many who need your loving heart. Just like the many who have aleady felt your love. Caring for God's creatures can bring great pain and dispair, but it can also bring one of life's greatest treasures.... a cat's love. Thank you for caring, thank you for letting us know of this special little girl. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, take care my friend.....RIP sweet Peanut. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so thankful to people like you that understand mourning a kitty that you were never able to touch.
 
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tnrmakessense

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You are right, it is the grief talking, you have a HUGE HEART :rbheart: and want to save all of them as we do too, but it sometimes is just not meant to be. Deb & I also have failed to get some and bring them in, and we too felt bad and wondered what became of them, but it isn't always meant to be, and we feel like we "failed" them because we didn't get them and give them the good life inside with us, but sometimes it just isn't part of the plan. You did your best and tried, but most importantly you CARED, and that makes God happy. It is easy to blame yourself and beat yourself up but you did no wrong, with time these feelings will pass and you will realize that for some reason this is how it was meant to be.

I learned awhile ago that the homeopathic remedy Ignatia Amara helps with grief, shock and acute trauma, perhaps it could help you too.

You tried and that is an act of love, and Peanut knows that and thanks you for it.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless you......:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
Thank you so much for your understanding,lovely words, and suggestion for Ignatia Amara.
 
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tnrmakessense

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You did the best you could. One can not do any better than that! Don't dwell on the one that was lost, but think of all those left that need your help.

Peanut belongs to the Angles now, and he is likely having a big time in his new home. I believe all of the kittens that have passed through my life are there to play with him.

There are countless numbers of kittens and cats in this old world that need your attention. I'm almost sure that you will have plenty of chances in the future to help some of them. Live for those cats and kittens. They are especially waiting... waiting just for YOU!
It's funny how in happier times I really do believe there is something beyond this life - somewhere free of pain, but immediately after a loss, I can't believe it at all. Must be a component of grief or at least my way of processing it. And I will never give up on any creature in need - not while I'm drawing a breath.
 

les26

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Thank you so much for your understanding,lovely words, and suggestion for Ignatia Amara.
It helps very much, just pour the pills into the lid of the bottle (don't touch them with your fingers) and dump them into your mouth and work them under your tongue and let them dissolve. There is no taste to them, no side effects, just use them as directed on the bottle and the amounts said, more is not better.

Also I learned of Holy Basil, an herb that helps your body "adapt" to handle the stress, it is still there but it calms your mind and body so you can deal with it. I am a sensitive person and react to many things but have never reacted badly to these two, they both helped me through some dark times and maybe can help you also, Google them and you can learn about them.
 
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tnrmakessense

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It helps very much, just pour the pills into the lid of the bottle (don't touch them with your fingers) and dump them into your mouth and work them under your tongue and let them dissolve. There is no taste to them, no side effects, just use them as directed on the bottle and the amounts said, more is not better.

Also I learned of Holy Basil, an herb that helps your body "adapt" to handle the stress, it is still there but it calms your mind and body so you can deal with it. I am a sensitive person and react to many things but have never reacted badly to these two, they both helped me through some dark times and maybe can help you also, Google them and you can learn about them.
I will. Thanks very much.
 

les26

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Also you don't want to eat or drink for about a half hour before taking the pills and after, supposedly they work better that way!
 

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Hey, at least Peanut knew that someone, somewhere actually CARED... instead of hollering at her and scaring her away, or worse. You did your best, and this cat lover thanks you for your effort. Wouldn't it be great if we could save them all? I have this dream: if I EVER hit the big-time and money comes my way, I'm gonna buy a big ol' ranch and set up a "cat preserve" just so I can save as many cats as possible. Sure, I'd buy a few toys as well: Lambo, fast sailboat, road & dirt bike quiver, etc., but my greatest priority would be the CAT RANCH!!! :runningcat:

This I solemnly swear upon a stack of old SKATEBOARDER and ROCK & ICE Magazines!!! :rolleyes:
 

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I am so sorry for the loss of Peanut and the pain you are experiencing. I know her life was too brief here but think how much better you made it. You made it better simply because you loved her.

The fact is you cared enough about Peanut to try to give her a better life and she knew that. In a world that is so indifferent and cruel to little kittens any gesture of love and kindness goes a very long way. Peanut was a very lucky girl to have met you.
 

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Rest you gentle, Little Peanut, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on more hearts now than every you knew existed. Your tiny life had meaning, and you were deeply loved.

What redemption? This...you did not fail to love her. You tried to save her. You gave it your best. A very, VERY wise person once told me, when I was in despair over a failure of my own, "The Divine does not judge us by the depths to which we may fall, but by the finest efforts to which our souls aspired, whether we reach those goals or not. We are human, and sometimes we fail. What matters is that we TRY!"
 
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tnrmakessense

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Hey, at least Peanut knew that someone, somewhere actually CARED... instead of hollering at her and scaring her away, or worse. You did your best, and this cat lover thanks you for your effort. Wouldn't it be great if we could save them all? I have this dream: if I EVER hit the big-time and money comes my way, I'm gonna buy a big ol' ranch and set up a "cat preserve" just so I can save as many cats as possible. Sure, I'd buy a few toys as well: Lambo, fast sailboat, road & dirt bike quiver, etc., but my greatest priority would be the CAT RANCH!!! :runningcat:

This I solemnly swear upon a stack of old SKATEBOARDER and ROCK & ICE Magazines!!! :rolleyes:
No one deserves to win the lottery more ! The cats and I are rooting for you !!
 
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tnrmakessense

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I am so sorry for the loss of Peanut and the pain you are experiencing. I know her life was too brief here but think how much better you made it. You made it better simply because you loved her.

The fact is you cared enough about Peanut to try to give her a better life and she knew that. In a world that is so indifferent and cruel to little kittens any gesture of love and kindness goes a very long way. Peanut was a very lucky girl to have met you.
You are so very kind and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your reply.
 
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tnrmakessense

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Rest you gentle, Little Peanut, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on more hearts now than every you knew existed. Your tiny life had meaning, and you were deeply loved.

What redemption? This...you did not fail to love her. You tried to save her. You gave it your best. A very, VERY wise person once told me, when I was in despair over a failure of my own, "The Divine does not judge us by the depths to which we may fall, but by the finest efforts to which our souls aspired, whether we reach those goals or not. We are human, and sometimes we fail. What matters is that we TRY!"
Wow. That is powerful. Thank you so much.
 
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tnrmakessense

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I am so sorry that you will never experience all that might have been. You tried so hard, but it was not meant to be......
I'm sure Peanut knew you loved her, and wanted to help. But living wild brings a sense of survivorship, an instinct, that makes them so very leary, so hard to get to trust. She knew nothing but kindness from you, I'm sure it filled her little heart with joy to have a friend like you. And though she died as a wild creature, she will take a part of yor heart with her for comfort, and leaves you a part of her own. To be remembered and thought of when we pass is an honor, and I'm sure she will remain a part of your very being for eternity. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and your love for that tiny girl will thrive forever in your heart.
My heart breaks for your pain. I have buried so many ferals, so many tiny ones that never got to live to adulthood. Each and every one of them is remembered and cried over, each new one like the first. Though there will always be others to fill that empty space they leave behind, each and every one is unique and loved and their memories are seared into my soul.
There are many who need your loving heart. Just like the many who have aleady felt your love. Caring for God's creatures can bring great pain and dispair, but it can also bring one of life's greatest treasures.... a cat's love. Thank you for caring, thank you for letting us know of this special little girl. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, take care my friend.....RIP sweet Peanut. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
Thank you again for your lovely reply. I put Baby's Breath on her grave tonight. I thought that was appropriate.
 
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tnrmakessense

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Please send your thoughts to Peanut, a tiny feral kitten that I tried desperately to trap and bring inside. She left this world before I could save her. I didn't get to touch her until I buried her, but I loved her from the first moment I saw her. I was so close to getting her so many times. I wanted so much to bring her in and make her part of our large family, many of whom are former ferals. I'm blaming myself and would gladly take the pain I imagine she suffered at the end, if I could. I've been through this so many times before, but it never gets easier. I blame myself. I feel as though I deserve to be punished. What redemption is there for someone who fails a tiny kitten ? I know that's the grief talking, but the voice is loud and comes out of nowhere. I'm going to see a counselor tomorrow for help. FYI, many pet loss 800 numbers including the ASPCA's are no longer in service which makes me doubly grateful for this forum.
I may have had a sign tonight from Peanut. There are hummingbird moths that come out at twilight and circle a Plumbago bush in the courtyard. I'm so fascinated by them that I've sat, trying to be motionless, trying to get a picture of them. No pictures thus far - just a buzzing as they flew past my ear. Tonight, one circled me as he made his circle around the bush. I was dumbfounded. Then the human in me asked the cosmos to have him write the word "Peanut" with his flight. I chuckled at myself and the fact that I was able to laugh was a gift.
 

CatLover49

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Please send your thoughts to Peanut, a tiny feral kitten that I tried desperately to trap and bring inside. She left this world before I could save her. I didn't get to touch her until I buried her, but I loved her from the first moment I saw her. I was so close to getting her so many times. I wanted so much to bring her in and make her part of our large family, many of whom are former ferals. I'm blaming myself and would gladly take the pain I imagine she suffered at the end, if I could. I've been through this so many times before, but it never gets easier. I blame myself. I feel as though I deserve to be punished. What redemption is there for someone who fails a tiny kitten ? I know that's the grief talking, but the voice is loud and comes out of nowhere. I'm going to see a counselor tomorrow for help. FYI, many pet loss 800 numbers including the ASPCA's are no longer in service which makes me doubly grateful for this forum.
Im so very sorry for ure loss:alright::redheartpump:RIP PEANUT..SWEET BABY KITTY :catrub::petcat::catlove:
 
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