Is My Cat Afraid Or It's Just His Personality?

I adopted my cat Kent (3 year old boy) from a shelter a month ago, and I have been trying everything I can to provide him a forever home. He has been really sweet yet different from other cats I met. He has a foster mom before going to the shelter, and he knows how to use litter box. He likes to sleep in the room which I am in, and occasionally jumps on my bed and stays when I am sleeping, which is really cute. He comes to me ask for petting and he purrs when getting chin rubs. He loves sleeping on the ground (sometimes under my bed and sofa) or on my bed.

However, he does not play with any toys or scratchers, and he has never used the cat tree I bought him (I tried putting treats and using catnip, did not help). He never kneads on me or let me hold him. I tried gently putting him on my lap once but he looks scared and jumps down immediately. I really regret doing that because he might never trust me again... I was told that he might be a feral before his foster mom.

Kent does look alert sometimes and he looks for even the smallest sound. I am a little worried because isn't it weird that a cat never plays with toys or gets on a cat tree or kneads? I am wondering if I did something wrong in the process. Is Kent afraid? Am I paranoid? Or it is just who he is? I appreciate any comments or suggestions. Thank you so much!

If he was feral, he definitely has advanced from that given what you have described in the first paragraph. In that case, he will continue to become more affectionate over time. However, there is also personality. Kate, my avatar, sleeps with me, loves to be brushed, waits for her food, and will sit with me if I am on the sofa. However, she has never climbed a cat tree, has no interest in toys, and I have never seen her knead anything. I found her as an 8 week old sick kitten, so she certainly has grown up here.

For some cats, three years old can be a sort of cut off into "adult" cat behavior where they lose the kittenish mannerisms. I don't think you ruined his life by trying to put him on your lap. He is just unsure of that and may warm up to it later once he has been with you for a longer time.

A month isn’t a long time in the life of an adult cat. It is entirely possible that he hasn’t fully adjusted to your place yet. That may be enough to prevent him from feeling like playing or make him startle easily. He sounds like a sweetie as he is now so just enjoy him and hopefully watch him blossom.

fionasmom said:

If he was feral, he definitely has advanced from that given what you have described in the first paragraph. In that case, he will continue to become more affectionate over time. However, there is also personality. Kate, my avatar, sleeps with me, loves to be brushed, waits for her food, and will sit with me if I am on the sofa. However, she has never climbed a cat tree, has no interest in toys, and I have never seen her knead anything. I found her as an 8 week old sick kitten, so she certainly has grown up here.

For some cats, three years old can be a sort of cut off into "adult" cat behavior where they lose the kittenish mannerisms. I don't think you ruined his life by trying to put him on your lap. He is just unsure of that and may warm up to it later once he has been with you for a longer time.

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Thank you so much for your reply! I felt a lot better after reading it because I was so worried that it was because of something I did! I will be super patient with him and wait for him to get comfortable with this new home. As a matter of fact, Kent jumped on my keyboard multiple times and asked for petting while I type this response lol. PS: Kate looks adorable and she is lucky to have you, I wish I was there for Kent when he was that young.

susanm9006 said:

A month isn’t a long time in the life of an adult cat. It is entirely possible that he hasn’t fully adjusted to your place yet. That may be enough to prevent him from feeling like playing or make him startle easily. He sounds like a sweetie as he is now so just enjoy him and hopefully watch him blossom.

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I am happy to hear that! You are right, he has been super sweet so far and I was really impressed. I was just double checking to make sure everything is going well. Kent has great appetite since he got here, I assume that is a sign that he is happy haha~

It's still early days yet just give him time and don't rush him. It sounds like your doing great and it will get better with time

Tik cat's mum said:

It's still early days yet just give him time and don't rush him. It sounds like your doing great and it will get better with time

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Thank you for your reply! I will definitely stay patient with him, he is my first cat (and pet) though, sometimes I am not sure I am using the right approach.

Hi! You're doing a great job with him!
I'd say just take things at his own pace- some things he might get used to, like cuddles and lap time, some may just be his personality.
Theo, my avatar kitty, hates being picked up and sitting in my lap. It's not an issue with how he was raised or teaching him to be okay with it, it's just kinda how he is! And I respect that. He loves other things, like chin scratches and belly rubs.
My new kitten purrs like a motorboat when I pick him up or cuddle him, he loves it!
A former cat of mine, Shiloh, almost never kneaded her paws, but both my current boys do.
All cats are different, and I don't think you're doing anything wrong you're doing a wonderful job observing his personality and caring about him. Continue to love him, and he'll continue to show you who he is!

I think you're well on your way and have done a wonderful job with him. One of my most recent rescues took over 2 months before she would pathetically bat at a ribbon 2 or 3 times. Now, 8 months later, she is actively playing with toys, playing with her "brothers", and even chasing them down (the chasing part is very recent). She, for the first time last week, ran across the room after the wand toy I was wiggling around.
She was a very depressed and fearful kitty when we took her in, but has come a long way. Just be patient, I have confidence that as he continues to settle in your home, he'll blossom into a more confident kitty.
Oh and our girl didn't use the cat tree (middle shelf/bed) until the 3 month mark or so, and only the top of the cat tree at about the 6-7 month mark.
She also didn't start scratching at anything until about the 3 month mark either.

kosame said:

Hi! You're doing a great job with him!
I'd say just take things at his own pace- some things he might get used to, like cuddles and lap time, some may just be his personality.
Theo, my avatar kitty, hates being picked up and sitting in my lap. It's not an issue with how he was raised or teaching him to be okay with it, it's just kinda how he is! And I respect that. He loves other things, like chin scratches and belly rubs.
My new kitten purrs like a motorboat when I pick him up or cuddle him, he loves it!
A former cat of mine, Shiloh, almost never kneaded her paws, but both my current boys do.
All cats are different, and I don't think you're doing anything wrong you're doing a wonderful job observing his personality and caring about him. Continue to love him, and he'll continue to show you who he is!

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Thanks for your reply! I was so relieved that I didn't accidentally upset Kent! I did tons of research before going to the shelter, I learned that playing with toys and climbing up and down on the cat tree are how they letting out their energy. I understood that Kent is not a kitten, but I am worried that he has no way of letting out energy. I bought like 10 kinds of toys and he is not interested in any of them...

Jem said:

I think you're well on your way and have done a wonderful job with him. One of my most recent rescues took over 2 months before she would pathetically bat at a ribbon 2 or 3 times. Now, 8 months later, she is actively playing with toys, playing with her "brothers", and even chasing them down (the chasing part is very recent). She, for the first time last week, ran across the room after the wand toy I was wiggling around.
She was a very depressed and fearful kitty when we took her in, but has come a long way. Just be patient, I have confidence that as he continues to settle in your home, he'll blossom into a more confident kitty.
Oh and our girl didn't use the cat tree (middle shelf/bed) until the 3 month mark or so, and only the top of the cat tree at about the 6-7 month mark.
She also didn't start scratching at anything until about the 3 month mark either.

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Thank you so much for your reply! I am so happy for your cats, sounds like they are having a lot of fun now! I have kept all the toys (there are like 10 types now lol) I bought for him in plain sight, hopefully he will find one of them interesting someday. It is OK if he is never impressed by any of them hehe, I realized it might be his personality after reading all the kind comments in this post!

My first cat was not a fan of most cat toys. The only ones she would play with were the cat dancer and her laser pointer. But she loved to steal my hair rubber bands and chase them around. Same with the little plastic rings that come off milk containers. She also ignored her cat tree entirely, but loved boxes. My current cat loves her cat tree and ignores boxes. In time, you'll figure out what Kent loves to do. Not all things that keep cats interested and busy are toys; mine have both loved to stare out the window, and would do so for hours at a time. Cat TV, etc. can be a good substitute if you don't have accessible/interesting windows.

Your cat Kent after one month sounds more advanced than my Waffles was after 2 months so do not lose any hope at all.
If he was feral or semi-feral will take time and patience. He's already asking for scratches and jumping up for affection so that is very great.
Some cats are "low cats." Don't like to be high. Some at his age don't play much. If feral he may always be noise skittish.
Waffles didn't get on my lap for 2 months after I adopted him at 2 years of age, and that was after a lot of work building his confidence and trust. Then is was only for 2 seconds.
He won't get in the cat tree, only the lowest level. I tried tempting with food, treats- he would grab a bite then jump down then go back up for another bite. Never stayed in the tree. He loves the cat caves and the bed on the shelf under an end table. Likes to feel cozy.
But he LOVES to be scratched and purrs away.
He likes the horizontal scratchers.
I've had him for 3 years now and cannot pick him up at all, I'm sure never will be able to.
So time is what it takes. I helped him along with putting treats in my lap and so on at first. I let him come to me for lap time when he is comfortable, and he now loves lap time. But he hides whenever anyone even looks like they will come to my door or when someone else comes in the house.
He's now the best cat in the world just with quirks.

Etarre said:

My first cat was not a fan of most cat toys. The only ones she would play with were the cat dancer and her laser pointer. But she loved to steal my hair rubber bands and chase them around. Same with the little plastic rings that come off milk containers. She also ignored her cat tree entirely, but loved boxes. My current cat loves her cat tree and ignores boxes. In time, you'll figure out what Kent loves to do. Not all things that keep cats interested and busy are toys; mine have both loved to stare out the window, and would do so for hours at a time. Cat TV, etc. can be a good substitute if you don't have accessible/interesting windows.

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I just remembered that Kent also loves to stare out the window! I guess he does have a hobby haha! As long as Kent has some way to let out his energy, I will be happy for him!

pearl99 said:

Your cat Kent after one month sounds more advanced than my Waffles was after 2 months so do not lose any hope at all.
If he was feral or semi-feral will take time and patience. He's already asking for scratches and jumping up for affection so that is very great.
Some cats are "low cats." Don't like to be high. Some at his age don't play much. If feral he may always be noise skittish.
Waffles didn't get on my lap for 2 months after I adopted him at 2 years of age, and that was after a lot of work building his confidence and trust. Then is was only for 2 seconds.
He won't get in the cat tree, only the lowest level. I tried tempting with food, treats- he would grab a bite then jump down then go back up for another bite. Never stayed in the tree. He loves the cat caves and the bed on the shelf under an end table. Likes to feel cozy.
But he LOVES to be scratched and purrs away.
He likes the horizontal scratchers.
I've had him for 3 years now and cannot pick him up at all, I'm sure never will be able to.
So time is what it takes. I helped him along with putting treats in my lap and so on at first. I let him come to me for lap time when he is comfortable, and he now loves lap time. But he hides whenever anyone even looks like they will come to my door or when someone else comes in the house.
He's now the best cat in the world just with quirks.

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Wow I am happy for Waffles, and I think what have done is amazing! A month is a short time for a cat to fully adjust, especially for a possible feral. I will definitely give Kent more time, and pay attention to what he is into at the same time!

Something interesting that has come from studying cat personalities is they have loosely divided them into what they call tree dwellers and ground dwellers. Tree dwellers like to be up high overlooking things. They love cat trees and regular trees and also the top of cabinets, the roofs of houses, anything that is up above other things. Ground dwellers like to be underneath things like under beds and furniture and under blankets. What is interesting is that in terms of hunting each type has it's advantages. Being up high lets them see things moving through the grass so they get an overview. Hiding under things, like in deep grass lets them ambush what ever comes walking by. Sounds like you have a ground dweller and ambush expert. He will likely prefer to chase after things like a string that moves past him as he waits in ambush. Jumping into the air is not his style.
Another thing you can count on is that preferences and personality quirks will change. Cats never stay the same for long, until they get later on in life. They will just decide that "today I don't like this spot anymore" and they will move on to something else. I have some that are lap cats and some that don't like it, almost as though it's a distraction from what they really want to do, which is??? anything but that right now. They appear to be experimenting with life to find a better spot but never content that the last better spot is really the better spot or just OK for now. At least they don't migrate in the spring and fall.

macncheeserocks said:

I just remembered that Kent also loves to stare out the window! I guess he does have a hobby haha! As long as Kent has some way to let out his energy, I will be happy for him!

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If you live where you can put a bird feeder or bird bath you can give him great window viewing.

Second the feeder idea! I put bird seed on my deck so my cats have squirrel TV

vyger said:

Something interesting that has come from studying cat personalities is they have loosely divided them into what they call tree dwellers and ground dwellers.

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I have one of each, a ground and a tree! Great info.

macncheeserocks said:

I just remembered that Kent also loves to stare out the window! I guess he does have a hobby haha! As long as Kent has some way to let out his energy, I will be happy for him!

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Windows are great entertainment. I have the "Planet Earth" DVD's and mine really like those. Or animal videos on Youtube on my computer.