We Grieve Together

MJO12

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My heart goes out to all of us who are grieving. My Tom took his last trip to the vet yesterday. I asked for pain meds so Tom could die at home -- I think many of us do. But the vet gently told me that Tom's condition was very bad and he felt it was time. Tom had skin cancer on his ear and surgery didn't delay the inevitable. The cancer spread to his face and head. I am dealing with guilt and grief now. These past few weeks I have had family issues to deal with and I feel that I didn't give Tom enough attention in his last days. Tom was the sweetest and most loving of my three cats. I look at my other cats and think "Why aren't you like Tom?. I won't see those beautiful green eyes again. I've lost pets before and I know it takes time. This is rough, and my love and sympathy to others going through this.
 

betsygee

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I'm so sorry about Tom. Please don't feel guilty--we all do the best we can for our kitties. Sometimes life doesn't allow us to spend all the time we wish we could with them.

I'm glad you have your other cats to comfort you as you adjust to the loss of your sweet friend. RIP, little Tom. :rbheart:
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Tom, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

Darlin, Tom knew, without doubt that he was loved. He lived, breathed, and had his being in your love, no matter where your "attention" might have been at the moment. He knew, he knows, and he blesses you for every minute of his life with you.
 

1 bruce 1

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My heart goes out to all of us who are grieving. My Tom took his last trip to the vet yesterday. I asked for pain meds so Tom could die at home -- I think many of us do. But the vet gently told me that Tom's condition was very bad and he felt it was time. Tom had skin cancer on his ear and surgery didn't delay the inevitable. The cancer spread to his face and head. I am dealing with guilt and grief now. These past few weeks I have had family issues to deal with and I feel that I didn't give Tom enough attention in his last days. Tom was the sweetest and most loving of my three cats. I look at my other cats and think "Why aren't you like Tom?. I won't see those beautiful green eyes again. I've lost pets before and I know it takes time. This is rough, and my love and sympathy to others going through this.
The fact you express sympathy not once, but twice, to others who may be grieving brings a bit of a smile to my face. What a kind gesture :wave3:
That kind of cancer is bad from what I understand, and you did all that modern medicine has to offer and gave him extra good time with you.
Imagine someone (human) you care about, and imagine if they had been in your shoes with a family situation and an ailing pet, would you blame them or tell them they didn't do enough? I bet you wouldn't, and I bet you'd do or say anything you could to express that. It's normal to feel that way (aren't we our own worst critics?), but don't let it consume you and don't let yourself truly believe it, because you did nothing wrong.
It is my strong, strong wish and hope and downright preference that our pets pass away at home. In their sleep if they can. But sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. And we want their lives to be happy, not "existing" in a shell of pain with no going back. At some point, anyone who has animals experiences that decision, and at some point, all pain killers stop working. Cancer does not always take them fast, sometimes they can go on and on, waste away and pass after weeks or months (or longer). I know you wouldn't have wanted that for Tom. We keep them with us for as long as we can, but sometimes we have to weigh their quality of life, and help them pass with their dignity.
Every situation is different. I think you made the right call, as hard as it is for you.
As for the others, spend as much time with them as you can. Play with them a lot. When they're sleeping, either individually or in a pile, sit in the room with them and read a book or do something quiet. Queen Bee wanted nothing to do with petting, holding, or any affection at all until we did this with her and now we can't pry her off of our laps.
I hope you continue to heal. You can get through this, it just takes time. :wave3::alright:
 

les26

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I understand and am sorry for your loss, it is an awful thing to have to go through but you did the right albeit hardest thing. He is fine now and thanks you for helping him leave his pain riddled body.

I say this so often I feel like I repeating myself so much but I found Holy Basil and Ignatia Amara help with the stress and the grief, look them up it might be helpful to you like it was to me.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am sorry, I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless....:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 

di and bob

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You will be blessed to think of others even during your own journey through pain and loss. It helps to have the empathy of others who have stood where you do now, even though each and every love is unique and personal. witnessing a loved ones struggle to die at home, even with pain meds, is devastaing at best. To have them quickly pass, deeply into sleep, is best. In your heart you know you could not let Tom suffer even one more minute. We would love to have all living creatures die at home, in their sleep. But this rarely happens. Every creature fights death, until they have no more fight left. You spared him that. Please try to think of him at his best, your memories can bring you comfort in the future. Don't let those last few minutes define his life, be more important, that can never be.
His tiny soul is forever bound to your own. He is forever as close as your thoughts and prayers. He followed your life's journey for a while, and now follows another. One that will parallel your own for eternity. Because "death cannot take that which never dies". Send him thoughts of joy in living, not drown his memory with tears. Go on with your own life as you would want him to go on if you were the first to go. You have his gratitude for your love and your care, he is grateful for all you have done, and that you will keep him in your heart.
My heart hurts for your pain, because I have been there too. I'll pray for you and yours to find peace. I'll keep you in my thoughts and try to help you through this. It is not something you get over, a broken heart takes a long time to heal. Take care......RIP beautiful Tom. You are so very loved and will never be forgotten, you will have a secure place in a loving heart for eternity. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again.
 

Leomc123

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MJo12 my condolences to you for little toms passing. You did the right thing for tom, you were kind and brave enough to make his passing on peacefull for him. Tom isnt suffering anymore. In my experience its kinder to let them pass on sooner than later, one extra day of suffering for them just for me sounded selfish. This decision is a catch 22 situation, becuase you want them not to suffer and you want them to live forever and in that moment it is you who needs to make this decision to end a life, to stop a living beings heart knowing that they wont be around anymore because of this decision.

You were kind, and loving to let tom go, and tom if he could speak, he would have told you to help him pass on cause he wouldnt want to suffer anymore.

My heart felt heavy and there were times i couldnt breathe like i was suffocating and i would burst out in tears all the time when i put my cats down at the start of this year. Even we see that the process is so quick when they pass on when being euthanised its the fact that we know we ended their lives and for me that was very hard to take in. I had panic attacks, anger, guilt, sadness, helplessness, hopelessness, depression, every emotion you can think of like a hurricane storm, coming and going through out the day. It take time to get through this, cry as much as you want, look at photos and videos of tom and dont feel guilty for loving your other cats that is still around. They arent exactly like tom, but they are still loving you and missing tom as well.

Leo and MC are polar opposites, and when Leo passed away first, MC starting behaving like leo it was like leos soul went straight into her body and she became him until she passed away 3 months later :(

Take it easy on yourself and look and love your other kittens as they need you too.
 

Purr-fect

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Others have said it all ready.

So I will just say, im sorry, it sucks, it hurts, but it will be manageable in time.

Love you other cats. Play with them. They may be confused and grieving also. Dont blame them for not being Tom (I know you dont).

Look after yourself. Its easy to slip into depression.
 
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