Elderly Mother And No Help

MoonstoneWolf said:

I still have a 10 month wait and again the issue of leaving Mom. Trust me there is 0% hope with this. Thanks for the advice though.

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Where do u live...that could help me n other members..know what to look online for n where....to possibly get u some help....With the Situation as a Whole..not knowing that makes it hard..for us members..

Well observing Mom going outside today I believe her days of heading outdoors are coming to a fast close. It took her 30 minutes to get the confidence to go outside. And no this was not in regard to the cats, she thought she could "help" with the cleanup by putting into yard waste bags as she was "concerned" about me being out there for 4 hours cleaning up after heavy storms. I honestly don't think she'll be able to go outside at all in a couple of months from now and then the cats will have their set up as it used to be.

Speaking of cleanup, what a mess we had. We still have 5 weeks worth of clean up around here. The cats are taking it in stride and in fact they found a new hiding spot under the fallen limbs and branches .

Revisiting this post as Mom is still on her daily tirades. I'm really needing some assistance with her but even Alz. org gave up as nothing works. If there were windows in the back of the garage I could set up that area so Mom would not see but the other views of the garage (that she sees) are the only way into the garage. I just wish I had the money for this but sadly had to put out $700 to replace a laptop that I"m financing.

I empathize with you MoonstoneWolf . I am also dealing with a 90 year old mom, nearly blind and in poor health who shouldn’t be living alone but is. It is, as you know all too well, exhausting. And it is so hard to dig deep to find the patience when you are just plain tired and out of it.

If she wants you to move and you want to go, then do it but let your adult social services know that she will be alone. It may mean her losing her home and assets but they will step in if she unable to care for herself.

Problem is I have no money as stated above. I’m stuck here

MoonstoneWolf said:

Problem is I have no money as stated above. I’m stuck here

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I agree with susanm9006 ...I dealt with my mom livn with me for awhile..she has dementia..I did it up til i couldn't cause of my own health started going down..had to have hiatal hernia surgery..And ut hurt me so bad when I couldn't take care of her anymore..like she needed...But I had to do what was best for her n me....Shes still with us...but in a nursing home...I visit often..as I can...And talk on the phone to her every day...Its hard I know...U have to do whats best for her n ureself...at the same time..Sometimes we do all we can...n we still feel guilty if we cant do MORE...But it doesn't MEAN we love them any less....May GOD Be With U n Ure Mom....And give u strength to do what is needed n BEST to DO for her n ureself...And he will u just have to hand it over to God...n trust n believe in him..and he WILL COME through for u n ure mom..Trust ME...I know...Been there done that...He pulled me through alot of heartache...Good luck..

You may want to contact senior care services and have her declared incompetent. You would become her guardian and have control over her finances and where she lives. In other words, you would be in complete control and there would be nothing she could do about it. It CAN be done, and you can also contact Legal Aid for assistance in getting it done.

The issue is outside her balance she’s fine. And to everyone else she acts normal. She’s only crazy woman with me.

And it's hard to find a place to live on 75 cents.

You have to stand up to her. She should not be running the life of a 63 year old woman. Tell her enough is enough, and if she wants your help at all things are going to change. She is abusive to the point of making you a slave and a prisoner. get hold of social services, have them come to the house and evaluate her. Tell them you are no longer able to caer fro her because she is abusive. You need a Dr's order to have her placed in a faucility which Medicaid will pay for. It is a long drawn out process, but she will get nothing but worse. There ARE programs and low income housing available fro you, but you have to start the process. Bless you for putting up with all this, I'll pray for things to get better. You are a good person who deserves better.....

MoonstoneWolf said:

Revisiting this post as Mom is still on her daily tirades. I'm really needing some assistance with her but even Alz. org gave up as nothing works. If there were windows in the back of the garage I could set up that area so Mom would not see but the other views of the garage (that she sees) are the only way into the garage. I just wish I had the money for this but sadly had to put out $700 to replace a laptop that I"m financing.

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MoonstoneWolf said:

The issue is outside her balance she’s fine. And to everyone else she acts normal. She’s only crazy woman with me.

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I see where there has been alot of advice from several members...Including myself..And I understand what ure saying....But in order for things to get better..YOU have to make the first step...n it don't cost anything...a phone call to her Dr. ..n making a firm but hard decision that this cant go on...NOTHING will change until u make the first move(step)...And alot of the members have told u places n people to call..which dont cost...anything..
U say the issue is outside...meaning I assume being able to take care of the kitties...Which is GREAT to do...I LOVE CATS...But if u dont take care of ureself...n the situation with ure mom...there wont be anyone there to take care of the kitties...I know its alot to deal WITH...But...no ONE can change this situation BUT YOU...I WISH U n ure mom n the kitties the BEST...

I'm going to throw in with Mother Dragon's opinion. I had a problem also with my dad when he developed dementia. And one of the biggest problems is what you have run into and that is you have no legal standing. The house is hers and she can do anything she wants to, that is what the law will say. That is why you need to change that situation before you can get anything done. You need to have legal authority, guardianship status.
A lot of counties have "services for the ageing" often they are administrated from a senior citizens center. The services they provide include things like helping people with Social Security and Medicare signup and other types of services that can apply to elderly people. Often community food service and meal delivery are things they do also. They have people who are trained to help navigate these programs. This is not social services, that is totally different and they deal with abuse and neglect cases. Talk to the senior citizen people and tell them you need to get legal help in declaring your mom as unfit to care for herself. It takes a court judge to make that declaration but they can appoint you as her legal guardian. That will make things a lot easier as you will have the authority to act on her behalf, just like a parent does for an underage child. You may need a lawyer and like another brought out that legal advice might be able to be provided by legal aid services. But start at the senior citizen center and they can help you navigate through the process. You absolutely need to have legal status otherwise you and your opinion don't count.

By the way, the fact that you are living there will carry weight with a court. You are a credible witness to what is going on. Start a journal-- date and time stamp each entry, and write down what would be considered as problem behavior. Especially of concern to a court is being taken advantage of financially. Does she get ripped off by cashiers at stores? Does she get talked into buying crazy things she has no use for?, that kind of thing.