Returning Sadness After Almost An Year?

My cat I've spent almost 14 years with has passed away about an year ago. I had a lot of mixed thoughts/emotions during that time but a few months later I was almost alright.
I started to think more of the time we've spent together, rather than her last moments and could talk of her freely, with love and gratefullness, rather than sadness. I was starting to think, that's it, it's over. I'm going to miss her, but the terrible grieving stages are over.

Two days ago I dream of her, hugging her and telling her I love her and miss her so much. Second night I dream again. It is a more positive dream. I see her casually walking around in the house and accept it as if nothing has ever happened, but I wake up and feel as if I'm starting from the 0 again. I don't know what to do. It feels like a part of me was cut off and destroyed.

Have you had your grief return and hit you so hard?

Yes, and it comes out of nowhere like a freight train. I still have moments when my grief for a cat i lost 13 years ago comes back. Usually it happens when I'm having sad feelings about something else.

Oh yes,and like said above, usually when something in the present triggers those horrible times from the past. I would be driving and tears would pour down my face when I saw a little one lying on the side of the road. Even 7 years later I feel a pang in my chest and the tears at the surface. Back to that day when my soulmate followed me across the street and I didn't know..... it changed my life forever and not for the good.
I have always described grief as the ocean. Most days placid and gentle, almost calming in it's hypnotic rythym, as I go through my daily routine and live my life. Finding joy and happiness at times at the sheer beauty, but sensing there is a darkness right below the surface. Times when the waves become agitated, but anticipating what is coming and finding ways to handle it. Then WHAM! here comes a tsunami of grief that compleetly engulfs you and drowns you in a sea tears. And there is not a thing you can do about it but be swept along and deposited where you are totally lost and alone.
We are all alone in our private hell of grief. Because our love for those lost ones is private, it is unique, no one in the world will grieve like you do. But we can empathize with others because we have been there.We can help by letting them know they are not alone, that we can share that burden by acknowledging their grief and being there. Help them get back to the world of the living sharing that grief and making it a lighter load just by listening and crying with them, not for them. Letting them know that though it doesn't seem so now, that this too will be survived. Our hearts and our souls are capable of healing, but it takes a lot of effort, and a lot of time. One day at a time.......

well for me its been 8 months since january this year when both of my buddies past away 3 months apart, they both were wih me a long time 12 years and one was 19 years. I still miss them dearly and i havent stopping thinking about them at all. The pain of losing them has gone away but i still have days when i get emotional when everything goes down hill in my life, and so far this year has been an extremly crappy year for me, and not having them around dosent help me much It takes time, i dont know how long it will be. But all i know that these emotions are normal. They were with us every day, so it is feeling like something is always missing.

Both my pastor and a psychologist friend told me that it takes about 1.5 years before you start to somewhat feel better about loss, but it stays with you forever for sure. And I think it is correct that it is triggered by something else, I know there are times when I will think of something and get angry at someone about something that happened years ago and I think to myself "it's long gone, let it go, that won't hurt you anymore", but I think it is a feeling that we are feeling about something else that doesn't come out right, you feel in an emotional state about something but your mind can't pinpoint exactly what it is so you think about something either bad or sad that "fits' it, if you understand what I mean...it's like "misplaced" anger or sadness, we feel mad or sad about something current but don't know what it is so we attach it to something in the past.

And my wife Deb STILL tears up and has a hard time talking about Rusty our ****-a-poo and he passed in 1995 so yes, sometimes we never can forgte and let it all go.

Hang in there friend.....

Something I found to be helpful was to put together a scrap book for each of my kitties that have passed on. I include my favorite pictures of them, I wrote down my memories of time spent with them and the funny and cute things they did. I wrote goodbye letters and put them in the scrap books along with a tuft of fur, a shed whisker or a shed claw. The writing was cathartic and when I am missing them i go through the scrap books and remember our time together.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Yes, years after my father passed away I would dream that he was still in the hospital, waiting for us to come get him. Sometimes I dreamed that I was calling his cell phone number and it would just keep ringing.

After losing my beloved Jeff in March, the agony of loss has once again hit me like a train. And like you, I have my good days and think that I am finally making progress, only to see that progress disappear the next day.

I don't think overcoming grief is like a steady stream, I think rather it is a mixture of ebbs and flows.

Babushcat said:

My cat I've spent almost 14 years with has passed away about an year ago. I had a lot of mixed thoughts/emotions during that time but a few months later I was almost alright.
I started to think more of the time we've spent together, rather than her last moments and could talk of her freely, with love and gratefullness, rather than sadness. I was starting to think, that's it, it's over. I'm going to miss her, but the terrible grieving stages are over.

Two days ago I dream of her, hugging her and telling her I love her and miss her so much. Second night I dream again. It is a more positive dream. I see her casually walking around in the house and accept it as if nothing has ever happened, but I wake up and feel as if I'm starting from the 0 again. I don't know what to do. It feels like a part of me was cut off and destroyed.

Have you had your grief return and hit you so hard?

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Yes oh yes, that hits me too.
I believe in God and I believe in the devil. The devil wants to tie you up in grief, so he takes your beautiful memories and tries distort them into grief feelings. He really is wicked like that. But you must fight that.
Tell him that your time with your cat was precious and you are glad to have been blessed with her, and it was worth the sadness you feel because of her passing.
Now I will say to you thanks for taking care of your wonderful cat. She appreciated it, and was better off because of yout love!

OH, yes. I was just talking about the dog who was my "doggy sister" as I grew up. I STILL weep for her on occasion, 45 years later. I still "step over" Kim when I get out of bed at night. This new, sharp pain is temporary, but it will come back again and again, because we miss their physical forms so much. I believe with all of my heart that their love for us, purified into Love, remains, but we do miss their sweet, warm bodies next to ours.

I am sorry for your loss she was loved dearly. Pets become members of the family and it hard to say goodbye. Prayers

Thank you all so much for your time and beautiful words, it does help. It may sound wrong but I'm glad to hear people are still grieving after years, because it means they truly cared. I can't relate to anyone around me, it seems like loss of a pet is not a big deal to them. Had to deal with pet offerings as soon as Sisi died and it was absolutely ridiculous.
I so agree about missing their physical bodies and warmth. It is like a withdrawal, which I have not experienced before, but that is probably what it feels like. I've had this terrible weird feeling about the distance between us and I'm not sure how to explain it. I was used to having her with me all the time and every night, by my side. Sleeping is weird now, knowing she's far away, lying there in the ground, not like herself anymore. It feels wrong.
I know this is getting dark, sorry for that, but I need to take it out somewhere.
I think I would be feeling much different if she was buried in my yard, close to me. I live in an apartment and with basically no options and no pet cemetery either, I had to bury her somewhere beneath a tree. An unfamiliar place.
Once again, thank you all for your replies. It makes me feel so much better to know there are people out there who still miss their friends, now and always, instead of going with the "just a pet" excuse. They were all blessed to have you.

Babushcat said:

My cat I've spent almost 14 years with has passed away about an year ago. I had a lot of mixed thoughts/emotions during that time but a few months later I was almost alright.
I started to think more of the time we've spent together, rather than her last moments and could talk of her freely, with love and gratefullness, rather than sadness. I was starting to think, that's it, it's over. I'm going to miss her, but the terrible grieving stages are over.

Two days ago I dream of her, hugging her and telling her I love her and miss her so much. Second night I dream again. It is a more positive dream. I see her casually walking around in the house and accept it as if nothing has ever happened, but I wake up and feel as if I'm starting from the 0 again. I don't know what to do. It feels like a part of me was cut off and destroyed.

Have you had your grief return and hit you so hard?

Click to expand...

It's the anniversary of her passing, and totally normal that the grief has returned. I can tell you it's been (I won't say how many years, but it's been a lot) many years, two weeks from today, since I put my childhood cat to rest. August 26th. I don't forget that kind of thing.
One year isn't all that long. It really does get better with time, but my own experiences tell me years 1, 5, and 10 are the ones that make you feel a bit sad. Occasionally you'll think "It's (whatever date), it's been so many years since so and so passed away." Let the thought come and then let it pass. If you have to keep grieving, grieve. Worst thing you can do is ignore it.
It'll be OK, I promise

Yes, this is totally normal. I lost my soul mate kitty just a month ago. I have had some days where I seem to go along fine and am in a denial state, and then some days where I feel like I can barely function--it hits me like a ton of bricks. I know many people who have still struggled after 1 year, 2 years, or more. It's like a roller coaster of emotions sometimes. Dreams and other reminders can trigger these feelings. I can really relate to what you said about having the "weird" feeling about the distance between you. I've experienced a feeling of almost panic sometimes that my Blue is no longer here, I can't see him, pet him or hear his meow, and that there's nothing I can do about it.

A grief counselor told me once that grief is as individualized as your fingerprint, meaning no one deals with it in the exact same way. Be patient with yourself and don't be afraid to have a good cry once in a while. It does help. I'm so sorry for your loss and completely understand how you're feeling.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost not a cat, but a dog of my childhood. It has been decades but once in a while I still see him in my dreams, especially when I am in my lowest of lows. In my dreams I can smell his fur, be able to touch and hug him again, his wet nose on my cheek - and when I wake up this terrible pain gnaws in my heart like no one can ever imagine. Then I'd just weep.

So I fully understand your grief and sadness.

It does not get any easier, but we move on. And hope one day our furry friends would be waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge.

Hang in there.