Remembering Nemo

It's been 32 days today since I lost my "soul-cat" and best pal, Nemo. In my time zone, today is Saturday afternoon, August 10th, 2019. This day has been the most intense day of grief I have experienced thus far over the loss of Nemo. Many tears are being shed and my heartache is so intense I sometimes wish I were dead so that I wouldn't feel it. I truly can't remember a time or circumstance where I felt a more intense grief. I did not grieve like this when my mother died nor when my engagement was broken off with my first love back in 1995. The grief from losing a pet that has become a "soul companion" is no joke, folks.

Here are most of the pictures I have of Nemo, spanning a few years from when he was just the "neighbor cat" to when he melted my heart and got me to start letting him grow closer to us. The exterior pictures were when he started to come into our yard. Eventually he ended up being given his own place in our garage (the interior shots), and finally he was invited into our home (no pics of that, unfortunately).


I know, logically, that eventually I will "get past" my grief. It's human nature. We can't continue to experience that raw, hard level of pain indefinitely and still function. Eventually our mind and heart will enable us to feel the pain less and less--not because we didn't love those we have lost, but because we MUST survive and carry on--and that is impossible unless we are able feel the pain of loss on a lesser and lesser scale over time. I know this, but right now, in the moment, I don't care. I am in great pain and I miss my Nemo so very much. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if he had been sick for a while and we knew his end was coming? As it was, he was happy and full of energy on a Friday/Saturday, and then on Sunday he wasn't. On the following Tuesday we had to put him down at the vet's advice due to kidney failure. I find myself wondering if he weren't poisoned somehow by a neighbor, or perhaps got into some antifreeze?

I miss you, Nemo. My life is sadder without you here. I'll go on, eventually, but right now I must grieve for you...

The song that I remember Nemo by...

I'm so sorry about Nemo. He was a beautiful cat. It takes awhile to recover from losing a companion and the grieving will come and go. it is very hard when they leave us unexpectedly. I'm sure you have many wonderful memories of your time together and he will always be in your heart and connected to your soul.

Of course you feel so much grief, it is natural and experienced by many because you lost a part of yourself. I, too, felt the most intense grief I ever experienced, without a doubt. It took me years to get to a place where I said, like you did, I can't keep this up, it was literally my whole world. You feel that grieving less will somehow lessen your feelings for your little one. It takes a LOT of concentrated effort to come back to the world of the living, and most times it just wasn't worth it. Time IS the only thing that helps, it softens the intensity of your pain, it distances you from the raw emotions and leads you into making a new world for yourself. You CAN'T change the past, no amount of longing will do that. You have to live in the present and learn a new life's order for yourself, step by step, with many setbacks, and day by day. what you are experiencing right now is not unusual. As we get over the initial intense pain, our minds start functioning again and bring even more should haves, could haves, to the front and even more pain. These perceived scenarios bring nothing but pain and sorrow.
I realized my little one would never want me to be so sad. She loved life so much, she would want me to do the same. Just as I would have wanted for her if I were the first to go. We are given only one life in this world, at this time, and to not live it fully would be an even greater loss. Don't avoid your emotions, but don't dwell on them either. Don't make the death more important than the life. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and your love for your precious Nemo will be with you forever. Take care my friend, it DOES get better in time, one day at a time.......

He looks very similar to one of our cats "Snickers", handsome boys!

I know what you are saying, grief can play so many games with you mentally, physically and emotionally. I went through some crazy mental stuff when Simon passed and then Sebastian 1.5 years later, and was told about Holy Basil to help deal with the stress and also Ignatia Amara for the intense grief and they both worked and helped tremendously, it didn't mask the pain but helped my body and mind adapt and deal with it better, it might be worth looking into.

And I have said it several times I dread the day Sylvester passes, it will kill me, but I know that will happen and can't dwell on it or do anything about it except to take care of him and love him the best that I can right now.

Thanks all. Yesterday was really tough for me. Weekends were when Nemo and I spent the most time together--especially on Saturdays. We would spend most of the day with each other when I was at home on the weekends. From my wife, I learned that when I was gone out of town on a weekend (for a cycling or hiking trip, or at a business seminar), Nemo would wander around the house, calling out for me with his cute meows, wondering where I was. When he couldn't find me, he would actually get depressed and would usually spend most of the time sleeping on my chair in the home office until he heard me return home, and then he would get SUPER excited cuz DADDY wuz home! I've never been loved that much--or at least, not that expressively--by an animal before.

I realize I have to move on, that my Nemo is gone and is not coming back, and that I eventually need to get to a place where, when I think of the time we had together, I don't bawl like a little kid. I'm just not there yet. My wife even told me, "Honey, it's going to take you a WHILE to get over Nemo." I believe she is right.

I'm so sorry for your grief and your loss. You are right that you will be able to move on at some point, but your wife is right, too--give yourself time.

RIP, little Nemo.

Rest you gentle, Nemo, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on your daddy's heart forever.

No, we don't really "get past" a loss like this, but we do "get through" it. We carry the ache with us forever. It...dulls, after a while. It no longer tears at us as it does now, in the early days, but it is there. I had a "doggy sister" growing up, and 45 years later, I still weep for her loss on occasion. I still "step over" Kim when I get out of bed at night. But I will tell you this, and it is the deepest Truth that I know, that love never dies. It only changes form and continues on, still Love. And that Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides. The best part of Nemo, his love for you, is now purified into Love, and remains with you, always.

So I've been doing fairly well for a while. The memories of Nemo have become those happy, positive memories that sometimes make it into my dreams, where he and I are spending time together doing different things. In the real world, the remaining two cats in our household (Klause and Puffin, the "Fluffy Boyz") have really come out of their shells and have bonded to me. As I mentioned in a previous post, Nemo was quite territorial when it came to "his" human, and he would run off the other cats when they got too close to me. Nemo had spent some time on the "mean streets", apparently. Anyway, I've been doing okay. But today a song came up on my Pandora station that reminded me of Nemo, and i just immediately started tearing up. The song was "In Reverence", by David Tolk. I shared that video up-thread.

I just can't believe how deeply my heart has been touched by a cat. I've had--and lost--three other cats before Nemo, but none affected me the way losing Nemo did. That little rascal was so special. He even made an impression on my wife, who didn't initially like him and only showed her true feelings about him when we had to put him to sleep. I miss him so much.

I'm sorry you have had to say goodbye to your special little rascal . Believe me most of us know that pain your feeling your wife is right you need to give yourself time it ,will get easier he will always have a place in your heart. R.I.P Nemo