Male Or Female Kitten With Aggressive Female Cat? Should I Even Get A Second One?

I am debating if I should get another kitten and if so does the sex matter in your opinion?

Background: It's soooo long but I want the opinion of those who have a love of cats and more experience than I...

I have a an adult female cat since she was 8 weeks old from the humane society born in foster care. Friday is very attached to me but doesn't like to be near other people - she won't bug them if they don't bug her though. If they ignore me and approach her she will hiss and smack them aggressively. My roommate told me she was very lonely when I was gone - would lay staring at the door for hours.

When she was 2 I got a female 8 week old kitten (abandoned at 3 weeks and super cuddly to all) and within a week were best friends. Loneliness left her and my friends and I agreed she was less aggressive toward them. When Scarlett was 2 she and Friday got startled (giant food container fell off a top shelf) and they ran from the room and collided with each other...Scarlett did that high pitch scream when cats fight and legit tried to attach and kill Friday. It was intense and I separated them. Consulted the vet, got bloodwork, meds and behaviour therapy while separated - vet believes Scarlett thought Friday was attaching her and so reacted badly. Up until then Friday was the (very) dominant one and put Scarlett in her place daily - but before this event worked well together.

6 months of this and they were back together (that was an exhausting 6 months), but after 2 weeks they were play fighting and while play fighting on my laptop cord it came out and made a large beep - Scarlett again reacted badly and attacked Friday. Separated and repeat meds and therapy. This time I couldn't get them back together and then Scarlett randomly started limping. Turns out her deformed leg was also a deformed hip and spine and it was confirmed she was in pain 24/7. Vet stated she had likely been in pain a lot longer and it was contributing to the fighting, they had also never seen such a sudden case of aggression. Eventually Scarlett had to be euthanized. This was a full year of separation in my small apartment (one in bedroom one in living room).

Friday was so happy the day Scarlett didn't come back and was racing around - I realized she hadn't played for a year due to the stress of being attached and I was planning to never get a second in case it triggers her.

But...

It's been a year and a half and she seems to be lonely again sometimes. She is getting a bit aggressive to friends again and I am wondering if a kitten would help again? Plus I miss having an affectionate cat as Friday gives me 2 minutes a day of affection and then she is done. Scarlett was such a cuddlebug!

The vet recommended I foster first so I started fostering/taming feral kittens in my spare room for the summer. The last one I had from 6-8 months of age and Friday said no way (the kitten really wanted to be friends). So he went out for adoption. Then last week I got a young litter of three kittens aged 5 weeks. I won't formally introduce for another week but she is showing lots of interest and has responded well-ish looking at them through the door.

I'm doing this to see if she is okay with a kitten again. If she likes one do you think I could risk another feline given her past? And if she seems okay do you think the sex of the kitten matters? Most articles advise the opposite sex but my plan was to let her pick so to speak. If she enjoys one more than the others than I figure I should pick that one...right? Or still pick the only male?

Or is this a really bad idea? I really miss having a cat who shows affection and interest in me...

I think fostering so she can pick a new friend is a great idea! Really the best case scenario. Let her choose, don't worry about which sex.

I agree that she needs to be comfortable with the newcomer. It can be hard to gauge where the personality of a kitten may go, but maybe you can determine if one seems calmer and more relaxed and possibly a better match.

Forget what the experts say...if she chooses a kitten to be friends with, go for it, regardless of sex. However, some cats, especially those who are NOT dominant, are happier as "only children." She'll let you know what she wants.

I'm glad to hear these responses. Although I love all three kittens the male is black and I am in love with the two tabbies who are female - both colour and personality. I picked Friday and Scarlett because they were both black (Black cats are so beautiful!) but between one turning psycho and one naturally aggressive I am nervous of another black one.

I promise it isn't color-linked! The most laid-back cat I ever knew was a big, long-haired black tom. You could do anything short of murdering that cat, and he'd just lie there and purr.

Mamanyt1953 said:

I promise it isn't color-linked! The most laid-back cat I ever knew was a big, long-haired black tom. You could do anything short of murdering that cat, and he'd just lie there and purr.

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Logically you are right, but 2/2 black cats were bad experiences and I'm nervous about them now. But if Friday chooses the black one then so be it!

Yep...when the cat speaks, we listen!