Post Your Best "groaner" Joke

Mother Dragon

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In theory, a 747 should never crash. It should just go "Boeing!"

What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A nervous wreck.

What's specimen?
An Italian astronaut.

What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk?
Winnie the Pooh.

What do you call someone who's always abandoning their diet?
A desserter.
 

Mother Dragon

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1 bruce 1

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Not jokes but just sayings.

If you break both of your legs on that skateboard, don't come running to me.

You say you can listen to music all day long on your ipod? We had something like that when I was a kid, it's called a radio.

I can't read the screen on this damn phone without my glasses. I keep getting calls from someone named "Betty Low". ....oh, right, "Battery Low".

My nose is so big I need an axe to pick it.
 

doomsdave

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The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation..
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought...

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it...)


- She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."


(Oh, just hush-up now and send this one on to somebody who needs a laugh.) ha!
 

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The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation..
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought...

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it...)


- She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."


(Oh, just hush-up now and send this one on to somebody who needs a laugh.) ha!
:crackup::crackup::crackup:
 

doomsdave

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Supposedly, this was an actual excuse note for a small child who couldn't get to school.

Peed myself an ocean over this one . . . .

"Jimmy can't come to school today.

He has diarrhea and his boots leak."
 
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Jem

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This is not a joke but more of a funny poem I used to say when I was a kid. If I remember correctly is from "Lamb Chop's Play-along" with Shari Lewis. I've been doing some "deep" house cleaning and came across it.

On my belly, is a button.
People say it's good for nutton.

Still, I'm always bright and chipper,
At least it's not a belly zipper!


Yeah yeah, super cheesy....But hey, I was just a kid!
 
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