Reintroduction Update - One Month Separation

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blumarine916

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Correcting Meffy's behavior is a 24/7 endeavor that must be repeated each and every time she does something that she shouldn't. Her behavior could take weeks or perhaps even months to alter, but if not done consistently and each and every time she acts out she will never understand what it is you want. Every time you don't correct the behavior, you are actually reinforcing to her that it is OK.

So, you don't have a second room - that is NOT Meimey's safe room - to place Meffy in?
I have another room. Usually I put her in the balcony and shut the sliding door.

Ok I will do it each time she tries anything.
 

FeebysOwner

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It'll drive you nuts correcting her again and again and again - but, if it works, in the end it will be worth it!! Besides, Meimey might actually start to stand up for herself if she sees you correcting Meffy and therefore knows she can count on you to intervene!! Forewarning - this will be a long process, so don't give up and hang in there!!
 

Mamanyt1953

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Make sure that at some point, you switch the cats out. You want BOTH sets of scents ALL OVER THE HOUSE. Also, stop physical attacks, but do know that some growling and hissing is normal, and actually necessary as they define their positions in the home. Sometimes a cat's gotta say what a cat's gotta say.
 

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Oh boy, we had a case of redirected aggression in our home between our two (then 12 year old) female cats. One had stitches post surgery and it went on for over a month. It is always one of our cats that's the aggressor to the other and she seems to be very sensitive to smells and pheromones. I tried everything suggested above nothing worked. I will note that sometimes in the past giving the cats baths did help stop the aggression as they got some of the smell off of them, but this last time it did not work at all. I would say keep them apart from each other so they are both safe and hang in there. I was told it could last up to three months for them to readjust and that we may have to do a reintroduction if it did not stop, luckily it did as soon as the cat got the stitches out.
 
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blumarine916

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Oh boy, we had a case of redirected aggression in our home between our two (then 12 year old) female cats. One had stitches post surgery and it went on for over a month. It is always one of our cats that's the aggressor to the other and she seems to be very sensitive to smells and pheromones. I tried everything suggested above nothing worked. I will note that sometimes in the past giving the cats baths did help stop the aggression as they got some of the smell off of them, but this last time it did not work at all. I would say keep them apart from each other so they are both safe and hang in there. I was told it could last up to three months for them to readjust and that we may have to do a reintroduction if it did not stop, luckily it did as soon as the cat got the stitches out.
Thanks for sharing. It really gives me relief knowing that I’m not alone on this.

I’ve experience Meffy coming home from the vet after 3 days before. They fought as expected but they were friends again after about 2 weeks. I don’t know why it takes Meffy so long this time. It’s barely a day of intrusion compared to 4 days 3 nights at the vet and coming home smelling like medicine. I’m almost close to 3 months now. Yes, Meffy is always the aggressor. She came home to attack Meimey, not the other way around.

I’ve also given them both a bath in April but it didn’t help then. Maybe I should try it again.

I will try ANYTHING to get them back together again.
 
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blumarine916

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A little update

Yesterday, we bought a cheap plastic fence to put up against the door way. This enabled the door to be opened but the fence prevents Meffy from stalking in there to bother Meimey. I’m really concerned about Meimey’s confidence dwindling every passing day she is kept in the room. Everyone was telling me to keep them separated until there is “positive” response however on the other hand, keeping them separated for such a long time makes the timid cat even more timid. She’s become so used to being inside the room she no longer wants to roam the house as before.

In the beginning, Meimey would still want to come out and would scratch the door or meow to be let out. Now after 2 months, she doesn’t bother even if I open the door. She’d just lay there on the box waiting for me to come in instead. I used to see her at the dining table waiting for me every morning because I let her out at night. She no longer does that. She just waits inside her room. Is this a bad thing? Has anyone seen this effect of long term separation? I’m sorry if I sound like I’m not following advice or against what the experts are saying but I have followed whatever advice and have come to this.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Yes, you do need to site swap on a very regular basis, probably several hours a day. Put Meffy in the isolation room, and allow Meimey to roam the house at will. This accomplishes two things, first, it allows Meimey to begin building her confidence up again, and second, both cats' scents are even spread throughout the entire home.
 
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blumarine916

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Yes, you do need to site swap on a very regular basis, probably several hours a day. Put Meffy in the isolation room, and allow Meimey to roam the house at will. This accomplishes two things, first, it allows Meimey to begin building her confidence up again, and second, both cats' scents are even spread throughout the entire home.
I have started doing this yesterday, locking Meffy in there for about an hour. My bf objects to locking her there for the entire day when we’re at work but he doesn’t care about Meimey being in there. He doesn’t connect with Meimey so he doesn’t feel anything for her like I do. He wouldn’t even let me put the cone on Meffy before this, saying it is not Meffy’s fault that Meimey is a scaredy cat so we should not punish her like this. I know he loves Meffy more since she’s pretty close to him, even goes to sleep with him when I’m not around and accompanies him when he’s doing work until late.

Sighz...I’ll just continue to do what I can.
 

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blumarine916 blumarine916 I think you should read over your post #69 very carefully. pretend you are a stranger reading it. consider everything about it. It may help you.
 

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I understand having a stubborn partner and choosing your battles. It's clear your BF loves Meffy but it's vital he understands that Meffy is also suffering by the separation. Every time she sees Meimey scared it reminds her that she's scared. Meffys reaction to fear is attacking.

Most cats sleep when their humans are out. I'm not sure how to do it but there are probably apps if you set up a device (phone/tablet/computer) in the safe room you could go out and watch Meffy from your phone. When she can't hear you in the apartment she'll probably settle down.

Others will tell you to dump a guy who treats Maimey this way. You've said before that's out of the question. I hope your able to let him know how much this is hurting you and both cats. :hangin:
 
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blumarine916

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I understand having a stubborn partner and choosing your battles. It's clear your BF loves Meffy but it's vital he understands that Meffy is also suffering by the separation. Every time she sees Meimey scared it reminds her that she's scared. Meffys reaction to fear is attacking.

Most cats sleep when their humans are out. I'm not sure how to do it but there are probably apps if you set up a device (phone/tablet/computer) in the safe room you could go out and watch Meffy from your phone. When she can't hear you in the apartment she'll probably settle down.

Others will tell you to dump a guy who treats Maimey this way. You've said before that's out of the question. I hope your able to let him know how much this is hurting you and both cats. :hangin:
I would dump him if I just recently met him. But my bf has been in my life before we had cats, we’ve been through lots of tough times and struggles so tbh I’m more likely to give the cats away than the other way around, just to save our relationship. At the end, the cats are just animals. He’s still against me giving any of them away though.

Anyway, I couldn’t get Meimey out of the room today because she climbed up my tall cabinet where I can’t reach her.

Is it really fear that’s causing Meffy to attack? Whenever I open the safe room door she would want to come in too. On a few incidence where Meimey was sitting near the door, Meffy would come in, “greet” her with a few licks on her face then use her scratching post. I’d shoo her out after that. After 15 minutes, she’d be back in her suspicious mode.
 

Hellenww

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Is it really fear that’s causing Meffy to attack?
I don't know but she is definately reacting to Meimeys fear. Her friend is scared so there must be something scarey happening. Either it reminders her to be afraid or makes her see Meimey as prey. If Meimey is accepting the greeting let them be. Watch their body language if one of them becomes tense/stiff put something between them. A blanket or a piece of cardboard not yourself.
 
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blumarine916

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At this point where I am now, is it still possible to restart the introduction all over again? This stalemate is going nowhere anyway.

Or have I come too far, Meimey’s mental well being is beyond help and re-introduction will not work anymore?
 

Mamanyt1953

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He doesn’t connect with Meimey so he doesn’t feel anything for her like I do.
And the Catch-22 to this is that the only way he will learn to connect with Meimey is to spend time with her. Gently remind him of this, and remind him how important this is to you. And remind him that since he does want to keep them both, he owes it to BOTH of them to give them the very best chance of getting along.

And it's never "too late" to start over. Before doing so, though, try spending time with Meimey in her safe room, playing with her using a wand toy. The successful "hunt/catch/kill" play is a wonderful confidence builder. You can also use the same toy with Meffy to distract her from Meimey.
 
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blumarine916

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I’m not sure how he can achieve this since she runs away from him all the time. But I do see him try to pet her however this can only be done if Meimey is daydreaming and unaware of his presence.

I play with Meimey in her room every day. She loves wand toys except she fat and lazy XD. She hardly ever runs after toys and expects me to swing it close enough for her to reach. Meffy on the other hand goes completely nuts over toys and runs over everything to chase it. As you can see the opposite personalities here.

I’ve been putting Meimey in my bedroom a few times a day now to spread her scent and get comfortable in other parts of the house aside from her safe room.
 
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blumarine916

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The daily peaceful greeting between Meffy and Meimey every day when I come home is interesting. They’d sniff each other’s noses, maybe lick each other’s head a bit then Meffy will use the scratching board (she has her own) before walking off. No hissing whatsover. But that’s it. No more meeting or being nice after that. I’m really curious what this means.
 
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blumarine916

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It sounds like they are happy to see each other.

If Meffy is going off and ignoring Meimey after that then it's good.
I do wish it’s happiness but doesn’t seem so. It’s more like a protocol because I changed my routine from going into my bedroom first to Meimey’s room first. So if I greeted Meimey, she reluctantly did the same only to hiss at her 5 minutes after that. Weird.

Actually she isn’t ignoring Meimey at all. I wish she did after so long. She will not ignore Meimey if Meimey was in the same room. Some people can have 2 opposing cats sitting in the same room ignoring one another but not these 2. This morning Meffy chased her away from the kitchen to the safe room and it’s really sad that there’s nothing I could do but yell at her to cut it out. Sigh...she wouldn’t give Meimey a break AT ALL. Has anyone have such a problematic cat? It seems like Meffy is the one causing all the cat issues I’m facing in these 8 years. Meimey is super easy to care for compared to her; completely opposite!

Just like the other similar threads, I feel more and more hopeless everyday. :( I want to be optimistic though however what I see is zero improvement. Has anyone kept their cats separated forever without rehoming?
 

Mamanyt1953

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Yes, they have, and with a fair amount of success. One member that I know of, particularly, has one cat who can't be with the others, no matter how hard he tries. It can be done, so long as one cat isn't ALWAYS confined to one area, and both cats are able to be "out and about" for a good part of the day. Not ideal, but it can work.
 
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