Reintroduction Update - One Month Separation

A little update

Today I thought of giving the cats their favorite treat which is boiled mackerel. Now usually I feed them both in the kitchen but ever since this issue started, I have been feeding Meffy in the kitchen and Meimey in her room. So after I prepared the meals, I opened the door and called Meimey out to the kitchen. Meffy is already begging to be fed. At first Meimey came out then she saw Meffy staring at her she ran back. I told Meffy "No." She didn't run after her because obviously there's boiled mackerel coming soon. I called Meimey again from the kitchen. She came out and this time I put both bowls on the floor and urged Meimey to come forward and eat. She did

They ate there, not really face to face but within 3 ft in the kitchen without anything between them; just me supervising. Once Meimey was done, Meffy stared again then she ran back to her room.

Both are able to eat in peace but that's it.

Also I haven't been doing scent swapping for some time now. Is it still necessary?

blumarine916 said:

I don’t think he’s giving negative vibes to them. He still plays with Meffy everyday since she’s our first. All he does is feed them.

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Oh, I didn't mean he deliberately was giving out negative vibes, but I suspect he is a bit befuddled and a tad irritated about Meimey's behavior, especially since he can get along well with Meffy. So, Meimey can pick up on that, even if he tries to hide it from her. Cats are pretty good at picking up on all kinds of emotions from humans.

blumarine916 said:

Also I haven't been doing scent swapping for some time now. Is it still necessary?

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Can't hurt to try some more.

blumarine916 said:

Both are able to eat in peace but that's it.

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A lot of time, eating is the first thing cats can do together when they aren't getting along. It's the desire to eat that tamps down the rest of their feelings. So, it's a good start at least!!

Lol no worries. I'm not offended. He's not irritated or annoyed, just confused and would always ask me "Why does she hate me so much? I don't understand." The only time he gets to pet Meimey without her running away was when she's asleep and unaware of his presence, he has to stalk over then surprise pet her. Her reaction is kind of slow because she's fat so she just lets him pet her. He even managed to carry her a few times. She's scared but she's never scratched or hissed at him. Unlike Meffy who can be a bit rough and aggressive.

Ok I'll keep training them to eat together instead of feeding separately until they see a routine. However, they only get excited like this over mackerel.

Well, you can always give them a small bit of mackerel on one dish for each, right beside a second dish for each of their 'normal' food. Maybe if they can eat mackerel together and then have more food to eat, they continue to stay calm with one another throughout the rest of the meal??

The other thought that occurred to me, and maybe it was mentioned in a previous thread, is that Meimey might not be as comfortable around men. It can something as simple as the different tone of the voice, just as an example. That would explain why she has never been very fond of your BF. How exactly that ties into the stray event that caused all of this tension between the two cats, I am not sure. But, maybe your BF wasn't initially as cautious as you have been about separating the cats after the stray event and Meimey connects him with that?

I think we may have already given you this article, but am not sure.

14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me

This is more for your BF than it is for you, but certainly you would have to be involved in the process. If we did give it to you, have you guys tried implementing any of it?

Oh, this avoidance isn't from the stray incident. She's always been afraid of him so I guess the theory about cats being uncomfortable with men may apply. He also never played with her as a kitten since he lived a different city back then. So maybe there wasn't any bonding between them all this time.

No I just received this link. I'll see if he wants to try but I doubt he has the patience to do so ^^;

blumarine916 said:

Thanks <3 This actually made me feel better that there’s still a bit of hope. Are you using Feliway? I used it for a month but I don’t see any difference so I didn’t refill. Maybe I should buy a refill.

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Honestly, I've tried Feliway several different times in several scenarios and I've never found much effect on any of my cats. Maybe it was just really subtle but I also stopped buying them.

blumarine916 said:

I'll see if he wants to try but I doubt he has the patience to do so

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Bummer. It might go a long way in helping Meimey get past this whole issue. I thought maybe if they could bond some, that would help Meimey with bonding back again with Meffy, since he and Meffy get along.

blumarine916 said:

Oh, this avoidance isn't from the stray incident. She's always been afraid of him so I guess the theory about cats being uncomfortable with men may apply. He also never played with her as a kitten since he lived a different city back then. So maybe there wasn't any bonding between them all this time.

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Oh, no - I didn't mean that the avoidance started with the stray, just that she correlates him in some way with the stray event.

From what you've said so far - no, it doesn't sound to me like they ever bonded.

stephmnichols I read in your thread that KFlowers suggested boarding the cats for a couple of days then rearrange furniture. Have you tried that? I was thinking of that too. But would they kennel put them in the same cage or separate?

Today I gave them mackerel again except this time I let them wait while I slowly deboned the fish. To my surprise, they waited peacefully at my feet. Meffy didn’t attack Meimey at all and even licked her face a little.

blumarine916 said:

Meffy didn’t attack Meimey at all and even licked her face a little.

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That's wonderful. The more Meimey accepts positive attention, the more positive Meffy will be.

It’s been 2 hours now and Meffy hasn’t gone into the safe room even once. She just stares then walks away. I’ll be doing this until I’m able to sleep without shutting Meffy in the room with me.

And I think another reason this worked because I’m not working for 2 days. I’m able to spend a lot of time with them compared to other days.

Keeping my fingers crossed for this!

blumarine916 said:

Today I gave them mackerel again except this time I let them wait while I slowly deboned the fish. To my surprise, they waited peacefully at my feet. Meffy didn’t attack Meimey at all and even licked her face a little.

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That's actually real progress! NICE WORK! Just don't rush it now, let them do this as often as possible.

Ask your vet about Royal Canin Calm cat food. I have 2 orange boys going through getting to know each other. I feed the calm food to my timid boy and it seems to be helping him not be afraid. Today was the first day we had both together without any hissing or chasing under the bed!

Hope you get peace again, I know it can be very stressful to you as well!

You decide whether the cats are put in the same kennel or two next to each other. blumarine916 when you call for the boarding time tell them what you want same cage -- start same cage but if they don't get along switch to two cages, two cages. They will probably charge you for two cages since they may need to use them and will have to keep them for your cats, just in case.

Mamanyt1953 said:

That's actually real progress! NICE WORK! Just don't rush it now, let them do this as often as possible.

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Yeah. Later last night Meffy went into the room again and some hissing followed. She seems to be very agitated if she sees Meimey hiding under the bed. If Meimey was sitting somewhere she could see then she’d just stare. But this staring scares Meimey that she retreats under the bed! Such a strange behavior.

This morning I tried to lure Meimey out for breakfast hoping she’d respond like dinner yesterday but nope, she prefers in-room dining.

Ah well, tiny progress is better than none.

Today I tried feeding then normal dinner together. When I came home I went straight to the safe room to meet Meimey. Meffy followed but they were ok. Face/fur licking, no hisses. I thought they were ok so I prepared dinner. Since Meimey didn’t come out, I brought her out to the kitchen to eat with Meffy about 4 ft away. Meffy immediately chased her back to the room. The chasing included Meffy pawing at the other’s butt as she ran but I don’t think Meimey is hurt as her fur is quite dense.

Cats are so strange. What does this mean? Barely 2 minutes after that face licking she’s back to attacking. Has Meffy gone mental?
Or does this mean Meffy only ‘allows’ Meimey in the safe room but not outside at all?

I'm betting Meimey showed fear, even a slight movement, and Meffy reacted to that.

blumarine916 said:

Or does this mean Meffy only ‘allows’ Meimey in the safe room but not outside at all?

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Have you put Meffy in Meimeys safe room alone with the door closed for a few hours? If not, then you are probaly right. Meffy doesn't see Meimeys safe room as part of the shared home anymore and to an extent Meimey is a visitor since she smells like the foreign land. Getting Meimeys safe space smelling like both of them could help.

And, after all of this - forgive me if I have forgotten- have you tried disciplining Meffy when she acts out against Meimey? Meffy should be picked up, told a firm "NO", and placed in time-out (room with a door) for a couple of minutes, then let out as you go on about your business. This will tell Meffy her behavior is unacceptable, and even more importantly it will tell Meimey that you are there for her and will stick up for her. Meimey has probably lost all confidence.

FeebysOwner said:

And, after all of this - forgive me if I have forgotten- have you tried disciplining Meffy when she acts out against Meimey? Meffy should be picked up, told a firm "NO", and placed in time-out (room with a door) for a couple of minutes, then let out as you go on about your business. This will tell Meffy her behavior is unacceptable, and even more importantly it will tell Meimey that you are there for her and will stick up for her. Meimey has probably lost all confidence.

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Yes I have put Meffy in timeout a couple of times but it doesn’t seem to deter her. I would always tell her NO if she even tries to growl or attack. I feel the same about Meimey too Poor girl. Lately I’ve been bringing her into my bedroom to hang out for about an hour or so just to spread her scent around. I also noticed she never sat at her favorite dining chair anymore because she always got attacked when she sat there a few weeks ago. It’s really sad because that used to be her favorite spot in the house for years.

I’ve locked Meffy in the safe room but probably not long enough. I’d do that again next time we go out for the day. Meimey gets so scared without somewhere to run to ^^;

Correcting Meffy's behavior is a 24/7 endeavor that must be repeated each and every time she does something that she shouldn't. Her behavior could take weeks or perhaps even months to alter, but if not done consistently and each and every time she acts out she will never understand what it is you want. Every time you don't correct the behavior, you are actually reinforcing to her that it is OK.

So, you don't have a second room - that is NOT Meimey's safe room - to place Meffy in?