Post Your Best "groaner" Joke

Mother Dragon

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Why didn't The Terminator upgrade to Windows 10?
He said, "I still love Vista, baby."

What's blue and doesn't weight much?
Light blue.

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunderpants.

What do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz?
Cheese Was.

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
 

Mother Dragon

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A patient bursts into a doctor’s office, "Doctor, I believe I'm a deck of cards!"
The doctor calmly replies, "Go sit in the waiting room, please, I'll be dealing with you later."

I Googled "how to start a wildfire".
I got 48,500 matches.

A Spanish magician has a grand magical show and at the end he says he will disappear after counting to three. He starts to count, “Un, dos…”
Kazaam! He vanished without a tres.

This gravity joke is getting a bit old, but I fall for it every time.

My cousin, a magician, decided to incorporate the use of trapdoors in his shows. But I think it’s just a stage he’s going through.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?"
I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"
 

1 bruce 1

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Wife who put husband in dog house
Find him in cat-house . . . .
:flail:

You can't come up smelling of roses until you've been neck deep in manure.

If you think you're a person of influence, try ordering someone else's dog around (this actually might work.)

If you really really think you're a person of influence, try ordering your own cat around (this never works.)
 

1 bruce 1

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If you're 73 and worried about your age, just think of yourself as 23 Celsius.

You'll be old some day. Age is like underwear. It creeps up on you.

The best things in life are free, except for chewing gum. If you want to chew gum, buy new, don't use the gum from underneath the seat at the movie theater.

"Have you seen the TV remote? I swear it just saw it.....oh, nevermind, I found it. Uh, can you remember where I said I found it? I swear it I just saw it..."
 

NY cat man

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If you're 73 and worried about your age, just think of yourself as 23 Celsius.

You'll be old some day. Age is like underwear. It creeps up on you.

The best things in life are free, except for chewing gum. If you want to chew gum, buy new, don't use the gum from underneath the seat at the movie theater.

"Have you seen the TV remote? I swear it just saw it.....oh, nevermind, I found it. Uh, can you remember where I said I found it? I swear it I just saw it..."
Some day? Every time I stick my head out the door, I see a hearse parked down the street.
 

debbila

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One cannibal says to the other cannibal, " I don't feel so good. My stomach is so upset."
Other cannibal says, " What did you eat? "
First one says, " The usual, two missionaries. "
Other one, " What did they look like? "
First one, " Real short hair, long brown robes. "
Other one, " How did you cook them? "
First one, " Boiled them in a big pot of water. "
Other one, " That's what's wrong. They're friars! "
 

1 bruce 1

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What do you call an old, old snowman?

A: Water

Did you hear about the bed bug?


A: She's expecting and will have her babies in the "spring"

What did one plate whisper to the other plate?


A: Dinners on me

(These are jokes you can share with your 3 year old kid and your 93 year old grandmother!)
 
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