Reintroduction Update - One Month Separation

Mamanyt1953

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Unfortunately, it just takes as long as it takes. You simply can't go faster than the most reluctant cat. I know how frustrating it can be, though.
 
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blumarine916

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Yeah. It’s been 2 months now though I admit it’s less stressful than when it started.
I thought of sending them for boarding at this nice place I found, just for a few days. I wonder if it would help.
 

Mamanyt1953

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It might work, or it might backfire on you, and unfortunately, you won't know that until and unless you try it. IF they boarded together, they might bond on neutral territory, or they might fight like tigers out of stress. You just never know.
 

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I don't know how others feel about this, but have you considered trying a "Calming" remedy, like a plug in, a collar, chews just to ease them? I have the Nature's Miracle calming spray and it helped me reintroduce my two sisters who were separated for 26 days.
Just a thought.
I hope it gets better everyday. I would say be patient. (I need that advice for myself at the moment). I know how stressful it is. Have you tried playing with them together at the same time?
 
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blumarine916

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I don't know how others feel about this, but have you considered trying a "Calming" remedy, like a plug in, a collar, chews just to ease them? I have the Nature's Miracle calming spray and it helped me reintroduce my two sisters who were separated for 26 days.
Just a thought.
I hope it gets better everyday. I would say be patient. (I need that advice for myself at the moment). I know how stressful it is. Have you tried playing with them together at the same time?
Hi. I had Feliway plugged in for a month but it didn’t make any difference so I stopped buying. Yes I played with them together however Meimey is too scared to leave the room completely if she sees Meffy there. So I’d be standing a the doorway between them swinging Da Bird or string toy back and forth between them. If Meffy pounces too close, there’ll be hissing and off Meimey runs to hide under the bed.

It has come to the point where Meimey will not leave her room as long as she knows Meffy is lurking :( I’m worried she has become too scared now.

I wonder if there’s any way to make Meffy less of a bully.
 

Mamanyt1953

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I've seen Prozac work wonders on bully cats, and some of them were able to be slowly weaned off of it after a period of time.
 
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blumarine916

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Still not much improvement. It’s stepping into the 3rd month now :(

Today when I was playing with Meimey in the room with the door open, Meffy suddenly barged in to attack her. When that happened, I was startled I yelled at her and may have smacked Meffy a bit too hard in that panic. She hissed at me and is now avoiding me. I feel so bad now.

Usually she doesn’t attack when I’m in the room even if the door was open. Meffy has never hissed at me before. Will she be okay? I feel this issue is just getting worse instead of better by the day. Does anyone have this experience of cats not getting along for months after an incident? Is there a point to stop and give up do you keep hoping that it will be better?

Edit: Meffy’s fine now. Ignored me for 10 minutes.
 
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blumarine916

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Next step will be for me to invest in a baby gate or some sort of barrier to place over the safe room door. Never thought I would need to come to this.

For those of you who used the gate, does the cat in the room come out to the gate or do they hide? I’m not sure if Meimey will come out to the gate since that would mean she has to see Meffy staring at her.
 

Mamanyt1953

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The hope is that although she may hide at first, eventually she will become accustomed to seeing him and realize that he can't reach her, and will come out. It is the rare cat who doesn't catch on within a few days.
 

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Hey, let me ask you something, OK? I remember you mentioned your BF in an earlier thread, correct? I haven't seen you mention him recently; is he still in the picture? The only reason I ask is if he is home a lot when you are not - and if so, perhaps he could start to log what is going on there when you are not home. I was hoping that he could help shed some light on why Meffy and Meimey are still having problems.

There is something going on that is being missed, and maybe if he can give you a diary of what happens when you are not there, it will shed some light on things.
 
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blumarine916

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Hey, let me ask you something, OK? I remember you mentioned your BF in an earlier thread, correct? I haven't seen you mention him recently; is he still in the picture? The only reason I ask is if he is home a lot when you are not - and if so, perhaps he could start to log what is going on there when you are not home. I was hoping that he could help shed some light on why Meffy and Meimey are still having problems.

There is something going on that is being missed, and maybe if he can give you a diary of what happens when you are not there, it will shed some light on things.
Yes he’s still around but he doesn’t care about tiny details as much as I do. We both leave and come home about the same time; sometimes one of us later than the other. Meimey has been scared of him ever since we got her as a kitten so that won’t help either. She has avoided him for 6 years. He’s puzzled why she does that. Meffy is great with him. Right now, he keeps telling me what we’re doing isn’t going to work and we should just open all the doors and let them work it out :( Because the safe room is also where we keep our clothes and it smells bad when kitty litter box is there.

I’m trying everything possible to fix this.
 

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Their relationship sounds very similar to my cats, although mine were never friends first. Coffee is the timid one, Maui is the bully; Maui chases Coffee every time she comes down and Coffee runs away frantically. Typically Coffee stays up high on her perch and Maui roams around, but every once in a while Maui will jump up near her or even just stare at her and Coffee will start hissing. When it's just hissing, I tend to let it just go on, although if Maui starts acting like a bully from far away (rubbing her face on stuff while staring aggressively, etc.) I tell her loudly to knock it off and clap or make a loud noise and she stops, looks all guilty too.

They are also separated when no one is around, but they do both sleep in our bedroom now.

I think it just takes time for them to work things out (and a leap of faith that they're going to be fine when you give them more leeway with each other) and building the timid one's confidence is key. Lately Coffee has gotten fed up with Maui and given up on the hissing more quickly; the other day she skipped the hissing all together and gave Maui a smack right away (no claws) and Maui backed off. Gaining confidence!

Small, baby steps, but I think we are getting there.
 

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Right now, he keeps telling me what we’re doing isn’t going to work and we should just open all the doors and let them work it out :( Because the safe room is also where we keep our clothes and it smells bad when kitty litter box is there.
So sorry he feels this way, and wish he could follow your steps, and support you about what you want to do - and, I wish for it not to be affecting you. I hope he isn't somehow affecting their behavior in terms of a negative vibe. Cats can feel that.
 
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blumarine916

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Their relationship sounds very similar to my cats, although mine were never friends first. Coffee is the timid one, Maui is the bully; Maui chases Coffee every time she comes down and Coffee runs away frantically. Typically Coffee stays up high on her perch and Maui roams around, but every once in a while Maui will jump up near her or even just stare at her and Coffee will start hissing. When it's just hissing, I tend to let it just go on, although if Maui starts acting like a bully from far away (rubbing her face on stuff while staring aggressively, etc.) I tell her loudly to knock it off and clap or make a loud noise and she stops, looks all guilty too.

They are also separated when no one is around, but they do both sleep in our bedroom now.

I think it just takes time for them to work things out (and a leap of faith that they're going to be fine when you give them more leeway with each other) and building the timid one's confidence is key. Lately Coffee has gotten fed up with Maui and given up on the hissing more quickly; the other day she skipped the hissing all together and gave Maui a smack right away (no claws) and Maui backed off. Gaining confidence!

Small, baby steps, but I think we are getting there.
I wouldn’t mind hissing except Meimey has become really timid now. She would hide at the sight of Meffy. Sometimes when the door is open Meffy would even go inside to seek for her under the bed. Then I’ll hear angry hissing. I’ll make a loud sound so that Meffy comes out, looking guilty and all. Sometimes she also stares at the room when the door is open. If I told her to knock it off, she’ll start swishing her tail.

Yeah..I agree on the building confidence part though it’s quite tricky now when Meimey wouldn’t come out unless she’s very sure Meffy is locked up. She won’t even come out if the door was open. The door is more too keep the bully out.

How long did you face this issue?
 
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blumarine916

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So sorry he feels this way, and wish he could follow your steps, and support you about what you want to do - and, I wish for it not to be affecting you. I hope he isn't somehow affecting their behavior in terms of a negative vibe. Cats can feel that.
It’s hard. Worst thing is my dad has cancer and I have to be away to see him every weekend. He even had a fall last week which fractured his hip bone. Each time I’m away, I’d worry about my cats because sometimes BF doesn’t even let Meimey out of her room at night. Meffy will not sleep quiet in a room with him. She would meow endlessly to be let out so he’ll get fed up and let her out, locking Meimey in her room for more than a day.

Come to think of it, this whole mess started the day my dad was diagnosed with cancer.
 

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Oh yes mine are the exact same, Coffee just panics at the sight of Maui. I agree that it is very hard to see sometimes. I don't know if this is going to make you feel better or worse, but we're still facing the issue, although it is getting better (albeit very slowly - like turtle pace). We've been working on their relationship ever since we got Maui, so I suppose for about 9 months now... but they're both adult females, so I am really not surprised. This stage that they're currently at though has probably been about 4 months. Sometimes it does feel almost like a stand-still, and wondering how to progress, but I am just trusting that one day they'll ignore each other comfortably based on the fact that they've never FOUGHT fought, other than some claw-less, bite-less tussles.
 
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blumarine916

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Oh yes mine are the exact same, Coffee just panics at the sight of Maui. I agree that it is very hard to see sometimes. I don't know if this is going to make you feel better or worse, but we're still facing the issue, although it is getting better (albeit very slowly - like turtle pace). We've been working on their relationship ever since we got Maui, so I suppose for about 9 months now... but they're both adult females, so I am really not surprised. This stage that they're currently at though has probably been about 4 months. Sometimes it does feel almost like a stand-still, and wondering how to progress, but I am just trusting that one day they'll ignore each other comfortably based on the fact that they've never FOUGHT fought, other than some claw-less, bite-less tussles.
Both mine are girls too. They have never been cuddly since before. Meffy likes to assert her dominance all the time but they don’t fight. I’m coming to 3rd month now.

Do you use a gate/room to separate them?
 

stephmnichols

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Sorry to hear about your dad :hearthrob:

Yes, they are separated for long days when we are both at work/school, either with Coffee in our bedroom and Maui in the house, or Maui in her room and Coffee with access to the house; although if we are doing a trip to the grocery store or only leaving for an hour or so then we leave them out together. We also have a patio screen door on our bedroom door as well, in case we want to use it, but haven't used it in a while. I think it helped at first but once we got them to the point they are at now I didn't find that it was doing much in the way of progression. Especially since our bedroom is on the second floor, and the rest of the house is mostly on the first, so having the screen door up didn't end up leading to a ton of exposure as the cat who was out would generally just stay downstairs anyways.
 
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blumarine916

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So sorry he feels this way, and wish he could follow your steps, and support you about what you want to do - and, I wish for it not to be affecting you. I hope he isn't somehow affecting their behavior in terms of a negative vibe. Cats can feel that.
I don’t think he’s giving negative vibes to them. He still plays with Meffy everyday since she’s our first. All he does is feed them.

Anyway...I’ve come to a roadblock. The shelves sold at the store were too short! Only 80cm which is barely 3ft. That was the longest they have :< I’ll have to find other places. Wish there was a Home Depot kind of place here.
 
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blumarine916

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Oh yes mine are the exact same, Coffee just panics at the sight of Maui. I agree that it is very hard to see sometimes. I don't know if this is going to make you feel better or worse, but we're still facing the issue, although it is getting better (albeit very slowly - like turtle pace). We've been working on their relationship ever since we got Maui, so I suppose for about 9 months now... but they're both adult females, so I am really not surprised. This stage that they're currently at though has probably been about 4 months. Sometimes it does feel almost like a stand-still, and wondering how to progress, but I am just trusting that one day they'll ignore each other comfortably based on the fact that they've never FOUGHT fought, other than some claw-less, bite-less tussles.
Thanks <3 This actually made me feel better that there’s still a bit of hope. Are you using Feliway? I used it for a month but I don’t see any difference so I didn’t refill. Maybe I should buy a refill.
 
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