Anxious about new cat - any advice??

Laurafazz

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L leahri I relate to this so much!! I posted a while back about my kitten anxiety, and I kept having the same thoughts you did. And as predicted, I am now insanely in love with the two of them and i'm disappointed in myself for being such an anxious mess while they were tiny kittens. But I keep reminding myself that I did my best - and you are too!! Junebug is a pretty little girl, and she's already coming out for petting and food so that's great. She's probably pretty freaked out, too! But also I'm sure she's so happy to have found a home. Give it a little time and you'll relax into the routine. And you'll figure out little tricks for the things causing you anxiety - for example, I trim my cats' nails when they are sleeping because they are SO uncooperative, and sometimes it takes several days to get all the paws done lol. Make sure you come back and let us know when you're head over heels in love with her - it will happen!
-Laura, mom of Poppy and Violet
 

leahri

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L leahri I relate to this so much!! I posted a while back about my kitten anxiety, and I kept having the same thoughts you did. And as predicted, I am now insanely in love with the two of them and i'm disappointed in myself for being such an anxious mess while they were tiny kittens. But I keep reminding myself that I did my best - and you are too!! Junebug is a pretty little girl, and she's already coming out for petting and food so that's great. She's probably pretty freaked out, too! But also I'm sure she's so happy to have found a home. Give it a little time and you'll relax into the routine. And you'll figure out little tricks for the things causing you anxiety - for example, I trim my cats' nails when they are sleeping because they are SO uncooperative, and sometimes it takes several days to get all the paws done lol. Make sure you come back and let us know when you're head over heels in love with her - it will happen!
-Laura, mom of Poppy and Violet
Thanks so much Laura. Your posts in particularly really resonated with me! I'm really hoping you're right about Junebug and myself. I also think I was a bit misleading, as we put her food under the bed just so she would eat it! ;)
 

di and bob

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I'm old, so a little advise.....I know it's so hard not to worry about the future, but I have found during my life almost every single thing you worry about DOES NOT COME TRUE! You can't forecast the future, there are too many things that change. So do as I do and sing the old french song, Ce qui sera,sera, (kay sir ahh, sir ahh) what ever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Sometimes we get so worried about the future, we can't enjoy the present.
Cats are resilent, but they absolutely hate change, and talk about anxiety! Although they may not display it, they are pertrified. Your sweet Junebug will come around, she is making strides already. Most cats will approach you if you ignore them, it gives them security that you are not fixtated on them like a predator. She is most likely picking up on your anxiety too. So just enjoy her. Sit quietly and talk to her and leave treats when you leave. You earn a cats love, they are not born to please like a dog. You are doingf very well if she is sticking her head out, everything else will follow. Please keep us posted on how you are doing, we will help all we can!
 

Totsy

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I am old and have dealt with depression/GAD/OCD and some other initials for most of my life.

First, let me say how proud I am of you for coming this far. You did not lose it at the adoption and here you are asking for help. Yay you! You're doing great, really.

You're doing things right, you have a supportive partner, and your kitty is settling in. Soak in those little moments when she purrs or approaches you. Play with her. Enjoy watching her be herself. It won't be long before your fate is sealed: you'll be a cat lover.

I promise you that a furbaby is one of the best mental health tools I've ever tried. It is so helpful to be focused on a small furry animal's well-being and happiness. Heck, they even lower my husband's blood pressure.

Explore this site by reading older posts. Just as you found this thread, other ones will be helpful to you. Ask lots of questions. The folks on this site are very generous with their time, knowledge and advice. They are unbelievably patient and supportive.

Here's to a beautiful friendship!
 

cuppa

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I suffer from a lot of anxiety, but I've had it more under control in the last couple years. Years of learning what can trigger it, noticing how I feel when I'm about to spiral, and finding some coping methods that help offset the worst of it have improved my life greatly.

That being said, I recently almost had a full meltdown after adopting another cat back in February. After managing my anxiety fairly well for a while, it was really surprising to find myself terribly affected by something I brought on myself (especially since it was something I wanted). I was constantly thinking I had made an awful decision and was ready to take her back at all times. She was super sweet and there was no issue, but that's the thing with anxiety. It's not logical. I could tell myself over and over that everything was fine, but my brain just wouldn't take it as an answer! Not to mention how embarrassed I was. Here I am, a grown adult, and this is freaking me out. I needed constant reassurance from friends that I wasn't a horrible person and that everything would work out.

Getting out of the house was the only time I felt even remotely better. I dreaded going home. Somehow, I was actually looking forward to going to work. After a few weeks, though, I just... got used to it? It eventually stopped feeling like the end of the world, and I was able to actually enjoy the new addition to the family. Strangely enough, I didn't have this kind of issue after adopting my first cat.
 

paige1234

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Hey all,

I'm so glad I stumbled on this thread. After years of wanting a cat, visiting shelters, etc. I am finally in a place that I can afford to care for one. I adopted my Arya just today and have never felt so much regret/dread. I hope it goes away soon. I grew up with a cat and know how to care for one, this is a feeling I hadn't been expecting. Any advice besides time to help the anxiety I feel? I know this is a lifelong commitment and won't be taking her back, but want to adjust to my new normal as soon as I can.

Thanks,
Paige
 

cuppa

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Hey all,

I'm so glad I stumbled on this thread. After years of wanting a cat, visiting shelters, etc. I am finally in a place that I can afford to care for one. I adopted my Arya just today and have never felt so much regret/dread. I hope it goes away soon. I grew up with a cat and know how to care for one, this is a feeling I hadn't been expecting. Any advice besides time to help the anxiety I feel? I know this is a lifelong commitment and won't be taking her back, but want to adjust to my new normal as soon as I can.

Thanks,
Paige
I think only time will help in the long run, but for managing the anxiety, here's some things that helped me.
1. If you feel you need to cry, do it. Releasing some of that pent up stress can be cathartic
2. For some reason, sipping ice water helps me calm down a little. Something about the slow task or feel of the cold water, idk
3. Get out of the house. If you are feeling overwhelmed, just go out and do something. If you need to run errands, use it as an excuse. If it's late, take a drive around if you can.
4. Do something to distract you. Cleaning helps me. So does trying to play a video game or watching something that's kinda fast paced. You want to keep your mind occupied with things other than your own thoughts.
5. Talk to your friends and family. For me, I just kept asking them to reassure me that I wasn't making a mistake lmao

Hope this helps a bit!
 

Diana Faye

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So glad to stumble on this thread, and for this forum, for all the reasons already stated.

I've suspected that I'm dealing some kind of depression and anxiety, but I've been functional so never pursued it. My late Irving was my ROCK, and while I never underestimated what he meant to me, loosing him... I just don't have the words. I had a hell of a year last year with lots of losses, ending with loosing him. I was even surprised myself at just how emotionally dependent I was on him.

I didn't plan on getting new cats, nor doing it as quickly as I did, but I could not bear the emptiness so when the opportunity presented itself I took it. I didn't expect them to step into his paw prints, nor did I want that. He was, and always will be, special. I did however assume that I had a handle on all things cats, since I lived with one for 13 years and work around animals. Of course, anxiety set in and I was again reminded of how unique my relationship had been with my senior. I was an expert only on all things Irving, not a cat whisperer, new to kittens, and did I mention the issue of ANXIETY?? I was already not 100% and did not sleep for the first few days that I brought Simon home, waiting for his first vet appointment, because I was genuinely scared that he would just stop breathing if I wasn't vigilant.

I'm really grateful that I found this site, and all the information here. It's been a relief to know that others were anxious about adjusting to new cats, and while my brand of "crazy" may not be totally normal, that I am not alone. The kitties have been helpful to bring a little joy and distraction to my life, when I don't fixate on them. I still have moments where I get a little obsessive, and even recently posted for reassurance that Simon was indeed not about to die. Earlier today, I was scrutinizing Funky's one eye to see whether or not his pupil was dilating normally (it is). I'm coming up on their 1 yr anniversary, which also coincides with some other things that are not as pleasant. I know I'll feel better when they have their annual checkup (3 months away), but for now I just have to let myself feel what I feel and be kind to myself.

And thank you to everyone who has responded to my previous posts with your knowledge, reassurance, and patience.
 

di and bob

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I think all of us have felt like you at times. Sometimes feeling overwhelmed happens when you overthink things. When you dwell on all the what ifs that can happen in the future. Things that most likely, most probably, WILL NEVER HAPPEN. What our minds can come up with is usually far from the truth. Just concentrate on what is in your present. The past is just that, the future is not ours to see. Know you are not alone, and time is all you need. One day at a time.......
 

paige1234

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I think only time will help in the long run, but for managing the anxiety, here's some things that helped me.
1. If you feel you need to cry, do it. Releasing some of that pent up stress can be cathartic
2. For some reason, sipping ice water helps me calm down a little. Something about the slow task or feel of the cold water, idk
3. Get out of the house. If you are feeling overwhelmed, just go out and do something. If you need to run errands, use it as an excuse. If it's late, take a drive around if you can.
4. Do something to distract you. Cleaning helps me. So does trying to play a video game or watching something that's kinda fast paced. You want to keep your mind occupied with things other than your own thoughts.
5. Talk to your friends and family. For me, I just kept asking them to reassure me that I wasn't making a mistake lmao

Hope this helps a bit!
Thank you. Good advice. She is very sweet and affectionate, just need to work with her on scratching! She loves to scratch the carpet right next to her scratching posts haha. And leaving me alone at night so I can get some sleep! But those will come with time.
 

leahri

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Hi Paige,

I totally had this feeling when we adopted our cat, Junie. It was a really rough 2-3 weeks, I even told my therapist I wanted to bring her back to the shelter or give her to a friend. I don't think there were many things that totally helped in particular, unfortunately it just took some time. It was a new creature in my house that I didn't know, and it made me uncomfortable. I know saying "it just takes time to adjust" isn't helpful. For me though, it happened to be true. Also, it turns out, getting her in the carrier for her first vet visit was a huge anxiety trigger for me. But once we got her in (with treats, by the way, super easily), it was an easy process and afterwards, I ended up feeling much better. Little things can be triggers, and that's okay.

Junie and I are buddies now. She sits with us every night on the couch before we head up to bed--something to note though, which I think helped with anxiety; she does not come in the room with us, and we keep our bedroom door closed all the time. It was something we implemented as soon as we got her, that our bedroom would be a no kitty space.
 

Miniterasu

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Reading this thread makes me feel so much better. I now know that I am not alone in this situation...

I adopted a 2 years old female cat from the shelter 2 days ago (may 17) , and I've never been so anxious in my life and I feel so much regrets! I always had cats when I was a kid, but I've spent the last 10 years without any and she is my very first cat of my own. I always wanted a cat, but always hesitated because I kinda fear changes. I don't want to run away from my fears for the rest of my life. I don't have any medical anxiety problem, but I am not feeling too great since adopting her. I feel sick to my stomach, I have no appetite, I cried almost all day yesterday. I have the hardest time falling asleep because I fear that she is breaking something or climbing somewhere she shouldn't at each sound I hear. I am overthinking everything I see or hear, my mom and cousin said. They are probably right... I love her, she is the sweetest, most gentle and docile cat I've seen in my life, but she makes me so anxious! She meows all the time and I don't know why, she keeps me awake at night (running everywhere and meowing), she wont use her litter box to poop, she wants to climb on my furniture. The only good thing is that she is only using her scratching pad for her claws and not my sofa. I don't want to return her to the shelter, I won't be able to live with myself if I do that. I really wish that I will be able to understand her better and that everything will get better soon. I feel awful.

Last night I tried feeding her right before going to bed and played with her until she couldn't run after her toy. She didn't run everywhere like crazy like she did the night before, but she did still meow a lot waking me up. I don't know what to do next, I don't know what I am doing wrong.

IMG_4935.JPG

Sorry for my bad English, not my native language.

Thanks for reading.
 

di and bob

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Miniterasu Miniterasu , you are definitely not alone. Think of yourself as a 'first time parent', full of anxiety and worries that most likely will never come true. If it has only been two days, she is anxious and meowing, etc. too, cats hate change and she has a lot to get used to. New cats usually meow in situations like this because they are uncertain, scared, and calling to see if something familiar will show up. Her sleeping habits WILL eventually match yours, two days is not enough time for her to adjust. It will take at least a month for her true personality to come out. (she's probably thinking the same thing about you!) Using her scratching post is very good, as is her being sweet and not hiding for days as most new cats do.
She may not like the litter you are using, or the box, or it may just be she doesn't know yet where the litter box is and waits too long. Some cats like one box to pee in and another to poop in. Make sure the box is readily visible and clean, you can always move it later.
Remove things that are easily broken, you can return them once she calms down. Cats can get down from places they climb, so please don't worry about her at night, lack of sleep is a sure way to increase anxiety. Almost all cats climb furniture and get on counters, she is still young enough to be taught manners, for now just remove her from where she shouldn't be and tell her no. Stricter teachings can come later when she and you are settled in. She will become your best friend. I know it seems like a lot of resonsibility right now, but try to relax, Just sit with her and talk, stroking her head and back. Doing this will calm you both down. Let her sleep with you if possible, cats like that.
I promise you, everyone at one time or another has felt like you about something. None of us are perfect. Yoru little girl doesn't expect you to be either. You will learn together, bless you for giving her a home. It just takes time, one day at a time......
 

coriejo24

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I’m so glad I found this site. I lost my sweet Lucy back in November, she was 13. She had feline diabetes and went through diabetic ketoacidosis and didn’t pull through. She was my best friend. I have two small dogs so I wasn’t looking for another cat. My parents found a tiny kitten under their porch and brought him to me hoping I would be able to find him a home are a rescue to take him in. I’ve had him for a week now and today I decided to keep him. He’s been to the vet and has been in a “safe room” while I’m at work and during the night. Today I let him explore the apartment and he and one of my dogs started playing. Anyway, the anxiety has finally crept in and I can’t stop crying, regretting my decision. I don’t handle change well and I know in the long run it will all work out but I’m really freaking out.
 

di and bob

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Did you ever think about the timing of all this? That precious little one may be just what you need right now, sent from above to help you heal that broken heart.
Lucy left you with a legacy of love. She will always be secure in knowing her love is safe in your heart. Knowing you are giving that little one a home filled with what she shared with you for all those years would be the highest honor you could bestow on her. She would be at peace knowing you are allowing her love to bloom and spread, not be hidden in a grief stricken heart.
Don't allow yourself to worry about tomorrow, it will take care of itself. Live in today, just like that sweet boy and his two new family memebers are doing. Playing and getting to know each other. Try not to dwell on things you can't change, concentrate on what you have now.
You were blessed to have had Lucy in your life, and she will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. A new addition to the family is a joyous, and yes scary time. Each love is different and as precious as any treasure, as a mother loves each and every child in a different way, you will learn to love that little boy and welcome him to share your heart with the other loves there. Just take one day at a time.......
 

Miniterasu

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Miniterasu Miniterasu , you are definitely not alone. Think of yourself as a 'first time parent', full of anxiety and worries that most likely will never come true. If it has only been two days, she is anxious and meowing, etc. too, cats hate change and she has a lot to get used to. New cats usually meow in situations like this because they are uncertain, scared, and calling to see if something familiar will show up. Her sleeping habits WILL eventually match yours, two days is not enough time for her to adjust. It will take at least a month for her true personality to come out. (she's probably thinking the same thing about you!) Using her scratching post is very good, as is her being sweet and not hiding for days as most new cats do.
She may not like the litter you are using, or the box, or it may just be she doesn't know yet where the litter box is and waits too long. Some cats like one box to pee in and another to poop in. Make sure the box is readily visible and clean, you can always move it later.
Remove things that are easily broken, you can return them once she calms down. Cats can get down from places they climb, so please don't worry about her at night, lack of sleep is a sure way to increase anxiety. Almost all cats climb furniture and get on counters, she is still young enough to be taught manners, for now just remove her from where she shouldn't be and tell her no. Stricter teachings can come later when she and you are settled in. She will become your best friend. I know it seems like a lot of resonsibility right now, but try to relax, Just sit with her and talk, stroking her head and back. Doing this will calm you both down. Let her sleep with you if possible, cats like that.
I promise you, everyone at one time or another has felt like you about something. None of us are perfect. Yoru little girl doesn't expect you to be either. You will learn together, bless you for giving her a home. It just takes time, one day at a time......
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my message. It has now been a week and things are now so much better. I also feel a lot better as well, no more crying yay! I think you were right about her not really knowing where the litter box was. I made sure she knew where it was by placing her in it on random occasion and she is now using it all the time! She still climb on the table and the counters in the kitchen, but a simple firm "no" is enough to get her down. She was supposedly a stray, but I suspect that she might have been a house cat before because she do already has some manners. She is a very smart girl. The only thing is that she still meows a lot, especially at night. I tried to sleep with her on the second day, but she kept me awake all night walking on me, sleeping in my face, playing under the bed, etc. I kept my door close after that and wouldn't stop meowing at night. Last night I tried for a second time to sleep with her, and she was a lot calmer! She didn't wake me even once! I woke up to find her toys in my bed. I'll try again tonight and hopefully she was only meowing the other nights because she wanted to be with me. She also meows during the day, but I think it's because she wants some attention so I try to ignore her when she does that. I want to teach her not to beg for attention with loud meows. I try to only pet her and feed her treats when she is quiet. I am so glad that everything is getting a lot better in only a week! I am grateful to have found this thread <3
 

SisselsMom

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Oh jeez, I’m so glad I found this thread. I Googled “anxiety about getting a cat” and was brought here. I hope I can share my story and get some advice or encouragement.

About a year ago, I moved out of my mom’s house and into my own place. Ever since moving out, I’ve wanted a cat. Well, a little over a month ago, I found one in my workplace! I work on a college campus that doesn’t have dorms or anything, and there’s no houses or anything nearby, so it’s unlikely that she was someone’s pet who got lost. In fact, everyone at my work is guessing she was abandoned. A coworker took her to the vet and they determined that she’s healthy, and figured she was probably 5 weeks old. I fell in love with her, and spent my lunch break at Petsmart and took her home at the end of my work shift. I was excited!

And then I got home, and had crippling anxiety. I have a cat, but what am I supposed to do with it? Am I responsible enough to be able to take care of one? I had a cat when I was younger, but my mom was the one who really took care of her. This is my first time being responsible by myself for another being’s life, and that responsibility scares me. And not just that, but she’s super young!

After a few days, I stopped being as nervous about everything the cat did (is she supposed to do that?) and finally told my friends that I had gotten a kitty. I hadn’t told my friends before because I was scared that she would, I dunno, spontaneously die the second I turned my back.

After about a week, I was finally excited and happy to have a cat. After about another week, I started having anxiety again. It got to the point where I almost regretted taking her home. But if I took her to a shelter or something, I’d feel like a complete failure. And she already took my heart, so I figured that I’d regret giving her up. I wanted to get in a time machine and go back to the day I found her but call in sick at work that day so I wouldn’t meet her.

Here I am, a little over a month later. Last week, I was feeling fine with my kitty. But for some reason, this week, I started having anxiety again. It’s not nearly as bad as it was before, and I certainly don’t regret taking her home any more. But I’m still having weird doubts that I’m not worthy enough to take care of her properly. Or that I’m going to do something wrong or mess this up somehow. Other people in this thread were saying that they didn’t feel love for their cat immediately, but I’m the opposite - I have anxiety because I bonded with her so quickly. I’m scared I’m not going to be a good cat mom. The anxiety wasn’t as bad as it used to be, and I’m no longer worried about every single little thing she does, but I’m still nervous. I’m sure it will go away when she’s a little bigger (part of why I’m so nervous is because of how young she is) so I’m just trying to take it one day at a time, but I’m still having weird thoughts. I’ve even had a few nightmares about her.

Thanks for reading my post!
 

coriejo24

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I had major anxiety after Henry came into my life. I actually posted about it in this thread. I can say he’s 12 weeks old now and my anxiety is almost nonexistent. I’ve fallen madly in love with the little dude. I was having the same thoughts as you, can I take care of him etc. I know mine came from the fact that he was so little. He was 5 weeks old when he found his way to me. Now he has graduated from his “safe room” and has full access to the apartment. He’s even upgraded from his little baby litter box to a big boy litter box today. I still have my days where I think how much easier my life would be if it was just me and the dogs, but I also can’t imagine my life with out him. I’m sorry for the long winded reply. I hope I was able to give you some peace of mind. Also, welcome to the cat site. This is an amazing group!
 

SisselsMom

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Thank you! Your situation sounds a lot like mine - my little Sissel was 5 weeks old when I took her home, and now she’s 12 weeks as well! And my anxiety is certainly from how little she is.

For a while, I had her in the “safe room” (the bathroom) at all times, but now I let her explore the apartment on her own when I’m at home. When I’m at work, I still put her in the bathroom, and I feel guilty about it. But I also have anxiety thinking about giving her free reign when I’m at work - what if I come home and she hurt herself on something while I was gone? Or is stuck somewhere? Or found something weird and ate it? I also have this major fear that I’m going to come home, open the front door, and she’s going to run outside. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by putting her in the bathroom when I’m at work, but I have her litterbox, food, water, toys, scratching post, bed, etc. in there and then I give her free reign when I’m home. When she’s a bit bigger, I’ll definitely give her free reign when I’m at work, but I still have massive anxiety thinking about that day!
 

coriejo24

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One of the main reasons I let Henry stay out was I have a Furbo, which is an amazing device! It’s a camera and there’s an app that lets me watch them, the dogs and Henry, when I’m not home. It sends me notifications if the dogs are barking. I got it for Christmas two years ago and it’s the best gift I’ve ever received! When I check the camera the dogs are usually sleeping on the sofa and Henry is always in his little bed in front of the patio glass door. Also, my dog Molly is a little grandma. She’s constantly watching him and correcting him if he gets rambunctious. I get really nervous about him running out the front door. I had the maintenance guys come over a few days ago and had to put the dogs and Henry in my room. I’m always so paranoid about them getting out. I’m afraid I’ll never stop being worried about that. I think it’s perfectly fine for you to leave her in your bathroom for a while longer. It sounds like she has a pretty good set up in there. I crate trained Bodie, my younger dog, when he was a puppy. He stayed in his crate while I was at work until he was about 8 months old. I felt horrible guilt for it but I also felt relieved knowing he was safe and not getting into anything he shouldn’t while I wasn’t there.
 
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