Its Been About 2 Weeks And My New Cats Now Starts Hissing And I Want To Return It. Help

I have recently suffered a loss. My old cat fell to his death on 1st May. I am still in grief. There was such a unique bond with him that I am devasted. The unique thing about my old cat was that it was abandoned and around 6 months when I found him. He was my first cat and he was a dream. It was a rough start but he had such a beautiful demeanor and had such intuition abt my feelings that when he hissed at me the first time in the first weeks, I went ape shit and showed him how angry I was. He was with me for three years. He has never hissed at me ever again. I miss him so much.

A week after his death, instead of waiting for a new cat to choose me, I went to a pet store and due to my loss, I decided to get a 4year Abyssinian partly because he would be about my old cat age and secondly throughout; his life has been in the pet store, and I wanted to give it a home.

It has been two weeks since he came home. he has been hiding and tonite he hissed at me incessantly. Expectedly, as I went ape shit when my first cat did it and it happened again tonite...there is only one alpha in this house and its not him, but I stop myself from going 100% because of i realized he is still scared. I keep comparing his behavior to my old cat which was heaven sent and I am 10 hisses away from going fully mental on him and sending him back but I know from my old cat, they have personalities and memories and i don't want to let this new cat down by sending him back. But my biggest fear is that I am unable to replicate the bond I had with my old car

i don't know what to do if he doesn't warm up.

Hi. I would take him back. It sounds to me as though you need to finish the grieving process and thus gain more control over your emotions, and that this new kitty is picking up on your upset. Cats are extremely sensitive to our emotions and this cat is reacting to you being unhappy.

Take this cat back. You will not be letting him down, I promise. Then look into chamomile tea with honey, and also Holy Basil for stress, L-Tryptophan for mood and there is a homeopathic remedy Ignatia Amara for acute grief and shock. These are not drugs with side effects.

Are you saying that this cat is not safe around you? If that’s the case, please give him back.

zulloft said:

But my biggest fear is that I am unable to replicate the bond I had with my old car

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In the future when you have had a chance to recover from losing your baby, you may be able to find another cat. However, every cat is very different and unique.

That's another reason we're suggesting that you take this new kitty back and thereby give it a fair chance to find someone else who isn't dealing with such strong emotions just now. This new cat isn't going to be like your other one, no cat will be, but in the future you may be more open to learning about and appreciating the unique aspects of a different cat.

Z zulloft : Hello and welcome to TCS. Sorry about the circumstances that have brought you here.

Condolences on the loss of your first cat. It's never easy saying goodbye, but even harder when it's sudden and unexpected. If you think it might help you with your grief, we have a Crossing the Bridge where you could post a memorial thread to your dear boy. RIP sweet kitty.

About your new cat, 2 weeks isn't very long, for either him or you, so if you feel you have the patience to work with him a bit more, it's possible he'll come around. Remember, the poor cat spent his first 4 years in a pet store, so being in a home is a whole new experience for him.

But, if your patience is wearing thin, and you really feel you've made a mistake, then by all means, return him to the pet store.

TCS has some articles that might be helpful. I'll post the links in case you want to read them.

How To Help A New Cat Adjust To Your Home | TheCatSite
How To Get A Cat To Come Out Of Hiding? | TheCatSite
10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat | TheCatSite
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats | TheCatSite
14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me | TheCatSite

Let us know what you decide to do. We're all cat lovers here, and only want the best for cats, and their owners.

The circumstances that you lost your cat in are upsetting and I'm sorry to read of them.

I'm sorry to tell you that you won't replicate the bond you had with your old cat right now, possibly ever. You said yourself you are still grieving. The best thing is for you to return the cat. That's not letting the cat down that's realizing that now is not the best time to bond with a new cat. The first step toward that was posting here and recognizing yourself that you're finding it difficult to build a relationship with the new cat. Take them back, clean your house, store any cat toys and cat reminders and allow yourself some time. Just keep a couple of things from your old cat like their collar or their food bowl or a piece of blanket or bedding and do remember them. It's ok to feel lonely without a furry companion, it's ok to allow yourself to feel like you are missing them. It's not ok to get a new companion and compare them to your previous animal to the point where you end up resenting them because the relationship isn't the same. Let yourself grieve. When you feel that you are ready to devote more time to learning another cat, then you can look at adopting a new pal.

Cats' personalities are all different, as you said. I'd recommend getting a cat from a shelter so you can visit them a few times and get an idea from the staff of their true personality before taking them home.

I agree with others here, that it might be best to take the cat back and just allow yourself time to grieve over losing your other cat.

I do want to say that I don't think that cats necessarily hiss a lot because they are trying to be the "alpha" in a household. Maybe sometimes. But I think they can certainly hiss because they are scared, worried, uncertain, or they feel their "space" is being encroached upon. And it can take a long time, weeks, months, for a new cat to adjust to a new living situation and to a new person. It does help when the person is less grief-stricken and more open and relaxed, as cats and all animals can really pick up on our moods and tension and worries. All cats are individuals.

Your cat may not be a true Abyssinian but a mix of breeds that may include Abyssinian. Do you have the pedigree papers to prove that he is a purebred Aby? Most people get an Aby directly from a breeder. Pet stores tend to get their animals for sale from backyard breeders, many of whom couldn't care less about the welfare of their animals or genetics as long as they can make money off them.

Every cat has his or her own personality, just like people. Some are easy going and love attention. Others are more aloof. Still others are downright afraid of everything because of something negative that happened in their past.

zulloft said:

It was a rough start but he had such a beautiful demeanor and had such intuition abt my feelings that when he hissed at me the first time in the first weeks, I went ape shit and showed him how angry I was.

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Exactly what did you do? Abusing a cat physically or punishing the cat in some way to show who's boss or whatever is a huge no-no

Cats are not dogs, there is hierarchy but it’s definitely not about being alpha or omega. Cats only understand positive reinforcement, they hiss because they see something as a threat. To be honest I don’t think you can give your new cat the time he needs without getting angry at him again, and every time you get angry, you may be destroying any trust you were building together. Hence I think returning him is the best course of action, you’re not ready for a new cat. Give yourself some time.


On another note, Have you thought about getting a dog instead?

I can’t imagine any situation in which “going apeshit” on a cat who hisses will solve any problems or improve your bond in any way. If you do keep him, please read up on cat behavior and why cats hiss, and how to react appropriately.

I do understand the feelings of frustration and sadness that the new cat is not like the old cat. However, you must learn to process those feelings in a way that does not harm the new cat. I also think the best course of action would be returning him and seeking some grief support until you feel a little more stable and ready to welcome a new kitty with unconditional love and patience.

It's important that you understand that you bonded with your last cat *in spite* of going apeshit when he hissed. Not because of it. That is absolutely not an appropriate way to act when a cat hisses and you are very, very lucky that your last cat didn't hate you for life.

A cat hisses because it is scared. The way that you react sounds like it borders on animal abuse. That, to me, is absolutely not okay.

Please give the cat back until you can treat cats with the respect that they deserve.

A lot about your post was concerning, to say the least. While I understand you are grieving, saying that you are about to go apeshit over a cat hissing. You said that you did the same with your old cat, so it does not seem like this stems from your grieving. Acting aggressively towards the cat will only make things worse. Yes, please, take the cat back.

If you plan on ever getting another pet, you may want to look into videos or books that will help you interact with it better. But, please, by all means, wait until you are ready.

I agree with Suru. It sounds like you don’t speak cat.

You adopted an adult cat, unaware of your new cat’s personality. Each cat is different, like people! On top of that you are deep in grief (perhaps look at the crossing the bridge forum? ) Lastly your house still smells like another cat/possible threat. Trust me your old cat’s scent is every where and your new is feeling like an intruder trapped in a new home with a scary stranger!!! That poor dear! Can you give him to a no kill shelter?