Lost Our Boy Yesterday

askingben

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Hello

This is my first post on this website. I’ve signed up because I need to reach out for support and advice whilst going through immense grief at the loss of our 2 year old boy yesterday. He was struck by a car at the front of our home. Absolutely heartbreaking. He was such a loving beautiful cat that my partner and I adored. I’ve never felt such strong grief before and I’ve lost childhood pets and grandparents before. We only had him for a short time but he had such a happy and fulfilling life. I’ve been bursting into tears every time I think about him, see his food bowl or just a bit of fluff on the ground and where he sleeps.

I know over time things will get easier but at the moment, we are just devastated.
 

Leomc123

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I am sorry you lost your buddy that way. Its ok to let your tears and emotions out, you both must be devastated. The pain and emotion you are feeling is the immense love you have for your cat. The emotion will come and go like a storm wave and when it does dont be afraid to let it out. I cried in front of my boss when i had to decide to put my cats down 2 times this year, and i know not that its the same circumstances but the pain and emotions is the same, its raw, devastating, shock, surreal, unimaginable. We know that our cats will die someday, but not so soon, and not so fast.

When my Mc was put down, i sneaked a piece of her fur which was shaved off her arm where they put the needle in and took it home and put it in a little bottle near her photo frame, i wish i did something similar for leo but i wasnt there at the time when he was put down. When leo and mc died i didnt want to talk to anyone, i cried every to seconds, from looking at a photo of both them to looking at their beds bowl, their cat food that i gave them every day and night. I cried at work in front of my boss, and there were times it felt like i couldn't breathe, and felt heavy chested like i was drowning. I was even watching a Tv show and at the end the music " say something" im giving up on you" came on and i just balled my eyes out and had to switch the movie off. For a while i couldnt listen to music in my car, cause the first song on my playlist is the one i played to Leo in the car while driving home from the second last vet visit, when i was feeling hopeless and telling leo that he would be with me forever and he would be better and then 3 days later i chose to put him down:(

Around 17 years ago, my father saved a kitten from under the tyre of a truck, he brought him home hoping to save the little kittens life, i named the kitten Trusty, we didn't realize after 2 days that the poor kittens belly was swelling and had bladder issues because the kitten was running around and doing his thing, eating ect. My dad took him to the vet thinking it was a simple fix only to come back home and tell me that he had no choice but to put the kitten down because his bladder and stomach was damaged. I remember crying so much for that kitten, and i only had him for 2 days.

All i can say is that i keep busy cause of work and general life stuff, but when you are hanging around doing nothing the emptiness is there still cause i know they are not there. It takes a while, and its not wrong to feel this way, share your grief with your partner cause both of you need eachother in this sadness, and feel free to share your grief on this forum, cause we all understand and wont judge anyone.

Also while typing this i have a heavy heart, i feel both of your pain, im sorry.
 

les26

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It is one of the worst feelings that we can experience in this life dealing with the loss of these little ones that we feel 100% responsible for because we are, and when they pass we feel that we left them down, that we should've done something different or done more, especially when it is a tragic accident. I would be crushed if one of our cats got out and got hit by a car, that is one of our fears, and to have it happen is just so traumatic and awful, but accidents do happen.

You are right in knowing that time helps, but I have had great success with Ignatia Amara which is a homeopathic pill that you pour into the cap of the little bottle and put under your tongue and let them dissolve, do not eat or drink for at least 1/2 hour before or after using it, there are no side effects and it is great for acute trauma, shock and grief. Also the herb Holy Basil, which was recommended to me years ago after Sebastian died suddenly in my arms, it helps your body adapt to the stress but it keeps you level headed and calm, you still know the stress is there but you can deal with it easier. Google them both and you will see more about them, but they are safe used within the amounts said on the containers, they helped me tremendously and I still take it as needed to this day.

I am sorry for your tragic loss, I hope your heart heals a bit more each day and remember "their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I hope that your hearts heal a bit more each day, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 

betsygee

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Oh, no. It's so devastating to lose them unexpectedly like that. I wish I had some words of wisdom but the truth is, it's just heartbreaking, especially when you've first lost them.

I'm so very sorry. You and your partner are in my thoughts. :hugs:
 

CatLover49

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Hello

This is my first post on this website. I’ve signed up because I need to reach out for support and advice whilst going through immense grief at the loss of our 2 year old boy yesterday. He was struck by a car at the front of our home. Absolutely heartbreaking. He was such a loving beautiful cat that my partner and I adored. I’ve never felt such strong grief before and I’ve lost childhood pets and grandparents before. We only had him for a short time but he had such a happy and fulfilling life. I’ve been bursting into tears every time I think about him, see his food bowl or just a bit of fluff on the ground and where he sleeps.

I know over time things will get easier but at the moment, we are just devastated.
Im so sorry for ure loss of ure kitty.Time heals.It will always hurt.But as time goes on it does get easier.Again im so sorry FOR u n ure kitty.:heartshape::grouphug2:
 

WinniesMomma

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I am so sorry. It is okay to feel that grief and sadness. Eventually the good memories outweigh the bad, but it takes time.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Beloved Friend, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I am so very, VERY sorry for your loss. You had him for so short a time, but where there is love, an eternity would not have been long enough. But this is what I know, to the depths of my being...love does not die, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides. Always and forever, Love abides. While you will desperately miss his physical presence, please know that the best part of him, his Love, is with you still.
 

Uncled

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So sorry for your loss. Last year we had to put our 17 year oldcat to sleep it was very hard to do but also the right thing, three weeks later our other cat Jack literally dropped dead in the kitchen in front of us, he was only 8, the vet was at a loss to explain his death, I feel it was from grief when we put Audry down. We have two new cats that are aalmost a year old, brothers, Elliott and William, you can never replace an animal just have to be willing to share your love with another
 

KittyCatCove

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I am VERY sorry to hear that. I would be devastated also. I am tearing up just reading your post. I just hope he passed quickly and did not feel any pain.

My boy (Buddy) is almost 12, he has kidney disease and sometimes has seizures. He is literally my Li'l Buddy and follows me everywhere I go. I'm going to need psychiatric help when he goes.

We are here to support you in your time of grief. I know it is unbearably hard and it seems very grim right now, but you will make it out of this... I promise.
 

Purr-fect

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Hello

This is my first post on this website. I’ve signed up because I need to reach out for support and advice whilst going through immense grief at the loss of our 2 year old boy yesterday. He was struck by a car at the front of our home. Absolutely heartbreaking. He was such a loving beautiful cat that my partner and I adored. I’ve never felt such strong grief before and I’ve lost childhood pets and grandparents before. We only had him for a short time but he had such a happy and fulfilling life. I’ve been bursting into tears every time I think about him, see his food bowl or just a bit of fluff on the ground and where he sleeps.

I know over time things will get easier but at the moment, we are just devastated.
I am sorry for your loss. I have been where you are. Its the price to pay for loving something so much.

It will get better in time. Focus on the happIness you felt before the accident.

One day bring another into your life. It won't be a replacemnet, but rather a different and special journey.

Look after yourself. Eat and sleep well.

Better days will come.
 
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askingben

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Thank you so much for the beautiful words everyone. It’s been two days now and still hurts immensely. Just got home from work for the first time without him waiting for us to open the door. We burst into tears when we found flowers at the door from some friends.

My partner and I have talked about getting another cat but we’re so torn. One part we feel guilty and know we can never replace our little boy but in another mind we feel like it will help us with our grief. It just hurts so much.
 

Leomc123

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Askingben, your little boy is beautiful in that photo, what a handsome boy, his eyes is so expressive i see love for you both in his eyes, you can tell he was a sweet little kitten with a wonderful personality.
What is his name? I love that unique white stripe on his nose :( Its such a shame that he was taken away so soon :( I wish life was fair for your kitten. Rest in peace little one, may god comfort you in his arms :(

The coming home from work and expecting them to be there when they are not hits pretty hard, its because he was part of your life everyday and a part of your routine , the minute you wake up, you feed him, play with him, pet him and sleep next to him, greet him and say good bye to him when you go and comeback from work. Its hard becuase it hits in you the face that there is no happy kitty to say hello when you had a crappy day at work. And there will be days were you will do your routine with him like going to feed him or see him in his usual spots.

For me was the sunday morning i woke up early like i do to feed them, and when Leo passed away i was there realizing im making food for one cat instead of two, and then a few months later on this particular sunday day after i put MC down, i was just standing there in the kitchen staring out the window into darkness as it was 6 am waiting for boiling coffee and preparing no food for anyone, and it was the longest wait and depressing wait for a coffee. Then monday morning was the same and in the afternoon when i came home there was no Leo and Mc greeting me anymore near my car , it was so depressing that i didnt want to go in the house, i just stood there and looked around for them, even though i knew they were not there. I realized that everything i did was associated with them and because they weren't there anymore i didn't know what to do with myself, it gets a little better slowly. Its been 1 month without them both and its slowly getting better. :(
 

di and bob

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To find them like that is something that will weigh on the mind forever. I know, my little one was killed right in front of me. The guilt and the depression that follows is immense, it crishes the spirit and takes away all joy in life. The only thing that helps is time. Time dulls the sharp edges and allows our minds to find the truth....there is no way we can change the past, but the love we share with those tiny spirits will be a part of us forever.
I encourage you to get a new little one. Anything to distract your heart from the pain. You know that nothing will take away from, or replace your love for that boy, and I know he loved life enough to want you to find joy in living once more. To add to the love in your heart that he left with you, to help it to grow and bloom. Not be hidden in a dark, cold heart full of grief. It is one of the greatest tributes you could give him, to be remembered and to share the legacy he left you. I know he would be proud to know he enriched your life enough for you to want to experience that kind of love again, to share your life's journey once again and to save the life of another tiny soul and give them the home and love they so desperately want.
Just as you would want for him to live his life if you were the first to go, so he wants for you. That is what love is. That bond of love you shared is eternal, "Death cannot take that which never dies".
Although his physical presense is no longer there, and I know how much that hurts, he will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. The new path he follows will forever be parallel to your own. He lives on through your love for him now, let him once again share in your joys and the wonder of life, not be burdened with sadness and tears.
It is a process to work through grief. It makes us realize our own mortality. How none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow, so we must live every day as if it is our last. But with the help of those who understand, and the support of your partner, there is a light at the end of that tunnel, your heart WILL heal in time, oneb day at a time......
My heart goes out to you. I know the grief too well that you are going through. I want you to remember one thing though, that someone once told me long ago, and that I cling to in times like these, it takes intention to have guilt. You had no intention in the world for this horrible accident to occur, it was just that, a horrible accident that you could not have prevented because you had no idea this would happen. Use this to learn from, to use in the future. Turn your grief into a good thing. Use it to help others who are going through this terrible time in their life. because you have stood in their shoes and can empathize, you can help someone else get through this.
Try not to dwell on his death, I know that is impossible right now, but it gives his death more importance than his life. And that can never be. That precious boy's life and love is one of the greatest gifts your soul will ever receive. Treasure it, and know it will always be a part of you. Take care of yourself......
RIP beautiful boy. You will never be frogotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 
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askingben

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Thank you again for these kind and helpful words. His name was Ben and his personality was just incredible. He was so affectionate and loving to my partner and Like he did, we have received so much love and support from not just friends and family but also on here so I’m very grateful for that and agreed that we can use this to help others in the future.

I’m so sorry for your losses leomc. Those moments you described are heartbreaking and I’ve already had many of these. We still have his bowls out and scratcher which he would scratch and look up at us waiting for a treat. I just picture these moments all the time and it just hurts. The house itself just gives off bad memories which I know will eventually pass.
 

Purr-fect

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Thank you so much for the beautiful words everyone. It’s been two days now and still hurts immensely. Just got home from work for the first time without him waiting for us to open the door. We burst into tears when we found flowers at the door from some friends.

My partner and I have talked about getting another cat but we’re so torn. One part we feel guilty and know we can never replace our little boy but in another mind we feel like it will help us with our grief. It just hurts so much.
Get another cat!!!!

Not yet, but soon. Grieve, take the necessary time and heal.

You wont ever forget your boy, you will always love him. But dont let his passing be an end. Let it be the start of another chapter. The start of another loving wonderful relationship.

If it had been you that had passed, would you have wanted your cat to never have loved another, to be lonely and sad. Of course not.

Getting another cat is not a betrayal. You are not replacing your boy, just growing on the love he brought into your life.

I know this sounds corny, but I speak from recent experience. When our little girl, "motu" (cat), passed away we balled our eyes out. My wife and I had a full funeral ceremony in the back yard for her. Chairs and music. She was placed deeply and safely under a japanese maple tree with landscaping rocks for a head stone. The neighbors must have thought we were nuts.

And then we adopted greg and arnold. They have brought us tremendous happiness and we have enriched their lives.

It was because of our deep love for motu and the wonderful relationship we shared for years with her and all our previous cats, that we knew how special, loving and rewarding a relationship with an animal could be. She opened the door for greg and arnold.

Dont let the passing of your boy be an end. Make it a start.
 

will2002

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I can not say it any better than Purr-fect did. His post should be a sticky.

I will say I am truly sorry for the loss of your furry family member. He was such a handsome young gentleman. Many folks on this forum have been through this valley of sorrow that you and your partner are passing through now, be assured, we know how tough, how sad it is.

Sometimes it is very difficult to understand how loosing something so small, can hurt so big, but is certainly does!
 
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Mamanyt1953

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What a beautiful boy he was, is, and will always be.

My partner and I have talked about getting another cat but we’re so torn. One part we feel guilty and know we can never replace our little boy but in another mind we feel like it will help us with our grief.
No, don't think of this as "replacing" your boy, think of it as honoring his memory by saving another little life. Where he is now, he will know and approve!
 
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