I’m Going To Lose My First Kitten To Fip

I’m so heartbroken. I found out on Tuesday that my five month old kitten has FIP. I’ve been crying almost nonstop ever since. She’s my best friend and I am going to lose her soon.

A little bit of a back story: I’ve wanted a kitten since I was about ten years old. My mom finally let me get one four months ago, this January. I graduated high school last year and am taking a year off before doing community college so I’ve been home with this kitten pretty much 24/7. She became my only friend (I was homeschooled). I got her during a really hard time in my life and she helped me get through it. I had depression and she pretty much cured it. She gave me a purpose in life. Sometimes I would have no motivation to get out of bed but after I got her, I would be happy to get out of bed and feed her and play with her. She sits on my lap all day and follows me around the house. She wakes me up purring and kneading, and when we go to sleep she purrs and kneads too. My mom works all day almost everyday and she kept me from being lonely. She made me feel like someone cared about me. I probably got too attached to her because of all this and it’s really hitting me hard.

She doesn’t deserve this. She’s the sweetest kitten ever and she’s only 5 months old. I thought I would have her for at least 10 years. I wasn’t expecting her time to be cut short so abruptly. One day she was fine and the next she wasn’t. I have really bad luck and I can’t help but feel it’s because of me. Maybe if someone else adopted her she would have never gotten this. I feel so guilty. FIP is basically caused by stress + a weak immune system. She’s had an URI basically her whole life that I know contributed to it. It went from being really bad till she was about 15 weeks to more like a cold ever since. The lady we got her from told us it was genetics and it would always be like that. I believed it. I fed her royal canin but had to change to something cheaper because I couldn’t afford it and now I’m thinking that maybe if I kept her on the same food this wouldn’t have happened. One time I had to give her a bath because she was playing in her litter box and got poop on her. I know it caused her stress so what if it triggered the FIP? I probably could have got her clean enough with just a washcloth. She started eating less about a week before she was diagnosed and I probably should have taken her into the vet then and got the high calorie food that she is on now and maybe she wouldn’t be so thin right now. I know it’s not really my fault but I could have done better and the guilt is killing me. She’s helped me so much and I can’t save her.

I know no one is prepared to lose a pet but this literally came out of nowhere. I thought I would have so much more time with her. This might seem stupid to some people, but I don’t know if I can make it without her. She’s been my purpose and pretty much the only thing making me happy and showing me that she cares about me. It feels like only bad stuff happens to me and if anything good does happen, it either gets ruined somehow or taken away from me. I don’t even know if I should get another cat because with my luck this will probably happen again.

How am I supposed to heal from this?

I'm so so sorry. I truly can't think of any words, but maybe these links might have something that helps;

Lend Me A Kitten

Grieving

Day By Day Caregiver Support Inc. – Providing compassionate support for the grief that comes before, during and after the loss of a pet

I’m so, so sorry that you are facing the loss of your kitty. She’s absolutely beautiful. FIP is heartbreaking and cruel, and it’s easy to blame ourselves, but please try not to feel guilty. You gave a lovely kitty a wonderful and happy life, albeit a short one. I know there are so many “what if”s and “should’ve/shouldn’t have”s, but the truth is that FIP is almost impossible to predict or prevent. Even healthy, happy kitties with the most expensive food and care in the world can still develop it. I hope you can find compassion and grace for yourself knowing how much you love her and how much she loves you. It is not your fault. Life is just senseless and cruel. I lost my baby Chai to FIP in December and I still cry most days for her. My heart goes out to you... sending lots of love.

Im sorry that you gorgeous kitten is ill. I know what you mean about your kitten is only your best friend, i dont have any friends at all other than my cats Leo and Mc who passed away 3 weeks ago and 3 months ago. They were my best friends , companions, comfort and showed me a different meaning of life and it has shattered me that i have lost them both in a short time frame. Its not stupid to feel this way even if you had your kitten for a short time, their presence, personality, and unconditional love and acceptance its unexplained. in comparison from a cat vs a human, i get treated better by my cats lol and if it came down to trust, i would trust my cat with all my personal issues than my family or anyone else, i know cats cant talk, but i know they understand when i am down, happy etc. The experience i have shared with my cats is extraordinary as they both were strays to begin with, and they both had all the freedom in the world to run away if they wanted to. MC was with me for 19 years, she was outdoors majority of the time, and never left the house to cross the street once and never went to the neighbours backyard or front yard once. She finally left me when i put her down on 30th March 2019 . Leo was also a stray, out of the blue he showed up in the backyard and would not get off my lap, the minute i would sit down, he would push himself onto my lap and just simple chose to stay with me and MC and never left us until i put him down on the 3rd January 2019. They both could have gone to other neighbors at free will and i dont know why they always stuck around, we have rich neighbors and would have gotten the most luxury life and food with them, but they chose to stay with me for some reason.

You neither could have predicted this, or prevented this. Why bad things happen to good people and to the innocent will never be known. It is a tragic part of life, but I truly believe you were destined to love because she needed someone like you in her life. She needed someone to love her and help her through this by that love. You have done more than you will ever know for that precious girl, more than you will ever know. She needs you right now more then ever, she needs for you to be strong and to give her taht love she depends upon. Even though your heart is breaking, now is the time to love her, to be there for her, to find teh strength through that love to be strong when the time comes to end that pain and suffering. You will have a lifetime for grieving later. For you to have such guilt, and all those should haves, could haves, you would have to have had intent to want what happened, and you know that was impossible, all you ever wanted was what was best for her.
She will always be right there beside you. She will forever be as close as your thoughts and prayers. She will never leave you because you have both formed a bond of love. You are both a part of each other, a good part that will never die...."Death cannot take that which never dies". She would never want to be the reason for such sadness and pain. Just as you would want for her if you were the first to go, so she wants for you. Because she loves you.
Yes it's going to hurt, hurt worse than even now. But right now you need to love her, it is all she wants, it is all she needs, it is all she ever wanted. Don't hold her love in a cold, dark place. It needs to bloom and spread in the joy and sunshine of life. You can give her that. You can let the legacy she leaves you guide you through life, feel her love when you need it, and send your own thoughts of love to her too. She will always be following that path right alongside your own. That will never end....my thoughts and prayers are with you both. My heart cries for your pain because I have stood in your shoes. words cannot take that pain away, and the pain yet to come, but thoughts and prayers can bring a comfort of their own to know others care.... please take care of yourself and that little girl, please keep in touch, we will always be here if you need someone to cry with....God bless you for hurting from loving so much.....

So much good advice...all I can second is to never blame yourself for FIP. Nothing you did caused it or made it worse; you gave her meticulous care and she is very lucky to have you for whatever lifetime she is allotted. A very well off friend of mine lost a 7 month old Somali kitten to FIP several years ago and they were in a position to spare no expense to try to save him. Please do not tie your life, your luck, or your karma into this. Maybe you were the one who was meant to help this little baby on her journey because of who you are, as hard as it is.

I am so so sorry that this is happening to you, it probably feels like a bad dream and you cannot believe that it is actually happening, that it is actually real....but for some reason sometimes these really bad things happen, we don't know why and maybe never will, but they do, and of course it is hitting you so very hard as the love you have for her is obvious, and the questioning and blaming yourself and "I should have seen this" and "I should have done this" are all part of the grief that has ahold of you now and that is normal and it will stay for awhile, you just have to ride it out as painful as it is, don't fight it as that makes it harder to deal with, cry and cry again, and one day it will start to lose it's grip on you but it hurts, it hurts like hell and it will, but you did nothing wrong nor did your kitty, for some reason God needs a little Angel cat for someone in Heaven, maybe a young child who lost their life and they need a kitty to hug and hold.

"It is better to have had a good short life than a long bad one"

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I am so so sorry that this is happening, please stay with us here as we can help you, God Bless.....

I am so, so, SO sorry that you are going to lose that precious baby. PLEASE know that NOTHING you did caused this, and that NOTHING you could have done would have prevented it. FIP is a filthy, nasty disease that just...happens. And it seems to the sweetest, most precious of all. You are not alone. We are with you.

Please dont spend time blaming yourself, spend the time you have just simply caring for her, loving her and being with her, that is all she needs until the end, and when the end is nearing, be with her, cry with her, and love her until she is at peace, that is all that is needed.

fionasmom said:

Please do not tie your life, your luck, or your karma into this. Maybe you were the one who was meant to help this little baby on her journey because of who you are, as hard as it is.

Click to expand...

I agree. I am sorry he is ill. He is beautiful. Please know you are giving him all of your love and he will always remember that.

fionasmom said:

Please do not tie your life, your luck, or your karma into this. Maybe you were the one who was meant to help this little baby on her journey because of who you are, as hard as it is.

Click to expand...

I lost my Tom to FIP in 2013, and I didn't spare any expense, but he left me and I'm sure he was sent to me because I did all I could for him. He was sent to me because maybe someone else would have just turned away from him.
I was chosen, I felt proud of it, and I will never thank the fate enough for sending such a lovely ginger cat.
Things happen for a reason, even if we don't see it.

kblubo said:

FIP is basically caused by stress + a weak immune system.
...
One time I had to give her a bath because she was playing in her litter box and got poop on her. I know it caused her stress so what if it triggered the FIP?

Click to expand...

My Tom died from FIP, he had FIV and FeLV too, so his immune system was seriously compromised, but he had no stress at all in his life, he was the more laid back cat I have ever seen.
It happened because it had to happen, because his immune system was weak.
Don't blame yourself for something that doesn't depend on you.

I don’t even know if I should get another cat because with my luck this will probably happen again.

How am I supposed to heal from this?

Click to expand...

Well this is exactly what I feel and think.
I lost two more cats in the last two years, and I am sure I did the best I could do for them. Despite this, they died, and just like you I feel that probably it could happen again with another cat, and I couldn't bear another failure.

You will heal in time, just like I'm slowing healing from my losses, but in my case the doubt I'm not good will stay with me.

I agree with that statement of self doubting, i know in some cases no matter what you do genetically some cats are prone to get sick from some illness such as FIP, FIV and Felv cancer and will die .

But then there is this self doubt of feeling even if you know you did your all to help your pet to get healthier, you still feel like "even more should have been done" or if things were done by the person or vet in a different way, or at a different time, or if the illness was found out at an earlier time, or in my case i feel like maybe i did something to contribute to the illness, like the food i fed, or the cats should have been indoors all the time, or did the antibiotic or medication make them worse, should i have taken them for other vets opinion.

Or simply is this how it was supposed to all end with both of them dieing with in 3 months of each other and i am supposed to learn from this experience some how, that there is a reason or a plan for me when they were both with me for a such a long long time and now both are gone all of a sudden in a short time, both were dieing slowly some how . And in both cases nothing really could be done for them when i really needed to help them. It makes me feel like i did something wrong and i dont know what.

FIP is a disease, just like cancer or pnumonia. Your precious little one most likely got it from her mother, even before she was born. Stress makes it flair up but does not CAUSE it, you in no way caused her to get it. Those horrible feelings that you somehow could have prevented it from happening are all a part of grief. so are doubt and second guesiing ourselves. No one is perfect, but unless you have intent to do harm, there is no guilt. It's horrible, it's soul destroying, but it is NOT your fault.....

How is your little kitty doing ?