Help: Guilt About Bringing Cat Back To Shelter

purramid

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Hello everyone,

I am completely new to this site and might be posting this in the wrong forum but I just needed to pour my heart out.

So I had adopted a shy cat from my local shelter a little over two months ago. He was my first cat ever, I named him Gilderoy and loved him from the start even though he never really wanted to come out of hiding or have me be near him. I figured that that is normal and that he just needed time to get adjusted to me and his new home. After the first 3 days he started eating regularly, he was using the litter box and after about 7 weeks he even played during the night time (but only when I was asleep). I tried everything I could to get him used to me - toys, tasty treats, shirts with my scent, talking to him, feliway diffusers.
Two weeks ago I noticed that he had hurt himself somehow, he had to bloody crusts on his head (I think he might've scratched himself). I decided to watch the wounds to see if I needed to try and somehow pack him up to take him to the vet. The wounds seemed to be clean but then a couple of days later I noticed that he was starting to lose hair around the areas.
So I ended up calling the shelter where I got him from to ask for help.
After explaining the situation and how he had been the past two months of living with me, we concluded that I should bring him back to the shelter, since he did not seem to be happy with me. I packed him up with the help of my boyfriend and brought him back to the shelter and I was crying so much. I'm still tearing up just thinking about it. They encouraged me to come back and adopt another cat, which I did after a week of grieving. My new cat is super lovely and we're best buddies already. But I am feeling such guilt about bringing my first cat back. The wonderful people at the shelter told me he might just be a cat that preferred living around 30 other cats and when I visited he seemed much more alive and happier than when he was living with me. But I just still can't help but feeling guilty. I keep asking myself if I should have waited longer, given him more time or if I could've done more, especially when I think f him playing at night. I feel like he must've made progress just by starting to do that, and I feel horrible thinking that I gave up on him. But at the same time I wonder if it just was not the right fit and if I did the best for both of us by bringing him back, especially since the shelter asked me to do that.

I am really just feeling bad and I don't know how to move on and forgive myself. I keep wondering if I should give him another try, but I don't think that would be a good idea (and the shelter probably would prefer to adopt him to another home too, which is totally valid).

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my very long post. If you have thoughts or advice, or if you have had a similar experience, I really appreciate anybody's help.
 

Furballsmom

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Hello!
I'm very glad you're here!
I think you're actually grieving a bit.

Due to your new cat and you getting along so well, and you seeing how much more lively your other kitty is back at the shelter, I think this ended up being a win-win, except for that piece of your heart that fell in love with the other cat.

They wrap us around their paws, they really do :redheartpump:
 

Kieka

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Not every cat is right for every home. It takes a lot of courage and fortitude to admit you aren't the right home for him. It will probably always be in the back of your mind about what happened to him and how is he, but that too shows that you are a good person. He is safe and has a chance at a home that is a better fit. Take comfort in that and believe that everything happened for the right reason.
 

KarenKat

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My heart goes out to you - I would feel exactly the same. But you didn’t take him back because you didn’t want him, it was a hard decision you, your BF and the shelter made together for his well-being. You are so wonderful, and he is lucky to have had you look out for his best interests. You are so welcome here.
 

neely

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First, I would like to welcome you to TCS! :wave3: I'm definitely glad you came here for support. We are a very caring community. You have a heart of gold and it's perfectly natural to feel some remorse for returning the first cat to the shelter. However, don't let that deter you from lavishing all that love on your second cat. It sounds as though you have already formed a unique bond with him or her. When you are ready I hope you will introduce us to your new furry friend. :lovecat3:
 

Hellenww

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You are so kind to try and give a shy cat a home. You absolutely did the right thing by bringing him back. He is happy at the shelter and they know if he goes to another home it should be one with other cats. Some cats only want the company of other cats and truly enjoy shelter life.

Enjoy time with your new kitty and accept that he is happy with his friends at the shelter.
 

pearl99

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I can sympathize giving up a pet after adoption. It seems cats have all kinds of different personalities and needs, and as others said not every place is a fit.
I adopted one that could not live with my other cat, due to the new cat's aggression toward my resident cat. I had to find another home for him and luckily could, and felt huge guilt. I'd tried feliway, calming collar, chamomile, zylkene, rescue remedy, other Bach drops said to be for aggression, Prozac, got Milo used to a harness and leash and took him out so he could see he owned the back yard too and could run around a bit and pounce on dandelions, slow slow introductions- finally deciding they both deserved a better life.
It is a hard decision, but it is the right one. He can now have a home that fits more, and that is what can be hard to realize- it's not a failure but an act of compassion for him. Shelters understand this, we can't predict what will work.

Enjoy the heck out of your new kitty! You made a space for her to be happy.
 

misty8723

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Hello and welcome. I'm here because I also returned a cat to the rescue and it was heartbreaking, but it was the best thing for all of us involved. We had another cat, a big loveable hunk of a cat (Swanie). We wanted to get him a friend after his very very good friend Cindy passed, because he was a very social cat and we field he needed a cat to hang out with. Unfortunately, the cat we chose was very friendly and sweet to us, but she was a bully to him. We thought it was just a matter of getting used to each other, we did introduce them slowly and thought it was going okay, but I was always a little uneasy going away and leaving them alone. One day I saw her run down the hall after him when he was heading to the litter box and give him a whack. He ran away. The next thing I knew, he was hiding in the closet and wouldn't come out. I told DH what was going on but he dismissed it. So I brought Swanie out and put him on our bed where he always slept. The other cat came around and I invited her up. She jumped up and immediately ran down where he was and gave him a whack. He jumped off the bed and went to hide. Keep in mind Swanie was about 24 pounds and she was 8. And he was scared of her! It was at that point we knew it wasn't going to work. We took her back the next day, both of us were crying, but the shelter director said it was the best thing because it wasn't the right fit. We eventually brought home maybe the sweetest cat I've ever known, Darcy, and she fit right in and they because friends right off. Sadly, we didn't have her long because she got FIP and passed.

My point of all this rambling is that it really is best if it's not working out to return them so they can get a chance at being somewhere they are happy, and you can have a kitty who is happy to be with you. I did feel sad and guilty, but was told she was adopted by a young man who thought she was the perfect cat, and she was going to be the only cat. Hopefully, the one you returned will find the ideal situation too.
 

CatLover49

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Hello everyone,

I am completely new to this site and might be posting this in the wrong forum but I just needed to pour my heart out.

So I had adopted a shy cat from my local shelter a little over two months ago. He was my first cat ever, I named him Gilderoy and loved him from the start even though he never really wanted to come out of hiding or have me be near him. I figured that that is normal and that he just needed time to get adjusted to me and his new home. After the first 3 days he started eating regularly, he was using the litter box and after about 7 weeks he even played during the night time (but only when I was asleep). I tried everything I could to get him used to me - toys, tasty treats, shirts with my scent, talking to him, feliway diffusers.
Two weeks ago I noticed that he had hurt himself somehow, he had to bloody crusts on his head (I think he might've scratched himself). I decided to watch the wounds to see if I needed to try and somehow pack him up to take him to the vet. The wounds seemed to be clean but then a couple of days later I noticed that he was starting to lose hair around the areas.
So I ended up calling the shelter where I got him from to ask for help.
After explaining the situation and how he had been the past two months of living with me, we concluded that I should bring him back to the shelter, since he did not seem to be happy with me. I packed him up with the help of my boyfriend and brought him back to the shelter and I was crying so much. I'm still tearing up just thinking about it. They encouraged me to come back and adopt another cat, which I did after a week of grieving. My new cat is super lovely and we're best buddies already. But I am feeling such guilt about bringing my first cat back. The wonderful people at the shelter told me he might just be a cat that preferred living around 30 other cats and when I visited he seemed much more alive and happier than when he was living with me. But I just still can't help but feeling guilty. I keep asking myself if I should have waited longer, given him more time or if I could've done more, especially when I think f him playing at night. I feel like he must've made progress just by starting to do that, and I feel horrible thinking that I gave up on him. But at the same time I wonder if it just was not the right fit and if I did the best for both of us by bringing him back, especially since the shelter asked me to do that.

I am really just feeling bad and I don't know how to move on and forgive myself. I keep wondering if I should give him another try, but I don't think that would be a good idea (and the shelter probably would prefer to adopt him to another home too, which is totally valid).

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my very long post. If you have thoughts or advice, or if you have had a similar experience, I really appreciate anybody's help.
Hello everyone,

I am completely new to this site and might be posting this in the wrong forum but I just needed to pour my heart out.

So I had adopted a shy cat from my local shelter a little over two months ago. He was my first cat ever, I named him Gilderoy and loved him from the start even though he never really wanted to come out of hiding or have me be near him. I figured that that is normal and that he just needed time to get adjusted to me and his new home. After the first 3 days he started eating regularly, he was using the litter box and after about 7 weeks he even played during the night time (but only when I was asleep). I tried everything I could to get him used to me - toys, tasty treats, shirts with my scent, talking to him, feliway diffusers.
Two weeks ago I noticed that he had hurt himself somehow, he had to bloody crusts on his head (I think he might've scratched himself). I decided to watch the wounds to see if I needed to try and somehow pack him up to take him to the vet. The wounds seemed to be clean but then a couple of days later I noticed that he was starting to lose hair around the areas.
So I ended up calling the shelter where I got him from to ask for help.
After explaining the situation and how he had been the past two months of living with me, we concluded that I should bring him back to the shelter, since he did not seem to be happy with me. I packed him up with the help of my boyfriend and brought him back to the shelter and I was crying so much. I'm still tearing up just thinking about it. They encouraged me to come back and adopt another cat, which I did after a week of grieving. My new cat is super lovely and we're best buddies already. But I am feeling such guilt about bringing my first cat back. The wonderful people at the shelter told me he might just be a cat that preferred living around 30 other cats and when I visited he seemed much more alive and happier than when he was living with me. But I just still can't help but feeling guilty. I keep asking myself if I should have waited longer, given him more time or if I could've done more, especially when I think f him playing at night. I feel like he must've made progress just by starting to do that, and I feel horrible thinking that I gave up on him. But at the same time I wonder if it just was not the right fit and if I did the best for both of us by bringing him back, especially since the shelter asked me to do that.

I am really just feeling bad and I don't know how to move on and forgive myself. I keep wondering if I should give him another try, but I don't think that would be a good idea (and the shelter probably would prefer to adopt him to another home too, which is totally valid).

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my very long post. If you have thoughts or advice, or if you have had a similar experience, I really appreciate anybody's help.
I think it would work out if u gave it another try and more time.I think its a matter of time.
 
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purramid

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Thank you to everyone for your kind words and stories. I only got to check the forum again today and am truly overwhelmed by the love and support you all sent! While I am still sad, reading all your posts made me feel so much better and I am sitting here with my baby Captain Barbossa, who's purring like a machine. And I hope that Gilderoy will find a home where he can feel just as happy. Thank you for all your support & for sharing your stories!

Here's a picture of little Barbossa on his first night home, cuddling with (now) his plush cow:)

 

neely

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Thank you to everyone for your kind words and stories. I only got to check the forum again today and am truly overwhelmed by the love and support you all sent!
You're entirely welcome, we aim to please. ;) I love your pic as well as the name, Captain Barbossa. He's a very handsome guy. I'm sure he's extremely happy and content in his new home with you. :catlove:
 
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