'tearsy' Shadow, One Of The Most Gentle Boys Ever

Grillby

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One of our family cats that lived with my mom, lovingly nicknamed Tears or Tearsy, left us last month. It's been hard and I'm only now able to look at his pictures without sobbing uncontrollably. We got our sweet boy when he was only maybe six months old or so. After my younger brother's kitten named Cutie Pie passed away from pneumonia, we saw an ad in a newspaper for free kittens. That was about fourteen years ago. My brother didn't know what to name him and I suggested 'Shadow' after the dog in the Homeward Bound movies and one of my Neopets. (Big throw back there to the early 2000's). And so he was named. He always cried a lot and made the cutest meows, so he was affectionately called 'Tears' and that more or less became his name.

Tearsy was one of the most gentle, sweetest cats I've ever known. He was such a sweet, good boy. Always affectionate. Always wanting love and attention. He'd jump up on my brother's lap like clockwork every day my brother came home from work to eat lunch and at the end of the day. When I'd go visit my mom I'd always love up on him. I'd pick him up and 'slow dance' with him cradled in my arms over my shoulder. He'd purr so loud and just rub up against my neck.

This last year his age really began to show. He got skinny and weak. We took him to the vet and they couldn't really find anything wrong with him without doing really invasive tests. He was so scared and stressed at the vet visits. Slobbering everywhere and trembling... We knew he was old and didn't want to subject him to extreme stress, so we opted to avoid the really invasive tests. He started getting small lumps on his body and the vet thought it was most likely cancer. So we loved him, babied him and did our best to make his remaining time with us as comfortable as possible. Me and my mom knew he probably wouldn't last much longer and prepared ourselves for the inevitable of putting him to sleep once it was obvious he was in too much pain.

My brother, however, was in denial. He'd get upset and angry if we brought up how sick Tears was. And eventually it became apparent he was suffering.. and when we brought the idea of having him be put to sleep to my brother he exploded. He was in denial still and the thought of losing his cat was painful. I understood his feelings but was upset at him. We didn't want him to suffer or be in pain. It was obvious to everyone aside from my brother.. and while we waited a day or so for things to calm down before we brought it up again, Tears left us. No one was at home, besides my brother who had the day off from work. Tearsy was walking around and being loving as usual when my mom left to go to the store. If she had known I know she wouldn't have left at that time.

My brother had to watch his cat pass away and my mom said when he called her over the phone she could hear Tears crying and meowing in the background. Not only was he scared and suffering.. but my brother who had been in denial all this time had to witness it. I'm glad Tearsy wasn't alone, but I'm so sorry that my brother had to deal with that. If he hadn't been so selfish it wouldn't have had to happen that way. I was torn and still, very am torn. I feel sorry for my brother, but at the same time being mad at him for not having the poor cat be put down long before he had to suffer an end in such a way. It still bothers me. I wish he had gone much more peaceful and calm. But I try not to think about that.. but it's so hard. It's getting better after a month, but the loss will always be felt.

I look back at his pictures and just want to remember Tears for the sweet, gentle boy he was. He was loved by everyone and will be forever missed. I miss him so much. Heaven definitely gained a very special kitty. I love you, sweet boy.

I'm going to get his actual pawprint tattooed on my back in the next month.

 

di and bob

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What a beautiful, loving boy he was, I can feel it through your loving tribute. It's hard when they leave us, to not have their physical presence in our lives anymore is like a part of ourselves has been torn away. We get so used to having them around, it is as if our world has been changed, and it has. Grief has us second guessing ourselves, it brings anger, denial, all those should haves, could haves, but most of all a pain so deep it cuts to our very soul. The past is done, it cannot be changed. There will always be regrets because none of us are perfect. But it also has Tears in it, and the wonderful time you shared his life's journey with him. Let those precious memories bring you comfort. Try not to dwell on his end, it is but a small part of what is really important, his life. It only brings pain and suffering to do so. You know that boy, and what he was like. He would never want you to be so sad bcause of him. Just as you would want for him to find joy and happiness in the world of the living if you were the first to go, so he wants for you. and all the others he loved in his life. Cats do not carry grudges, they live in the moment.
What you shared is spiritual, so eternal. He will be forever as close as your thoughts and prayers. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and you know your love for him, your memories, never will. Send him thoughts of love and happiness and he will find peace.
Do not hold anything against your brother. What he did he did out of love. He loved so much he could not let go. Tears has already forgiven him, so should you.....anything done out of love cannot be wrong. He is hurting too, and you need each other for comfort. I'm sure he was like me, with a promise to my own Burt, to die at home surrounded by those who loved him so very much, not in a scary, stressful, place he hated. Death does not come easy to any living creature, and to witness it coming for someone you love is soul shattering.
My heart goes out to you. I hope you find some measure of comfort here by releasing some of your sorrow to be shared, it helps to talk to those who truly understand what it is to love so deep. Take care.......RIP sweet Tears. You will never be forgotten, you will forever have a place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 
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Maria Bayote

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I fully understand your brother. Tearsy meant a lot to him, too, and the thought of having him gone was too much to bear for your brother, although in the end, you were right.

It is obvious how you and your family loved this boy. Please find consolation to the fact that he is now free from any physical pain that he had to endure. He knew how loved he was, and he probably still does. You gave him the best years of his life. It is all that mattered to him.

Hang in there.
 

Furballsmom

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I'm so very very sorry this happened, for all of you.

Your compassion and love rings out in every word your wrote. Thank you for sharing this story, and maybe it will help someone in the future who is having difficulty with the decision.

RIP sweetheart baby Shadow, you are now in a place of eternal sunshine and peace. May your loving people find that same solace, because your life should be remembered with joy :rbheart:
 

betsygee

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I'm very sorry that Tearsy's passing was traumatic for everybody involved. It's very hard to know when the 'right' time is, and so difficult to let go of a beloved family member. :hugs:

I'm glad you have so many good memories of what a loving, sweet boy your kitty was. It sounds like he was an amazing cat!

RIP, little Shadow. :rbheart:
 

les26

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I am so sorry that you all lost your little friend, but you gave him a wonderful life and he nor you have any regrets and he is fine now, healthy and strong and having a good time and you will see him again one day and it will be wonderful.

People react to death and loss in different ways, look at how some people actually laugh out loud at funerals, so this may just be your brother's way of dealing with it and grieving. But I am sure that he loved and still loves him.

I am so sorry that this happened, I hope that your hearts heal a bit more each day, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
 
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Grillby

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Thank you to everyone for your kind words. Just making this post and typing about him helped me feel somewhat better. I know my brother was grieving in his own way and we all handle loss differently. It's just hard still I guess. I've never expressed or acted on my frustrations with him of course. It's not as bad as it used to be, but it's still there a little bit.. but you're right. Tearsy wouldn't want me to be upset or hurt. He lived out a long, happy life with us and I feel blessed that I got to spend 14 years with such a gentle boy.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Tearsy, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on your family's hearts forever.

I am so, so sorry for your loss, and for the pain you feel that his passing was not what you wanted for him. But he is gone on, gone ahead now, free and healthy and whole, starting his Next Great Adventure. He knows now, as he knew in this life, that he was loved, and it was helpless, desperate love that kept him here when, perhaps, that Gate should have been opened for him. This is what I know...love does not die. It simply changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides, always and forever, Love abides. So even on Tearsy's New Adventure, his Love reaches out for you, and he is always near. Love abides.
 
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