Super Nervous About New Cat

Hi all!
Here's some preliminary info. I've got a 6 year old male cat (who I've had for 6 years). He's rather big, but a very friendly cat to strangers. He's a huge mama's boy and live attention. He sleeps with me every night and is super loving. He has not met another cat since he was adopted 6 years ago.I live in a one bedroom apartment.

I work full time and live alone. I've been wanting to get another cat for a while so that he can have companionship while I'm gone for 10 or so hours, 5 days a week.

So today I brought home a 2 year old female. She's in my bathroom with necessities. She's meowing a lot (totally understandable). Dante (resident cat) seems very concerned and is definitely on alert.

I guess the whole point of this thread is that I'm extremely nervous that this isn't going to work out and that it will cause Dante more stress than anything else. I've got assurances from the adoption agency that they will regime her if things don't work out. I suppose I'm looking for some advice and kind words. (Yes I have read the cat introduction post. I'm gonna do it as best as I can with a small apartment).

Congrats on the new cat! I'm glad she's in the bathroom with all the necessities. It's best to keep her there for a while (days) and slowly introduce her to Dante.

You'll want to eventually do site swapping, meaning put Dante in a room with the door closed, and let the new cat out in the apartment for a bit. Then put her back in the bathroom, and let Dante back out.

Here's the TCS articles on cat introductions in case you haven't seen them:

How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide
Introducing Cats To Cats
The Multi-cat Household

Good luck.

Dante can smell her on me and will hiss at me after sniffing for a bit (which he has never done before). Logically, I know this is expected. It still is making me anxious (':

I've never introduced cats, and only have my Ruby, so honestly, the hissing would be making me nervous too. But I think it's only natural.

As long as Dante keeps eating/drinking/sleeping/using the litterbox normally, he should be fine. Just keep telling him you love him and he's not being replaced. And try to keep about his normal routine as much as you can.

There's tons of threads on the site about cat introductions, but here's an older one that specifically mentions hissing: My cat that used to ADORE me..

Some early stress is normal and doesn't predict where they will be in 2 weeks. Sure it would be better if there was only low key curiosity and interest on both sides, followed by a desire to play, but that isn't super common and was too much to hope for. Hard not to worry, but your situation isn't really any different from it was before the new cat first entered the house.

Bottom line, I can't tell you whether it will be relatively easy or stressful, we just don't know yet. Give the process time.

cuppa said:

Dante can smell her on me and will hiss at me after sniffing for a bit (which he has never done before). Logically, I know this is expected. It still is making me anxious (':

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Of course it makes you anxious, but...Dante is picking up on your anxiety, and that is making things worse. Try to relax. Do you meditate? Play video games (that's a form of meditation in and of itself, sometimes)? Read? Anything to take your mind off of the anxiety and allow you to let Dante begin to decompress will be fine. This is VERY early on yet, it will be several more days before you even begin to know how this is actually going. Look, I've seen some very successful cat introdutions that took MONTHS. And most of those people were on the edge of giving up, as well, when things clicked.

The site swapping is going to be key at some point fairly soon. Not just scent swapping but SITE swapping. The goal there is to have both cats' scents all over the apartment, so that whereever they go, they smell each other. It becomes familiar and non-threatening over time. And with cat introductions, Time is your best friend.

Site and scent swapping is a great way to move forward, you don't need to rush. I know you have a smaller space to work with, but both cats need to feel like they are safe in their respective territories before they can consider sharing them. feeding both cats closer to the seperating door is a good idea too, this will help to establish a food bond. When you do choose to move to the next step of a face to face, a play session before for each one can help ensure no one has too much energy, lay down treats in the area you will be introducing them and then seperate them after 5 or so minutes so you can gradually increase their exposure to one another. Remember that cats do not need to snuggle, play and acceptance is often as good a companionship for some.

I was also very nervous about introducing a new cat to Cricket after we lost our Swanie. Especially with Cricket growling and hissing at him initially (he was in the bathroom, or in the bedroom with door closed, or later with baby gates. I thought oh boy this is not going to work. Three months later, I won't say they are best buddies, but they are getting along and even playing some. So give it some time and take it slow. Slow is the key. Good luck!

Hissing and growling are totally fine. It is simply them talking to each other and great for building their relationship. They are going to feed off your stress though. So keep that in mind and do a slow introduction and let them be. Good luck!

Don’t panic! It will go as well as it can. We introduced Olive to Gohan and Trin last year and Trin hissed and was grumpy with her while Gohan was quiet and reserved. Guess who our problem child was that chased Olive from every room? Yep, Gohan. Trin and Olive ended up playing with each other and getting along even with the hissing.

I totally agree that to keep your sanity you need to find some non-cat related refuge. It did me a lot of good to go out and not think about cats too much. Dante is loved and well cared for, I doubt he will get too crazy stressed where you need to worry a lot. Sure, there is the possibility that it might not work but I think if you take a deep breath, don’t rush anything it is more likely to work out. Good luck, and come back with updates and any questions or funny stories!

Thank you everyone for kind words of encouragement and advice. I thought I had gotten better at managing my stress-related anxiety, but this is definitely hitting me hard. Logically, I can understand that I'm doing things right (slow introduction and a load of patience), but there's some part of my brain that is just hitting full panic mode no matter how often I try to remind myself that nothing has gone wrong yet.

I think I'm getting super hung up on the what ifs of things that might go wrong. I think going to work tomorrow will hopefully help me get out of my own head for a bit. I'll try and post updates on how different stages of the introductions go. Tomorrows task is treating the tapeworm I just figured out she has haha

Breathe! I promise your what if’s are crazier than what is.

cuppa said:

I think I'm getting super hung up on the what ifs of things that might go wrong. I think going to work tomorrow will hopefully help me get out of my own head for a bit. I'll try and post updates on how different stages of the introductions go. Tomorrows task is treating the tapeworm I just figured out she has haha

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I'm an over-thinker, so I get the "what ifs". Hopefully getting out and going to work will help. Good luck with the tapeworms. And do keep us posted on how everything is going.

Hey everyone! I've got a great update! So initial scent swapping wasn't working out great. The new girl kept knocking over her bowl of water and soaking the towels I laid out for her. I decided to start with site swapping instead.

I'd get Dante into my bedroom, and then let Tabitha out into the living area (bathroom has two entrances thankfully). After this, I'd open the bathroom door to the bedroom. This allowed me to swap them without seeing each other fully. Dante was very skittish over the new room. Tabitha enjoyed her freedom.

I did this twice a day. Before and after work. There was no way to avoid some glimpses of each other though. My doors have nearly 2 inch gaps at the floor, so they could see each other a bit. (Happened sometimes too when opening the door). Lots of hissing and some growling from Dante. Tabitha doesn't care. Thankfully no swiping.

Well, tonight Dante saw her when I opened the door to the bathroom. No reaction. I decided to try and do a visual meet. Opened the bathroom door. Tabitha comes out as fast as she can. They're both running around the apartment now. Tabitha is exploring. Dante is keeping a close eye on her, but shows no sign of aggression! I've been laying out treats and using the feather wand to distract if I think anyone is getting too involved. Surprisingly, it's Tabitha who is hissing a bit at Dante. Dante just sits there or backs away. Didnt think my big 16.5 pounder would be the submissive one. Tabitha is 9lbs tops.

I'll separate them again in a bit and repeat tomorrow!

Sounds like things are progressing well.

They're running around again this morning. Tabitha is definitely trying to push for dominance it seems. Dante is following around at a distance, but isn't instigating anything. Tabitha thinks he gets too close, will charge a bit, hiss and paw up. Dante immediately backs down. I'm curious to see if this will be the new status quo, or if she'll lighten up once she's more used to the space

I think I'll look into getting a bigger cat tree for some more vertical space

That's pretty much how it goes - you follow the guide as closely as you can and then just go for it. At some point, the cats have to work out the finer points of their relationship.

The chasing may seem endless but as long as they either swap roles or the chaser lets the "prey" get a breather, you should be ok. When I was at that point introducing my two boys, I think they chased each other the ENTIRE FIRST NIGHT TOGETHER and we went through a lot of treats (2 pounds).

Just keep and eye/ear out - if things start getting out of hand, separate them for a little while to give them a breather and to bring the tension down. It might only be for ten minutes to half an hour.

cuppa said:

I think I'll look into getting a bigger cat tree for some more vertical space

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That's probably a good idea. Also, here's a TCS article that might have more ideas for you on How To Make Your Home Bigger (at Least For Your Cats)

I ordered a cat tree! I'll look into shelving, but I may be limited on what I can install since I'm renting.

Tonight they're getting on even better!

cuppa said:

Dante can smell her on me and will hiss at me after sniffing for a bit (which he has never done before). Logically, I know this is expected. It still is making me anxious (':

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No worries...let him hiss at you all he wants, things will change very soon. This has happened to me when I got a new cat in my house. The resident one would not only hiss at me but would not let me pet her either. Sometimes she would even bite me if I tried to pet her. But now, 4 months later, everything has changed and we are 3 inseparable buddies.
The most important for you is not to stress because they can feel it and it does not help them get used to this new situation. Just love them both, give them both attention and care and everything will be okay very soon.