Rant: I Have Failed And Will Probably Never Recover

FelisCatus

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I just want to preface this by saying sorry if this is in the wrong topic, I was thinking it was more suited for IMO... but that’s just all politics atm and I want to stay clear of there.

——————————————————————

It is 5am EST here and I woke up at 4 for some reason and as I look over at my sick kitty who is currently losing their battle with cancer, I can’t help but feel I have failed as a cat guardian.

(Okay a little poltiics) I don’t understand how people have children when there’s so much abuse, neglect and anti-vaxx stuff going on that puts their children in harms way due to misinformation.

Translate that to the cat world, I wish growing up back before there was so much information available that I knew dry food was bad, maybe my first cat who passed away probably might still be alive. Who knows, I do not know what killed her but I do know I fed her like garbage her whole life partly due to my family being poor as crap growing up and partly due to being immigrants who did not know how to access good information pre-internet.

Fast forward to now and the kitty cat who passed away a few years ago’s friend is now losing her battle with cancer. She might never have had cancer had it not been for me. I only had her spayed much later in life at which point any damage has probably already been done. Had she been spayed when I first got her back in early mid-2000’s maybe she wouldn’t be here in front of me having trouble breathing. I let her down, I should have known better. I have no right to care for other souls when I do not have all the information available.

——————————————————————

As I have been posting pretty much non-stop on the health forum here for the past 3 weeks sharing what little knowledge I have it baffles me how little cat caregivers know. Yet, they are responsible for these little kitty cat’s lives.

——————————————————————

After my other 3 cats eventually pass over the rainbow bridge I do not think I will ever have the responsibility of another soul in my hands again. My wife and I are childfree and I can’t imagine how much more responsibility (and potential legal consequence) there could be for taking care of a child the wrong way. I grew up overweight and as a far m*f. My parent should have been jailed for feeding me garbage and putting my future health at risk.

No matter how much research I do there wil never be enough for me to say “yes, I should have another souls life in my hands”. Knowledge and understanding changes all the time, in the news recently there was a lot of commotion of dogs being killed by grain-free diets. Who knew?! Could this happen to cats who are certain purebreeds as well? We cannot know without time, and that pain and responsibility along the ride is immeasurable.

—————————————————————-

I am sorry I let you down my current and past kitties. I will do all I can to make sure the knowledge I have now is shared with others about how to take care of cats (at least while I have the will to do so). I do not want you guys to be just lessons, but here I am with a broken heart and a broken soul.
 

Max's Human

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Please accept my sincere sympathies and hugs for your sorrows. Cancer is killing animals much more frequently than it did years ago. Sadly every dog I've had in the past 30 years have had cancer with the exception of 2!!! CATS are about the same. I even had a mouse that had a tumor, so don't be so hard on yourself. I too am a cancer survivor and I don't have it in my family, a non-smoker...I too was so tired of heartbreak and loss but then I rethought all the lives I could save and lots of love to share for however long those furbabies are on this earth, and they enrich our lives. We sadly outlive them, unless you adopt a tortoise or parrot. Please take care and know your babies are waiting for you at The Rainbow Bridge.:wave3:
 

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Hi!
I can understand how you feel - I've had a bit of that myself, but on the other hand I think you're being extra, and a bit unfairly, harsh on yourself (and your parents too, by the way). Information doesn't guarantee health.

When I was a kid, you're right, there was less information available, however things were a lot less complicated as well, at least where pet food is concerned.

Keep in mind that years ago, Purina, Royal Canin and a couple other brands were considered excellent foods. The ingredients and recipe formulas were premium quality, safely sourced, and cheap unhealthy fillers and unsafe additives were not used.

Plus, as mentioned by Max's Human Max's Human :redheartpump: , there is a lot to the picture of illness versus no illness, and how and why it occurs whether human or animal.

For example with your cats, when they were tiny kittens were they able to stay with their mother long enough to gain the full health benefits of her milk? But, was mom-cat healthy, including as she was pregnant with your cats?

In addition, is the water you and your cats were and are drinking completely safe? Is air pollution causing wide-spread health problems?

Every one of us is faced with challenges as we go through life. To do the very best we can is all that can be asked of anyone. In the future if you decide that you can't have cats in your lives, perhaps helping other organizations with donations or even to volunteer your time might be something to consider.

:vibes: :grouphug2:
 
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Mjones99x

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So weird I found this thread as I have been beating myself up lately for all my failings from long ago as a cat parent (and dog). I feel intense sorrow for being so ignorant at that time. If I had known better, I too, would have changed. Thanks for posting. I don't know if this helps, but you are not alone. Sending all good and warm thoughts to your kitty and to you.
 

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I know that when our pets are sick, we tend to be in a dark place emotionally. So that's understandable.

But rationally. . .look, cancer is very common. It's not always avoidable. There are people out there who have lived the healthiest lifestyle ever: vegan, yoga, organic, drinking only the purest spring water, etc. and they still get cancer. The same is true of animals. Sometimes it's genetic. Sometimes it's just rotten luck.

We do the best we can for our pets. Living with someone who cares about them and provides good food and a safe and loving home is so much better than living on the street and eating out of a dumpster, dodging traffic. Those cats wish they could live long enough to get cancer.

So, if it's too hard on you emotionally to have pets, that's one thing. But don't go thinking that they're better off without you. That just isn't true. :hugs:
 

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We can only operate from our current lev el of knowledge. When we know better, we do better. The fact that youre soul searching and trying to figure out if you bear any blame shows me youre a good cat parent. Do you know how many people still ha e the mindset of "its an animal-it gets a roof over its head and food, thats enough"?

My mom treats her cat like gold, but shes an older lady, and growing up our cats ate cheap dry or wet food. My mom loved our animals and actually did rescue and saved a lot of lives (once saw a dog hit by a car, found its owner and they didnt want the "work" of taking it to the vet, helping it recover, ect, so my mom took her in, took her to the vet, who said "shes going to be fine and btw shes pregnant with at least 10 puppies". Turned out to be 12. My mom got them all fixed and found them amd momma dog homes. So is she a good person for her rescue work or is she bad bc for years the animals got the cheapest food possible bc it was all she could afford? Im pretty sure its the former.)

Dont beat yourself up. You know better now, so you can do better. You sound like you'd be a great cat parent. I hope when you feel ready again you'll consider adding a new kitty to your life.
 

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I feel intense sorrow for being so ignorant at that time. If I had known better, I too, would have changed.
Me too, but you are implementing that change now to the good for the beings and creatures you know today and going forward, and thereby you are honoring those souls you knew previously :cloud9:
 

KarenKat

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It’s like Maya Angelou’s quote: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

Our cat Trin just passed this last December from IBD/lymphoma. When Randall adopted him, he had him declawed because at that time it was common and often recommended practice. Randall has no idea how harmful it was as many people at that time didn’t. When Trin hurt the healing paws, the vet was giving him some type of nerve shots to help the pain. After a few shots the vet said that they probably shouldn’t do any more since it may cause neurological problems. He fed him Purina kibble and thought it was pretty good.

Fast forward more than a decade later and this poor cat has neurological issues, bathroom avoidance issues and IBD, maybe from the food? As we have learned more, we are horrified at what we could have done different with Trin. We just didn’t know. Now we are doing a lot of research on the best wet foods and how to keep our kitties healthy. As long as you do your best and continue to learn, you are a great cat guardian. What a waste that your compassion, love and all the things you learned may never be shared with another kitty. You are not a failure, you are human.

Kitties in shelters eat cheap and affordable dry food. If you adopted one, you could bring all that knowledge and love to a cat that may have spent their days in a shelter or may have been eventually euthanized. No one is perfect, and no one can be YOU to a loving kitty. Let yourself learn from past mistakes as every one of us has, and absolve your ignorance.
 

Mjones99x

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Me too, but you are implementing that change now to the good for the beings and creatures you know today and going forward, and thereby you are honoring those souls you knew previously :cloud9:
This actually made me cry. Bless our poor sweet animals for having to survive in this world with our ignorance.
 

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I'm childfree too. Because I don't care for kids. But I care for animals, especially cats obviously. We all can only do the best we can with the knowledge we have. I feel guilty about my childhood pets. But don't be so hard on yourself. I think I'll always have a cat in my home because that's one less cat out on its own in the street. If you close your door to cats, it'll be sad because there are not enough homes to go around. At the end it is rightfully your choice.
 

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I’m so very sorry. :hugs:

So many good posts on this thread. My childhood cat was declawed when she was spayed. That declawed cat was allowed to roam the neighborhood. That’s how thing we’re done back then. Then, we learn and we improve. My first adult cat was a stray that showed up at my parents’ house. She was already spayed and we saw no reason to declaw her. At that point I still didn’t know what a declaw entailed. She ate some truly awful food, like bright orange and red kibble. After we lost her, we adopted another. We learn, we improve, we have greater choices and we change what we do. Abby eats a lot better than my last cats. Even with that, she has IBD/lymphoma. Some times these things just happen.

All you can do is the best you can with the knowledge you have and what the cat is willing to eat/do.

Your feeling are much too raw right now. :hugs: Never say never.
 

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I'm sorry for everything you're going through.

I have always had pets and most of them have died from cancer. My last dog was 8 years old when he died from a brain tumor. He'd been healthy his whole life and suddenly went blind one day and slowly declined for 3 months before we finally decided to let him go. I still feel that one... there was a company using some kind of terrible smelling chemical in a warehouse behind our house and I kept catching Phoenix drinking water out of the creek that ran through our back yard. I still wonder if there's a link between his cancer and whatever that stuff was (if had gotten into the creek).

I have 2 kids with developmental delays (one with autism and another with apraxia). I did everything right with both of my pregnancies. I did everything I knew how to do while they were little and here we are. I would be lying if I said I didn't wonder if I did something wrong. The reality is that it's just genetics and dumb luck. They're awesome kids and I feel really lucky to be their mom even if they are more challenging than most.

I think most people wonder if they did something wrong when something goes "wrong." I also think that more often than not, there's nothing you can do differently to change an outcome and in the instances where something could have been done differently, you learn from those mistakes and do better next time. You are obviously a loving pet owner and there are lots of kitties out there deserve to know that kind of love and compassion if you decide you're up for it in the future. :grouphug:
 

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I just want to preface this by saying sorry if this is in the wrong topic, I was thinking it was more suited for IMO... but that’s just all politics atm and I want to stay clear of there.

——————————————————————

It is 5am EST here and I woke up at 4 for some reason and as I look over at my sick kitty who is currently losing their battle with cancer, I can’t help but feel I have failed as a cat guardian.

(Okay a little poltiics) I don’t understand how people have children when there’s so much abuse, neglect and anti-vaxx stuff going on that puts their children in harms way due to misinformation.

Translate that to the cat world, I wish growing up back before there was so much information available that I knew dry food was bad, maybe my first cat who passed away probably might still be alive. Who knows, I do not know what killed her but I do know I fed her like garbage her whole life partly due to my family being poor as crap growing up and partly due to being immigrants who did not know how to access good information pre-internet.

Fast forward to now and the kitty cat who passed away a few years ago’s friend is now losing her battle with cancer. She might never have had cancer had it not been for me. I only had her spayed much later in life at which point any damage has probably already been done. Had she been spayed when I first got her back in early mid-2000’s maybe she wouldn’t be here in front of me having trouble breathing. I let her down, I should have known better. I have no right to care for other souls when I do not have all the information available.

——————————————————————

As I have been posting pretty much non-stop on the health forum here for the past 3 weeks sharing what little knowledge I have it baffles me how little cat caregivers know. Yet, they are responsible for these little kitty cat’s lives.

——————————————————————

After my other 3 cats eventually pass over the rainbow bridge I do not think I will ever have the responsibility of another soul in my hands again. My wife and I are childfree and I can’t imagine how much more responsibility (and potential legal consequence) there could be for taking care of a child the wrong way. I grew up overweight and as a far m*f. My parent should have been jailed for feeding me garbage and putting my future health at risk.

No matter how much research I do there wil never be enough for me to say “yes, I should have another souls life in my hands”. Knowledge and understanding changes all the time, in the news recently there was a lot of commotion of dogs being killed by grain-free diets. Who knew?! Could this happen to cats who are certain purebreeds as well? We cannot know without time, and that pain and responsibility along the ride is immeasurable.

—————————————————————-

I am sorry I let you down my current and past kitties. I will do all I can to make sure the knowledge I have now is shared with others about how to take care of cats (at least while I have the will to do so). I do not want you guys to be just lessons, but here I am with a broken heart and a broken soul.
They're aren't lessons. They're teachers. There is a difference.
I am so sorry you're having these thoughts and feelings, you seem so angry at yourself and upset, even if you don't agree, I don't think you deserve to feel that way.
The only way I think anyone should ever feel guilty is if the words "it's just a damned cat" comes out of their mouth. You wouldn't share this if you didn't care.
Animals are cool because they forgive much easier than people do. The ones you've lost would hate knowing you're beating yourself up for this. As Furballsmom Furballsmom said, "Me too, but you are implementing that change now to the good for the beings and creatures you know today and going forward, and thereby you are honoring those souls you knew previously :cloud9:" These are powerful words, my friend. Think on them and admit to yourself, outloud, that you HAVE done the best you can and you do continue to learn. Give yourself a little tiny bit of credit. :wave2::grouphug:
When I look back at my first animals I cringe. Some of the crap we did in the name of training or "proper" feeding was just the worst. Training dogs and training horses was brutal, you had to "break" them first, which was unpleasant, cruel. Most people frown on that today, which Thank God. Hitting cats or tossing them outside because they scratched the baby was what you had to do in those days and was encouraged. The way ours were housed and handled in those days makes me feel guilty, like a pile of garbage, but I'd only feel that guilt fully if I got stubborn and said "it worked years ago, it'll work today"etc, and refused to find out if there were better options.
:alright:
 
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FelisCatus

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Thank you everyone for your responses. Before I had read the most recent comment about cats being our teachers and not lessons... I wanted to point out that cats (or any living being, human or otherwise) should not be a lesson. Now I don’t know what to think.

——————————————————-

Many controversial views ahead, so this is your warning before you continue.

Another point I wanted to bring up was how some of the comments said if I close myself to future cats (after my 3) that’s more cats that are on the steet/shelters. But that’s another issue.... we as humans are the problem. Where there is demand there is supply, or in this case oversupply. I am guilty of purchasing a cat from a store back before it became illegal in Ontario (the kitty cat who is now sick). If it weren’t for us humans there wouldn’t be so many cats in the first place. Or any animal for that fact, we slaughter millions of animals each year for our own food consumption. Sure that could be seen as food, but a lot of people keep cats as an accessory and don’t even truly bond or care about them. Why are there breeders even now making more kittens than humans ever need while thousands upon thousands are being killed in shelters across the world every day. Greed. I can help 1 cat by adopting from a shelter, but there shouldn’t even be any cats in shelters to begin with if we managed them properly to begin with.

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Don’t even get me started about the heartless people on Kijiji/Craigslist who suddenly develop allergies or have found a place that does not allow pets. Well f* them. Your pet isn’t just a toy you can throw aside. I have now adopted 2 cats from Kijiji because of these pieces of trash. One of them had gotten a kitty and they already had a dog. The dog charged the cat and he was stuck in a room for a few weeks/months until I adopted them. There is a solution for EVERY problem. Don’t tell me you suddenly developed allergies and need to rehome your family member. Get some damn immunotherapy. Don’t tell me you are all of a sudden moving to an apartment that doesn’t allow pets. You shouldn’t even consider that place or at least ask if they allow cats. Most places say no pets = no dogs.

F* I hate our human race. There are far too few people who do good versus the bad.

There should be at least a written test you must take before you ever have a child or want to adopt before you are even allowed to consider it. Following that you get a license similar to a drivers license where you can lose points. Both for human babies and adopting animals.
—————————————————————

Furballsmom Furballsmom mentioned some brands of catfood used to be good and now they are bad. Why is this? Greed. They don’t care if what they put in our food even if it’s carciongenic as long as they save money.

/rant
 
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FelisCatus

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+rant

For the breeders part I wanted to elaborate of the stories I have read from shelter workers of breeders leaving kittens that are born with defects at shelters. Like wth!? You are the reason that life was born. Take responsibility. They are not just merchandise like a pair of socks or shoes.
 
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FelisCatus

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(I could go on forever)

+rant

I actually did have a coworker say it’s just a cat when I told them I was spending my Christmas break at the oncologist/doing chemo on my sick kitty cat

————————————————————

Also abuse against cats brings my blood to a boil. That Luka Magnotta guy was not far from my city, the one who was feeding live kittens to pythons and then he ended up cutting up a person.... I had spent days going through those videos looking for clues to bring that pos down. The authorities didn’t even really care until he cut that guy up.

Then there’s videos on youtube of ‘people’ throwing rocks at cats or throwing them in the air or into crocodile pits so they grt eaten. And those kids who microwaved their own cat.....
 

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FelisCatus FelisCatus : you are not alone in your anger and disgust of the appalling treatment of animals. Many of us feel that mankind's treatment of animals violates our religious beliefs on many levels.
That said, we cannot give up trying. Hollywood has done a terrible business of vilifying cats & glorifying dogs even though cats have not killed people through vicious attacks. As adults, it is our responsibility to try to teach compassion for cats.
Every cat adopted from a shelter or rescue is neutered*. Every adoption opens space for another cat to be neutered. So one adoption means twice the impact for population control :agree:
As for people who abuse cats.....well, my dad's people held felines such as Bobcats, Jaguars, Cougars, to be in esteem & to harm them is to determine the level of anguish involved in one's own death. Twice I have seen it to be true.
* I use the term "neutered" in the husbandry way, meaning to make non reproductive which applies to both sexes. It is spaying of females and gelding of males.
 
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FelisCatus FelisCatus : you are not alone in your anger and disgust of the appalling treatment of animals. Many of us feel that mankind's treatment of animals violates our religious beliefs on many levels.
That said, we cannot give up trying. Hollywood has done a terrible business of vilifying cats & glorifying dogs even though cats have not killed people through vicious attacks. As adults, it is our responsibility to try to teach compassion for cats.
Every cat adopted from a shelter or rescue is neutered*. Every adoption opens space for another cat to be neutered. So one adoption means twice the impact for population control :agree:
As for people who abuse cats.....well, my dad's people held felines such as Bobcats, Jaguars, Cougars, to be in esteem & to harm them is to determine the level of anguish involved in one's own death. Twice I have seen it to be true.
* I use the term "neutered" in the husbandry way, meaning to make non reproductive which applies to both sexes. It is spaying of females and gelding of males.
It doesn’t help that there are lots of misconceptions about cats like sucking the air out of babies and such... and that black cats are unlucky (at least in NA). My black kitty cat brings me nothing but happiness.

May I ask what people you were referring to on your dads side? Like specific aboriginal tribes? Up here in Ontario the aboriginals hunt (Canadian) lynxes to eat and their fur. You can find these videos on youtube too...
 
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