My World Has Crumbled

Jem

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 6, 2018
Messages
5,573
Purraise
11,246
We just had to say goodbye to our Chewy. :bawling: He had been suffering from URI symptoms, turns out he had a large fast growing hemorrhagic tumor deep in his throat. :sickcat: Many vet appointments and tests and imaging did not detect it, until today. Our only option to save him unfortunately did not work. We agreed to undergo emergency exploratory surgery to try and remove the mass, as the vet was uncertain what type of mass it was, because without surgery he would have choked to death. We took a chance, because the vet said there was a chance that it could have been easily removed (I forget what type of tumor she said it could be), and because his overall health was great, he would have been able to recover very well. Unfortunately, the tumor was much bigger than she anticipated, and every attempt to remove it would have caused him to bleed to death. There was nothing she could do, we had no choice, and so we gave her permission to put him down. He presented with breathing issues less than a month ago, and now he is gone. :bawling: Thankfully I decided to stay at the vets office instead of gallivanting around town until he was done. I was able to send him off and say "see you soon" right before he was sedated. He gave me a quick head butt and a few purrs, and was taken away. :catrub: My husband also came in to see him off, before his surgery. I had called him to give him an update, that they had found a mass, and he wanted to be there also, before he was taken in.
The thing is, he was our last kitty. We just lost our eldest Toby last Monday to CKD, and our youngest Hank, two months ago tomorrow to CHF.
My world feels like it's ending. I don't know what to do anymore. I just.....don't know.
:( :sigh: :sniffle:
 
Last edited:

Antonio65

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 27, 2017
Messages
6,054
Purraise
9,684
Location
Orbassano - Italy
Jem Jem ,
I think you are brave and strong beyond any imagination. You had already gone through two heavy losses, yet you still had the power and the courage to pursue a difficult path for Chewy.
Believe me, it is much more than a normal person could bear.
Chewy has been the luckiest cat on earth having you as his mom, and he's happy that you both, his entire world, the only two persons that would matter in his life, were there with him when he needed them the most. What a lucky cat!
He crossed to the bridge with a smile, knowing that he wasn't alone, knowing that he was loved till the end, and that he will be loved forever.

I'm really sorry for your loss, I can understand that your world is a very dark and cold place now. But Chewy will lighten your path and warm your heart.
Toby and Hank has welcomed Chewy and showed him the softest spots at the Bridge.
One day you will be together again, and it will be wonderful.

Hugs!
 

mrsgreenjeens

Every Life Should Have Nine Cats
Staff Member
Advisor
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
16,391
Purraise
7,131
Location
Arizona
Oh my gosh, Jem, I am so, so sorry this has happened, and so soon after losing Toby and Hank :hugs::bawling:. I could barely believe my eyes, when I saw this thread.

Your three furbabies are all together now, and remembering all the love you and your husband showered upon them.

Again, my sympathies.
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
16,582
Purraise
22,962
Location
Nebraska, USA
To lose so many in such a short time is beyond heartbreaking, it is soul destroying. There was nothing different that could be done, you were there for Chewy, and your comforting presence was with him when he needed you the most.
I'm sure you feel adrift, lost in a world of pain and anguish, your heart will take a long, long time to heal. Give yourself time, try not to dwell on the loss, although I know that is impossible to do right now, it consumes your life at the moment. Your little ones are beyond pain now, beyond illness and fear, and together once more. They are at peace, secure in knowing the bond you built with them will forever tie them to you, the new path they follow will forever parallel your own. Love is stronger than any other intense emotion, stronger than death itself because it is spiritual and not dependent on life's forces like the frail physical body. Love is wanting only happiness and joy in life to be with the one we love. Just as you would want for them if you were the first to go, these precious little ones are no different. They do not want a future full of pain and loss for you, but for you to go forward and find joy in life once more, to live your life to the fullest, to spread their legacy of love and let their love guide and comfort you through the coming years because that love is a part of your soul now, it will never leave you. They will always be as near as your thoughts and prayers. "Death cannot take that which never dies"....and your love for each other is eternal.
My heart goes out to you, I know the pain of a broken heart. Be gentle on yourself, surround yourself with those who understand and know I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. You will be blessed fro loving so much.....
RIP dear Chewy. You will never be forgotten, you will forever have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

les26

Sylvester's daddy
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 19, 2015
Messages
2,414
Purraise
4,862
Location
Emmaus, Pennsylvania
This is horrible, I am so so sorry that you have experienced so much loss in such a short time, it is remarkable that you are able to function, so much stress and heartache, I am so so sorry.

You did what you could and what you thought was right, it is sad that they couldn't save him but it was his time to go sadly, but he and the others are fine now, just fine, and are together until you see them again one day and it will be wonderful.

I take Holy Basil in times of stress and also the homeopathic remedy Ignatia Amara when experiencing grief and shock, perhaps they would help you also.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am sorry for your loss, hang in there and lean on the friends on this board for love and support.

I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless.....:alright: :grouphug: :rbheart:
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #9

Jem

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 6, 2018
Messages
5,573
Purraise
11,246
My vet called last night, (after hours, bless her heart) but my husband and I turned off our phone to snuggle and watch a movie to relax. I listened to the message this morning, and she said that she had answers for us on what this mass was. We did give her permission to biopsy the mass (at no charge to us), as she had never seen anything like it before. She was very concerned and confused at the fast rate of growth and type of tissue she encountered during surgery. I will contact her tomorrow, as she is not in the office today to get the results.
The "good" news, is that she re stated, in the message that we still made the right decision. That the events of yesterday, would not and could not have gone differently.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10

Jem

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 6, 2018
Messages
5,573
Purraise
11,246
I also wanted to thank everyone for their condolences. It is very helpful to hear others who can understand my grief. So often your get an "empty" sorry, from those who may sincerely feel bad for you, but you know they really don't understand. This site has helped me so much over the last 6 months, with guidance, advice, caring and understanding while I cared for my 3 sick kitties all at once.
I will continue to pay it forward, with all the things I've learned, and when the time is right and my house is filled with fuzzy paws again I will surely seek the love and support from everyone here as the new generation is welcomed in my home.
Thank you again to all.
 

PushPurrCatPaws

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 22, 2015
Messages
10,061
Purraise
10,250
Oh Jem Jem , I am so sorry to hear of this! RIP to all of your dear ones, Toby, Hank and now Chewy.

I am never good in the Crossing the Bridge threads, pain and loss are so difficult to process -- but I do want to share this, as it's from a good book:


“Memories saturate my heart and
 the story of you spills from my eyes."

         -- Grace Andren, Speaking in Tears: The Poetry of Grief
 

JustJ

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Apr 5, 2018
Messages
70
Purraise
111
Location
Southern California
Jem Jem I wanted to say how sorry I was for you and your husband to lose your beloved Chewy who holds such a special place in your heart. You and your Chewy were so strong and brave, I really admire you and your cat. You did so much for him and I think you should be proud of being an amazing parent to Chewy and never forget how much Chewy loves you and the wonderful life you gave him.

I understand how dark your world must be right now so don’t be afraid to reach out to this community for support right now. Chewy will always live in your heart and in every time you talk about your special kitty. I know you’ll see him again bur rest assured that Chewy is reunited with the siblings he loved so much and they can’t wait to see you again. Bless your heart and don’t forget to also take care of yourself.
 

Mamanyt1953

Rules my home with an iron paw
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Oct 16, 2015
Messages
31,182
Purraise
67,778
Location
North Carolina
The "good" news, is that she re stated, in the message that we still made the right decision. That the events of yesterday, would not and could not have gone differently.
It eases the guilt, but not the pain. I must tell you something I've learned in a long life. Love never dies, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. Love abides, and in a very real, if unseen way, your babies are with you still.
 

Maria Bayote

Mama of 4 Cats, 4 Dogs , 2 Budgies & 2 Humans
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 15, 2018
Messages
4,171
Purraise
12,686
We just had to say goodbye to our Chewy. :bawling: He had been suffering from URI symptoms, turns out he had a large fast growing hemorrhagic tumor deep in his throat. :sickcat: Many vet appointments and tests and imaging did not detect it, until today. Our only option to save him unfortunately did not work. We agreed to undergo emergency exploratory surgery to try and remove the mass, as the vet was uncertain what type of mass it was, because without surgery he would have choked to death. We took a chance, because the vet said there was a chance that it could have been easily removed (I forget what type of tumor she said it could be), and because his overall health was great, he would have been able to recover very well. Unfortunately, the tumor was much bigger than she anticipated, and every attempt to remove it would have caused him to bleed to death. There was nothing she could do, we had no choice, and so we gave her permission to put him down. He presented with breathing issues less than a month ago, and now he is gone. :bawling: Thankfully I decided to stay at the vets office instead of gallivanting around town until he was done. I was able to send him off and say "see you soon" right before he was sedated. He gave me a quick head butt and a few purrs, and was taken away. :catrub: My husband also came in to see him off, before his surgery. I had called him to give him an update, that they had found a mass, and he wanted to be there also, before he was taken in.
The thing is, he was our last kitty. We just lost our eldest Toby last Monday to CKD, and our youngest Hank, two months ago tomorrow to CHF.
My world feels like it's ending. I don't know what to do anymore. I just.....don't know.
:( :sigh: :sniffle:
I am so sorry for your loss.

Been reading the posts here in "Crossing the Bridge" since morning and I am so saddened by all these stories of grief. I have said goodbye to my furry babies before - cats and dogs - and it does not make anyone a stronger person every time our best friend has to leave. Grief over a lost pet is really very difficult to deal with. It is as if one has lost a limb, and it takes years - decades - to get over the sadness. I have read before, that each time our beloved pet leaves us it also leaves paw-shaped holes in our hearts. Come to think of it, some of us, or even most of us, may already be riddled with holes. No one can patch it all back up. We just have to deal with the grief until the time that we can see them again, waiting for us in a heavenly field somewhere, anywhere, as long as we can get to cuddle with them again.
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
16,582
Purraise
22,962
Location
Nebraska, USA
It IS very heartbreaking to read these posts, but that is why we are here. Because these people are heartbroken and need our empathy to try to heal that broken heart. It helps to know there are others who feel the same way, who have been there and survived. And because of wonderful people like you who come here to say "I'm sorry" it somehow makes that heart feel a little better.....and our own heal a little more also through comforting the grief stricken.
 

foxxycat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 31, 2014
Messages
8,089
Purraise
13,358
Location
Honeybee on my lap, music playing in background
I am so sorry for all the loss. Everyone here has written so many wise things.

Know that in time you will feel a peace. It takes time. Digest the details. Cry. Sadness. Just all these emotions pinging around in our hearts.

I know from each passing I feel a piece of my heart and soul splinter off and go into the ground with my beloved cats that have gone on. I often worry that someday I won't have any heart left to love anything with. There won't be enough. But I know that is not true.

Instead a new section will begin to grow with all our next chapters in life. You experienced so much loss all at once. It's no wonder you feel like there's no path or rhyme or reason. Just know we all here at TCS are thinking about you and yours and sending prayers and energies to find some comfort in knowing you gave these babies the best possible life you could.

We don't have control over cancers and other illnesses. All we can do is learn every step of the way. For each next animal we will be able to use what we have learned from the prior ones. Let that be a gift you can give in the next chapter of your life.


Give yourself permission to grieve. Ignore the mean people who say ignorant things. They were not lucky enough to know this true love like we all here have known. And I hope that soon the memories will give you comfort. Know that they don't want us to suffer for too long. They want us to have a peace and know we did everything we could with what we had. That's all we can do.

May Chewy run free at the Bridge with all our other beloved pets. :rbheart:
 

les26

Sylvester's daddy
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 19, 2015
Messages
2,414
Purraise
4,862
Location
Emmaus, Pennsylvania
I am so sorry for all the loss. Everyone here has written so many wise things.

Know that in time you will feel a peace. It takes time. Digest the details. Cry. Sadness. Just all these emotions pinging around in our hearts.

I know from each passing I feel a piece of my heart and soul splinter off and go into the ground with my beloved cats that have gone on. I often worry that someday I won't have any heart left to love anything with. There won't be enough. But I know that is not true.

Instead a new section will begin to grow with all our next chapters in life. You experienced so much loss all at once. It's no wonder you feel like there's no path or rhyme or reason. Just know we all here at TCS are thinking about you and yours and sending prayers and energies to find some comfort in knowing you gave these babies the best possible life you could.

We don't have control over cancers and other illnesses. All we can do is learn every step of the way. For each next animal we will be able to use what we have learned from the prior ones. Let that be a gift you can give in the next chapter of your life.


Give yourself permission to grieve. Ignore the mean people who say ignorant things. They were not lucky enough to know this true love like we all here have known. And I hope that soon the memories will give you comfort. Know that they don't want us to suffer for too long. They want us to have a peace and know we did everything we could with what we had. That's all we can do.

May Chewy run free at the Bridge with all our other beloved pets. :rbheart:
What a wonderful post this is and so so true.....:rbheart:
 

ans5181

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Oct 22, 2018
Messages
397
Purraise
1,143
Location
Tallahassee, Florida
I am so sorry for so much loss in such a short period of time, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. So many people have already said so many wonderful and wise things, I can only echo and say that all your babies knew how loved they were and you gave them wonderful, safe lives. Maybe some day, in the not too far off future, a new someone will come along and not replace your beloved kitties, but begin a new chapter. Wishing you and your husband peace and comfort.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #20

Jem

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 6, 2018
Messages
5,573
Purraise
11,246
Maybe some day, in the not too far off future, a new someone will come along and not replace your beloved kitties, but begin a new chapter.
We have already begun making preparations to welcome new life into our home. I have never felt like bringing in more would be replacing, or filling a void, although our home does feel quite empty. It is a chance to provide a loving home to another who truly needs it. We are still grieving our losses, but still have plenty of love to give. My husband keeps showing me photos of cats and kittens from our local shelter, he's being quite impatient :rolleyes2:, but I need to reorganize our home again, as we had 2 dedicated "hospital rooms" :nurse: for 2 of the three cats, and other than our primary living areas, let's just say, my housekeeping was not up to snuff :oops:. I'm hoping over the holidays (or sooner if I can get my butt in gear :p) that we will be ready to adopt.

And to everyone else....
Thank you all for your continued condolences and support. :grouphug: Your words are wonderful to read. :touched: I still have my moments, like this past weekend when I washed all their linens, which I've done on so many occasions before. But this was the last time I would be washing them with their essence still on them. :sniffle: I had to cuddle with every blanket and pillow before I could put them into the machine. And again as I folded them or put them away.
Soon enough though, my house will become a cat fur factory yet again!!:catrub:
 
Top