Cat Suddenly Scared

My cat Molly is 6 years old. She’s female.

Anyways she’s always been a very very loving cat, rubbing against my legs and meowing for attention. She would actually stand up and rub against my hands too. About a month ago she started acting very timid towards my boyfriend ( who lives with me) I’m thinking it could be an argument we had? My boyfriend hasn’t hurt her because he hates it when I even deny her treats. My boyfriend has been living with my for about four months and Molly was used to him before he actually moved in. She’s always been scared of men and would hide whenever someone came in the house (even me). Molly would be outside and when she would want to come in she would look around very timidly and if she seen anyone she would run back outside. She’s never done this before. She usually has her tail up all the time when walking but now she’s close to the ground with her tail down and just runs behind the couch and under the bed but only when she knows my boyfriend is home. My boyfriend is really hurt by this and always wants to hold Molly and give her affection and cuddles and pets and he used to do that daily but she will just hide from him. She won’t run or fight him when he picks her up she just stays still and let’s him hold her but won’t go near him and will hide from him. I tried to get him to try to feed her or give her treats but she doesn’t take any. Hey

A man may have terribly hurt her when she was younger. Men have louder voices and just appear more menacing to a small, timid animal. If you are absolutely sure your boyfriend has not hurt her in any way, or even yelled at her, (cats, and dogs, have an uncanny way of sensing hostility/danger in people) then it is something she has had happen in the past and will take a long time to get over. I would suggest that for now, he ignores her. Just let her try to get used to his presence. The number one rule in getting a cat to like you is to NEVER FORCE THEM INTO ANYTHING! Ignoring a cat usually brings results because then there is no menace felt that approaching one or reaching for one brings. Remind him to never stare at her, staring is what Toms do in the wild and is considered a threat. It is not unusual for cats to be afraid of all strangers in their house, my cats hide for days when we get company. Even though they have been over for years. Just go about your routine for a month or so. Cats take a long time to adjust to change in their routine. Then slowly have your boyfriend offer to play with her with a wand, and have him leave treats in the room where she is hidden. Have him talk to her in a quiet, soft voice, but mainly just be in the room where she is and get her used to him. All of my cats prefer to be with me, and it hurts my husbands feelings. They don't hide from him and will sit on his lap if he lifts them there, but they always all come and sit on my lap. I really think that men in general are just more commanding and appear frightening to a cat. Or at least more demanding of respect. And it is men who usually DO hurt cats and somehow they sense this. I believe it will take a stranger timid cat like your own almost a year to learn to love your boyfriend, but it WILL happen, you earn a cat's love, and it is very rewarding when you finally do! Good luck!

Hi. Were your cat and boyfriend getting along before the argument you mentioned? I am guessing yes, since he's been with you for about 4 months, and she only started acting scared a month ago. That argument could have been the 'straw that broke the camel's back' for her, especially if as di and bob , suggested she was harmed by some male in the past.

In addition to everything that they shared with you above, you could also begin by having your boyfriend give her treats - not directly to her, but in a small dish or plate placed on the floor, and make sure she sees he is the one who placed them there. If that works, the dish could be moved closer and closer to where ever he is, and see if she continues to eat them. Over time, the same approach could be used for meals.

As a last resort, many (although not all) cats respond VERY positively to Calvin Klein's Obsession for Men. Maybe an occasional squirt here and there? It is almost like catnip to many of them.

Even though it's just your boyfriend she's reacting to, I would be concerned enough to consider taking her to the vet if this doesn't resolve. Cats are really stealthy about hiding problems, and usually the first sign is a behavior change. It could be something as simple as an inner ear infection, and his deeper voice and louder foot steps could actually be causing her some pain.
If all is well at the vets, I'd consider asking your boyfriend to ignore her (not meanly, just let her come around on her own.) If she slinks by, and he tries to talk to her and pet her, whatever got her going might just be intensified by this. If he sits on the couch, watches TV or whatever and lets her do her slink-around routine, curiosity might get the best of her. Tossing treats to her might help if she's food oriented, but if she's not, the simple arm movement of tossing something gently might be bad enough to set her back.
(One day we went out for about 2 hours, and when we came home Baby Girl was slinking around the house like the Demons of Hell were at her heels, when normally she's the most bold (obnoxious), inquisitive (demanding) cat we have. Her reason was that she was hurt, we found some books knocked off a high shelf and can only reason she fell and got hurt and scared. This probably isn't the case with your cat, but it reminded me of this situation. Vet visit confirmed this!)

Boy it sounds as if I am not the only one with a cat who suddenly is displaying fearful and cowering and hiding behavior. My cat Cali is 9 years old and I adopted her when she was 4 months old. She has ALWAYS been a social loving inquisitive and brave cat. Suddenly she began hiding and cowering.
I took her to the vet and a complete and very thorough blood work was done...trust me I believe it was thorough as it was $400+
Nothing was found to be unusual at all. In fact my vet commented that she had exceptionally great numbers in all the tests. So I am left wondering why my cat is displaying this unusual behavior. Yes my son did move back home but prior to 1 week ago she showed absolutely no shyness around him. They were buddies. Yet that is the only thing I can come up with is his new presence in the house. My son does have a friend who has 2 dogs and I am thinking perhaps the scent of dogs is annoying my cat. Any thoughts?

The most obvious answer is that the person they are scared of hurt them, probably accidentally, and whoever did it is going to have to do the work to gain back their trust. Cats aren't stupid, nor crazy. I stepped on my cat's tail and he didn't talk to me for a week.

Kefa said:

The most obvious answer is that the person they are scared of hurt them, probably accidentally, and whoever did it is going to have to do the work to gain back their trust. Cats aren't stupid, nor crazy. I stepped on my cat's tail and he didn't talk to me for a week.

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Another thing that crossed my mind was she may be holding a grudge against me for taking her to the vet to find out what was causing her change in behavior. So not only may she be adjusting to my son's move in but now she is ticked at me for taking her to the vet.

I doubt that it is a grudge...but...she may associate you with an unpleasant experience, and is a bit fearful now. That can happen. It generally tapers off and resolves with time and patience.

Kefa said:

The most obvious answer is that the person they are scared of hurt them, probably accidentally, and whoever did it is going to have to do the work to gain back their trust. Cats aren't stupid, nor crazy. I stepped on my cat's tail and he didn't talk to me for a week.

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I was given the job of taking Baby Girl to a less than happy experience at the vets and when we came home, she snubbed me like your ex girlfriend or boyfriend did when you broke up in Junior High. She stayed about 6 feet away, and anytime I looked at her, spoke to her, or reached for her she ran.
Later, I sat in my chair and she walked in all aloof, so I was aloof back and ignored her. Pretty soon, she sat by the chair, not looking at me. A few minutes later, she pretended like she was being forced to jump in my lap, but did so, and sat down, facing away from me. I kept reading. About 5 minutes later, I look at her and she's sitting, facing away from me, head back, sound asleep. Poor kid was exhausted.

R Renee_4546 - any new developments on your end? Haven't heard any updates yet?? Please let us know.

Judiann - Cats generally don't hold grudges, especially one who you have had that long. I am sure she has been to the vets before - yes? So, can't imagine that another vet visit would have put her over the edge. Additionally, I've accidently stepped on my cats tail a number of times, and a minute later it is no big deal to her.

You're saying that your cat and your son were buddies after he moved back in? Does she cower only when he is around, or with you as well?

Judiann said:

My son does have a friend who has 2 dogs and I am thinking perhaps the scent of dogs is annoying my cat. Any thoughts?

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BINGO!

Judiann said:

Another thing that crossed my mind was she may be holding a grudge against me for taking her to the vet to find out what was causing her change in behavior. So not only may she be adjusting to my son's move in but now she is ticked at me for taking her to the vet.

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Cats don't hold grudges like that. They just don't think that way. They can have fear if you hurt them, that is something else entirely. But they are not vindictive. They don't get revenge because you took her to the vet last week, or changed their food, or whatever...

I do think Baby Girl had an "issue" with me when I took her to that not happy vet appointment. But I think she was a little freaked out from the experience (I baby this cat, and she's not used to anything being even slightly painful) and just needed to be left alone for awhile!
Some people are like this, too. If something gets them upset or riled up, just leave them alone and let them cool down and relax a little.
Whatever caused her these problems, a really routine, consistent life will help her get past it. Keep things quiet and keep things normal and she'll come around.

I think cats can be vindictive. I had two male cats when I started dating a guy who really didn't like cats. The first time he spent the night, one of them took a dump right in the middle of his pants...which were on the floor of course. The next time he insisted we lock the cats out of the house, and one of them managed to get in the rear window and sprayed the inside of his truck. (These cats never messed in the cabin before or after, they had access to outside and a litterbox).

I told him he should bring cat food with him on our next date. He did.

Kefa said:

I think cats can be vindictive. I had two male cats when I started dating a guy who really didn't like cats. The first time he spent the night, one of them took a dump right in the middle of his pants...which were on the floor of course. The next time he insisted we lock the cats out of the house, and one of them managed to get in the rear window and sprayed the inside of his truck. (These cats never messed in the cabin before or after, they had access to outside and a litterbox).

I told him he should bring cat food with him on our next date. He did.

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I shouldn't laugh at this guys expense but whether this was vindictive, stress related, or just acting out because he could, that's just funny stuff.
I know deep down it's not vindictive behavior but it feels like it whenever the floors are swept, polished and shined and the cats decide now is the very best time to play "Dig a big hole" and spray cat litter and dust in an 18 foot radius from the box.
Even though R Renee_4546 hasn't been back to check in I hope she does and gives us an update because random, sudden fears can be very hard to figure out.

Molly had managed to run out the front door when someone accidentally left it open. She went missing for a week. I thought she had died because it’s -20°C to -26°C at night all last week and I didn’t even see her paw prints in the snow. One night I was sitting in the living room and I could hear her loud meowing outside so I quickly put my shoes on and ran outside, I followed where she was meowing from and took her inside. She was just boney and hungry she actually approached my boyfriend and rubbed against him before he gave her soft food mixed with some water so she doesn’t over eat right away and puke. She’s since been hiding in the other room. Sorry I haven’t update sooner my other cat has an abscess under his chin.

Poor kitty, fear is a terrible thing. I'm so glad she found her way home and had the chance to see that you came when she called. Your BF is right, when they've been on short rations, little meals are the best way to go. It may take weeks for her to gain back what she lost, but several small meals a day will be reassuring.

Sorry to hear your other cat got an abscess. You really have had a bad week, but at least things are turning better now. Don't forget to take care of yourself, as the release of stress can be exhausting too.

Thank goodness she found her way home! Things like this are the reason I had Hekitty microchipped. She is indoor-only, and shows no interest in going out, but...just on the off chance, I thought it best. Especially after having to evacuate during Florence. What if she had panicked and gotten out in a strange place?