Trouble Introducing Cats

This is long so bear with me, and thanks in advance.

My cat, Claws, and I have moved in with my parents for two months. They have a cat named Toby. Alone, Toby is very sweet. Toby has lived with other cats at different times. There were issues with the last one, but eventually they worked them out. And when we got him we had two adults cats who he got along with great. He's become needy since his last friend died, and we thought he would enjoy having another cat as company. He has, in fact, lived with Claws for two weeks when I was on vacation. They got along alright. Alpha issues, but nobody got hurt and they could mostly sit in the same room and then would chase each other around. They were together last in October 2017.

So, mistakes were made by all of us this time around. I brought Claws over and we put him in my room with the door closed for about an hour. After that we put up baby gates. The whole time, Toby, who hates being left out, was howling and pounding to get in. Claws didn't seem that into him, but Toby calmed down a bit. The mistake happened when we took down the baby gates so soon. I still feel awful. We thought that the howling was because of being locked out, but it was definitely about Claws. Toby went right after him like a bat out of hell and chased him around until Claws took refuge under a bed, growling. So this wasn't fun for Claws and it seemed territorial or aggressive for Toby, not like he was doing it as play. We thought that they were still familiar with one another.

Two days later, Toby seemed to have calmed down, but we were still keeping them separated. Someone mistakenly thought the gate was closed, but Toby managed to pop it and chased Claws AGAIN, scaring him senseless. So now we don't know what to do. Obviously the mistake won't be made again, but this is going to be a long two months.

Claws actually seems to be doing fine as he's playing, eating and cuddling like nothing is wrong, but he keeps checking to make sure Dear Toby isn't around. And Toby is being more finicky about food, but he'll come back and finish his meal after a few hours. For now, Claws is in my room during the night, and then we gate off half of the house for him to run around in during the day.

• Will more time allow Toby to calm down, or does he simply not want this other cat in his house?
• Did he forget who Claws was, or is he remembering their past scuffles and reacting to that? They were able to coexist last October after a rocky start.
• Is Toby upset that his family is giving attention to another cat? Could this be jealousy?
• Any other insight and advice?

Edit to add:
Toby is actively trying to get into the room with Claws. Sitting outside, howling, batting at the gate. He wants to engage, whereas Claws is just minding his own business.

Oh man, sounds intense by you! If I were to guess, I would say he would calm down after a while (but only time will tell). But based on how intensely he is attacking, I would say it would take a few months at minimum. But this is all a guess. He sounds more territorial than jealous, but our Gohan gets territorial about my boyfriend ... and jealous too. Our introduction of Olive took 7 months before everyone was comfortable in the same room. They are still deciding if "friendship" will even happen.

If I read correctly, you are only living here with Claws for two months? If that's true, I'm not sure that it would be worth while to attempt integrations. You might want to just keep them fairly separated until you move out. It's great that Claws is not too worried about Toby (unless he is chased), and as long as Toby only has a slightly diminished appetite, it shouldn't be too bad on him. But you would probably want no interaction (not even visual) for a week or two, and then add in the baby gate for a while. The timing just might not be worth all that.

I have heard that often cats do not remember a year or two after a while, and it's as if they are unacquainted cats. So I would guess any previous cat shenanigans between the two is entirely forgotten, and he is worried that Claws is invading his territory.

Playing intensely with Toby and Claws separately to tire them out, feeding them a little snack and then having them see each other through the gate would make their contact calmer. Feliway products like diffusers, wipes or sprays can have calming effects. Also choosing a time when their energy levels are lower would help reduce aggression (not at night, maybe in middle of the day - what we like to refer to as "kitty nap time").

Food is also a great motivator, feeding them together, or giving both of them treats. That helps a lot.
If you haven't seen these articles before, they great guides. Jackson Galaxy also has good videos on his website:

How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide

How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction

KarenKat gave you the articles I was thinking of as I read your post, and I also agree that if you are just going to be there for two months, it may not be worth trying to integrate them just to separate them again once they are friends. Just make sure that EACH cat gets significant time in the main area of the house!

KarenKat said:

Oh man, sounds intense by you! If I were to guess, I would say he would calm down after a while (but only time will tell). But based on how intensely he is attacking, I would say it would take a few months at minimum. But this is all a guess. He sounds more territorial than jealous, but our Gohan gets territorial about my boyfriend ... and jealous too. Our introduction of Olive took 7 months before everyone was comfortable in the same room. They are still deciding if "friendship" will even happen.

If I read correctly, you are only living here with Claws for two months? If that's true, I'm not sure that it would be worth while to attempt integrations. You might want to just keep them fairly separated until you move out. It's great that Claws is not too worried about Toby (unless he is chased), and as long as Toby only has a slightly diminished appetite, it shouldn't be too bad on him. But you would probably want no interaction (not even visual) for a week or two, and then add in the baby gate for a while. The timing just might not be worth all that.

I have heard that often cats do not remember a year or two after a while, and it's as if they are unacquainted cats. So I would guess any previous cat shenanigans between the two is entirely forgotten, and he is worried that Claws is invading his territory.

Playing intensely with Toby and Claws separately to tire them out, feeding them a little snack and then having them see each other through the gate would make their contact calmer. Feliway products like diffusers, wipes or sprays can have calming effects. Also choosing a time when their energy levels are lower would help reduce aggression (not at night, maybe in middle of the day - what we like to refer to as "kitty nap time").

Food is also a great motivator, feeding them together, or giving both of them treats. That helps a lot.
If you haven't seen these articles before, they great guides. Jackson Galaxy also has good videos on his website:

How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide

How To Fix An Unsuccessful Cat Introduction

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Thank you for the feedback! Our feliway just arrived today and we're hoping it helps chill everyone out. The interactions are getting interesting today (Claws is poking at the baby gates instead of Toby), so we'll see if things change.

In the meantime we're switching territory so everyone gets a chance to come out and play. Whoever is currently in the "smaller" half of the house (three bedrooms and a bathroom so it's not exactly small) seems to be the less brave one.

I don't think they'll ever be more than tolerant of each other at best, so we are hoping for that. Otherwise we'll just keep at it until I leave. I appreciate the articles and read through them, and it looks like nothing we did is irreversible, which makes me feel relieved.

Mamanyt1953 said:

KarenKat gave you the articles I was thinking of as I read your post, and I also agree that if you are just going to be there for two months, it may not be worth trying to integrate them just to separate them again once they are friends. Just make sure that EACH cat gets significant time in the main area of the house!

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Thank you! We don't particularly want them to be friends, but we are hoping for tolerance so that we can open a door without Toby bursting in and hunting Claws. In the meantime we're doing the switch. Today was the first time we did a switch with Toby in Claws' normal area and it was very interesting. He seemed a bit humbled.

Good luck, I understand how annoying a split house is. Hopefully you can get some amount of peace!

r-kins said:

it looks like nothing we did is irreversible, which makes me feel relieved.

Click to expand...

It seldom is, with cats. Now, finding the right solution can give you gray hair, but there always is one!

So, in an absolute 180, Toby has decided he doesn't love Claws but he's just going to ignore him and they're coexisting peacefully (for the most part). I think Toby just got tired of putting in the effort...

That'll work. Peaceful coexistence is often the best outcome for a pair of cats.