Desperately Need Help :-(

I have 5 cats. The oldest and first is a male, 4 years. The four after are all females, all younger and 3 are spayed. The newest female kitten will be spayed next Wednesday. My 4 year old male has gotten increasingly more aggressive with one of my females and I don’t know what to do. The vet wants to put him on medication (yet her own aggressive problems with her cats aren’t treated with meds, so I hesitate.) I have tried Feliway diffusers, Sentry calming collars, Jackson Galaxy’s Bully Solution, and Rescue Remedy. Nothing seems to help. And, if it couldn’t get any worse, the other 2 spayed females are starting to copy his behavior by also attacking my poor little “victim” cat. Right now I have the male separated in another room while I go purchase a large dog crate. I read somewhere that I should put him in a crate with a litter box and a bed every time he attacks her. I am trying everything to avoid drugs. Does anyone have any other solutions? I know I’ve posted before about this. I appreciate any suggestions, so I am refreshing my plea for help. Thank you.

Has the victim cat been to the vet recently? Sometimes there may be something going on with a cat that the others sense or smell.

She has an appointment on the 18th. Just now I had to break up a fight between one of females and the “victim” cat. None of them like her. I have her 2 years and it started getting bad about 6 months ago. It’s gradually getting worse. My new kitten tries to play with her, but at this point she’s terrified to play. She is socially awkward. She came from a home with many cats and I got her at 7 weeks. I don’t know what is going on. I know my vet will want to put my male on medication for aggression. The others are imitating his bad behavior. I’m trying to avoid the meds.

susanm9006 said:

Has the victim cat been to the vet recently? Sometimes there may be something going on with a cat that the others sense or smell.

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Sometimes the medication needs to happen, and its not always forever. Medicating the aggressor doesn't mean that you stop behaviour modification, it just gives you some breathing space.

chromium blues said:

Sometimes the medication needs to happen, and its not always forever. Medicating the aggressor doesn't mean that you stop behaviour modification, it just gives you some breathing space.

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I think you’re right :-(
I just ordered a large crate from Chewy. It will probably come Monday or Tuesday. I’m seeing the vet on Wednesday and I’m going to ask for that prescription. I forgot what she said it was, she didn’t say Prozac, but probably a genetic version or something similar. I’m going away for 4 days (I hired someone for twice daily visits) and I can’t take the chance of this aggression accelerating.
I’ll think “short term” and see how it goes. Thank you.

One of our girls will be the target of EVERYONE if she has a UTI brewing. IDK why.
When are you leaving, and when will you start the medicine? I would not advise starting it a day or two before you leave, you NEED to be around to make sure the medicine doesn't make it worse (it does happen, not often, but in some it can "go the other way" and make things worse.) So before leaving and leaving them to their own devices for 4 days with twice daily visits...be absolutely sure the medicine agrees with him and does not cause any "weird" behaviors.

I’m leaving on the 30th. I’ll be getting the medicine on the 19th.
If it doesn’t work, I’m going to board him. Do you think that once he calms down, the other females who are following his aggressive behavior toward my shy female....do you think they will stop? My biggest fear is that I will have more than one cat on the medicine I’ve had a multiple cat household my entire life and never had this problem before.

I took my victim cat to the vet. She had blood in her urine..no UTI. Stress is causing it.
I have my house separated in half by a screen door now. It seems to be exasperating the situation. The 3 aggressive ones try to sneak through every time I open the door. When they succeed, they charge right at her and attack. I don’t know what to do.

Wrong word.....
exasserbate

Somehow you need to get the victim cat to reestablish her confidence. She needs to go up to get away from the others; shelves and cat trees are good starting points. Also, learning tricks helps. You can also try grooming and praising her in front of the others. Group play with a wand toy attached to an old fishing pole is another way to incorporate the group as a whole. At the first sign of bullying, I would warn with a strong "tsch!!!" sound. In those situations, you need to assume the position as Leader of the Pride.
When my semi-feral cat Silver got her leg broken and lacerated (the vet said it was raccoon attack), I brought her inside to the spare room. She was timid and the cats who would come in at night to sleep would try bullying her. As she got tame, I got her to learn how to jump up on a tall footstool and do "circles" and "tailwhips" in exchange for Friskies party mix. Now she is my bed buddy and I have to correct HER for acting hostile to the others.
I would also suggest that you consult a holistic vet about possibly using slippery elm and marshmallow root for the hematuria and lemon balm to help soothe her nerves. Being bullied is very discouraging

I have 3 cat trees and window shelves. The bullies don’t even stare her down...they see her and charge at her, she screams because they break the skin and they roll on floor fighting. The male always has fur in his mouth when I break it up.
I would love to have her regain confidence. I’m going to look up holistic vets. Thank you

My cats are all indoor cats. She has become their prey toy.

patti511 said:

My cats are all indoor cats. She has become their prey toy.

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You have excellent insight into your cats! My really-feral ferals (side B) have been bullying a newcomer since last winter but now he is coming out of his shell and trying to bully some of the other cats. It is sad because fur is flying and abscesses are always a concern (my vet says abscesses need to burst before the cat is given any antibiotics; otherwise there is a risk of the infection internalizing).
My side A cats are friendly and semi-feral but while there are mild spats occasionally, they do not have the bullying, fierce squabbles. I try to visit them often, I squat down low and tell them," I have the most beautiful kitties in the world! I do! I do!" and they come over for pets & scritches. They just eat up the attention like it was Stage 2 Gerber baby food! I call them by name/nickname and compliment them. I have noticed the side B cats will approach the driveway, looking on, and start swatting each other, as if in envy. I have gone over there to praise them but they give me dirty looks and run away. I will try to do some observations and see what I come up with.
I feel really bad for the bullied cat and for you seeing this! It is heartbreaking that cats can sometimes be as mean to each other as schoolchildren on the playground

UPDATE and a question....
I separated my house into 2 halves... one half for my “victim” cat and my 6 month old kitten. The other half for the three aggressors. The “victim” and the kitten played every day and night. But the “victim” urinated several times on my kitchen counter. I don’t know where this came from! She never did that. Over the past week I found urine 3 times - once in my bathroom sink (with blood) and twice in her half of my house. A problem with the separation arrangement is that I started to feel tension between the aggressors and the kitten. I put the kitten in the area with them and one of them hissed at her. I felt uncomfortable about the arrangement. I bought “Composure” and tried that. I opened the screen door and immediately my 17 lb Bengal searched her out and viciously attacked her (she’s only 8 lbs.) She has scabs all over her head, neck & legs. Apparently, the week I was away was torturous for her. I made the decision to give her to my daughter on a trial basis. As I was leaving, two other aggressors both ganged up on her. I was able to intercept her.
When I returned home from bringing her to my daughter’s, I can’t even begin to describe the difference in the energy in my home. No one looked anxious or nervous. No one was searching her out. They knew she was gone. They were all back to normal.
This morning I miss her dearly. I’m heartbroken and devastated. My question is...is there a time when you KNOW you have to re-home a cat? My vet wanted to medicate, but it would have been for 4 cats. I thought that was a bit much and there was no guarantee it would be short term or that it would even work. Did I do the right thing?? I’m so sad.

You did the right thing for the kitten and the big cats! As the saying goes, "Sometimes true love is letting go." It was a suggestion that crossed my mind but with so many kitties needing homes, one that it is a last resort. I have no idea why clowders are like that - it would take more observation and experimentation than I have time for. I have seen chaos descend with a new addition & a little later on, they will be totally accepting of another cat.
I once brought home an elderly lost cat that the Vons colony was refusing to accept & my housecats tried picking on her, too. Yet at a different time, I brought home a lost elderly cat from San Diego and my cats easily accepted her. personality clash? health issues? smelled like strange dog??
what I do know is that your poor heart has suffered a cruel loss & has earned the right to grieve. I admire you for your unselfishness. I also know that dealing with Bengals can be very challenging so, in my opinion, you cannot be judged for being a quitter or not trying hard enough.
Horses can be the same way. Just last night, a friend told me that she has to re-pasture a horse for the same reason.
I hope you get to visit your daughter often. I am sure that the kitten appreciates being in a more secure environment - now she will get privileges of being a "granddaughter.
Thank you for the update! I know that it was not an easy post.
and don't forget - we love pics! See you in the forums!

Hi again... it did not work out at my daughter’s house :-(. She told me her own cat was starting to “mark.” (He is neutered.)
I’ve had her back a week now and things have gotten progressively worse. I’ve separated her into her own room with a screen door so they can see and smell each other. As I have found out, it was not my daughter’s cat that was marking. It is mine. I have switched living spaces overnight with everyone so they can get used to each others scents. Big mistake. She has pee’d on the wall several times, and on my kitchen counter (on the backsplash tiles). I know she is not squatting. The urine is on the wall, dripping down. When I put her back in her room and moved the other three back into the rest of the house, she urinated on her exercise wheel (because they had used it.) I bought another Feliway plug-in for that room, but it doesn’t seem to be doing much. She marked on the wall 24 hrs. after I plugged it in.
Last night I tried letting the cats in her room one by one to try and group play. They attacked her with viciousness. My friend was at my house visiting and she witnessed it. She agrees that they want to kill her :-(
I’m taking her back to the vet on the 20th to have a full blood panel done. I want to rule out any underlying illness. If everything comes back normal, I’ll be re-homing her. Their aggression has changed this perfect little cat. She is the sweetest, most affectionate little thing. My husband and I are both devastated over this.

I'm glad you will be bringing her to a vet to make sure she is healthy. We have a cat that we thought was "marking" but it turns out he was having painful urination due to crystals and a standing posture with his tail straight up was his way of straining. And of course because of the pain, he developed litter avoidance.
The fact that she has already had blood in her urine, that she is peeing everywhere and is very stressed could lead to cystitis (inflammation and spasms of the bladder and urethra).
Please do not feel you have failed this precious cat. And although you will miss her, some cats are just better off in single pet households. She will make someone very happy, and her confidence (I'm sure) will return in the right home for her. Sometimes, as sad as it is, and no matter how much you love them, and try to fix things, the hardest choice we have to make, is the best for all, but especially for the most vulnerable in the situation.