Dog Person Trying To Decipher Cat Language Haha!

mChes said:

Within the month+ I've had him, he's come up to me for affection maybe 3 times. Would like to see more, but this is definitely better than 0!

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A little affection after a month with a feral is not too bad. Does he follow you around or end up in the same room with you over time (even if he runs away when you move)?

One of my guys was sort-of-feral and super shy. After a couple of weeks, I could tell he wanted affection/company, but was just not trusting enough. Even after a year, he sometimes runs away if something seems odd to him - but now he comes by for pets all the time, climbs into bed when the other cat lets him and is playful as anything. Build his confidence with play - it took me a while to find out that he LOVES the mouse toy from Da Bird - after I got him playing with that until he was panting and exhausted, he really came out of his shell. I really think that his trust and confidence flowed out of the intense play sessions.

mChes said:

Okay, so I've stopped trying to give him treats out of my hand. Mainly because I'm scared of the claws ...
But, I'm not entirely sure what to do with him bopping my toes and hands. Occassionally I've been purposefully leaving my hand out close to him to see if he would start to rub up for affection and to let him know that I'm putting myself out there for him. Sometimes he hisses, sometimes he stares at it then primes himself for a seemingly aggressive play swipe at my hand, other times he just sniffs it and turns away. His scratches have been getting stronger recently and are starting to actually leave red marks compared to his very feeble nips and grabs the first week I've had him. It may be the confidence, agitation with the dog, or even my boyfriend letting him play with hands (which I've told him to stop doing).
...
Still a bit sad / low key resentful that he still hisses at me or swats, but I've been trying very hard to be patient (I'm just a very impatient person in general; it's not the cat, I swear). I feel like it's a good thing that he feels good enough to want to play-swat at my hand, but it freaks me out since he's been showing a bit aggression/strength in his swipes.

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I would stop thinking of your hands as some sort of communication offering when you interact with the cat. It's possible that since your boyfriend is giving the cat mixed messages by letting him play with his hands, you will continue to have trouble with your own hands being introduced into the picture. (It's best you and your boyfriend are on the same page as much as possible with how to play with your new cat... unfortunately, in my own household, I am still trying to train my husband nearly three years later that hands are not toys-for-the-cat. He's gotten much better, but it's provided no end of frustration and cat scratches.)

When your cat sees you passively lay your hand down near him, he may not know what to expect: is that hand going to offer a treat? is that hand going to try to pet me? does that hand want to be my prey and get fiercely attacked?

When you want to have playtime with the cat, introduce fun toys, like duncanmac suggested, and have a playtime voice. When it's treat time, or calm-time, try to have regular, recognizable signals --including with your voice-- that the cat can come to know. Cats really pick up on voices, moods, your energy, body signals, interactions... it's amazing what they pick out to key themselves in to what to do with life. It will take time for the cat to know you, and vice versa, but I think you've come a long way! I really enjoyed reading your post #8!

And if you are a dog person too, don't forget that cats are truly smart (well, most of them)!
I've taught all of the cats I have had "dog tricks", like "Come", "Sit" and "Get down", etc.

They deign to "obey" (-roll eyes-) but they get right back to training us humans!

PushPurrCatPaws said:

I would stop thinking of your hands as some sort of communication offering when you interact with the cat. It's possible that since your boyfriend is giving the cat mixed messages by letting him play with his hands, you will continue to have trouble with your own hands being introduced into the picture. (It's best you and your boyfriend are on the same page as much as possible with how to play with your new cat... unfortunately, in my own household, I am still trying to train my husband nearly three years later that hands are not toys-for-the-cat. He's gotten much better, but it's provided no end of frustration and cat scratches.)

When your cat sees you passively lay your hand down near him, he may not know what to expect: is that hand going to offer a treat? is that hand going to try to pet me? does that hand want to be my prey and get fiercely attacked?

When you want to have playtime with the cat, introduce fun toys, like duncanmac suggested, and have a playtime voice. When it's treat time, or calm-time, try to have regular, recognizable signals --including with your voice-- that the cat can come to know. Cats really pick up on voices, moods, your energy, body signals, interactions... it's amazing what they pick out to key themselves in to what to do with life. It will take time for the cat to know you, and vice versa, but I think you've come a long way! I really enjoyed reading your post #8!

And if you are a dog person too, don't forget that cats are truly smart (well, most of them)!
I've taught all of the cats I have had "dog tricks", like "Come", "Sit" and "Get down", etc.

They deign to "obey" (-roll eyes-) but they get right back to training us humans!

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Excellent advice IMO.
Also, we've taught basic dog stuff like you have.
An excellent dog trainer once wrote that certain breeds (Some herding breeds, lots of sporting breeds, and others who really, really like working with humans) treat things like "come here" as an obsessively precise thing to master with speed and accuracy and (once taught) never fail to do so. But other dogs (some non-sporting breeds like some of the Japanese native breeds, Huskies, most livestock guardian type breeds, etc.) consider things like "come" or "sit" a request, and only a request.
I kind of throw cats into that "request" mixture.
Since the original poster is a terrier owner, I'm sure they know about "requests", as we have learned about them with a handful of breeds ourselves and it's always an ego-destroyer but loads of fun

duncanmac said:

A little affection after a month with a feral is not too bad. Does he follow you around or end up in the same room with you over time (even if he runs away when you move)?

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He does very occasionally follow me around. Sometimes I'll find him in my room in the morning, but usually he'll stay out in the living room in his luxury cat tree. Which, on a different note, he's started hissing at me more often since getting a new fortress to sit on. Just standing in his vicinity will result in a singular quick hiss and half-flattened ears. I mean, the kid is 6 feet off the ground, I'm not sure why he's started hissing at me hahahaha.
Also, I would love to play with him some more, but it gets difficult with the dog. She gets lonely and much prefers to be in my company, but that stops the cat from wanting to come out to play. I have to leave most of the play to my boyfriend since my dog doesn't give him a second glance, but the boyfriend isn't entirely committed to really intensively playing with the cat.

1 bruce 1 said:

Since the original poster is a terrier owner, I'm sure they know about "requests", as we have learned about them with a handful of breeds ourselves and it's always an ego-destroyer but loads of fun

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Oh, god, yes. My dog considers me calling her name a "request" as well...

PushPurrCatPaws said:

I would stop thinking of your hands as some sort of communication offering when you interact with the cat.

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Should I stop trying to pet him in general then? I keep reading very conflicting advice online. Some suggest to just ignore them until they come around. Others say that I should make sure to respond to aggression with affection with semi-ferals / ferals. At this point, I'm not entirely sure what to do hahaha. I'm honestly just glad that he's actively out and about on his new cat tree compared to when he used to just settle down under the couch!

I would let the cat decide if he wants to be petted. I have one cat that is not feral but if you pet him when he does not want you to he will run away. If he is enjoying the petting then I would continue but do not force him to except it. I do not have any feral cats but I do let my cats decide when they want cuddle and petting time. My Casey can get over-stimulated if I pet him too much and then he will nip me. Casey is very affectionate and loves to get kisses but I pet him for shorter amounts of time then I do with some of my other cats. He will knead on me like crazy and sit in my lap purring for hours. I have noticed his tail gets very active when he is getting over-stimulated. I use his tail movement to know when to stop.

mChes said:

...
Should I stop trying to pet him in general then? I keep reading very conflicting advice online. Some suggest to just ignore them until they come around. Others say that I should make sure to respond to aggression with affection with semi-ferals / ferals. At this point, I'm not entirely sure what to do hahaha. I'm honestly just glad that he's actively out and about on his new cat tree compared to when he used to just settle down under the couch!

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Oh no, not to stop petting him, when he gives you the chance! It's just that I got the impression that you were trying to just lay your hand out beside him in a passive way (like the hand just resting on a bed cover or something, next to him, not doing any moving?) -- and I thought maybe he was having a hard time deciphering what the hand might do next. You know?

Thank you again for the advice, cat-friends. I think things are going well, albeit a little slowly.

There have been some consistent behavior and wanted to be sure I'm deciphering them correctly.

I'll usually see kitty within my vicinity wherever I am. If I move to the bedroom, I'll usually see him sneak in about 2 minutes later to sit in his smaller cat tree by the window. When I move back to the living room, he sneaks out to sit in his living room castle. The closest he's made his way towards me was when he got on my desk and considered sitting on my laptop, but knocked something over and got so scared that he sprinted back off and went under the couch haha. He hasn't tried again since.
And he started to explore the kitchen counter when I'm in there to make food, but he'll always know when I'm feeding him because he gets excited and hops to his food bowl to wait for me.

But any time I make any movements towards him, aside feeding, he runs away from me. I'm not even trying to touch him or anything. I could be walking by and he bolts.

I figure the fact that he's actively "following" me around is a good sign, but seeing him still bolt away from me is a bit disheartening. It's been about 2 months now (not that it's a really long time but I'm impatient haha), and age wise I'd estimate that he's maybe 7 or 8 months old around now (?). I figure that he will mellow out when he's a bit over a year old, or that's what I've read. I just want to be sure that I'm deciphering his behavior positively and that at least he's slowly but surely accepting the fact that I won't eat him.
I've only been interacting with him with feedings, some play time, and calling his name and praising every time he looks over. He seems to like hearing praises? I'd like to eventually get to the point where he won't be running away from me so often so I can groom all that loose fur off him, and eventually take him back to the vet.

1 bruce 1 said:

An excellent dog trainer once wrote that certain breeds (Some herding breeds, lots of sporting breeds, and others who really, really like working with humans) treat things like "come here" as an obsessively precise thing to master with speed and accuracy and (once taught) never fail to do so. But other dogs (some non-sporting breeds like some of the Japanese native breeds, Huskies, most livestock guardian type breeds, etc.) consider things like "come" or "sit" a request, and only a request.

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This made me laugh. I grew up with Shetland Sheepdogs and got used to being vigorously herded at all times by an eager dog. But for every rule there is an exception, and the sheltie who was my dog was a terror. For her, all human commands were completely optional, and she defended her right to do as she wished against all attempts by my parents to discipline her. She was the most intelligent dog I've ever met, and the most overbred, but definitely an original!

mChes, I think it's good that your cat seems interested in what you're doing, and that can certainly be the start of a relationship. I had good luck with my skittish kitten when we first got her with doing my own thing around the house, but encouraging her verbally to approach and check things out. Curiosity won out over fear eventually, and she did seem to respond to verbal encouragement. Scaredy cats may also feel less threatened by us if they don't feel like we're 100% focused on them, and more able to approach and interact with us when we're distracted.

It sounds like you are doing a great job!
My cat is motivated by quiet praise (like yours from the sounds of it) and treats (like freeze dried chicken). Your young friend may respond to treats as well: use them as a reward after play sessions (ie. he "caught" his prey, now he gets to eat it!), and maybe even lay one or two next to you so he comes over to you. Don't touch him when he comes by to eat the treat, just speak with him in calm tones and use his name a lot. That may get him used to being in closer proximity to you.

You may never have a lap cat, but you will have a loyal and loving buddy.

pipperoo said:

It sounds like you are doing a great job!
My cat is motivated by quiet praise (like yours from the sounds of it) and treats (like freeze dried chicken). Your young friend may respond to treats as well: use them as a reward after play sessions (ie. he "caught" his prey, now he gets to eat it!), and maybe even lay one or two next to you so he comes over to you. Don't touch him when he comes by to eat the treat, just speak with him in calm tones and use his name a lot. That may get him used to being in closer proximity to you.

You may never have a lap cat, but you will have a loyal and loving buddy.

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I had a non-lap cat for many years until one day she chose to lay on the other side of the couch as I was reading. She started purring, very content, so I scooted closer and she was happy. I put my book down, gently pulled her into my lap and she tensed up a bit, but then started relaxing (I could feel those muscles relaxing!), started purring, then kneading her paws on me, and blinking.
Ever since that day I can't keep her off my lap. Sometimes they DO surprise us!! But now isn't the time with this kitty, I agree, but building that loyalty and trust is the first step. =)

So, I was playing with him with a fishing rod type of toy, but he came over to swipe my hand. Is it approprate for me to just cease the play session entirely and ignore him immediately afterwards? How long do I ignore him for? He wants to play so bad, and I feel bad, but also he can't be swiping like that...

He's also developed a new interest in physically attacking legs during bedtime. As in he actively jumps up on our bed, claws our legs, then sprints off. I've been keeping the bedroom closed since the new attacks, but it disrupts my sleep when my dog wants to go out of the room in the middle of the night :/ .. Not entirely sure what to do about it.

He hasn't shown any interest in being pet anymore, even though he was a snuggle bug when I first had him. Is it just the confidence kicking in and he doesn't need any comfort anymore ?

mChes said:

So, I was playing with him with a fishing rod type of toy, but he came over to swipe my hand. Is it approprate for me to just cease the play session entirely and ignore him immediately afterwards? How long do I ignore him for? He wants to play so bad, and I feel bad, but also he can't be swiping like that...

He's also developed a new interest in physically attacking legs during bedtime. As in he actively jumps up on our bed, claws our legs, then sprints off. I've been keeping the bedroom closed since the new attacks, but it disrupts my sleep when my dog wants to go out of the room in the middle of the night :/ .. Not entirely sure what to do about it.

He hasn't shown any interest in being pet anymore, even though he was a snuggle bug when I first had him. Is it just the confidence kicking in and he doesn't need any comfort anymore ?

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If he's playing and swipes your hand, leaving for a few minutes isn't a bad idea. 1-5 minutes will do =)
If you're really feeling full of cat speak, you can also try freezing, leaning back an inch or two, and squinting your eyes a bit at him, like a cat that's a bit PO'ed at another cat's rudeness would do.
Ours always did the leg attack under the bed thing, but it wore off once they adjusted and matured a bit. (Think of a 2-3 year old kid that wants to jump on the bed but most 15 year old kids don't bother. Don't tell them I still occasionally have the urge though. )
He's probably growing in confidence and has realized that exploration and playing are WAY fun and insanely enjoyable, which is good, it means you've done your part in telling him that he's safe. This is a good thing, but I understand the frustration.
Whenever he's sleepy or asleep, gently and slowly pet him and talk to him in a quiet, soothing voice. He might (and probably will) wake up and want to play bitey-hands or something, but given time this usually works to balance out the cuddle/confident thing, and they realize both things are really nice =)

It sounds like you are doing great, mChes Sometimes cats take time! I've had two cats that were my best buddy on the day I first met them. The rest - purebreds, strays, rescues and a feral - took some time to be comfortable and to become affectionate. One kitten raised in a good home took over six months to stop biting (Ouch!) when I petted him. But it was worth the wait as he became one of the best friends I have ever had. He certainly taught me patience! Cats progress at their own speed.

To some degree, you have to figure out each dog and what works with him or her. It's much more so with cats. And it's a fun challenge!