My Sweet Lola is at the Rainbow Bridge

meelasmom

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Antonio...thinking of you and Lola. Tomorrow is the 6th month anniversary of losing my Meela.
 
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Antonio65

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One year ago, today...

Before Lola underwent the process of radiation therapy for her oral cancer in October 2016, she was operated and the vets inserted a PEG tube, a tube to feed her directly into her stomach. The burns caused into her mouth by the radiations would have been too painful to allow her to eat for weeks!
I had to syringe her food down that tube three or four times a day. At first it was one of the most shocking things I had ever done in my life, but after a few days it came rather natural to me to give her food that way, and Lola loved it, she would purr at me during the tube feeding process.
The PEG tube was held in place by a glued pad and a massive bandage around her abdomen. I would replace the bandage every two or three days, so I could check the tube and the pad as well.

Lola didn't even realize she had that tube. No e-cone was needed.
All went smooth for 5 weeks.

On November 29th, I came back home from work that evening and found Lola walking around the house with her PEG tube hanging both ends from the bandage!!! :eek2:
The end that would go into her stomach was out, that would mean that she had an open wound directly into her stomach!!! I think that she rubbed her side against some edge and the tube got extracted.

She was fine and happy to see me, I was in total panic. I started checking the house for blood stains. Nothing. She was clean as well.
The second thing I did was to call the clinic 10 miles away, the staff that was following her case. They told me they weren't equipped to redo the surgery and that the easiest thing I could do was to go to the clinic where she had the surgery done some weeks earlier. That clinic, though, is 230 miles away and this was an emergency.
After naming other clinics, all far away, they came out with the university ER, only 6 miles away.
In less than 15 minutes I was there and rushed to the ER, where a doctor came to us and asked what the problem was.
I told her that the PEG tube had come off from Lola's stomach and I wanted it replaced.
The doctor asked me "Why would you want to put a PEG tube in your cat's stomach?", I replied "Simply, because she had it until a few hours ago and she needs it!". She asked me some more silly questions, she didn't want to listen to different explanations other than the straight answers to her silly questions. She also blamed my sweet Lola of being a bad cat because she had pulled the tube off with her teeth. I told her that Lola was a calm and clever cat, that she didn't even know she had that tube, but she presumed to know Lola better than I did, and that what I was telling her was non-sense.
She grabbed the carrier with Lola inside and asked me to wait there. I asked her if I could have followed her, just in case she needed more details. She replied that it wasn't me to decide what was necessary to tell her.

A man in the waiting room was waiting for his dog to come out from the ER. We started chatting and listening to each other's stories.
Half an hour later the doctor came out from the ER room with Lola in her carrier in one hand and the PEG tube in the other hand. She told me "Here you go, I removed the tube as requested". I shouted "I didn't want her tube to be removed, I wanted it to be replaced!". She said that I hadn't been clear enough when I checked in and she still hadn't understood why I wanted a PEG tube into Lola's stomach. I replied that I had told her before, and that she didn't want to listen to anything I wanted to tell her. "Now I want to know more, now I'm listening to you" she said "because it's not you to decide when I need information".
After more words, she took Lola back to the ER room and told me the cat had to spend the night at the ER.
"Wait for me here" she said.

The man in the waiting room came next to me and told me "I was going to grab her by her neck and choke her, but I was expecting that you would do it. Why didn't you kill her?", I replied "I was very much tempted to kill her, but she had my Lola in her hands, I couldn't do anything..."

Lola was admitted at the ER for the night, to keep an eye on her in case something went wrong.

It was around 10:30 pm, I was home and I received a WhatsApp message. It was a photo of my Lola in her cage at the ER. I was shocked, I couldn't understand why someone was sending me a pic of my cat...
Then a second message read "Tonight I'll be with her, she'll be in good hands!". It was a message from a girl I know, she's studying veterinary at that university and she was the girl who did cat-sitting while I and my wife were on holiday a few months before.
She was in love with Lola and Lola recognised her and was happy to be cuddled and loved all night long by her.

Lola was sent home on the following day, she was fine, she had no consequences from her open wound in her abdomen. My main concern was "How will I feed her now?", the doctor at the university ER replied "That's none of our business".

Lola arrived home and proved to be stronger than I thought. The first thing she did was going to the bowl and eat on her own.
My valiant Lola made it once again!

How I miss her... :(
 
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Antonio65

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On these days last year I thought I was on the way to hell with a one way ticket.

All of a sudden my sweet Lola went down the hill, nothing was going to help her, she stopped eating even if assisted, she didn't want to be touched, she would isolate.
She would bleed a lot from her mouth, her eyes were kind of lifeless :(

It was clear to me that she was going to die. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Sometimes I couldn't breathe.
I went to the clinic where the vets knew her very well and told them what was going on. I asked them to get ready to be called at any time to have one of them at home and put my Lola to sleep.
They accepted.
I spent the last few days of the last year staying with her as much as possible. I took dozens of photos of her. They all seemed not doing justice to her beauty, every photo looked like she wasn't her, and I kept shooting pictures.

I was sure that she hadn't seen the new year, I was sure that I hadn't seen the new year either. My life was dry and meaningless.

I remember that I prayed so much, like never before. And in a last jump of hope I started searching the web to find a miracle, something that nobody had tried before. In those moments I felt guilt for wasting my time on the web rather than loving her.
I found a herb product that cost a lot of money and that some people would swear it had healed them from cancer for good. I ordered it and in two days I had it at home. It was 2017 already.
Lola bounced back in a few days time and kept going for nearly three more months. Was that product a miracle potion? I don't know...

In these days I can't help myself from thinking of those dark, very dark, moments.
I miss her, I miss my Lola every single minute of my life :bawling:
 

kittylove53

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Antonio,I too am starting another year without my Omelette,and you without Lola.I wrote more on my thread just now.I am also having a not too good start to this year.I want to send to you many many hugs,and hope that perhaps we will be comforted in knowing that our precious babies are in a much better place than we find ourselves.This season is very hard to take for all of us who have lost kitties this past year.I want to thank you for all your thoughtful,and understanding words.You have helped me handle my grief.I pray for you and Lola,and hope that the coming year will bring us loving memories of them.I have been crying while writing this.Hugs to you.
 

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Antonio, you write so beautifully, especially when you speak of Lola. Thank you for sharing all her stories of strength and triumph, and your love for her.

I know how you feel with those "eleventh hour" photos. I took so many of Midnight, but they didn't capture her verve and fire, or how soft her fur is. Even the videos don't let her sound as vivacious as I know her to be. What they do accomplish, however, is to help me remember how she was, in sickness or in health. I don't forget her voice, or her playfulness, or her spunk just because the camera wasn't advanced enough to capture it... I remember as if in spite of it. I hope your pictures of Lola bring you the same...not the pale thing on the screen, but the memory that coils inside you and gives more life to her than a photo ever could.
 

Mashkasheli

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Antonio I have read almost everything you have written about Lola and I feel like I know her and you so well, and your story is so heartbreaking. Lola was so very very special. Thank you for sharing her and your story with us. I lost my Sheleg a month ago and I also keep looking at the photos I took of him just a week before he passed and it just breaks my heart.
Lola was a beautiful cat and I know you will always remember her beauty and all the joy she gave you and how much you loved each other. Not only her last photos. Take care x
 
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Antonio65

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Antonio, you write so beautifully, especially when you speak of Lola. Thank you for sharing all her stories of strength and triumph, and your love for her.
Thanks so much, Shar371 Shar371 , I would be more effective if English was my first language, sometimes I think I'm not conveying what I have in my heart.
I have photos, videos, sound recordings of her, taken with camera, phone and audio recorder.
I have saved most of the whiskers she lost in her life, some clipped nails, several clippings of her fur. But I haven't been able to save her... :bawling:

Antonio I have read almost everything you have written about Lola and I feel like I know her and you so well, and your story is so heartbreaking. Lola was so very very special. Thank you for sharing her and your story with us. I lost my Sheleg a month ago and I also keep looking at the photos I took of him just a week before he passed and it just breaks my heart.
Lola was a beautiful cat and I know you will always remember her beauty and all the joy she gave you and how much you loved each other. Not only her last photos. Take care x
Thanks Mashkasheli Mashkasheli , your words have been of great comfort. Tears flow everytine I read the words from all members of this forum.
Thanks so so much!
 
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Antonio65

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Antonio,I too am starting another year without my Omelette,and you without Lola.I wrote more on my thread just now.I am also having a not too good start to this year.I want to send to you many many hugs,and hope that perhaps we will be comforted in knowing that our precious babies are in a much better place than we find ourselves.This season is very hard to take for all of us who have lost kitties this past year.I want to thank you for all your thoughtful,and understanding words.You have helped me handle my grief.I pray for you and Lola,and hope that the coming year will bring us loving memories of them.I have been crying while writing this.Hugs to you.
Yes kittylove53 kittylove53 , I had read your update in your thread last night, I felt your pain and I had tears in my eyes while I was writing back.
You all have brought comfort in my life more than you could ever imagine!
Thanks everybody, thanks kittylove53.
 

kittyhonored

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Antonio I am so sorry for your lost. I lost my KITTY 8 weeks ago at 14 1/2 yrs. He was our son our baby. Like your cat he had cancer and other issues where it looked like every time we win we get set back. I do want to share something with you though.
My father has a strong pyschic energy. He used to actually be able to communicate by telepathy to people. But in a way we all have it! He isn't a "pet" person but as a pet lover I ofcourse believe pets have souls. That being said I truly believe(sorry if this goes against your roman catholic background) that spiritual energy is inherited, kind of like children of Jedi's have the force.
Pets reincarnate, just like people. They also have a journey on earth, to learn and their lives on earth are connected with the soulmates.
What makes cats(pets) unique is unlike people that have numerous soulmates, cats tend just to have their family. That means "we" are the most important soul in their existence. You will notice I used the word "existence" and not life because life as we know it is a biological shell. But at all times we mostly exist in the spiritual(energy) levels its just that we only cant detect what our prison in our biological form allows us.
Of course, it makes sense that we can't communicate with the dead because how would there be meaning to our life on earth if we actually knew of the afterlife? We wouldn't be able to learn in that case which is our mission on earth.
Of course I was always skeptical like most people. Kitty was the 1st REAL death I have ever experienced. 1st living creature that I was attached to and loved. I am also depressed,etc and miss him, his BODY.
However, just like you, the minute he passed, I felt the loss and knew he was gone but I also felt his presence. I have continued to feel his presence in the last 8 weeks. It is like he is still here watching me. His death actually has NOW proven to me that there is NOT an end in death. Our higher spiritual self our energy continues to communicate with the higher spiritual energy of our loved ones/soulmates after they cease having a biological body. I believe its this constant communication that we pick up on when they die that makes us feel their presence. Its unfortunate that they aren't allowed to just TALK to our biological self but as you experienced they often will break the rules and communicate with us that they "are fine, etc" . You must realize that by Lola doing that she broke the RULES(hope she isn't punished for it). I believe that it is against the law to do since that would corrupt our own journey and I am amazed they still do it for us. They also give us other signs.
I feel miserable just like you but in many ways I now feel like Kitty is safe and REALLY is with me and one day either I will die and my soul will actually be on same level as his or if he is allowed he will reincarnate again in this lifetime and be with us again. Lola will do the same, but realize that once biological again, she won't recognize her former life with you but YOU will just feel its her(might be a make cat even). If you read accounts of people who are open you will realize thousands across the earth have had similar FEELINGS. My wife was born an atheist(USSR) After my cat visited her in her half dream(when you are half asleep/early morning is when they most likely to be able to break the barrier since its you sub conscious closest to the plane where your dead cat would be) she now is a believer. She like me, feels his presence.
Therefore, my only advice to you is that negative energy(guilt,etc) is like a thick fog that gets in the way of us feeling their eternal presence. i TRULY BELIEVE she has contacted you multiple times and the minute you open your mind and senses up you will realize SHE truly is with you now. Heck, she might even be on your lap as you read this. Understand she legally(laws of physics and karma) cant answer your questions but that doesn't mean she can't take her energy and place it on your lap.
Meditate, relax and just stroke the air and imagine your stroking her and just maybe, maybe YOU will actually feel GOOD because your energy stroked her energy. THIS IS HER! This is the unique soul you love. The biological vessel is just a machine. If you make the effort you might realize that you can spend quality time NOW with her without having to meet her at the rainbow.

Before you yell BS..realize I am a skeptical natured person but I KNOW what I feel.
 

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Antonio,

I wish there was something to say that could ease your pain. Just know I'm thinking about you. :redheartpump::redheartpump:
 

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Oh Antonio65 Antonio65 , I truly wish I could give you hope that it WILL get better. 10 months is not nearly long enough to build a new life and get through the grieving process. I have been grieving for over 5 years, and am just beginning to feel better and take an interest in life again. The closer I get to my own end is the incentive I need to get back to living. Life is way too precious to spend the rest of it in sadness and sorrow. Life is for the living. The dead are at peace and being taken care of. We'll never lose their love, it is too strong, we will always have our memories and hold them close in our hearts. They can't leave us when they are a part of us. Love should never bring us pain, how can it when all they ever brought us was joy and happiness?
Losing them sucks, it is something we will never get over, and it takes years to get through the grieving process. The last step is acceptance. Now I wonder if it is acceptance of our own mortality and NOT accepting one more moment of pain and sorrow when we think of our little ones. Just the goodness they brought into our lives, because that is what they want for us, that is what love is.
I'm so sorry, I wish I could help. But please know I know exactly what you are going through, you are not alone, you have a friend if you need one........
 

kittyhonored

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Sorry to hear. It has been exactly 12 weeks today , the death of our 14.5 yr cat who had cancer. it was actually we believed a reaction to injection that killed him due to allergic reaction. We opened a complaint last week with the hospital since we know they didn't monitor him afterwards like they should have. We watched him suffocate in his carrier right in front of us on public transportation. Carrier was on our lap when it happened..talk about PTSD!
But we had the advantage that he came back in our dream and tell us it had to happen. Anyway:
Let me tell you a story that happened a few weeks ago. We went to a shelter to look at cats we donated to to honor "kitty". We saw another cat that was young and reminded us of kitty. He was black, skinny and had some similar manners. So we went back because we thought he had a message for us. We weren't ready to adopt yet since we are going away next month and we know it can't be the resurrection of Kitty yet.
But we got attached and was looking to maybe adopt him. We were refused because of our trip coming up. Anyway, he got adopted , after 10 months in the shelter, 40 minutes after we left!
So coincidence? No, it was a message, we felt pleasure with him that we haven't felt since Kitty's death but it wasn't meant to be. Our Kitty directed us to him and then "took him away". Our mission was to get some pleasure and get him adopted! Mission accomplished! Kitty probably got mad when he thought we considered this new cat since he wants us to wait.
Point is, there are forces at work in all our lives and we jut got to try to see the meaning in it all. For all you know, Lola soul is sitting in the belly of a mother cat as we speak and circumstances will bring you together, or she will direct you to another cat that she will be able to help raise with you. They actually can easily communicate to the living of their species.
 
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Antonio65

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K kittyhonored ,
your post now, and the other one some days ago, made me think a lot.
I like your way of seeing the worlds, ours and theirs, it's like a dream in my mind.
Thanks for your support!
 

kittylove53

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Antonio!I want to thank you for saying that we both will probably never find much peace after what we have both gone through this past year!You and I seem to be on the same page when it comes to the loss we have endured from our precious kitties!I too find myself in tears throughout the day!It has now past one year since Omelette has died!I totally understand how you are feeling!Your words have helped me to gather some strength to go on.I now have a seven month old kitty named Smynx, I believe Omelette sent her to me to help with my grief.Every time I feed my other kitties and her, I can't help but realize that Omelette is not here!I know you are experiencing the same feelings.You and I will have to go on ,but we will always be missing Lola and Omelette's love. They gave us their hearts and we gave them ours!They know how very much we miss them,and love them.We will have to wait until we can be united with them again.Hugs to you!
 
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Antonio65

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kittylove53 kittylove53 ,
There are so many things, details, hints, in the house that still remind me of Lola, they are everywhere. Her name comes out of my mouth at least once a day. It seems I just can't let her go...

I too am taking care of a kitten I have found at the end of December, but her destiny won't be my home, I'm trying to rehome her, but due to the fact she has a sick eye for a herpes virus, nobody wants her. Everybody wants a perfect kitten...
And the more time passes by, the more I fall in love with her and she gets attached to me. I think it'll break my heart when eventually I find her a new home!
 
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Antonio65

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Monday, February 13, 2017, was one of the worst days of my nightmare with Lola.

In the few days before that day, Lola had shown more and more difficulties at swallowing her syringed food, it was like her tongue was helping her less and less.
On the day before, Sunday, February 12, I had noticed her tongue was white/grey in color. I thought it was just some traces of food on the tongue surface, so I had flushed some more water down Lola's mouth.
On Monday morning that tongue was even worse, and was thin as a sheet of paper, and it seemed to me it was tearing.
I rushed Lola to the vet, at the clinic. I told them what I had seen and they looked into Lola's mouth and told me that her tongue had died, had become gangrenous!
The only thing they could do was to take the dead part away, and so they did in a few seconds, without meds or sedation.
I only had to give her an antibiotic for some days.

Lola had just received one of the worst insult of her life, half of her tongue had been taken away.
She was left with the rear half of it, that, day by day, started getting shorter and shorter because the gangrene was proceeding.

One of the vets at the clinic criticized me because I was letting Lola suffer. She said I had to put her to sleep there and then.

But Lola didn't let this episode ruin her life, and she came back home with me, purring and happy as her usual. She was telling me that she wanted to live and keep fighting.
And that was what I wanted to do for her!
 
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