How Do I Hold My Cat Without Making Her Nervous?

I've noticed that when I pick up my cat, no matter what the reason is (which is always either moving her to another place or just petting/cuddling her) she gets really nervous and even outright bites at my hand until I set her down. Normally she loves being pet but I worry that picking her up is too much for her to process at once, and it makes her upset. Is there a way I can hold her that won't upset her? She's a 2 year old domestic shorthair tabby if that at all helps.

I usually pick them up with one hand behind the forelegs (armpit area) and the other supporting the butt.

But some cats just dont like being picked up. My Magic would always try to wriggle away if anyone tried to pick her up.

Glad you've raised this as I've pondered on it many times. I've had several cats over the years and however friendly they've been, none of them have been comfortable being picked up for more than a few seconds. Even Oliver, who is a big friendly lump in himself, doesn't like it and will squirm about until I let him go. They've all exhibited varying degrees of tolerance but I'm talking about the difference between maybe ten seconds to a minute max.

It is always easier to get them used while they are kittens, but It is not impossible as adults either.
If I were you, I would try having some treats she really likes in my hand/pockets to offer to her whenever I want to pick her, and always do so when she is in a good mood. Talking softly and in a soothing way before and during picking her can be useful too. I always try to let my cats go once they are calmed down, so they understand that they are not released when they are agressive or wriggeling.
It took one of my cats almost 5 years to actually enjoy being picked up, so do not give up if It takes you a long time to get her used to it.

My Ruby hated being picked up. She'd snuggle beside me in bed. Or sleep on my lap. But trying to cuddle her in my arms was next to impossible. Or it was, until recently.

It's been almost 4 years since I adopted her (she was 2 or 3 at the time) and just in the last month or so, I've been able to pick her and and hold her in my arms for several seconds, close to a minute even. I don't think she likes it any more than before, but she has been tolerating it. So maybe try every now and then and one day she might shock you like my Ruby did. Good luck.

My cats (former ferals) don't like being picked up either, so I only do it when I have to, like when I put their Frontline on, give them their de-worming pills, or clean their ears. Demi likes to be petted while he's laying in a chair or on a bed, but not on laps. Maggie doesn't like to be petted often, but sometimes she likes to be petted when she's standing up.

If I want a cuddle or hug, I've never picked up any of the cats who have owned me unless their body language has specifically said, "Pick me up, I need some lovin', purr purr, look at my upright tail, and look at these lovey hugs I'm giving your shin!"

Also, some cats just like particular ways of being held. They struggle otherwise. Milly just wants to be half-draped over a human's right shoulder with the human's left arm supporting her back legs (I think it's written in her Rule Book somewhere, maybe on page 2).

Some cats like to be picked up and others don't. But you can train cats to be more tolerant of it. Mishka tolerates being picked up because I trained her as a kitten, and Saipha went from tolerating it as a kitten to demanding it so she can more easily head-bonk my nose when I'm standing up.

The key is to make sure you're supporting them well - no cat is going to be comfortable if she thinks she's going to get dropped. If they're standing - one hand behind the front legs and one hand in front of the back legs to pick them up, and then immediately switch to supporting the bottom. Saipha likes to be draped across my shoulder, and Mishka prefers being cradled with her side resting against my chest, one hand supporting her bottom, and one hand stabilizing her chest.

To train a cat to tolerate being picked up, use lots of treats - pick up for a second, give a treat, and then put back down. And then slowly increase the amount of time you're holding them. And as Alejandra Rico says, only put them down when they stop wriggling (though definitely let go if they're panicking) to reward them for being calm.

I've slowly been getting my "new" backyard feral accustomed to being picked up.

The first time I picked her up, she was winding around my legs so I walked next to a folding table on the patio and very quickly lifted her from the ground to the table and let her go. She looked at me like she knew I did "something", but 1) she wasn't trapped, and 2) she wasn't injured. So I started lifting her up to the table every time I went outside. She never had enough time to struggle or panic.

Next I started lifting her onto other surfaces: the litter deep freezer on the patio, a storage shelf, or a folding chair. Just pick her up and set her on something and let go.

After a while, I started picking her up and holding her against my body before setting her down, but still quickly enough so she didn't struggle. Next, I started holding her long enough to walk a few steps over to the surface where I set her. I'm slowly extending the length of time and the distance I walk with her.

Another thing I'm doing with her is squatting down so that my thighs are level parallel to the ground. I pick her up and set her on my thighs and let go. She jumps off pretty quickly, but has started lingering a bit from time to time.

That's were I am with her. It's a long process, but I think over time she'll trust that she 1) won't be trapped and 2) won't be hurt, and I'll be able to pick her up and carry her wherever I want. That's the theory anyway.

Cats like to feel in complete control of their bodies and ability to move where they want. Being picked up and held takes a lot of trust. Little domestic kittens learn that trust of humans when they're young if they're lovingly handled a lot, but cats that didn't learn, or who were forced to be held against their will or were harmed when young, can always be a bit insecure.

I'd encourage you to pick your cat up a lot, but try to figure out her timing of when she changes from "That's OK" to panicking a bit, and try to give her freedom before she starts feeling uncomfortable and squirmy.

Ardina said:

Some cats like to be picked up and others don't. ...

The key is to make sure you're supporting them well - no cat is going to be comfortable if she thinks she's going to get dropped. If they're standing - one hand behind the front legs and one hand in front of the back legs to pick them up, and then immediately switch to supporting the bottom. ...

To train a cat to tolerate being picked up, use lots of treats - pick up for a second, give a treat, and then put back down. And then slowly increase the amount of time you're holding them. And as Alejandra Rico says, only put them down when they stop wriggling (though definitely let go if they're panicking) to reward them for being calm.

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I agree with supporting them well, and also regarding Alejandra Rico and you saying to put them down when their behavior is calm and happy (not fighting or wriggling) -- but I've never given treats to a cat to train them to learn to be picked up. I suppose that can be an option, but my experience has been that the affection and cuddling moments have been enough reward for my cats.

I wonder if ragdolls are more accepting of being picked up? Their name makes one think so.

Salem I can hold like a baby or a monkey. I support his but and he puts his hands on my shoulder. Dante barely tolerates it. I can pick him up and hold him, but he will jump down first chance he gets. Salem on the other hand uses me to pick him up so he doesn't have to jump on the bathroom sink (I put one hand under his shoulders on his chest and scoop him up with my other hand supporting his but.) With Dante I just pick him up and put him down a few seconds later to train him to tolerate it. Also make sure your cat's back feet are supported so they feel secure. Maybe try sitting next to your cat on the couch, picking your cat up, putting them on your lap, releasing them and giving them a treat daily?

I've had three cats (one at a time) and none of them wanted to be picked up. My two males were both very affectionate, but they came to me on their own terms. For example, if I were sitting watching TV, the cat would perch on the arm of the chair--a signal that petting was expected. For all three, I learned to interpret their 'signals' for what they expected from me. My cats have always been great at training me to meet their demands.

Ceracera said:

I usually pick them up with one hand behind the forelegs (armpit area) and the other supporting the butt.

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This is exactly what I do with one of my cats, but I started when he was little and rest his forelegs on my arm by my elbow (same arm whose hand was under his butt.) I can now walk around the house with him like this for quite some time. If he starts to squirm or nibble to let me know he wants down I just lean over and he hops off. He is comfortable enough that he will lay down on my arm too.

We started when we first got him at 3 months. Holding him and not letting him squirm away. The rescue-lady said it was important for vet visits etc. We would hold him, he would squirm for 30 seconds or so, relax and then we would let him go. Eventually he wouldn't squirm and we would hold him for however long the people or the cat wanted.

My first cat did not mind being picked up at all. She would even be less agressive in my arms than by herself (she was feisty). It was very usefull in the vet's office. She grew up with me since she was 6 weeks old.

My current cat came from a shelter at six months old. He didn't like being picked up at all. He would panic immediately. So after a couple of months of gaining his trust, feeding him and playing with him, I started picking him up, just to get him down of something and into the floor. Half a second. Then a second. Then 5 seconds. Very slowly and always making sure he didn't panic. He got the point.

Now, 9 months since, I can pick him up and cuddle with him for half a minute, until he tells me it's enough. He still doesn't like it much, but he trusts me enough to do it. I do it because there might come a time where I need to pick him up and hold him (emergency, vet office, etc), and I want him to be cool with it. (and because I love to cuddle him to death)!

Thank you all so much for taking the time to write such thoughtful responses. Unfortunately I'm unable to use treats as positive reinforcement because Marigold doesn't respond to them at all unless I put them in her bowl and have her eat them with her regular dry food. She responds much better to her favorite toys, especially her catnip fishies. The only problem is she usually tries to leap out of my arms if I give her one because she associates them with play, which makes her restless and energetic. I'm fresh out of ideas for calming reinforcement to help keep her in my arms. If I pet her, even very gentle and just on the ears/head, she usually gets restless after awhile anyway. Is there anything anyone's tried that works for helping calm your cat down? Keep in mind she's only 2 years old and absolutely displays all the energy of a young cat.

Calming your cat down? No. Releasing her after a few seconds repeatably will help teach her you will release her. Also you can try pulling the toy out from say behind a sofas cushion after you release her. My punk still doesn't like being held so when I need to carry him around I hold onto the base of his tail so he doesn't try to jump down. Or you could try gently pressing on her shoulders. It just takes time & practice.

I can carry Mojo around the house, she begs the other half to be petted up picked up and snuggled sometimes but she's no lap cat.(except when she's cold and she sits on my left leg) Sometimes, She loves loves loves being up. But then she will suddenly hate it and rotate her head like an owl to bite. Not Hard, more just... I've had enough now. Charlie, who used to love being snuggled like a baby will now run away when you try to pick him up. He likes a good rub on his face but he won't tolerate full body petting anymore. he simply walks away. Both of them can be picked up if needed and if you're quick! and I adopt a wide scoop under the chest so my little finger and thumb are as far apart on their ribcage and then fold their hind legs into the corner of my elbow. To get specific I use my boob arm and rib to keep their back end under controll If I desperately need to pick them up when they aren't happy about it. But I don't force it on them generally. Times I pick them up and they don't want it I just put them down give them a quick "sorry" pet and walk away.