Toll The Bell - The Queen Of The Ferals Is Gone

How is it possible to be so upset over a feral cat that I did not caress until she was gone? ...I had to have a cowboy shoot her; she evaded re-trapping since May. Princess Mama Kitty never recovered from the mountain lion attack this spring
She would not forgive me for having her spayed despite advanced pregnancy; she despised me for capturing her sickly tinies even though I succesfully treated some. she loved her babies and produced 2 litters annually for several years before I finally got her TNR'd. She had a slow healing horrific tail injury from the cougar; she developed huge, ulcerated mammary tumors. The vet gave me multiple antibiotics and metacam which she ate out of her personal dish. She finally collapsed this evening, after the vet left out of area for the weekend. Her daughter and granddaughter (older and TNRd) stayed close. I wanted, and tried, to help this beautiful.regal cat but I failed her. I am sorry, Princess Mama Kitty....Godspeed and tailwinds west - may the angels give you the cuddles and scritches you never had; may you be united with all your babies who died early, and those who never got to be born......

I'm so sorry for your loss. Her Royal Highness Princess Mama Kitty is now with all of her babies who crossed the bridge before her. You did not fail her. You were her only real friend. She knew that then and she knows that now. You did so much for her. I'd like to live in a world where every feral has a friend like you. You genuinely cared for her and did everything you could. She's at the bridge now being cared for very lovingly and someday you will meet again. When you do, she will tell you how much she loves you and how much your care and friendship meant to her while she was here. She may not have known how to do this while she was here but over at the bridge, those barriers are gone. She loves you too and that love never dies. Please try to stop blaming yourself. You really did a lot for this little girl and she knows it. She will always love you. RIP Princess Mama Kitty. You will never be forgotten.

RIP Princess. We love our ferals unconditionally and always hope that someday they will love us back. That is true unselfish love. Thank you for loving her.

You were her friend, the one who gave her food, shelter, and most importantly your love for many years. You did not fail her, you saved her. You saved her from needless suffering, from an agonizing slow death inch by inch. You gave her an easier life as a feral, and I'm sure she loved you very much for it. But it hurts so much to be the one who is involved in deciding her fate. The only thing to hold on to is why you made that decision. Obviously she was suffering, obviously it was not getting better. Her future was one full of pain and agony, you saved her from that. For that you will be blessed.
You had a bond of love with that sweet girl, that will never be taken from you. From your description I know she would never want you to be sad because of her. Go on and love others with the legacy she left you, as she would want, as you would want if you were the first to go. She is secure in knowing she was loved and will never be forgotten, she died as she lived, wild and in her environment.
Your heart is broken, as all hearts are when a loved one leaves. Time will help you slowly cope with her absence, the offspring she has left behind will need your support and they will fill her spot in the hierarchy of all things wild, as nature intended. Your heart will heal with their presence and the love they will give you. They will distract you from your grief if you let them, they will fill the vacuum taht is left when their precious Queen followed the new path that was given her. Know that path will always parallel yours until the day it crosses again. Lives come and go, they are to be treasured while we are sharing our own lives with them. But it is love and the precious memories that are accumulated during this time that is priceless, you are the recipient of both. Try to celebrate her life here on this earth, yes it was hard, and sometimes full of pain, but what you both gained will never again be equaled or taken from you, you were so fortunate to have had her in your life.
I extend to you my condolences, I cry with you for your pain because I know how much it hurts to lose a family member. I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, I'll look up at the summer sky and know her star shines bright amongst the countless others. She was indeed a Princess and a lady. Take care.......RIP beautiful Princess Mama Kitty, you are safe and warm for eternity, you will never be forgotten and will be securely held in a loving heart until the end of time. Goodnight, sleep tight, dear heart Princess!

Rest you gentle, Princess Mama Kitty, dream you deep. Run free and healthy forever in the Fields of Wonder.

Thank you all so very much. All your words are so kind and beautiful. It helps so much to see her feral kitty value acknowledged here at TCS - she was such a good mama kitty and I like to that maybe she has called little Olga, the Kitten Who Fell From The Roof, to join her Heavenly colony. Her devoted daughter and granddaughter are hiding from me but I am respecting their grief.

I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers go out to you during this difficult time.

RIP Princess Mama Kitty

I am just seeing this now and am so so sorry, but you did NOT fail her, anything but!!! You went way above and beyond and showed her love and compassion, and did the best that you could for her so you have no regrets, you did a wonderful thing trying to care for her and it is not always easy with ferals, I know. But of course we always think that we "should have done this" or "I should have tried this", but you did the best that you could for her, you showed her kindness and love and she thanks you for it, and is no longer in pain and is on to the much better next life.

I hope that your heart heals a bit each day, God Bless you for helping her and the others......

When looking into a feral cat's eyes, there is something that hits any human. A feeling of powerful life, or a special understanding of life, who knows? Seems like for some (blessed) humans there is no real need to actually "own" or cuddle a cat (or whatever Creature) to feel that. That is the great game of Life, I guess.

For some Creatures, life is full of pain, while for the others is nothing but confort for long years. Shall we trade freedom for long life? Shall we behave as loving, cuddling humans to cats (no matter feral or indoor) or let them be wild as they are by nature? I must confess I do not know. What I know is that some people show unconditional love that has tremendous positive impact on our four-legged companions. That I think it matters, no matter the actual end of the story.

Wild tears here and my respect.

Thank you all for your continuing replies. At the end, I took pictures of this gorgeous cat but she was ill and it doesn't feel right showing her when she didn't look her best. Her granddaughter came out when they were getting their canned catfood snack but the daughter and the others are more skittish than ever. It doesn't help that nearby road construction is going on this week. The effect on the entire colony is sad to see. There is another senior cat who had relocated to out yard after TNR, who is much older than the rest, and the others used to follow him, but even he seems lost. The only good thing is that he approaches when I am outside, just staring at me, slowly waving his tail - a couple of times, he comes within maybe 10 feet. I guess healing comes slowly for cats, too.

I think what you did for princess is amazing. In no way did you fail her. Although she may have not shown it physically but on an emotional level she definitely cared for you. She saw you as her provider and friend. The cats in feral colonies are different then cats at home as far as their behavior and attitude. However, that does not mean that they don't care for the people that take care of them. I really respect you for what your doing. Now more then ever that colony needs you. They just lost a good friend and having you as a part of their life will help them to cope and move on.

I like everyone here, don't for one second think you failed her. You did everything you could and most importantly showed her she was loved

Thank you all for the comforting words. Feral caregiving is sometimes so challenging and discouraging that a particularly hard death crushes the spirit. The colony is still out of kilter - the unfixed tom cat (he managed to break out of a raccoon sized HavaHart trap & wont be retrapped) is bullying the resident ferals and the Queen's daughter and granddaughter act like they see Satan when I come out to feed. I have been splurging on canned food and a couple of the other cats are actually more approachable. It just takes time