Unaffectionate Kitten

Anonymous11913

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I have a 5 month old female kitten that we go 2 months ago, and I've been rather emotional throughout these 2 months. I wanted a cat since January, but my parents (I'm a minor) said that I would have to wait until summer break in order to get one. After 4 excruciatingly long months, summer began to approach and I was excited beyond belief. My mother, grandmother, and I went to the Humane Society just to look at some cats and get ourselves hyped up, we weren't planning on actually bringing anything home since it was still a week until summer break. However, we saw this one adorable little 3 month old kitten who just wanted to be held and pet and would fall asleep whenever we did so. She was so much calmer than all the other kittens, even her brother who we had just seen and wasn't interested in pets or snuggles at all, only playing. I was very hesitant, since I already had plans to visit some adult cats that I had seen online in foster care, but my mother and grandmother eventually convinced me. I fell in love with her and brought her home that day.

Well, let's just say she wasn't who I thought she'd be. The reason she was so calm and sleepy was because she was under the effects of anesthesia from her spaying surgery she had just gotten that day. We weren't told that until after the fact. The next day, she was zipping about and as hyper as you'd expect from a kitten. This didn't bother me too much, I could handle playing, but she wasn't as affectionate anymore. She didn't like to be held, she was very jumpy and skittish, and while she did head bonk when I held out my hand, she only slid along it before walking away again. She tolerates pets but doesn't ask for them. But she did love to snuggle. Everyday in the afternoon, she'd come and snuggle with me only the bed with her head on my lap. It was the cutest thing ever and I loved it. And yet after about 3 weeks, she just stopped. She still snuggled occasionally I guess, but not everyday like before. The amount of headbonks she'd give decreased, she followed me around less, and she stopped purring. I was pretty sad, but eventually got over it, and accepted that she would stay this way.

Except she got even worse. Now, she never snuggles, never gives headbonks, and never follows me around. She doesn't even sleep anywhere near me anymore, let alone ON me. I have to come up to her in order to pet her, and she still doesn't like that very much. I just don't understand, she came from a nice, affectionate mother and was handled a when she was a only a few weeks old (what I've been told). It completely breaks my heart when I so much as look at her, knowing that I'll never have the affectionate cat that I waited for what felt like forever just to have. I've considered giving her up to my grandmother at multiple points during these 2 months, but I know I could never actually do it. I still do love her, and everywhere I look I'd be reminded of her, which would only cause me more anguish than I already feel. Besides, I'd have to wait until next summer again in order to get another cat. 4 months was awful, 10 months would be unbearable. My family is also completely infatuated with her, I'd be breaking their hearts as well. Now that my mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer, I don't want to bring anymore stress or sadness to my family. I honestly wish I would have just walked out of that shelter and just gotten one of the foster cats, at least that way I wouldn't be lingering on "what if?". I already posted this same post on catforum.com, but that was a month ago before she dipped even further. Please, if anyone has any advice as to how I can deal with this or make her more affectionate, it would be greatly appreciated.
 

susanm9006

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Kittens personalities do change as they get older, and it is possible that once through kittenhood your kitty will become more affectionate and more interested in laps than running around. If she isn't, that doesn't mean that she can't become a great and loving companion for you. You need to love her for who she is and not necessarily who you would like her to be. Show her affection when she will accept it, play with her every day and give her treats from your hand to bring her along.
 

verna davies

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Hi. I know how disappointing it can be to want a cuddly cat and they turn out not to be. My last two cats were super cuddly, proper lap cats but the three I have now are not.
The past month I have been spending a lot of time playing with them and have noticed a change. They now follow me and look for attention as well as snuggle up to me.
We just don't know how they are going to turn out but your kitten is still very young and will change. Had she been spayed as that can make them more loving. Don't give up on her, spend as much time playi
 

Columbine

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Hi A Anonymous11913 :wave3: Welcome to TCS!

It's appalling that the shelter didn't tell you that your girl was groggy from anaesthetic when you first met her - and even more so that they only mentioned it AFTER you'd adopted her :mad2: That is not the way these things should be carried out, imo:nono:

It's natural for kittens to be pretty hyperactive, and they can go through phases of determindly asserting their independence too. There is definitely hope that she'll become more of a cuddler as she gets older, though she may never be the super-cuddly cat you were hoping for.

Right now, the best thing you can do is give her plenty of interactive playtime each day. It's a fabulous way to build a strong bond, so it may well lead into more cuddles in the future.
Playing With Your Cat: 10 Things You Need To Know

Is there any way you could get a second kitten as a companion for her? Two kittens are often easier to raise than one, as they can entertain each other some of the time (so helpful with that hyperactive kittenish energy:jump:), and it would give you the opportunity to find the cuddle-bug of a kitten that you're yearning for.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's cancer. I really hope treatment goes well for her :crossfingers::vibes:
 

madzoya

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I'm sorry about your Mom. Hope everything goes well with her treatment.

Your kitty is still a baby. She will change with time, you just have to give it to her.
 

Kieka

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Your kitten is still growing and finding her personality. In the beginning she probably felt a little lost and that could be why she was so clingy at first; but now that she is getting comfortable she is expanding her boundaries. While she may not turn out to be the affectionate lap cat you wanted she can still be a lovely cat. As a kitten you want to dedicate time each day to playing and develop a meal time routine. Between these two you will form a bond with her and she will see you as a source of comfort. It just may not be comfort in the form of petting and cuddles.

I too have a cat who doesn't like physical affection and I can get just as much joy with him by playing and spending time with him. He loves to lead me around meowing to follow him then showing me toys or jumping out at corners to bat at me. Its a game and we have fun. My cat also changes his sleeping spot frequently. He rarely sleeps on my bed, and I treasure the times he does, but he frequently will sleep on the cat tree near my window.
 

carola

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Hi I understand your concern! One of my girl kitties is a little like your kitten. I'm not sure about the weather where you live but keep in mind that in warm weather, cats - including this one - often change their sleeping spots away from humans. Then they return when the weather is cooler. In winter both my cats are more affectionate and present at night. Even when the weather is the same, sometimes the sleeping places and other habits change. I bond with my rather shy, quirky kitty who doesn't like to be held by "flirting with her." First of all I talk to her a lot and compliment her. She responds to that by meowing happily and strutting around, ending with rubbing against me. Once she makes the advances she is open to be petted and more. She also loves to play games and be chased! She does sit on my lap when SHE wants to! I would say stay patient and watch for opportunities to bond. On HER terms, LOL! These cats.
 
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